by Sophie Stern
“They never should have crashed,” I sigh. “How did their tracking equipment malfunction so terribly?” I shake my head. “There has to be an explanation for what happened.”
“No, Blake. Sometimes there isn’t an explanation. Sometimes these things just happen. Sometimes you can do everything right, and a ship still has a problem.”
“The equipment should have been good. They never should have crashed. They had enough fuel to make it to Sapphira unharmed.”
I shake my head because this just gets me. I can’t pinpoint exactly why it bothers me so much. That ship never should have crashed. Those people never should have died. They had their entire lives ahead of them and one wrong turn into an oncoming storm caused them to crash land on an unknown planet.
They deserved better than that.
They didn’t deserve to die.
“We spent an entire month on that planet just searching for them and trying to salvage what we could,” I tell her. “And for what? So we could bring them back and have a proper funeral? It’s not fair to them or anyone else. I don’t know how you seem to be okay with everything that happened.”
“I’m not okay with it,” she says quickly. “But I’m realistic, Blake. What happened is over. Done. We went and did our best to save them. We were too late. Besides, it’s in the past now.” She reaches for my arm and touches it gently, stroking me. The gesture should arouse me, but it doesn’t. Nothing does right now. I haven’t been hard in a month. Not since Sarah kissed me, and that thought terrifies me.
Why did she have such an effect on me?
Why Sarah?
And why did I react so terribly?
I know that reasonably, rationally, I made the right move. Sarah and me? We’d never work. She’s a doctor and I’m a boots-on-the-ground kinda man. I’m gone for days, sometimes weeks, at a time. Would she be willing to wait around for me to come back?
Somehow, I know in my heart that she would. Sarah would wait until the ends of the Earth because in Sarah there is a loyalty so deep nothing can break it. I know she’ll never stop caring about me, never stop loving me, never stop hoping for me.
I thought pushing her away and being a huge dick to her was the way to save our friendship, for some reason, but I was wrong. A true friend would have responded with kindness and dignity. I didn’t do that.
Shaking my head, I try to push thoughts of Sarah from my head. I have got to get it together. No more drifting off. No more thinking of her. This isn’t about her. It’s about Lila and Timothy and Lou. It’s about the people we lost. It’s about them.
“It’s not in the past for me,” I say.
“Seriously?” Lizzie glares at me, not for the first time, but it’s the first time I distinctly notice her looking a little bit malicious. What the hell? “You’re hung up on people you didn’t even know or care about?”
“We’ve worked together before, Lizzie. All of us have. You’ve worked with them, too. They were all good, honest, hardworking people.”
“Yeah, right!” Lizzie scoffs. “Lila was having an affair, Timothy was a huge dick, and Lou was a raging klepto.”
“We all have our problems,” I tell her.
“Yeah, right,” she rolls her eyes. “Forgive me if I’m not feeling that sympathetic over losing people who weren’t that great to begin with.”
Now it’s my turn to be stunned.
Seriously?
Who is this woman, and what have I done?
Lizzie continues ranting about the sins of the dead, and I just stare at her as I realize Max was completely right about me.
I’m being a complete asshole.
It’s obvious that Lizzie and I have nothing in common: not our personalities, not our goals. Nothing. So why did I start to pursue something with her? Was it really just to get over Sarah? And why would I choose someone who was so terrible? Lizzie is acting like it’s better that our fallen comrades are dead and that basically sacrifices the entire purpose of our mission.
At Extrinsic, we do a lot of different things. We hunt down artifacts that have been stolen. We rescue people who are lost. We chase bad guys to different planets and transport them home so they can be prosecuted. We do a lot, but we always bring our people home, and that’s what this latest mission was about.
Only now, I’m wondering if there’s a reason it took us nearly a month to find the bodies.
I’m wondering if there’s a reason it took us so long to locate Lila, Timothy, and Lou. It shouldn’t have taken us more than a week, realistically. Somehow, though, things kept going wrong, and the mission was extended to the point where we almost just left, but Max and I both pushed to stay. We both knew we needed to stay.
“Lizzie?” I interrupt her ranting, and she stops pacing and turns to me.
“What?”
“Did you sabotage our mission so we had to stay on Eola longer?”
Her silence speaks volumes.
Standing, I turn to leave.
“Where are you going?”
“I’m leaving, Lizzie.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” She screeches.
“Lizzie, are you fucking kidding me right now? I have to go report this.”
“Report what?” She asks, and I notice that she looks a little crazy now. Her eyes are wide and despite the fact that she’s perfected the gentle lamb look, all I see now is burning hatred.
How could I have missed it for so long?
“Report the fact that you delayed our mission on purpose, Lizzie. All of the things we had go wrong: the misread transmissions, the missing holograms, the fucking map? All of that was your fault. Admit it! You wanted us stranded there for some reason. Why? Was it so we could be together?”
“We needed it,” she says, suddenly softening her voice. “Admit it, Blake. You and I needed to be together. It was the only way I could make sure you saw our true potential without that evil bat watching over us.”
“Evil bat?”
“The doctor.”
“Sarah? This is all about her?”
“Oh, Blake, admit it. You’ve known for ages we were meant to be together. I’ve known it, too. You and I are incredible as a couple. Together, we could do anything, go anywhere. It’s you and me.”
“You and me?” My heart sinks as I realize how I was tricked: duped like some little kid. Memories of my teenage years wash over me: the fighting, the horrors, the choices. My brothers were not the best folks to be spending time with. I won’t call them evil, but they blamed me for many of their poor choices. I even spent time in prison as a result, and Orchidian prisons are not for the weak.
The second I was out of prison, I joined Extrinsic, bringing Max with me.
I’ve never looked back until now.
Now?
Now I’m wondering where I fucked up so badly that I allowed myself to be completely tricked by a woman I barely know.
“I can’t believe you orchestrated this entire thing,” I tell her.
“You should be thanking me,” Lizzie screeches, moving in front of the door. Is she trying to block me in? Has she forgotten that I’m more than two feet taller than her?
“Lizzie, move out of the way.”
“I had to do it, Blake,” she insists. “That woman…she tricked you! You thought you were so in love with her, but you didn’t know the truth about her. She’s a bitch: an evil, terrible bitch, Blake. How can you not see it?”
“Why do you hate Sarah so much? What did she ever do to you?”
“This!” Lizzie holds up her hand, pointing to a small, almost completely indiscernible scar. “This is why I hate her, Blake! She did this to me.”
“Gave you a scar? Are you trying to tell me Sarah attacked you?”
“Worse than that,” she shakes her head. “She refused to heal me, Blake. She gave me the scar on purpose. She could have used healing salve, but she didn’t. She insisted on stitches and now I’m completely maimed.”
“Lizzie,” I sigh. “Move
out of the way.”
“No!”
“Lizzie, this is over. This thing between us? Done. I’m gone. Now get out of the way before I pick you up and move you myself.”
She glares at me, but eventually moves, mumbling something about what a complete dickhead I am, and I know that she’s right. I’m a real jerk. I leave her room and head down the hallway to my own living quarters. It’s about a ten minute walk to the wing where I live, and I think about Sarah the entire time.
How could I not have realized Lizzie was such a bitch?
Max seemed to see right through her bullshit, but me? I was too busy trying to prove I didn’t need anyone. By the time I reach my door, my buzz has completely worn off and I’m tired and ready to go to sleep. I head into my unit, lock the door, and strip down.
When I toss my clothes onto the floor, something slides from my pants pocket.
The package Sarah dropped.
I reach for it and open it, confused.
When I see what’s inside, I realize I’m an even bigger idiot than I thought.
Chapter 5
Sarah
“I’m fine,” I insist to Diana at breakfast the next day. We’re in the cafeteria used by most of the Extrinsic team and their families. Oh, some of the citizens of the ship eat in their own units each day, especially the ones with families, but then there are those of us who want something else, who want something a little bit different.
We’re the ones who head to the cafeteria.
The chefs who run it are from several different planets: Sapphira, Orchid, Mirroean, and even Earth. Each chef brings their own planet’s unique dishes to the table, which means each meal is an incredible combination of different foods from different places.
It’s unbeatable.
Diana reaches for a Yeapleam and bites into the bright, juicy fruit. A little bit of the blue juice catches on her lip, but Diana just giggles. Kenny reaches for his own fruit and squishes it between his fingers. He proceeds to suck happily on his hands while Diana just smiles at him.
Then she looks back at me.
“I’m not dumb, Sarah. This isn’t my first day being your friend,” her words are stern, but there’s a touch of laughter there.
“Hey, this is serious,” I say, squishing my own fruit. Like Kenny, I prefer to squish the Sapphiran breakfast treat between my fingers before I eat it. Somehow, having everything pre-squished makes it taste that much better.
“I know it is,” Diana seems to focus as she continues to feed her little one. “And that’s why I want you to know that I’m here for you.”
“I know you are.”
“I’m serious,” she says firmly. Now her attention is focused completely on me. Kenny’s reaching for more Yeapleam and she’s not even trying to stop him. “No matter what you’re going through, honey, I’m always going to be here for you.”
I know that she means it, too.
Diana has been through hell and back again. After her treasure-hunter father was killed, she was taken by the men who murdered him. They held her captive until Max and Blake and a team of badass Extrinsic boys pulled her from the cage she was locked in. I treated her in the days after her rescue, and I’ll never forget how I cried for her.
Here she was: this sweet, innocent girl, and she had been through the worst kind of torture I could imagine. She had been brutalized, yet when she woke up, she didn’t let it ruin her. Diana make a conscious choice to keep moving forward with her life, and I need to do the same thing.
I need to be strong.
“You know what, Diana?” I tell her. “Thank you. That means the world to me. You’re an incredible person, and I’m lucky to have you.”
“Um, what?” Diana looks around, as if to see who I’m talking to. “I repeat, what?”
“I’m the serious one now,” I promise. “I don’t know if I’ve ever told you how I feel, but I’m not going to hold back anymore. I love you, Diana. You’re closer to me than a sister, and I value your advice and input.”
“Um, I’m glad,” she says, still looking confused, but I smile and stand up.
“I’m going to go now,” I tell her. “I’ll see you later.”
I turn and stride right out of the cafeteria. I’m not sure why I left so dramatically. I certainly didn’t need to be that loud or bold when I left, yet somehow, I feel empowered by speaking with Diana.
So what if Blake doesn’t like me?
So what if he’s got a newer, prettier girlfriend?
So what?
Blake deserves to be happy and I have no need to stand in between him and Lizzie. If that’s what Blake needs to be content, then so be it. I want him to have a good life, even if it’s not with me.
Making my way down the hallway to the medical unit, I say hello to the patients I recognize. Almost everyone has to come to the medical bay at some point, and I do my best to remember names and faces. Still, it’s not always possible. Today, I’m happy that the patients I do recognize seem happy. They seem like they’re all just going about their days in a happy way, and I hope I can find that, too.
So what if Blake doesn’t like me the same way I like him?
There are other people. Will there ever be anyone quite like Blake? Well, no. He’s one of a kind: completely unique. I’ll be okay, though. I’m a strong woman, and I’ll survive without Blake. I’ll miss him like hell, but I’ll survive.
When I arrive at the medical unit, I’m surprised to see Tami, my medical assistant, already in the office.
“Tami?” I ask, looking at the time on my communications unit. “Why are you here so early today?” Usually, I work alone for a couple of hours before Tami joins me, and then later, I’ll see patients.
“Oh, you know,” she shakes her head. “Just a lot of stress going on at home. You know how it is. I needed to get away.”
Well, fuck.
I hate to see Tami in pain and feeling stressed, but I also can’t have her here instead of home. The last thing I need is a distracted medical assistant who could make a mistake while we’re dealing with patients, so the smart thing to do would be to send her home until she’s able to get her personal life together.
When she looks at me, though, I know that I can’t send her away.
Tami needs this, I realize.
She needs to be needed, and she needs to be able to help me with everything I’m doing today. Having an extra set of hands on board will be really helpful, I realize, and I decide that instead of going by the books on this one, I’m going to let her stay.
“All right,” I tell her.
“Really?” She seems as surprised as I am, but I nod confidently.
“Yep,” I tell her. “Let’s start with the Porataleane file and go from there.”
“You got it,” Tami says with a smile, and then she’s off to start going through the file, documenting the information we need to talk with the patient today, and finding out what sorts of analysis data his work department needs. Each of the team members has to undergo rigorous training and physical exams on a regular basis, and part of my job in the clinic is to make sure they’re all ready to pass those exams.
While Tami gets to work, I take a deep breath. I’m going to be totally fine today, I tell myself.
And for a little while, everything is.
I make it through all of my paperwork and I see my first two patients: a little boy with a sprained ankle and a little girl with a chronic cough. When my third patient comes in, I don’t bother to look at the chart before I call her back, and I’m surprised when I look up and see Lizzie.
She does not look happy.
What the actual fuck?
I’m not interested in playing catty high school games. I’m too old for that, and I’m pretty sure she is, too. No, I don’t want to pretend to discuss anything with Lizzie. She’s obviously not here for her health. She hates me and hasn’t been to see me in ages: not since the scar on her hand.
“Elizabeth,” I say politely, motioning towa
rd the chair beside me. “How can I help you today?”
She doesn’t sit down.
Instead, Lizzie sneers at me down her sharp, narrow nose, and she spits at my feet.
My first instinct is to slap her across her pretty face and to tell her to grow the fuck up. That’s my first instinct. Lizzie is a terrible person. She’s mean and rude and unkind to everyone she meets. I’ve known this for awhile, and it’s why I’ve never interacted with her, but Lizzie doesn’t seem to notice or care.
Instead, she just keeps glaring at me, like she’s gearing up for a fight.
I’m not interested in that.
“Lizzie, just go,” I turn back around and gather up a file in my arms. When I turn to leave, I’m surprised to see her fist flying toward me, but I manage to block her punch and keep my hold on the file at the same time.
“You’re a fucking whore!” She screams out, trying once more to punch me. This time, I do drop the file, although I manage to avoid her punch again.
So this is about Blake, I realize.
I figured it was. After all, why else would she come to see me after all of this time? She doesn’t actually hate me because of the scar. She hates me because I’m close with Blake and she’s jealous of that relationship.
Well, too bad.
He doesn’t want me, and that’s fine.
He can have Lizzie.
He can have whoever he wants.
Now, I might be a medical doctor, but I’m also used to dealing with big, snarling aliens who are afraid of needles and who faint at the sight of blood. Am I actually threatened by little miss perfect?
Not at all.
A few quick moves and I’ve got Lizzie pinned on the floor beneath my very tall boot.
“Now,” I say as she catches her breath. “You may politely tell me what you came here for and I’ll let you know if I can help.”
“I…I…” She’s breathing heavily, and it’s not a pretty look on Lizzie.
This makes me happier than it should.
“Spit it out, Lizzie. Some of us don’t have all day.”
In fact, I shouldn’t even be wasting this much time on dealing with her, yet somehow, I can’t help myself.