by Fiona Cole
Tears clouded my vision of Daniel. He’d been my moment—my person that had helped me face the darkest parts and beat them. He’d been the person to remind me that I could have done it all along.
“I guess I wanted to talk to you for a few reasons. One, because I think I needed to. I’m not brave like you guys are who talk every year. But I want to be. I want to be able to share my story and not have the shame of it hanging over me because there’s nothing to be ashamed of. We survived.” Sniffles greeted my impassioned words, and I believed them more than I ever had before. Daniel had been right. I was strong. I had survived even when I hadn’t wanted to, and that’s the hardest survival of them all. “Also, I wanted to let you know that I’m here. You are not alone. You are not surrounded by people who want to help you, but don’t understand you. You. Are. Not. Alone.”
More tears slipped down my face, and I didn’t bother to wipe them away. They fell too fast to stop them.
“We don’t have anyone,” one of them said.
“You have each other. You have Haven. And if at any point that doesn’t feel good enough, you have me. I’m slowly crawling my way through life, but I can feel the sun on my face the closer I get to the light at the end of the tunnel. I promise you, it’s there. And if you need me to crawl back through that tunnel to hold your hand through the dark, I will. I’ll go back every time because whether you wanted to survive or not, you did.” I held out my hands to either side of me and waited for two hesitant palms to slide against mine. “You were strong, and you survived the worst. You will survive this too,” I said, squeezing hard.
“Thank you,” one of the women said. I ached looking at her sunken eyes and bruised cheek.
I looked to each of them, meeting their eyes with as much fire as I could muster through my tears. “Thank you for being here. For giving Haven a chance, for giving life a chance.” Looking over their heads, I met Daniel’s eyes. “Thank you for listening to me and helping me.”
After we all mopped up our eyes, a few nods, smiles, and even a few hugs were exchanged. I told them to head to the kitchen where I brought a cake because sometimes every day needed to be celebrated. Before they’d turned to leave, Daniel had left. Once they cleared the door, I expected him to come back. I straightened magazines and almost tripped over the rug because I couldn’t keep my eyes from the door.
Had I imagined him the whole time? Had he not really been there? Had I needed him so much in that moment, that I’d conjured him, and now he was gone?
God, I needed him. No, I didn’t need him. If anyone taught me that, it was him.
I wanted him.
I wanted his arms and his love and his comfort.
I wanted to believe him.
I just wish he was there to convince me. To tell me it was all a mistake. I’d listen. I’d believe him if he’d at least try.
But he was gone, and I fell to the couch, defeated. My muscles ached from the week I’d put it through. I wanted his warmth by my side, and instead, I was alone.
More tears burned the backs of my eyes as my chest squeezed too tight, and I buried my head in my hands, too tired to hold it up. I’d thought he’d come for me, to fight for me. But he hadn’t.
He was gone.
“Is this seat taken?”
28
Hanna
The light shined through the window, illuminating his eyes, bright like the sky, softened with a smile.
“You’re here,” I breathed.
“Where else would I be?”
It’d been a week, but it might as well have been a year for how much I missed his voice. It washed over me, easing the muscles that had tightened with each second I thought he’d left me.
“I—” I swallowed past the lump working its way up my throat. Between the confession and seeing him, my emotions were on edge. “I don’t know. I just…I guess I thought you left.”
He moved around the edge of the couch and finally sat next to me, so close his leg pressed to mine.
“No, I’m right here, Hanna. Always here.”
I fought the urge to close what little space stretched between us and sink into his arms. But then I remembered why I hadn’t seen him, and the joy tainted with the hurt that had been lingering since the last time I’d seen him.
Sabrina.
That, and he hadn’t reached out to even try to convince me I was wrong. Maybe he didn’t want to.
“You haven’t been all week,” I said, sitting tall and inching back.
He dragged a hand through his hair and winced. “Because I’m a dumbass. I convinced myself I couldn’t fix this and that I wasn’t good enough.” He bent his head, waiting for me to meet his gaze. It pleaded with me to listen—to understand. “Hanna, I have no clue what I’m doing.”
I huffed a laugh. “I don’t want to shock you, but neither do I.”
Daniel’s hand crept closer, giving me plenty of time to pull away. But if I was being honest with myself, I didn’t want to. No matter the outcome. So, when his rough calluses scraped across the soft top of my hand, I turned to link our fingers.
“What are you doing here, Daniel?” I whispered, scared to break the moment. “How did you know?”
“How? Erik. Why?” He used his free hand to tip my chin up. “Because I wasn’t going to miss you being the bravest woman I’ve ever met.”
Tears glazed my eyes, and I shook my head, swallowing them back down. “I’m not.”
“You are,” he said fiercely. “Hanna…I’m sorry. I—”
“I just need to know,” I cut him off. “Was it real? Any of it? Did you see me at all?”
His hand abandoned mine, and I almost cried out at the loss, but before I could, both hands framed my face. “You are all I see. Jesus, you’re all I’ve seen since we met. You steal my attention whenever you walk into a room.”
“Then, why?” I pleaded. “Why did you say her name? Why did you call me that if I’m all you see?”
His jaw clenched, and his eyes bounced between mine, tinged with panic that maybe he couldn’t fix this.
“Because I was scared. So fucking scared. The last woman who loved me left her mark, and I just got swept up in the old feelings that had swallowed me as a teen. It pulled me back, and I felt like history was repeating itself. I was terrified of what you loving me meant for you. What if I couldn’t be enough? What if I hurt you too much and I—I don’t know. Because I know you’re a strong woman. I know you don’t need me, and you’d be fine without me. I know that. But fear doesn’t care what you know. And before I knew it, I was pushing you away, and I’m so sorry.”
I reached up to grip his wrists, just to touch him. “Daniel, you did help me. You taught me how to face the things I’d been hiding from. You pushed me in a way that I needed. You made me strong.”
“You were always strong.”
“Then you helped me see it.”
His tongue slicked across his lips, and I physically ached holding back from kissing him.
His forehead dropped to mine. “Maybe I offered to help as a way to make up for past mistakes. Maybe if I helped you, it would absolve me of my past. Maybe that was how it started. But at no point did I not see you. At no point did I see you as her. I wanted to help you, Hanna. Only you.”
“Daniel,” I breathed, a tear finally breaking free. Unable to hold back any more, I tipped my head and met his lips with mine. They tasted like mint and Daniel. He tasted like home. His tongue slicked across my lips, and I opened, letting him in. With each moan and desperate hold, I let him back into my heart, my decision made.
I believed him, and I wanted him. I loved him.
He slowed the kiss and pulled back but didn’t remove his forehead. “I want to give you something. Something I’ve never given anyone before.”
“You’ve given me enough.”
“I can never give you enough.”
He pulled back but still stroked my cheeks with his thumbs. His nostrils flared over his heavy breathing, and his eye
s flicked between mine. I rubbed my hands up and down his arms, trying to soothe nerves so clearly marring his face.
“Daniel…”
One more deep breath. “I love you, Hanna. I’ve never said that to another woman before.”
Heat and tingles flooded through my chest, stretching to places I never knew existed. His words lit a fire that burned up my throat, and I clung to him, desperate to replay those words on repeat forever.
“What about—”
“Never. Only you. I love you. And I hope you’ll give me a chance to earn your lo—”
This time when I kissed him, I didn’t hold back. I pulled his body to mine, needing to be as close to him as possible. His hands sunk to my waist, and he tugged me onto his lap. Without hesitation, I straddled him and held him to me, not letting him pull away.
I bit at his full lips I’d missed so much and pulled away just long enough to whisper, “I love you too.”
As if he hadn’t already been holding me tight, he groaned and gripped me harder. I forgot where we were. It didn’t matter. I had the man I loved in my arms. I had the man that had reminded me I was still alive under me. I had the man who’d asked me to be strong in my life. I had his love. It didn’t matter where we were as long as I had that.
A throat clearing behind us had me jerking away to find Erik glaring like he was trying to set Daniel on fire.
“Shit,” Daniel breathed. “Sorry.”
I giggled and glared back at Erik. “Cockblocker.”
He cringed, and I laughed some more. “Seriously, Hanna. I don’t need to know that.”
I stood, tugging Daniel with me and walked past Erik, a devious smirk his only warning. “I guess you also don’t need to know I’m about to let him do all kinds of dirty things to me.”
“Hanna fucking Brandt,” he growled.
“Payback for all the times I caught you and Alex,” I called over my shoulder.
I laughed because it was so trivial, to taunt my brother with the fact that I was having sex, to make him uncomfortable with it. It hadn’t been too long ago that I’d been forced to watch him and Alex all over each other, and I’d been sure I’d never have that. Yet here I was, getting all that and more.
“Take me home, Daniel.”
“Okay, but let’s move quickly before your brother kills me.”
We managed to make it out of the parking lot of Haven and all the way to his apartment building…but we never made it out of the car.
Daniel parked and demanded I give him a first of my own. So, we moved to the back, and I learned what all the fuss was about fucking in the back seat.
I couldn’t wait for our life of him teaching me all the firsts I had to give.
Epilogue
Daniel
“How are you hanging in there?”
“It’s…interesting and…” I shuddered. “I don’t know. I try not to think about it too much.”
Pulling my eyes away from Olivia mooning over Kent, I instead focused my gaze on Hanna.
“She’s a beautiful bride.”
“She really is, and as long as he keeps taking care of her, then he can live.”
She looked over to the happy couple dancing in the middle of the floor, Olivia’s fitted dress trailing behind her when Kent spun her in his arms. “I don’t think you have to worry about that.”
“I have better things to worry about,” I whispered in her ear.
“Oh, yeah?” She smiled, not looking my way.
I nibbled my way down her neck. “Yeah.”
“Like what?”
“Like what kind of panties you’re wearing under this dress.”
“That’s easy,” she said, finally turning, her lips inches from mine. “None.”
A growl worked its way up my throat, and I struggled to keep from tossing her over my shoulder and carrying her out. “Fuck, Hanna.”
“Calm down, Neanderthal. We still have dancing.”
“What about a quickie, and then we can come back for dancing?”
She laughed and slapped my shoulder, but didn’t say no. Just as I was about to grab her hand and make good on it, the song ended, and the DJ came through the speakers.
“All right, party people. Let’s get the wedding party out here to join the lucky bride and groom.”
“Come on, lover boy.” Hanna stood, tugging me behind her.
The slow violins of “At Last” by Etta James flowed through the speakers as I pulled Hanna in my arms, gripping her small waist. Her hands slid up my neck and into my hair. To our left is wereOaklyn and Callum. Across is wereCarina and Ian. Sitting at a table to our right is wereAlex and Erik, and Jake and Jackson.
Olivia and Kent’s families and business partners watch on with shining eyes, and I can’t help but look at my niece and best friend, beyond happy they found each other. Even if it did gross me out.
But it mattered less with the beautiful woman in my arms.
Love hit you when you least expected it, no matter how hard you fought it.
I was just a lucky enough bastard to find a woman who fought harder than my fears.
“This is another first for me,” I confessed.
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yup. I’ve never been to a wedding with a date. Too serious.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re here with me,” she said, smiling, her emerald eyes shining under her dark lashes. She was exquisite in her champagne-colored dress. The soft silk brushed against my thighs, and my fingers played at the open back of the dress, her skin hot against my fingers.
“I love you,” I whispered against her lips.
“I love you, too.”
“I can’t wait to get you home tonight.”
“Maybe this time we can make it through the boxes and make it to the bed.”
“I’m not worried. I plan on having you in every inch of our apartment.”
Our apartment. Hearing it never got old.
We moved in last week. It’d been a quick move since it was still in my building, just a bigger apartment. And she’d been moving her stuff into my old apartment slowly over the last six months.
“Promises, promises.” She laughed, brushing her hips against my own.
“You’re playing with fire.”
“It’s okay. I like it hot. You want to know a secret?” she taunted.
“I don’t know. That smile is a little scary.”
She scraped her teeth along the stubble coating my jaw. “We’re staying here until the very last song, and I plan on torturing you the entire time.”
“Fuck me, Hanna. That’s not fair.”
“Neither is the way you made me come five times last night before fucking me. That was torture.”
“You loved it.”
“I did. And you’ll love this.”
Another growl, but I was determined to break her down. If she thought she could torture me, she had no idea who she was playing with. I’d make her eat her words. Preferably as she was eating my cock in the bathroom. Or the coat closet. Or a dark corner. I wasn’t picky.
The song ended, and the other couples filled the dance floor.
She made good on her promise and stroked my cock at any chance she could. I was just about to drag her away when I saw Erik drop to one knee.
“Oh, my god,” Hanna gasped, stopping to watch.
Alex’s hand moved to her mouth, and I couldn’t hear the words, but tears slipped down her cheeks, and she was nodding even before Erik got the box open.
Cheers erupted, and Hanna clung to my arm, her own tears sliding down her cheeks. I wiped them away and licked them from my finger. They stood, and Erik snatched her up and vanished from the room.
“Lucky bastard,” I grumbled as Hanna tugged me back in her arms.
She looked up at me with zero remorse, stepping close and sliding her hips back and forth. “Do you want to get married?”
She dropped her gaze to my neck after asking the question, and I tugged her chin back up. “I do to yo
u,” I said before kissing her softly. “But, let’s not steal any more thunder tonight.”
She bit her lip and stepped back.
“I’m ready to go home now.”
“It’s about fucking time.”
Similar to every time we pushed our needs to the last minute, we never made it home. Instead, I fucked her in a shadowed corner, promising her forever.
Acknowledgments
My family: Thank you for always understanding and supportive. Thank you for the cuddles after a hard day and laughs when all I want to do is rip my hair out. I couldn’t do this without you being the foundation holding me up. I love you.
Karla. Dream Team, baby.
Serena. We all know I couldn’t do this without you. Thank you for supporting me, staying on top of me, and basically running this whole thing. You’ve changed my career for the better and allow me to get all the words down and help me make them as sexy as possible.
Najla Qamber. The best damn cover designer there ever was. Thank you for all your talent. Thank you for always hearing my vision and turning into perfection.
Linda. Thank you for holding my hand and petting my hair when I’m on the verge of crawling in a hole. I couldn’t do this without you or your enthusiasm. I appreciate everything you do and can’t wait to drink wine together some day.
Kelly. Thank you for being an amazing editor. Thank you for being an even better friend! You give me the confidence to publish a book I know is the best it could be because of you.
Julia. Thank you for always being able to beta read. You ask the hard questions and offer such amazing suggestions. Thank you for helping me make the story better than I could’ve imagined.
Review team. You ladies are wonderful, fun, kind, and beyond supportive. Thank you for every share, every review, and everything in between.
Lovers. You guys are my safe place. You guys give me the best book recommendations and make me laugh. You’re more than I could ever ask for. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve scrolled through your comments and have been brought to tears. Thank you for being such an awesome group.