by Karen Booth
He sucked in a deep breath to steel himself, hoping against hope that he could make a plausible argument for why what he’d done before was wrong, but he was prepared to make amends now. “That wasn’t the argument he made, Tara. He may have told you that, but that wasn’t what he said to me.”
Tara’s eyes were wide and pleading. “Then what did he say?”
“He called you a distraction.”
“We were married. I was nothing of the sort. If I was, he wouldn’t have left me.”
Once again, Grant was tempted to curse Johnathon. She wasn’t wrong. As soon as she’d been out of the company, Johnathon’s eyes began to wander. He knew that had hurt her, but those weren’t his wounds to heal. He had to focus on the things he’d done and the reasons for his actions. “You were a distraction for me. He saw the way I looked at you. He knew that I never got past that first night when we met. I tried, Tara, but it was impossible. I think it would have been different if you hadn’t ended up with Johnathon.”
“So this was all about you two trying to outdo each other? He had to win and you just couldn’t stand the fact that he had?”
He reached for her, but she pulled away. It felt as though his heart was being torn from his chest as he once again relived the history he had with Johnathon and Tara. All of the nights when they’d gone out, all of the dinners at each other’s houses. The vacations, where he’d drag along whatever woman he was seeing at the time, but really only wanted Tara. He felt such shame over that, but it was the truth. Grant had to watch his best friend be with the woman he wanted and there was nothing he could do about it. “No. It was about seeing how amazing you were, and experiencing our connection, but not being able to act on it. It drove me crazy.”
“I have to go.” She stalked down the hall back to the bedroom.
Grant thought for a moment about just letting her go, but he knew that it would be forever. And he couldn’t live with that. He was so tired of living with regret. So he followed her. When he arrived in his room, she was stuffing her clothes into her overnight bag. “Can we please talk about this? I feel like this has gone sideways.”
“I need space to think, Grant.” She planted one hand on her hip and the other at her forehead. She stared off into space, her eyes darting from side to side. “I find it very hard to believe that you were carrying a torch for me all these years, Grant. You had no problem distracting yourself, and it’s not like you didn’t have plenty of opportunity after Johnathon ended our marriage.”
“But...” he started.
She turned on him. “No. I think this is about you and Johnathon. He thought of me as a prize to snatch away from you, and you never forgave him for it. I think you felt that same way about Sterling, and then he went and died, but he screwed you over when he gave the wives the shares of the company. So now you have a new thing you can’t forgive him for and that’s made you decide that I’m the thing to be won.”
He reached for her arm and her vision flew to his hand. It made him drop his grip. “Do you want to know what I think? I think you’re afraid to let anyone in. Johnathon destroyed you when he left you and you never recovered. And then you lost your dad, so you built up this wall and convinced yourself that the best way to never lose again was to never get involved. To never get close to anyone again. I just want you to let down your guard and let me in. That’s all I want.”
She pressed her lips together tightly, fighting back tears. “You think you have me figured out, Grant, but you don’t. I let plenty of people in. I’m just choosy when I do it. And I don’t think I can choose you.”
“Why?”
“We have too many competing wants. It’s what destroyed my marriage with Johnathon and it would only destroy us.”
“Are you saying you don’t have feelings for me, too? Because if that’s the case, I swear I’ll never bring it up again.”
“I think my problem is I have too many feelings for you right now, Grant. And not all of them are good ones.”
Fifteen
Tara arrived at work on the day of the big presentation with a headache the size of San Diego County. She’d been working like crazy all week, but so had Clay and Astrid. The three of them were all going the extra mile to make this happen, which was a bigger workload than expected. Sandy had called in sick every day this week. Apparently she’d picked up a bug of some sort in Palm Springs.
There had been many times when Tara had considered soliciting Grant’s help, but he’d been keeping his distance. She felt bad about the argument they’d had at his house, and she wanted to apologize for her role in it, but she had to get through the presentation. It was a huge hurdle, one she’d been staring down for weeks, and deep down, she knew that the outcome would determine her course from here on out. If it went well, she’d try to stay at Sterling, and hope to find a working arrangement with Grant. If it went badly, she’d leave. It was the only logical answer. She’d sell off her shares to Grant or possibly just give them to him. He’d more than earned them.
As for the personal side of their relationship, that was an entirely different conversation. She was still wrapping her head around the things he’d said on Sunday, especially the part about her unwillingness to let people get close to her. She couldn’t help it—distance had become her default. It made things easier. It made it possible to survive. There’d been so much hurt and loss in her life, but she’d always found a way to forge ahead. She couldn’t allow herself to be wounded. But perhaps her persistence had been her downfall. She hadn’t taken the time to slow down and see what was around her. Perhaps it was a case of trying to be a moving target—it made her harder to hit.
As for what this realization meant for the question of love, she wasn’t sure. She cared about Grant deeply. She was closer to him than any person she knew. He’d become her best friend, and at times, her biggest champion. But they’d spent so much time in opposition to each other that it was hard to figure out what the good times had meant. Were they an aberration? A break from the contention around the office? Or had he truly fallen for her? Did he really want more? She knew she wanted more, but she also needed more—a guarantee of some sort. A sign that if she let Grant in, that he’d stay. That if he truly loved her, he’d love her forever. She couldn’t take another loss, and losing her friendship with Grant would be a crushing blow.
Astrid knocked on Tara’s office door, then waved a piece of paper in the air. “I don’t think Sandy was sick all week.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Read this.” Astrid set the fax on Tara’s desk. It was a resignation letter, with no explanation from Sandy, other than the fact that she was quitting. It was such a shame—she’d been an integral part of the team.
“Did I do something wrong?” If this was an omen of how things were going to go today, Tara was wondering if it might be time to throw in the towel.
Astrid shook her head. “I doubt it. She probably took a job somewhere else.”
“Maybe.” None of this sat well with Tara, but she needed to focus on the task ahead. Then she could begin the process of finding her way with Grant. “Let’s finish getting packed up, grab Clay and head over.”
It took about a half hour to load the model and presentation boards into a Sterling Enterprises van. The three rode over with Clay driving, to a large meeting space the city had rented in one of the hotels near the Seaport location. There was a bustle of activity when they arrived. It was hard not to ogle the models from the other firms that would be presenting. It was hard not to feel intimidated by the whole thing. There were a lot of heavy hitters filing inside, people who Tara had read about or Johnathon had pointed out at social functions. Many were CEO or president of their company. It only underscored Grant’s lack of confidence in the project. He hadn’t changed his mind about joining her today. If he had, he would have said something.
They went inside and set up their material
s as instructed, then waited for their turn to make their case. The competing firms were not allowed in the room as one team was presenting, which left Tara to pace in the hall.
“Please stop,” Astrid said with a hand on Tara’s arm. “It will be fine.”
Clay cast a doubtful look at them both. “You don’t know that. It might not be fine.”
Astrid returned his unpleasant expression. “Don’t be so negative. All we can do is try.”
Tara stopped her pacing, but that left her to lean against the wall and tap her foot. Damn, she wished Grant was here. She wished he believed in the things she did. She wished they could find a way, together.
A few minutes later, the Sterling team was called into the room. As Tara crossed the threshold and saw the long table of representatives from the city waiting to be dazzled, she had absolutely every reason to be intimidated. This was it. Do or die.
“Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Tara Sterling and I’m here to represent Sterling Enterprises. We’re very excited for the opportunity to present our plan for the Seaport Promenade.”
Miraculously, it all clicked into place—she and Clay made an amazing team, playing off each other, and explaining the vision that Tara had originally had, fixed by Grant after Tara had made her big mistake, and finally brought to life by Clay’s brilliance. When they were done and exited the room, Astrid and the normally subdued Clay were both ecstatic.
“Okay. I was wrong. That went well,” Clay said.
“I told you.” Astrid swatted his arm. “Now we wait for the city’s answer on Monday.”
Tara had to force her smile. It had gone incredibly well. But it felt empty. It wasn’t the same without Grant here. It didn’t feel like the win she was supposed to get. Not even close. It felt like it meant nothing, all because Grant hadn’t been there to witness it. The thought made her incredibly sad, but it also made her realize that the biggest mistake she’d made wasn’t on the plans for the Seaport site. It had been in letting work, once again, determine her course. She should have worked everything out with Grant first—the personal stuff—and she’d waited an entire week. Once again, she’d let distance be her buffer.
“Let’s head back,” Tara said. “I want to give Grant a full report.” Her heart began to race. It was time to put it all on the line, but for him. Damn it all if he couldn’t give her assurances about love. If she didn’t let him in, everything in her life was going to feel as empty as it did right now.
They were on their way to the parking deck when Tara’s phone rang. She pulled it out of her purse and saw that it was the main Sterling office number. Normally Grant would call her from his cell, but maybe he’d instead picked up the extension on his desk. “Grant? I’m so glad you called. We have to talk. Right away.”
“Ms. Sterling, it’s Roz in reception. There’s been an accident. It’s Mr. Singleton.”
Tara’s head spun. Her vision went blurry. No no no no. This was not happening. She felt queasy. “What happened? Where is he? Please tell me he’s alive.”
“Yes, he’s alive. He was hit by a car.”
“Hit by a car?” Her heart plummeted to her stomach.
“He’s at the hospital downtown,” Roz continued. “If you’re still at the presentation, it’s only five blocks.”
“I’m on my way.” Tara hung up and chucked her phone into her bag. “Grant’s in the hospital. And I’ve got to go right now.”
“The hospital? What happened?” Astrid seemed just as horrified as Tara was feeling.
“There’s no time to explain,” Tara blurted.
“I’ll drive you.” Clay rattled the keys to the van.
“I’ll get there faster if I run.”
“In heels?” Astrid asked.
“Yes. In heels.”
“Should we come with you?” Clay asked.
“Just drive over and meet me there.” Tara took off before either of them could argue with her any more. It didn’t take long before she realized her shoes were only slowing her down. She took them off and ran in bare feet down the city sidewalks, bobbing between people and trying to see as her eyes clouded with threatening tears.
“If you die, Grant Singleton, I will never, ever forgive you,” she said to herself while anxiously waiting for the signal to change at a crosswalk. She darted across as soon as the cars had passed, all the while imagining a life without Grant. It was unthinkable. If she thought she felt empty from doing a presentation without him, what would the rest of her life be like? Her hopes for Sterling would mean nothing without him there. She’d never be able to return without thinking of him, but his absence would haunt her in a way that Johnathon’s never had. She and Grant had shared so much in that office. They’d put each other through the wringer. And yet, he was the only person’s approval she wanted. He was the one she wanted to share her triumphs with, as well as her failures.
Oh God. He told me he was falling in love with me and I left. Tara couldn’t believe she’d done that to him. She hoped against hope that he would be okay when she got to the hospital. He had to be okay, and if he wasn’t, she had to hope that he’d be there long enough for her to tell him everything. All of this emotion swelling up inside her had to go somewhere. She couldn’t let him go without telling him everything.
As she ran up to the emergency room entrance, the flashbacks started. Johnathon. Her dad. Even her mom. So many people she loved, all gone. She couldn’t handle it if it happened again. She simply couldn’t go on. Especially if she lost Grant.
She rushed over to the nurses’ station. “Grant Singleton?” She could barely get the words out before tears started to stream down her face. This wasn’t like her at all. She usually kept it together, especially in a crisis.
The nurse hit a few keys on the computer. “And you are?”
“The woman who loves him and ran in bare feet five blocks to be here for him.”
The nurse’s mouth pulled into a wide smile. “You need to put those shoes back on before you walk around in the hospital.”
“Yeah. Okay.” Tara worked her feet back into her shoes. They hurt like hell, but she didn’t care.
“He’s in room 18. Down the hall, first right, then a left.”
Tara was already on her way, but she couldn’t sprint here like she had out on the street. Her heart was still pounding and dammit if those tears would not stop. They were running down her cheeks and mascara was staining her blouse. When she got to eighteen, it was one of those big rooms with sliding glass doors. A doctor and several nurses were huddled around him. Tara burst through the door.
“Grant. I’m here. I’m here.” She caught sight of his face—the one she loved so much, and something squeezed her heart so tight she could barely stand up. He had bruises and scrapes. One of his amazing eyes was taped shut.
“Tara,” he managed, his voice raspy. He even had a tiny smile on his face. Was he delirious?
She pushed one of the nurses out of the way. “I’m sorry. But I have to talk to him.” She grabbed his hand and kissed his knuckles, holding them to her lips and drinking in his smell. “You can’t die on me. I won’t let you.”
One of the nurses laughed, which seemed horribly rude.
But then an even bigger smile spread across Grant’s lips. “I’m not going to die.”
The doctor leaned in. “He’s not going to die. He has a concussion and a few broken ribs. That taxi hit him good.”
He’s not going to die. He’s not going to leave me. Tara gasped for air and the tears flowed like a faucet.
“You’re crying,” Grant said.
“Of course I’m crying.” She leaned down and kissed his temple what felt like one hundred times.
“You don’t like to cry. You hate it. You never do it.”
That was the old Tara he was talking about. Hopefully, she wouldn’t return. “I love you. I love you so
much and I was an idiot for not seeing it all along.”
He managed one more smile, his poor battered face lighting up. “I love you, too, darling.”
Oh, thank God. Finally, some relief. She wiped away the tears from her eyes. “You’re the best thing in my entire world. I’m resigning from Sterling. I will give you my shares. You can just have them.”
“Tara. What about the other wives?”
That seemed to catch the attention of the nurses. They all stopped what they were doing and looked at Tara and Grant.
“It’s a long story,” Tara said. “I’ll tell you when I’m done here.” She returned her attention to Grant. “I care about them both, and I hate the idea of breaking promises, but I’ll do it. All I want is you.”
“Please don’t resign. We need you. I need you. You can’t leave.” Grant pushed back to sit up straighter in bed, but it was clear he was in a lot of pain. Still, he did it. Tara perched on the edge of the bed so she could be closer to him. “Johnathon cut you out of the company in part because he couldn’t work with his wife. But I’m not Johnathon.”
Tara looked at him as her mind struggled to catch up with his words. “What are you saying?”
“Where’s the nurse? She has my clothes.”
“Your clothes?” Tara asked.
“They’re right here,” the nurse answered, handing over a clear plastic bag. Grant’s ultraexpensive suit was crammed in there.
He struggled to open it, so Tara helped. “What could possibly be so important that you need to get it out of there?”
“Hold on one minute.” He pulled out his suit coat and rummaged around until he found the pocket. He fished a small black box out of it.
Tara’s hand flew to her mouth. “No.”
“This is not the way I wanted to do this. I was on my way to your presentation when I ducked into the street. The cab came out of nowhere. I wanted to be there for you. I wanted to surprise you.”
She pointed at the box. “You were going to give me that afterward?”