by Leela Ash
That shouldn’t have mattered. He barely knew her, after all. Yet his heart ached at the loss tomorrow promised.
“Oh, hey. One more thing.” His spirit rose as she turned back toward him. “Dick said that the Fangs didn’t dare attack you directly because of, well, you being a Dragon and all. Guess you guys are pretty kickass. I want you to know that I didn’t tell him that you’d muzzled your Dragon.”
“That I’d… what?”
“The X-thing over your tattoo’s head? That’s a muzzle, isn’t it? I…” She hesitated as he stared at her in shock. “I thought it was. Figured that was why I can’t see you Shifting all the time, like other Shifters.”
Had he ever taken his shirt off in front of her? No!
“How do you know about that?” he snapped, a hundred dark suspicions leaping into his mind.
“I saw it when you… oh.” Even in the evening’s dim sunlight, he could see her blush deeply. “Hell, I’m sorry. Never-mind. I, uh, had this dream and it was, mmm, pretty vivid.”
No. No, no, no. The world grew hazy and dim around him as he grasped what she was saying. It couldn’t be.
“Vivid enough that I guess I forgot it didn’t really happen. Sorry. Stupid mistake.”
“You dreamed.” He wavered, struggling to quell the confusion in his mind. Somewhere inside himself, he felt his Dragon gloating.
You knew. In your heart, you knew. Yet you ran from that too.
Tess finally noticed his shock, and misunderstood it. “Uh, yeah. I dreamed. That happens a lot, you know,” she teased. “Not every night, but…”
His ears rang and he grew dizzy as he felt his world dissolving, reshaping into something new, and terrible, and wonderful.
Something that might have her, Tess Everlyn, at its heart.
Slowly, pushing through the shock and numbness, he whispered, “There was a garden, falling into ruin. And an arbor with a bed covered in red silken sheets.”
“What the…?” she gasped, now every bit as stunned as he. “How did you know?”
“Because I dreamed it too. We were there together. The Dragon and the Woman Made of Ice.” Was that elfin woman what the Adanai were?
They stared at each other, both dumbfounded by this revelation. Tess was the first to recover – probably because she didn’t know how portentous that dream was. “So this dream-sharing stuff. Is that a Shifter thing?”
“It’s a Dragon thing. It’s… how we choose Mates.”
“Mates. As in…” She swallowed. “‘Dragon and Mate, now and forever’?”
“Yes. You’re my soul-mate, the other half of me.”
“Wow. You have my sympathy. You are one messed up dude if I’m the other half of your soul.”
He could see that she regretted the words as soon as they slipped out. Yet he burst out laughing and, after a second, she joined him. The iron band around his chest eased. This was the Tess he’d seen on that first day. Funny and unguarded.
Heavens above, this changed everything. “You need to come with us.”
That sobered her, with shocking speed. “Look, I appreciate that you have traditions and all. And, well, I admit that that was one damned hot dream. But I’m not ready to drop everything.”
“You own a Harley and a dilapidated tool shed,” he protested. “That’s not a lot to ‘drop.’”
“And a lawn chair,” she muttered, smiling despite herself. “Don’t forget that. I think I’m fond of it.”
“Tess, listen.” He stepped forward and took her delicate hands in his. Her eyes widened and she grew still, watching him with both longing and unease. “This must be incredibly difficult for you. You have one dream, and now some strange man…”
“…strange, hot man…” she corrected, winning a smile from him too.
“Some guy announces you’re soul-mates and you need to elope with him. What are you supposed to think about that?” As she hesitated, he answered the question for her. “Nothing. Don’t think at all. Feel.”
He saw her swallow, hard, and he squeezed her hands. “Your heart knows the truth. Your soul does. Fate brought us together. Yes, you’re right.” He gulped too, but forced himself to continue his confession. “I’m messed up. I’m hardly a Dragon at all. But maybe, together, we can find wholeness. Peace.” He raised her hands to his lips and kissed her fingers gently. “Love.”
He let that word sink in. The hope in her eyes – and despair – assured him that she longed for that as much as he did.
“We’re Mates, Tess. We’re meant to be together.”
She let her hands remain in his, but her eyes dropped to the ground. “Was your wife your Mate too?” she asked in a hushed, troubled voice.
“I’ve never been married.”
Her head snapped up. “Ethan’s mother…?”
“Charity DeSelle. She wasn’t my wife.” Close enough, though, that he released Tess and took a step back. Even her name filled him with grief, and shame.
“She’s dead.”
“Yes.” Strange – that sounded like a statement, not a question. “She died when Ethan was two. I’m his biological father and I received custody at that point.”
“So you two were…”
“A mistake. A drunken, careless weekend. But I want you to know that I don’t regret what we did. It gave me the most precious gift in all the world: my son.”
Reserved, suspicious, she studied him. Darian forced himself to meet her gaze calmly. “We weren’t Mates. Neither of us even wanted that. But know that I took care of her. I made sure that she and the baby wanted for nothing. Until she died.”
“Until you killed her.”
So they’d told her. No wonder she’d closed her heart to him. He was lucky she’d even warned him about the Fangs. Darian turned his face away, and nodded.
“Why?” Disgust and horror dripped from every word. “How could you kill the mother of your own child?”
He wanted to make excuses. To blame his Dragon, not himself. In his heart, however, he knew the truth. His weakness, his laziness, caused Charity’s death. A Dragon who was the master of himself, like Brandon Lorde, his Alpha, would never slay his own lover.
He couldn’t even say that. The sight of revulsion on his Mate’s face stilled his tongue.
When he didn’t give an explanation, Tess began to make up her own. “Was it jealousy? Did you find her with another man? I never killed anyone, but I know how that feels. Or anger? Maybe she did… something?”
Even in the midst of this catastrophe, she still tried to excuse him. To find some path where this wasn’t his fault. Love – melancholy and pained –filled him as he realized that. She truly was his Mate. A woman who would always fight to see the best in him.
“No. It wasn’t her fault. Charity was a sweet girl. Silly, shallow, afraid of commitment. But she didn’t have a mean bone in her body. We were not Mates, nor pledged to each other. She saw other men – but that was her right. I was a fun hook up, nothing more.”
“So why did you kill her?”
“Anger. Stupidity.” Tess planted her hands on her hips. Clearly that was not enough of an explanation to satisfy her. Darian sighed and ran through the events of that terrible night, one more time.
“We’d gone out to dinner, to discuss Ethan. I thought she ought to have a maid; the house was a mess on my last visit.” Excuses, again. He caught himself before he listed all the presents he’d given to Charity. They weren’t relevant to the story. This was about his crime, not his ‘generosity.’
“Later, walking back to the car, a man snatched her purse. Charity fell, there was blood, and…”
…her scream, high and terrified…
“I flew into a rage. At him, that he should harm an innocent. At myself, because I didn’t protect her. And in that moment I… I…”
Say it. No Claim without Truth.
“I lost control of my Dragon. I shifted, in front of two humans.”
There. His confession was done. He raised his head and
met her gaze, ready to accept contempt or condemnation.
Instead, he found bafflement. Tess squinted at him, her head cocked to the side. “And that killed them? Oookay. I thought I understood this Shifting stuff but, uh, clearly, I missed the part about it killing all the people around the Shifter.”
“No, you misunderstand. Shifting doesn’t hurt humans. Most, however, panic or become confused. Charity…” He swallowed. Even after five years, touching that memory was like grabbing a razor blade. “Charity was one of those. She fled in terror. She ran from me, blindly, into traffic and was struck, and killed.”
“Wait. So this was an accident? You didn’t actually murder her?”
“It was negligence. An ‘accident’ I should have prevented. If I…”
Without warning, fury lit his Mate’s eyes. “SON OF A BITCH!” Tess howled. “Son of a…!” Ethan’s new football lay nearby. In a rage, she punted it hard enough to send it flying off into the woods.
This was not the reaction he expected. Disgust, yes, but did he truly deserve such anger? Darian folded his arms behind his back and waited until this emotion left her.
She threw herself into furious pacing, back and forth across the cabin’s ratty ‘lawn.’ “I am an idiot,” she hissed. “I am such an idiot.”
Tess was angry at herself? Not him? “I don’t understand.”
“Dick. My ex.” Finally, she stopped, though her hands were balled into fists. “I knew he was a liar. I knew I couldn’t trust him. But the moment he said ‘Darian Morland murdered his wife’ I still believed him! Because yeah, that’s just my luck. That’s exactly what I’d do: fall in love with a wife-killer.”
What had she said?
Love?
She loved him?
Relief swept through him, made him waver on his feet. She didn’t hate him. There was hope, a chance that he truly had found his soul-mate. Fate offered him – a Dragon who had abandoned his duties, failed to protect his charges – another chance at happiness. The thought stunned him, dazzled him.
Somewhere, his Dragon laughed at his foolishness and lack of faith.
Even now, though, he couldn’t bring himself to seize that hope too quickly. “In a sense, the man spoke truly. I did kill Charity.”
“No. Dick lied. He was just smart enough to know that the best lies contain a grain of truth.” Tess stepped up to him and slipped her arms, clad in motorcycle leathers, around his waist. “What happened was a tragedy. A terrible accident. It wasn’t your fault.”
“I should have…”
“Stop.” She pulled him tight. Without thinking, he joined her embrace. Warm and soft, she snuggled against him. Forgiveness given in human form. “You can’t blame yourself for this. Yes, you made a mistake. Yes, Charity died – and that’s horrible. All you’re doing now, though, is tearing yourself apart. It doesn’t help you. It doesn’t help Ethan. You need to be happy. Hell, you deserve it.”
“But…”
“No ‘buts’. You think you’re the only one who’s made mistakes? For most people, it doesn’t matter. They leave the oven running and burn dinner. They drop a jar of mayo and it shatters on the floor. No big deal. But for people like us, our mistakes don’t just leave a mess on the kitchen floor. People get hurt. People die. All we can do is learn from our error, mourn our losses, make whatever amends we can… then move on. You can’t let this destroy you too. Otherwise, Charity’s death will kill two people, not one.”
Could he do that? Walk away from the past? Embrace a future?
For five years, that seemed impossible. Now, gazing down at Tess’ upturned face, at her trust and love… he hesitated.
She saw that, and pushed her advantage. “Think of Ethan. Even if you don’t believe you deserve happiness, you know he deserves a happy father.”
That stung a little. He was a good father, even without joy in his life.
No, not quite true. He was a dutiful father. He took good care of his son, saw to all his needs. Yet he remembered days (too many days) where Ethan had needed to drag him out of some dark funk with jokes and play. No child should be put in charge of their parent’s happiness. It was his job to make Ethan happy, not the other way around.
He loved his boy, would die for him – but could he be happy for his son? Could he let go of his shame and guilt and give Ethan the childhood he deserved?
As he meditated on that, Tess remained beside him. A gentle, faithful reminder that someone loved him, despite his flaws.
“I’m not sure I can say I ‘deserve’ happiness,” she said, her hug growing firmer. “Since I don’t know what-all I’ve done wrong. But I’d sure as hell like to have a happy Mate. ‘Happily ever after’ sounds good to me.”
“You still want me? Even after hearing what I did to Charity?”
“Yeah.” Her smile softened and grew lopsided. “I think you’re right. We’re two halves of one supremely messed up soul.”
Like ice melting in a spring thaw, the pain in his heart faded, washed away by the touch of her love. For the first time in years, he dared to dream that the future could hold joy for him.
“I think you’re getting the worst half of the bargain,” he teased.
“Ahem. Remember that my ex is a lying drug dealer who runs with the Fangs of Apophis.”
“Point taken. You probably do have some stories buried in those rocks.”
They both laughed at that. Then Darian stopped fighting the urge that had eaten at him all evening: he leaned down and kissed her.
Soft, yielding, she rose to meet him, offering her mouth, her self. His hand stroked her back, marveling at the way the slick leather gave a hardness to her feminine curves. She pressed closer, rousing desire that stirred his manhood.
Reluctantly, though, she pulled back, leaving a gentle ache in his heart. “You probably don’t have any privacy in your cabin.”
“Nope,” he admitted. “Ethan hears everything.”
“My place is empty…”
A smile crept onto his lips. “I can’t even imagine what would happen if two of us tried to lie on that lawn chair of yours.” She laughed, and shook her head, before he added the more somber warning. “And with the Fangs of Apophis watching us, I can’t leave my son alone.”
“Yeah. You’re right. Dammit,” she grumbled.
He kissed her again. More gently, lingering. “There’ll be another time.”
In the future.
Because now, once again, he felt like he had a future worth looking forward to.
Because of her.
Chapter 10
Of course, Tess slept in. Because what better way to avoid unpleasant chores than to steal a few more ZZZs, right? No one could complain about that. It’s not like you deliberately shirked your duties…
Unfortunately, no one bothered to tell that to Darian’s young son. After she spent a night tossing and turning on her lawn chair (an object she would not miss), a soft knock awakened her in the dim, quiet hours before dawn.
“Hullo?” she muttered, pushing her bangs out of her eyes.
“Hi, Miss Tess! I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
Ethan. Cute kid. Not so cute before the sun rose. “Uh, what time is it?”
“It’s almost five! Dad said you’d be up by five and we needed to be ready to go at six. But your light wasn’t on, so I came over to make sure you were okay.”
“Mmm.” That kind of had been the plan.
“Are you okay?” Clearly, today was as exciting as Christmas to the boy, and he wasn’t letting any lazy adult delay the festivities. Tess guessed he didn’t like this no-friend, no-tv camp very much.
“Yup. I’m okay.” She began to scour the boxes around her lawn chair, looking for clean clothes. “Your dad making breakfast?”
“Yes! Eggs! And waffles!” Every sentence exuded excitement. Oh, to be a child again!
“Tell you what. I’ll be right over. Why don’t you ask your dad to throw on another couple eggs for me? I’ll be right over.”
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“Sure thing!”
And with that, he tore off. She heard the faint patter of small feet retreating up the road.
Leaving her with two problems. What was she going to wear?
And could she do this?
Breakfast was a one boy show.
Tess nursed a cup of black coffee and nibbled at her eggs. Darian watched her over his own mug. Strangely, he didn’t seem any more hungry than she. Ethan, however, made up for both of them. He chattered continually about how much he wanted to see his friends again, and how heavy his new toys were (because not one of them was getting abandoned here in the woods – not if he had anything to say about it!).
Later, the two of them cleaned up one last time as Ethan raced around the camp several times ‘checking’ for lost toys.
Tess found herself staring blankly out the dusty window until a soft touch on her elbow drew her back from that endless brooding.
“Are you okay?” Darian studied her face.
“Sure, I…”
The words from her dream came back to haunt her. No Claim without Truth. Was that just for the Rite of Claiming? Somehow, she doubted it. Being a Dragon’s Mate meant no more lies. Even white ones.
“Um, well, no,” she corrected herself.
Darian slid closer to her and slipped an arm around her waist. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Just that simple act of kindness made her heart ache. How long had it been since someone truly cared about her? Had she ever been loved? “I don’t know that there’s anything to talk about. I need to get my memories back if I’m going to remember the path out. And…”
“And the few memories you need are probably buried under years of mistakes, and betrayals, and sadness.” She pressed her cheek against his shoulder and nodded. “Trust me.” He stroked her hair. “I understand. If I could have dumped my Dragon under a rock, I probably would have done it.”
“I’m just scared,” she admitted.
“Of the pain?”
“Yeah. And of the guilt. I’m pretty sure I’ve done horrible things.”
“Just remember: you’re my Mate. Whatever you’ve done, I’ll forgive you.”