by R. J. Blain
Emerick scowled. “Well, we have a witness. We know who was behind her disappearance, and my brood will be handling the matter personally.”
“Then I suppose it’s a good thing I brought copies of most forms with me, as I wasn’t sure what you’d need. Yes, including the waivers for bypassing the blood tests and waiting periods as you’re both members of the preternatural community. If you could keep your vendetta legal, I would appreciate it, Master Lowrance.”
“It’s been a while since I’ve gotten to indulge in a good vendetta. I will do my best to remain somewhat legal. Our target made Pepper against her will in what can only be described as a brutal fashion. There are photographs, which will be used to convince former mortal associates of her passing at the hands of a rogue vampire.” Emerick glanced towards me. “I will show them to you at a later time.”
“I don’t remember what happened. They’re concerned if I see anything, I’ll remember, and I’m too much of a wilting lily to handle it, apparently.”
The vampires all sighed. Judge Ferris chuckled. “Then they do not yet know you well enough. You’re a corporate attorney, I’m well aware of your education, and your professors weren’t squeamish about showing you some of the harsher realities of being a prosecuting or defending attorney of violent crimes. You’ve likely seen worse.”
“I can only hope, but it seems to have been bad enough to make even vampires uncomfortable, and it angered me enough that I dug my way from my own grave out of spite.”
“Well, I’ll rest easy enough when I go to bed knowing Master Lowrance will have a capable woman handling him. Don’t bother with being gentle. Vampires like it rough.”
I laughed at that. “That’s good to know. Give it to me in as simple and concise a fashion as you can. What are the differences between standard human and preternatural marriages? I was out of the loop long enough I might be selling my soul to the devil for all I really know.”
Emerick snorted.
I made a note to keep saying things that made him abandon his rigid dignity, as I enjoyed his disgruntled, wordless complaints.
“The primary difference is that preternatural individuals can voluntarily waive blood tests and waiting periods. Divorce is much harder to acquire. At current, the probability of you successfully filing for divorce is slim to none. It requires proof of wrongdoing; neither partner can claim spousal rape due to evidence that preternatural individuals have heightened sex drives and tendencies. Also, the government is entitled to twenty percent of a divorcing pair’s total worth upon successfully filing for divorce.”
Wow. The United States had taken a nosedive in the time I’d been dead and lingering on the streets. “Who passed that?”
“It was spearheaded by President Remmington.”
“President Remmington is an irredeemable asshole,” I muttered.
“Human voters appreciated the measure. Unfortunately, it’s going to backfire on human voters, as similar legislation is in process for non-preternatural citizens as well. The spousal rape clause isn’t present, but the government’s entitlement to a percentage fee for divorcing couples is in the fine print. However, in case of wrongdoing, only the guilty party will be responsible for paying the government. Cheating is going to be harshly punished. We expect marriage rates to plummet in the upcoming years—another drive to increase government dollars. Married couples will enjoy additional tax benefits, which will be paid for by the higher number of single adults. The tax code involving dependents is also being changed. Ah, Master Lowrance, you’ll find this pleasing. The President signed a measure into law this afternoon barring the dissolving of broods and other preternatural communities. Tying in with the new dependency laws, you’ll be able to claim dependency status on all members of your brood.”
Rather than a snort, the brood’s master sighed. “What’s the catch this time?”
“Surprisingly, there is no catch. A group of human activists thought hungry preternaturals might view them as dinner, so tax cuts and programs to ensure preternaturals don’t need to hunt unsanctioned prey would be wise. The donor rates are also being adjusted.”
Emerick shook his head and groaned. “Damn it all, I’d just gotten the brood’s finances stable for human donors.”
“The new rate, effective immediately, is a thousand to the donor per pint or the equivalent, which will be non-taxed income. The government will no longer be receiving a tax share.”
A hint of violet flashed in Emerick’s eyes. “What’s the catch for that?”
“Once again, there is no catch. Following the price set for human donors, attacks at night skyrocketed by over two hundred percent; the primary cause was linked to the inability of preternaturals to acquire blood. By offering a lower rate for blood per pint and the option to pay in equivalent forms, it is hoped the number of attacks will be reduced. New York City has had a lot of attacks, so this will help us, as there will be fewer fugitives and our cost of living will be significantly reduced.”
Emerick regarded me, a sly smile on his lips, which did too damned good of a job of catching my attention. “Looks like your standard dinner plans are thoroughly thwarted now.”
I showed him my middle finger.
“While I couldn’t help but notice you’re wearing a great many stakes, I’ve seen that apparel before. Brood protectors, defenders, and general enforcement tend to cart them around. I hadn’t taken you to be the type,” the judge admitted. “Now, granted, we were more aware of each other as acquaintances or associates, but you never struck me as someone who would enjoy a hunt.”
“My maker thought it would be funny to dump me in a grave and leave me to rot, so I had to fend for myself. I decided the only good vampire was a dead one, but I only killed the ones I confirmed were attacking people.”
“She’s the one who took out Carnegie,” Emerick said, once again shaking his head. “The government has cut her a rather large check for her bounty services.”
“You’ve got to be fucking with me. You’re our vampire serial killer?”
Cool. I’d been labeled a serial killer. “I guess I am a serial killer, aren’t I? Motive, method, it’s all there. Damn. Think there’ll be episodes about me on television, Emerick?”
“There already are,” he complained. “Why had I thought it was a good idea to encourage you to continue doing that work if a good target crossed your path? I regret that now.”
“That was before you thought it was a good idea to marry me. For the record, that was a very reckless choice, and I will most definitely be hunting wretched miscreants. I won’t enjoy the draining them dry portion of my work, but I’m going to do it anyway. Why waste some perfectly edible blood?”
“It’s disgusting, that’s why. It tastes absolutely vile. If it weren’t for your specific dietary needs, I’d ban such things completely.”
“That’s why you’re my dessert. After a long night of drinking bad blood, I need to come home to a treat.”
Ben, Maddox, and Emilio all groaned, and the trio looked ready to abandon ship for saner waters, not that I could blame them.
“Specific dietary needs?” Judge Ferris asked.
“My Pepper was made in an unfortunately violent fashion, and unlike gentler approaches, she consumed a rather high amount of potent blood. As a result, she’s no longer able to digest certain types of bloods. Currently, her diet consists solely of my blood. Our marriage will protect her primary food source while removing her as a potential target of other broods. It’s a good arrangement for both of us, although the lessened price for human blood will prove helpful, especially with my current plans to expand my leasing operations.”
“Wealthy broods will benefit significantly, and lesser broods will be able to function or barter for blood. Prejudices are still running high, but the upper government has begun accepting that the preternatural won’t be going anywhere anytime soon. This is good for you. There are those unhappy with these decisions, but there’s generally a consensus that increasing th
e rate of blood has led to more violence, so making blood more accessible to vampires has become a spearhead for making sure the attacks are decreased.”
“And those divorcing will be paying the bill,” Emerick replied.
“The government is going to make a great deal more money through the divorce laws, yes. It’s also going to create a huge rise in accusations among divorcing couples, which will increase the demand for preternatural truthsayers.”
“That’s not going to end well.”
“It’s going to make preternaturals in law enforcement and the judiciary system the norm. While I like the simplification of using truthsayers, it will create a massive backlog as divorcing couples do their best to avoid the tax. In good news, I expect domestic violence cases will dramatically lower as the price of domestic violence will significantly increase.”
Emerick shook his head. “There will be more deaths because of the law changes.”
“And the new laws will result in all assets of the killer being liquidated and given to either direct descendants or to the government. Wills will be overridden in domestic violence cases.”
My mouth dropped open. “They’re doing what?”
“Trust me, that bit of legislation will make waves on the news tomorrow. It was handwritten into the margin of the latest bills to go through to the Congress, and it passed with a clear majority. The court system will be a mess within a few weeks, mark my words. So, with that in mind, are you both willing to proceed?”
Considering everyone was about to get a slow screw from the powers that be, there was no reason not to go through with my reckless plan to marry Emerick. I’d be screwed either way, and vampires didn’t divorce in the first place. If it meant keeping some money out of the government’s filthy hands, I’d view marrying the brood’s master as a small price to pay. “I’m willing to proceed, and if he’s not, I have some stakes that might prove useful when I take disciplinary actions against him.”
My soon-to-be husband laughed. “I’ve noticed my Pepper is very enthusiastic when she sets her mind to a task. I am willing, as I do not wish to be staked this evening. She is the hope for our kind, and it is my honor to have her.”
“You’re a lucky man, Master Lowrance. It’s hard to find a woman with as much integrity despite her circumstances. For all she has worked for a large-scale corporation, she’s always been ethical.”
“At least legally.”
“I was required to go over your work, as part of the cases I oversaw. Your work was as legal and ethical as your circumstances permitted, and your father’s integrity was on trial far more than yours.”
“What did he do now?”
“He attempted to use the publicity of your disappearance to bring known rivals on trial. By using your disappearance as leverage, he had competitors tried as accessories. All of the accused were ultimately acquitted, but he did significant damage to their general reputations for the duration of the trials. As you are likely not aware of this, you’re well liked among other attorneys. According to both the defense and prosecution attorneys I’ve worked with on these trials, you’re of strong moral standing, a hard-worker, and essentially too good of an attorney for as corrupt of a man as your father. And they wouldn’t be surprised if he’d been involved in your disappearance to take advantage of the unique opening it provided him.”
Color me unsurprised. “Emerick?”
“Yes?”
“If I’m getting a wedding present, I want it be the opportunity to see that ass wipe crushed beneath your heel.”
Emerick relaxed in his chair and chuckled. “Not your heel?”
“I wouldn’t want to ruin a nice new pair of shoes. Ben, please tell me one of those boxes has a nice pair of new shoes in it. I feel an urge to buy a nice new pair of shoes solely meant for crushing my father’s ambitions beneath their perfect heels. I might even allow them to be ruined for the cause.”
“I’m fairly confident you will find such a thing in your presents, and upon word spreading of your marriage to our master, you will find your office overwhelmed with presents from those wishing your union well. All broods will send at least one gift to each of you. It’ll be trivial to ensure that you have a nice pair of shoes suitable for your conquests.” Ben chuckled and gestured to Maddox. “Make that your job. She obviously requires an outfit suitable for crushing her father’s ambitions.”
“Some jobs are nicer than others, and this is definitely one of the nicer ones. At your leisure, Pepper.”
Nice. The brood had men who liked to shop? “Can I just give you my sizes and you make the outfit appear?”
“As a matter of fact, yes. You don’t enjoy shopping?”
“I’d rather be doing something like crushing my father’s ambitions beneath my heel, truth be told.”
“It is good to know your priorities, and I can’t say I blame you for prioritizing that. I’ll handle your attire. I usually handle our master’s, too, although he sometimes accompanies me when I shop on his behalf.”
“I do like to see the changed styles from time to time and escape from the estate for a while. Shopping trends can be most amusing.”
Eternal life warped vampire men. That was the only explanation for their behavior. “What do we need to do to finalize this, Judge Ferris?”
“It’s quite simple. You sign paperwork. Read, sign the document if you’re happy with it, date it, and pass it on. I will sign as the official judiciary witness, and your three attending brood vampires will sign as civilian witnesses. The minimum is two witnesses, but three is preferred, and I can handle up to ten on the documents I brought with me.”
Emerick snapped his fingers. “Emilio, bring seven additional volunteers to witness. That will make things more difficult should someone attempt to remove witnesses to question our union.”
Great. I could only assume that meant some vampires weren’t above killing others to make witnesses disappear.
“While I admire your precautions, I will be filing a digital record of your union here, and I will be taking steps to make certain it can’t be nullified by some corrupt fool in the court system. Within an hour, the record will be populated in the public records, with only your wife’s vampiric heritage public information. The seal was intact when I started the initial filings, although I will have to verify that there is no relation between you.”
“There is no relation between us,” Emerick reported.
“Yes, as I have seen the entirety of her record, I am aware of that. I’m still required to ask you if you’re aware of any relations and verify your status. Once your witnesses are gathered, I will handle the rest of the documentation. Due to your wife’s choice of vampiric name, no name change documents will be required, which helps your cause to keep her identity somewhat secret. That said, it won’t stay secret for long, not with the efforts of certain individuals to bring accusations to the courts regarding her disappearance.”
I loved when people talked about me as though I wasn’t in the room. Not. “I’m adding lessons on how to use my new gun to my request of bridal presents. I want to be qualified to use one specifically so I can shove my new gun up my father’s ass and fire.”
“Ah, yes. I have the permit forms for your firearm with me. Master Lowrance requested it, and a judge has to approve a permit for a preternatural to own and carry a firearm. Considering the circumstances, I am going to authorize conceal carry. Master Lowrance, you will be required to record her training hours and performance scores, and her conceal carry permit will be tied to her qualification, although her ability to own and use a firearm on all Lowrance properties will be immediate.”
“Excellent. Thank you. I appreciate getting through the red tape on that.”
“You can thank the San Francisco broods for my ability to evaluate and issue the permits. Make certain you file the qualification paperwork as soon as possible.”
“I’ll have it to you within a week unless something comes up, and should it, I’ll let you know.”
Emerick’s claims astonished me. “Is it even possible to learn how to use a firearm enough to qualify in a week?”
“When you are practicing through daylight hours, it most certainly is. There is a firing range in the basement that all vampires in the brood may access assuming they have the appropriate permits.”
Shit. “Daytime is for resting,” I whined.
“Only when you do not need immediate training in important skills. Your body will be given time to rest as needed.”
I could only stare at him. “Are you mad?”
“No, I am not mad. I am merely determined to make certain you have all of the skills you need to survive. Your survival is my top priority at the moment. After that, I will work diligently to make you happy. I expect I will be challenged making sure you stay alive, as you are the kind to cause trouble merely because you can. Considering your drive when it comes to removing unsavory vampires from the streets, I will be making forays to retrieve you when you’ve bitten off more than you can chew. I will likely enjoy my task of rescuing you far more than I should.”
I would turn getting payback for that comment into a life-long mission and prime source of entertainment for myself. “I was doing just fine without rescue, thank you very much.”
Rather than answer me, he cast a skeptical glance my way.
Death was too good a fate for Emerick Lowrance, and marrying him would make sure I maintained easy access to his blood and his person for my schemes. I would need to research ways to yank his chain for acting like I couldn’t take care of myself. I opened my mouth to inform him he’d regret his choice of statements when far more than seven people crammed into the sitting room.
“It seems you need remedial mathematics lessons,” Emerick announced, regarding Ben with a scowl. “That is not seven people. That is closer to twenty people, all busybodies.”
The busybodies grinned with the same energy of children given excessive amounts of sugar.
Life among the Lowrance vampires would be odd but interesting, of that I was sure.