by K. C. Crowne
And we stayed like that - our bodies united - for a few moments, just kissing and holding each other. The after-sex bliss had pushed any and all anxiety from my brain, and I relished the feeling of his slick, hot skin against mine.
My eyes were growing heavy from exhaustion, and by the time Mason rolled over beside me, I was already half asleep. He wrapped his big, strong arms around me, spooning me from behind. The last thought I had before passing out was of how perfectly my body fit against his.
Ooo000ooo
A little voice pulled me from my sleep. “Mommy.”
I opened my eyes, taking a second to orient myself and my surroundings. I was in my bed, but something was different. It was still dark in the room, and it took a few moments for my eyes to adjust. I saw the bedroom door opened just a crack, and Skyler was peering inside the bedroom.
Then I remembered what had happened the night before.
Shit, I thought to myself, scrambling to sit up.
I was wrapped snugly in the sheet so nothing was exposed, and the bed, while warm, was empty beside me. While I was relieved that my daughter wouldn’t see anything she wasn’t supposed to see, I searched the still dark room for any sign of Mason.
The bathroom door was closed, and the light peeked out from underneath. The shower was running.
I breathed a sigh of relief. “What is it, baby?” I asked, pulling at the sheet just to make sure nothing was exposed.
“I’m hungry,” Skyler said.
I glanced at the clock on my phone. It was 5:30 in the morning. Skyler, unlike me, had always been a morning person.
The shower in the bathroom shut off, and I hopped out of bed before the door could open, just in case Mason had any idea to step out of the bathroom sans clothes. I made sure the sheet was still wrapped around my body.
The bathroom door creaked open just as I got to it, and I whispered, “Wait! Skyler is in here.”
The door stopped opening.
“Who’s in there, Mommy?” Skyler asked, the bedroom door now opened wider. She had walked into the room during my little anxiety attack, joined by Zeus at her side.
“Um, Mr. Mason is here fixing Mommy’s shower.” I hated lying to my daughter, but I refused to tell her the truth about this. “Listen, let Mommy get dressed really fast, and I’ll make you some breakfast, okay?”
“Pancakes? Pretty please?”
“Sure, whatever you want, honey.” I just wanted her to step out of the room to give both Mason and I a moment to sort ourselves out. I felt like a total asshole, and a terrible mom to boot. I should have been more careful. I shouldn’t have let him fall asleep here. “Can you play on your tablet for a few minutes please?”
“Okay,” she said begrudgingly, walking slowly from the room.
I hurried over and shut the bedroom door, pressing my body against it as I breathed a sigh of relief.
“The coast is clear,” I called out to Mason.
Mason stepped out of the bedroom wrapped in nothing but a towel. It only covered his bottom half, and I had a feeling it didn’t even cover his ass.
“Thanks for the heads up,” he said sheepishly. “I knew I should have brought my clothes in with me.”
“You need to leave,” I said rather abruptly. “In fact, you should have left last night. I told Skyler you were here fixing my shower. She can’t know you spent the night. She’ll tell her dad.”
Mason stopped short of where his pants were lying on the floor. “Danielle, sooner or later, you’ll have to tell him about the baby.”
My stomach turned at the thought. “I know, but I need to be smart about it.”
“What do you mean?” Mason asked, pulling up his pants.
“It’s really none of your business, Mason. I’m sorry, but it isn’t.”
“You’re carrying my baby,” he reminded me. “I think your business becomes my business now.”
I sighed and closed my eyes. “Please, just get dressed. I need to make Skyler breakfast, and I really don’t want to deal with any questions from her today. Greg can’t find out about the baby or you through her.”
“Fine. I will leave for your sake and Skyler’s, but you can’t just kick me out of your life. We’re having a baby together and—”
There was pounding on the door behind me. “You’re having a baby?”
Shit.
“Mason, go. Please. We can’t talk right now, and I meant what I said before. I’m not interested in us being together just because I’m having your baby.”
Mason threw on his shirt as Skyler continued pounding on the door. “Baby! Baby! I’m going to be a big sister!”
Shit. Shit. Shit.
Since Mason was dressed, I opened the bedroom door and Skyler rushed into the room, literally jumping and bouncing. “I’m going to be a sister! I’m going to be a big sister!”
Mason looked at me, his face softening. He mouthed the words, “I’m sorry.”
“Go,” I mouthed back to him. Mason slipped past us. I let him see himself out.
I needed to deal with Skyler. I wouldn’t lie to her now that the cat was out of the bag. But I would need to convince a five-year-old to keep the news of a baby to herself.
That was not going to be easy.
It might not even be possible.
But I had to find a way.
Mason
The sun was rising over the distant mountains, and I simply wasn’t ready to head home. There was too much on my mind, and driving was one of the ways I often sorted my thoughts.
I drove through town, surveying the damage from the disaster. Things were finally getting better in Liberty after the flooding. Most of the damaged buildings in the downtown area were rebuilt. Some lots still remained empty where homes used to stand - one of them was Calvin’s old house.
Thinking about the old man, I pulled into the local diner to order some breakfast. Calvin was always up early, often only sleeping four hours or so at a time. And I knew I could use the company.
I was going to be a father. The thought kept hitting me hard. It felt like a punch in the gut, or like someone was rousing me from a dream. It couldn’t be true. Not that I had anything against having children - I just wasn’t sure I was cut out for fatherhood. But I didn’t have a choice now, because there was no doubt in my mind that I would be part of my child’s life. I hardly knew Danielle, though I knew she was a good person and a good mom. She didn’t want a relationship with me, and that was fine - but I wasn’t letting her be a single mom. I would step up, be there for my kid.
Even if the thought of being responsible for another human being terrified the shit out of me. It scared me more than going into the military or entering enemy territory in Afghanistan. Because it wasn’t just my life at stake anymore.
I ordered the food in a blur, feeling terrible for not engaging in small talk with the diner owner, Felicity. She was always so polite and friendly, and normally we’d talk about the weather or the rebuild efforts or something. But today, I just wanted to get my food and go.
She seemed to be okay with that, handing me the bag with my food in it and telling me to have a good day. I climbed back in my truck, my stomach growling at the scent of bacon and homemade biscuits and gravy wafting from the bag.
I drove to Calvin’s house, and as suspected, he was awake. He was sitting on his front porch when I pulled up.
“You’re up early,” he observed as I got out of the truck.
“Yeah, decided to get some breakfast. Thought you might like some too.”
Calvin’s eyes narrowed. “You don’t have to baby me, you know.”
“I know,” I said, grabbing the bag and walking up the path to the porch. “But to be honest, I needed this more than you do.”
“What do you mean?”
“I have a lot going on right now, and I didn’t feel like going home,” I said. “So this is a nice distraction.”
Calvin stood up and motioned for me to follow him inside.
“Problem
s with the pretty little dog trainer who’s certainly not your girlfriend or anything?” Calvin winked at me. He’d been saying for weeks now that the chemistry between Danielle and me was off the charts, but I continued to deny that there was anything between us.
Now I would have to face that lie head on and admit the truth. Not only to Calvin, but also myself.
“Not problems exactly,” I said, placing the bag on the table. I opened it as Calvin gathered some plates and silverware. I placed the boxes of food on the table. One biscuit and gravy for him, one for me, and an order of bacon to share.
Calvin sat down across from me just as I took a seat myself.
“So if there’s no problems, are you finally admitting that you have feelings for the woman?”
I grabbed a piece of bacon and stuffed it in my mouth, clearly a tactic to avoid answering the question right away. Calvin cocked his brow.
“No, not exactly.” I wasn’t sure if I could say the words.
“Then out with it, son. It’s clear you came over here to talk, so talk.”
I took a heaping forkful of biscuits and sausage gravy and chowed down, again, buying time. Calvin dug into his own meal but kept his eyes on me, letting me know I wasn’t off the hook simply by shoving huge bites into my mouth.
Finally, after a few moments of awkward silence and pointed looks from Calvin, I blurted out, “She’s pregnant.”
The words felt surreal. It didn’t even sound like my voice.
Calvin dropped the piece of bacon he was holding and pretended he did it on purpose by dragging it through the gravy before picking it up again. After clearing the shock from his throat, he asked, “And it’s your baby, I presume?”
I nodded.
“Damn liar,” he grumbled. “I said there was something going on between the two of you, but you insisted there wasn’t.”
“I know, Calvin,” I sighed. “It was just one time, I swear.” Or two if you counted the night before.
“It only takes one time,” Calvin said. “But clearly you know that already.”
I didn’t respond, I just went back to eating, even though I suddenly found myself not very hungry. Even though I had the best biscuits and gravy sitting right in front of me, I no longer had a desire to eat. I put my fork down and pushed my food away.
“I suppose congratulations are in order?” Calvin posed it as a question.
“I don’t know,” I answered.
“Come on, Mason. You and Danielle clearly have chemistry, and a baby! Babies are always a cause for celebration.”
He was trying to be cheerful, or maybe he truly felt happy for me. I’d never asked Calvin about what he thought of kids. He never had any, so I had assumed he never wanted them, but he was gay, and in his time, that wasn’t an accepted lifestyle choice. He wouldn’t have been able to adopt, much less consider any other options for having children naturally.
From the way he’d interacted with Skyler, and from his response to my news, it became clear - he apparently did have a soft spot for kids. Which made me sad that he’d never had his happily ever after, and possibly never would.
“You don’t look that happy about it,” he said slowly.
“Well, to be fair, I’m not unhappy. I like kids. I’m just not sure I’ll make a good father. My own dad was hardly around when I was growing up. I had my grandpa until he passed away, but he wasn’t that great with kids. I don’t even know what a hands-on father figure really looks like.” My chest tightened as I thought about everything that came with fatherhood. I had always tried to avoid being responsible for another person’s well-being, which was why I hadn’t dated since losing Katie.
“Ah, but no one thinks they’ll make a good father. Everyone worries they’ll be terrible at it, and sure, everyone makes mistakes. But I believe the people who do worry about being a good parent make the best parents.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because they always strive to be better.”
“Huh,” I said, mulling over his words.
“And I know there’s more to it than that, because I know you, Mason.”
“What do you mean?”
“The stuff with Katie. I know you’re afraid to be responsible for anyone but let me tell you - what happened with her was a freak incident. It’s not something that happens every day, especially when you’re not engaged in war. Civilian life is a lot safer, even if sometimes it doesn’t feel that way.” He lowered his voice toward the end.
Calvin continued eating his breakfast, and we sat in silence, eating our meals. I thought over his words, and I knew he was right. It was very unlikely that someone I loved would get caught in a missile attack or drive over an IED in Liberty. But there were so many other ways to lose someone - and when it came to a defenseless child, so many ways to fuck it up.
I decided to change the subject. “Tell me more about Steve.”
Calvin froze, his body stiffening. “What do you want to know?”
“I don’t know,” I said nonchalantly. “Anything you care to share. You said he married someone in his hometown. Where was that?’
I had a reason for asking, but I didn’t want to make it too obvious. Maybe it was a reach, but I felt like Calvin deserved his own happy ending, and maybe there was a way that could be possible.
Or maybe the thing with Danielle had turned me into a hopeless romantic.
Calvin sighed and said, “Charleston, South Carolina.”
“Oh, a southern gentleman,” I said with a hint of teasing in my voice. “No wonder you were smitten.”
Calvin had a distant look on his face, as if he was looking back in time. It only lasted a moment before he said, “Yeah, but being from the South made things harder. At the time, I was thinking of moving to San Francisco, where things might be easier for people like us. But Steve was a true Southerner and couldn’t imagine leaving his family behind, even though they were religious and would never accept him for who he was.”
“Which is why he married. What was her name? Do you know, by chance?” I hated bringing up the painful parts, but it might aid me in my search.
“Laura Chevalier. They went to high school together. They’d dated for a short while before Steve shipped off, but his parents assumed that as soon as he got back, they’d tie the knot. And they did.”
I nodded, humming. “I wonder if they’re still married.”
Calvin studied me for a second, as if an alien had taken over my body. Not sure why I suddenly decided to dig up dirt on old Steve. For all I knew, he was dead or happily married with fifteen kids. And even if he wasn’t, maybe the two of them wouldn’t reconnect.
But I continued with the act regardless. If anything, it kept my mind off Danielle and the baby for a few moments longer, and it gave me a sense of purpose. After all, I found people for a living. That was a big part of what I did. If I could find Steve, maybe… I didn't want to get too ahead of myself.
Ooo000ooo
“Come on, could you drive any slower,” I muttered under my breath.
I checked the time and knew that Eli was going to throw a shit fit. There was no way I would make it in time for the meeting he’d set up a few days ago. Not while stuck behind this truck driving at a snail’s pace down a road barely big enough for one vehicle. I couldn’t pass, so I was good and stuck.
I kept praying the truck would turn off and not go all the way down Lick Creek Road, but at every chance, the truck just kept going straight. Thankfully, I was coming up to my turn off, and unless the truck was headed to my place, it was very unlikely to turn with me.
“Thank God,” I sighed with relief as I turned off the road and the truck continued on its way.
I sped up, but I was already late. It was two minutes after five, and he’d asked us to meet him at exactly five p.m. I knew calling would just waste more time, so I did my best to drive as fast as I safely could.
I pulled up outside the house around 5:10. My brother’s trucks were lined out front, and I was the l
ast one to join. Great, I thought. Graham and Sam often had reasons to be late, and they were still here before me.
I took the porch steps two at a time, and I flung open the front door to find my three brothers sitting around the coffee table in the living room. Eli was standing, and from the look on his face, it was clear he wasn’t amused by my late entrance.
“Sorry, I got stuck behind a truck driving slower than molasses.”
“Shit happens,” Graham said with a shrug.
Sam pulled out his phone and tapped away at it, clearly not concerned with my late arrival or my interruption.
But Eli was another story. “Thanks for gracing us with your presence. It’s a good thing we aren’t meeting with a client today, or we’d likely lose another one. Speaking of which, business has really slowed down lately. We really need to be on top of this shit, guys. That includes you, Mason, since last time I checked, you were part of this business too.”
“Yeah, sorry,” I grumbled, taking a seat close to Graham. “I’ve just got a lot going on.”
“As do we all,” Eli said. “It’s no excuse to keep showing up late and missing meetings. In fact, that’s why I called this meeting. There’s been too much of that shit from all three of you lately, and it’s seriously hurting our business.”
Eli was the youngest of the four of us, but with the furrowed brow and the frown lines, he appeared older than he was. It didn’t help that his arms were crossed in front of his chest and he stared down at the three of us like a disappointed father scolding his rowdy teens who’d gotten caught past curfew with booze.
But we were all grown men, and I wasn’t putting up with this shit
However, it was Graham who spoke. “Listen, I know we could use a boost to the business, but I have to admit, with a baby on the way, I really need to take a step back.”
“Yeah, me too,” Sam chimed in. “I have four of them coming. With multiples, there’s a lot of extra concerns. And we need to get the house finished or find a place big enough for the six of us very soon.”