by Ian Doescher
ENTER WANDA MAXIMOFF, VISION, JAMES RHODES, AND SAM WILSON.
ROMANOFF
Here’s Vision, who would climb forth from the shadows,
James Rhodes arrives to ply his War Machine,
Sam Wilson comes to swoop with Falcon’s might,
And Wanda—Scarlet Witch of utmost strength—
She who once had a twin and would revenge hers. 90
Let’s beat them into shape, Cap.
ROGERS
—Up, Avengers!
[All freeze.
ENTER CHORUS.
CHORUS
The battle’s lost and won, my worthy friends;
The second test of the Avengers ends.
But ere we go, another foe arises.
A mighty glove he fashions, and surmises 95
That he must ply his evil on the earth
Himself, if he would give his dark plan birth.
Yea, Thanos comes—the next play shall reveal
His plan to devastate the public weal.
To view such marvels, ye must come once more 100
Unto the Globe for sequels three and four.
[Exeunt omnes.
LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS
“Thou, brother, art the worst of all the gods.”
“Fair greetings, Pepper.”
“In other words, get lost, thou Squidward type.”
“What happen’d here?”
“By heaven, what a sight!”
“Turn on the wipers swiftly—
get thou the vermin off!”
“Come, Groot, let’s thither.
And put the game away—’twill rot thy brain.”
“A jump, a roundhouse kick, a dodge, a duck—
’Tis well to join the fight gainst these dark foes!”
“Sleep thou.”
“If you do love her, as you say you do,
Then pull the trigger and be done with it.”
“A snare, a ruse, a ploy:
And you the fools.”
“Much thought I’ve giv’n to this Stone in my head,
About its nature and its composition.”
“Peter, welcome—
I dub thee here and now Avenger true.”
“I’m no daughter unto thee.
All that I hate about myself I learn’d
From thee.”
“Apologies, my little one.”
“Tree, get up from your pastime electronic,
And help me find the handle in a trice!”
“Wakanda fore’er! Ope the barrier!”
“As I fly round, I see a problem new:
Our Vision is in trouble.”
“Thou shalt yet lose this battle, wretched fiend.”
“Stop! Spare his life and I’ll give thee the Stone.”
“I promis’d thee and now my words prove true:
For that, thou shalt most certainly be slain!”
“You should have aim’d your weapon at my head.”
“Before Nick Fury met his end,
He able was to signal an old friend.”
“What’s happening to me? I would not leave!
Pray, Master Stark, please, please—I would not go!”
DRAMATIS PERSONAE
chorus
tony stark, Iron Man
steve rogers, Captain America
thor, a god of Asgard
loki, a god of Asgard, a rogue
bruce banner, The Hulk
natasha romanoff, Black Widow
doctor stephen strange, a sorcerer
peter parker, Spider-Man
t’challa, Black Panther
okoye, a warrior of Wakanda
shuri, a scientist, Princess of Wakanda
m’baku, leader of the Jabari
peter quill, Star-Lord, a Guardian of the Galaxy
gamora, a Guardian of the Galaxy
nebula, Gamora’s sister
drax, a Guardian of the Galaxy
rocket, a Guardian of the Galaxy
groot, a Guardian of the Galaxy
mantis, a Guardian of the Galaxy
vision, a unique lifeform
wanda maximoff, Scarlet Witch
james rhodes, War Machine
sam wilson, Falcon
bucky barnes, Winter Soldier
heimdall, a seer of Asgard
wong, a sorcerer
pepper potts, proprietor of Stark Industries
ned, Peter’s friend
thaddeus ross, a politician
friday, Stark’s thinking machine
eitri, a master blacksmith
thanos, a harbinger of death
ebony maw, proxima midnight, corvus glaive, and cull obsidian, the Children of Thanos
the collector, a scoundrel
the stonekeeper, a mysterious entity
soldiers, thugs, underlings, and aliens
PROLOGUE
The New World.
ENTER CHORUS.
CHORUS
A new adventure, and the darkest yet—
Now starts a drama ye shall ne’er forget.
Th’Avengers face their strongest, vilest foe:
Mad Thanos, who hath come to work them woe.
Afore our author’s saddest moments start, 5
New characters and tales I must impart.
Cue our first tale and witness Scott Lang bold,
Ill-fated thief who hath a heart of gold.
Vow’d he to see his daughter steadily.
Imbued with wise Hank Pym’s technology, 10
Lang turn’d to Ant-Man, did vast powers use.
With help of insects led by mental cues,
At small or large size, never at a loss,
Resoundingly he thwarted Darren Cross.
Driv’n on by loyalty to Bucky Barnes, 15
Our Cap’n, Steve Rogers, did spin other yarns.
Controll’d by governments across the globe,
Th’Avengers were beneath a ruthless probe.
Once it seem’d Barnes to murder did descend,
Rose Steve to help his oldest, truest friend. 20
Such battle was there mongst Avengers all
That, in the end, in two camps did they fall.
Renown’d physician, Doctor Stephen Strange,
Arriv’d in our next play. His life did change—
Nepal is where he fled, post-accident. 25
Gone seeking cures, to the Kamar-Taj was sent.
Eventu’lly he learn’d from th’Ancient One
Vast powers that o’er time and space did run.
Once he was vain and supercilious—
Liv’d he to help defeat Kaecilius. 30
Undaunted did the Guardians come back.
Met Quill his father: Ego, maniac,
Expos’d the cosmos to a mighty threat
Till Yondu help’d the Guardians’ quintet.
Whilst Drax met Mantis, theirs a friendship glad, 35
Op’d Peter’s heart to Yondu, like a dad,
Soon Neb’la and Gamora reconcil’d—
Profounder peace through all of this was styl’d.
In new tales, Peter Parker wanted more;
Desiring action after civil war, 40
Excited Spider-Man found what he sought.
Reworking otherworldly tech he’d caught,
Mean Adri’n Toomes—the Vulture flown its pen—
Arrang’d to sell his weapons to vile men.
New-cloth’d in suit from Tony Stark, our Parker 45
Rose up to save his town from something darker.
>
Again Thor grac’d our stage in Ragnarok—
Gone back to Asgard, bringing Loki shock.
Ne’er was his brother bad as Hela, though,
A sister dark whom Thor did never know. 50
Revealing all her powers harsh and vast,
Off to Sakaar Thor was, with Hulk, outcast.
Korg, Miek, and Valkyrie did help them flee,
Although Asgard was o’erthrown utterly.
New to these dramas came Wakanda great— 55
Dominion of T’Challa, noble state.
Before he could be king, secure his throne,
Long-gone Killmonger made his challenge known.
Arose he o’er the king, who was unseated;
Came war until Killmonger was defeated. 60
King fix’d, T’Challa to the world reveal’d
Pow’r massive that Wakanda great did wield.
Astonishing, these tales our bard hath penn’d!
Next comes this drama we could not forfend—
The apogee of all that’s gone before, 65
Here cometh an infinity of war.
Erase whatever ye expect to see;
Rehearse we now a mournful tragedy.
[Exit Chorus.
SCENE 1
Space, near Asgard.
ENTER THANOS, EBONY MAW, PROXIMA MIDNIGHT, CORVUS GLAIVE, AND CULL OBSIDIAN IN THEIR SHIP, BOARDING THE ASGARDIANS’ SHIP AND SLAYING THEM. ENTER ASGARDIANS, INCLUDING THOR, LOKI, AND HEIMDALL, ADRIFT IN THEIR SHIP. MOST ARE DEAD OR DYING.
MAW
I wonder how you first escap’d our hands,
Yet ’tis no matter. Hear, Asgardians:
You have the privilege of being sav’d
By he, the titan ultimate and true.
’Tis possible ye think ’tis suffering, 5
But nay—it is salvation come to ye.
The universal scales tip unto balance;
Because of this, your perfect sacrifice.
Smile, then, for even in the midst of death,
You have become the children of great Thanos. 10
THANOS
Take heed—I know what ’tis to lose, forsooth,
To feel so desp’rately that you are right
And yet to fail completely nonetheless.
[Thanos lifts Thor from the ground.
’Tis frightening; the legs to jelly turn.
To what end? ’Tis the question on my mind. 15
To dread it or run from it, all the same
Comes destiny into the fray for you.
Now, destiny is here—or, better, I am.
[He shows his glove, which contains a single Infinity Stone.
THOR
Thou talkest far too much, with villain’s words.
THANOS
[to Loki:] The Tesseract or your foul brother’s head— 20
’Tis safe t’assume you have a preference?
LOKI
I do, in sooth—kill him! Do not delay.
[Thanos is taken aback but presses the Stone against Thor’s head.
THOR
O agony! Ah, pain past all degree!
LOKI
Cease, Thanos! I’ll begin to hear thy needs.
[Thanos releases Thor.
THOR
’Tis certain, though, we’ve not the Tesseract. 25
It was destroy’d on Asgard, verily.
[Loki raises his hand and produces the Tesseract in it.
Thou, brother, art the worst of all the gods.
LOKI
I tell thee, brother, e’en in this dark time,
The brightness of the sun shall shine again.
[Thanos laughs.
THANOS
Asgardian, your optimism’s misplac’d. 30
LOKI
One small thing hear: I’m no Asgardian.
And here’s another: we’ve the massive Hulk.
ENTER HULK, KNOCKING THANOS ASIDE. THE TESSERACT FALLS.
HULK
Rawr!
[Hulk and Thanos fight. Obsidian prepares to step in.
MAW
—Let them struggle. Thanos shall prevail.
[Thanos fights Hulk, knocking him unconscious. Thor tries to fight Thanos, but Thanos knocks him aside. Maw uses magic to encase Thor in metal from the ship. Heimdall, lying nearby, sees Thor.
HEIMDALL
All-Fathers, let dark magic come once more
And flow through me as water through a sieve! 35
[Heimdall raises a rainbow bridge. Exit Hulk, borne on the bridge.
THANOS
A great mistake was this—shall be thy last.
[Thanos runs Heimdall through with his spear.
THOR
Nay! Wretch who kills a better man that thou!
HEIMDALL
This is thy sheath; there rust, and let me die.
[Heimdall dies.
THOR
For that, thou shalt most certainly be slain!
[Maw uses magic to place metal over Thor’s mouth and then bows to Thanos, handing him the Tesseract.
MAW
My humble personage doth bow before you. 40
No other being ever had the might—
Nay, the nobility—to wield not one,
But two Infinity Stones as you do.
The universe doth lie within your grasp.
[Thanos crushes the Tesseract in his hand, revealing the Space Stone. He places it inside his glove.
THANOS
Two Stones reside on earth. Find them, my children, 45
And bear them hence to me on Titan soon.
MIDNIGHT
Yea, Father, we shall never fail your will.
LOKI
If I may be allow’d to interject—
If you would go to earth, you’ll need a guide
Who hath been there before. Th’experience 50
I have therein means I’ll not be refus’d.
THANOS
Th’experience of failure did you have.
LOKI
I would consider my experience
To be experience enow for thee.
Almighty Thanos, I am Loki—Prince 55
Of Asgard, Odinson, the rightful king
Of Jotunheim, the God of Mischief I.
I hereby pledge to thee undying, true
Fidelity, which never shall prove false.
[He tries to strike Thanos with his dagger but is stopped by the power of the Space Stone.
THANOS
Undying? You should choose your words with care 60
Far greater than you have.
[Thanos disarms Loki, then lifts him and strangles him.
LOKI
—Thou never shalt
Be like a god, thou mortal creature vile.
[Loki dies. Thanos carries Loki toward Thor, who weeps. Thanos drops Loki’s corpse before Thor.
THANOS
No resurrections shall be yours this time.
[Thanos raises his glove and begins crumbling the Asgardian ship to pieces while transporting himself and his associates away. Exeunt Thanos, Ebony Maw, Proxima Midnight, Corvus Glaive, and Cull Obsidian.
THOR
Nay, Loki, brother, say thou art not dead!
Though once we sparr’d, thy blood I’d not see shed. 65
[The Asgardian ship explodes. Exeunt.
SCENE 2
New York City.
ENTER DOCTOR STEPHEN STRANGE AND WONG ON BALCONY.
STRANGE
Thou hast not any money, is this true?
WONG
Attachment to the things material
Is, too, detachment from the spiritual.
STRANGE
This shall I tell the cooks down at the deli.
Perhaps they shall prepare for thy deep soul 5
A ham on rye most metaphysical.
WONG
Wait, wait, it seems I have two hundred yet.
STRANGE
Of ducats hast thou?
WONG
—Nay, ’tis rupees only.
STRANGE
Which is how much in useful money, Wong?
WONG
A ducat and a ha’penny, belike. 10
[Strange sighs.
STRANGE
What wouldst thou like?
WONG
—I never would not refuse
A tuna melt and all the tastes thereof.
ENTER HULK ON THE RAINBOW BRIDGE, CRASHING ONTO THE STAIRS IN STRANGE’S HOUSE. EXIT HULK. ENTER BRUCE BANNER IN HIS PLACE.
BANNER
One massive message bring I unto you:
The evil Thanos cometh!
STRANGE
—Thanos who?
[Exeunt Bruce Banner, Doctor Stephen Strange, and Wong from balcony.
ENTER TONY STARK AND PEPPER POTTS, BELOW.
STARK
If thou shalt slow down, I’ll explain it thee. 15
POTTS
Thou e’er wert rambling.
STARK
—I was not!
POTTS
—Thou lost’st me.
STARK
Imagine this: when thou dost have a dream,
And in the dream thou must go pee anon.
POTTS
Hallucination of a urination—
’Tis not unknown to me.
STARK
—It follows then, 20
Thou sayest, “By the gods, there are no bathrooms.
What shall I do? Alas, and someone watcheth.”
POTTS
Then, when thou wak’st, ’tis true thou need’st to pee.
STARK
Indeed!
POTTS
—I follow.
STARK
—Is it clear to thee?
POTTS
Yet ev’ryone experiences that. 25
STARK
Incredible—the point I hop’d to make!
In this regard, I had a dream last night
Wherein we two were parents of a child.
’Twas passing real, an ’twere a memory.
We nam’d him for thy most eccentric uncle— 30
What was his name? A-ha, ’twas Morgan, yea!