by Jochen Til
»Er … you did. You told me that,« I said. »Just now.«
»Very true,« he laughed, slipping the pistol into the bandages on his front. »That was just a test. Griffin’s the name. Jack Griffin. You can call me Jack.«
He held out a hand and I shook it.
»Vlad,« I introduced myself. »Vlad Dracula. Isn’t Jack rather an unusual name for a mummy?«
»Oh, this is just a disguise,« Jack said. »We secret agents are always dressing up. It’s part of the job.«
I raised my eyebrows. »Interesting!« I said. »But shouldn’t a secret agent be as discreet as possible? I imagine that a mummy running around would be more likely to cause unwelcome attention.«
Jack raised his bandaged arms. »This is an exception. I certainly don’t go around like this outside – that really would attract too much attention. But I’m currently on a very tricky assignment. The Egyptians have kidnapped one of our scientists. He’s developed a serum that every secret service in the world is after. I have to free him and get him home to London. An informant told me that they’re bringing him here tonight. I disguised myself as a mummy to scare the villains – they won’t be expecting it. It seems like it might work – after all, it certainly had that effect on you.«
»True.« I nod appreciatively. »You gave me quite a fright.«
»Of course. I’m a professional,« said Jack. »And so now I must get back in the sarcophagus. They might appear at any moment.«
»Would you mind if I stayed here?« I asked. »I’m simply too exhausted to look for anywhere else to sleep.«
»Do you snore?« Jack asked.
»No. Vampires never snore.«
»Okay then,« said Jack. »There’s an empty sarcophagus you can use over there in the corner. But stay hidden, no matter what you hear, understood? Things could get very dangerous.«
»No problem,« I replied. »If I can just fall asleep, I won’t hear a thing anyway. Vampires sleep very deeply.«
»Perfect.« Jack climbed back into his sarcophagus. »Sleep well. Nice to meet you.«
»Thanks, and likewise,« I said, making myself comfortable in the other sarcophagus.
Less than a minute later, I was fast asleep. But I didn’t sleep as deeply as I’d expected, which was probably because I’m normally awake at night. I didn’t know how long I’d been asleep when I was woken by loud voices, right by my ear. There were at least two people, speaking in a language I didn’t know. But they sounded very nervous. Then I heard Jack.
»Let the doctor go!« he shouted. »He’s coming with …« His voice suddenly fell silent. I heard a dull sound, as though a sack of flour had fallen over. Then I heard the voices again, but they were considerably quieter than before. After that, I heard only a few footsteps, then nothing more.
I waited quite a while before carefully opening the lid of my sarcophagus. The first thing I saw was a motionless mummy, lying flat out on the floor. They had clearly overpowered Jack. I climbed out of the sarcophagus and went over to him.
»Jack?« I said, shaking him gently by the shoulder, but he didn’t respond.
I cautiously turned him over. His rib cage rose and fell slightly, so I knew he was still alive. There was a clear lump under the bandages on his forehead though, as if they’d knocked him unconscious.
»Jack!« I said a little more loudly. »Jack! Can you hear me? You have to wake up!«
But Jack showed no reaction. I couldn’t see any blood, but perhaps his injuries were worse than they looked. I decided to remove the bandages around his head to check.
Carefully, I slipped a hand behind his head and raised him up. I began to unwind the bandages with the other hand. When I’d revealed the place where his mouth ought to have been, I stopped in amazement. There was no sign of any lips. All I could see was … my own hand under his head! I held my breath as I hastily unwrapped the rest. When I’d finished, I stared blankly at a headless mummy. Jack definitely had a head – I could clearly feel it in my hands – but I couldn’t see it. Once I’d unwrapped his feet and one hand too, there could be no more doubting it – Jack was invisible!
»Oh, cool!« Beenie says excitedly. »I wish I could turn invisible! Then I’d always win at hide-and-seek because nobody would be able to find me. And I could trick everyone and never get in trouble. Because nobody’d know it was me.«
»But that would only work if they couldn’t hear you,« Rhesus says. »And that wouldn’t work because you can never keep that big mouth of yours shut.«
»I can so!« Beenie cries. »For ages! I didn’t say anything for three whole days once!«
»Yes,« Rhesus agrees, »because you had tonsillitis and couldn’t speak.«
»So?« Beenie crosses her arms over her chest. »That still counts! How do you go invisible, Grandpa? Can I do it too?«
»Yes, go on,« says Vira. »Was Jack born invisible? Or how did it happen? I bet it was an experiment gone wrong or something like that.«
»That’s almost right,« I say. »Except that this experiment hadn’t gone wrong – quite the reverse.«
Fortunately, it wasn’t long before Jack came to. The mummy’s upper body sat up beside me and I heard a groan.
»Ooooow!« Jack cursed, then: »They really got me good! How long was I out for?«
»Not long,« I answered. »I climbed out of the sarcophagus right after they left, which was only a couple of minutes ago.«
The arm with the unwrapped hand came up in front of his invisible head.
»Who took the bandage off?« Jack asked. »Was it you?«
»Yes,« I said. »I wanted to check on your head wound.«
»So now you know my secret,« Jack observed. »You mustn’t tell a soul. That’s extremely important. Will you promise me that?«
»I promise,« I said. »How did it happen? You surely haven’t always been invisible?«
»No,« answered Jack. »A year ago, I was a perfectly ordinary secret agent. Then the Secret Intelligence Service was looking for a volunteer for an experiment and I drew the short straw. It had to do with a serum that would give us a huge advantage over every other agency in the world; that was all they would say. Nothing happened when I first drank the serum. Then my whole body started trembling and it felt as though I would explode from the inside. The pain grew unbearable and I fainted. Three days later, I woke up, invisible. The serum had worked.«
»Incredible,« I said. »So does that mean there are other invisible secret agents too?«
»No, I’m the only one so far,« answered Jack. »My boss wanted to wait and see whether the effects would be permanent. But in the meantime, other secret services have found out about it and, of course, everyone wants the serum now.«
»Understandably,« I said. »Having invisible agents would give them a big advantage when it came to spying.«
»Exactly,« Jack agreed. »Fortunately, the formula for the serum only exists in the scientist’s head so it isn’t easy to steal. But now they’ve kidnapped the scientist himself, and I urgently need to rescue him before they squeeze the formula out of him. But the thing that’s puzzling me is that these chaps weren’t secret agents – they weren’t professional enough. But whoever they were, they’ve gone now. You didn’t happen to overhear anything before they left? Did they say anything else?«
»Yes,« I answered. »But I’m afraid I didn’t know their language.«
I thought furiously, trying to remember if I’d understood any of it. Yes, there was one word that sounded familiar.
»Babylon,« I said. »I think they said Babylon just before they left. Does that help at all?«
»Babylon?« Jack began wrapping himself up again. »That’s an old fortress here in Cairo. They’ve probably taken him there. It isn’t much, but at least it’s a start. Then I’d better get going right away. Thanks, you’ve been a great help.«
»Shall I come too?« I offered. »I could help you look. Be an extra pair of eyes.«
»Hmm,« Jack mused. »That’s true, of course. But you’re not
a trained secret agent. This could get dangerous. I don’t want anything to happen to you.«
»Don’t worry, vampires are pretty hard to kill,« I said with a wink. »And I can fly.«
»Fly?« Jack clapped his hands. »That’s almost as useful as invisibility. All right, let’s not waste any more time.«
We left the museum. Fortunately, it was still the dead of night and the streets were deserted – perfect for a vampire and a mummy trying to avoid attention.
»How far is it to this fortress?« I asked.
»At least ninety minutes on foot,« said Jack.
»That’ll take too long.« I spread my wings. »This way’s quicker. Hold on tight to my feet.«
Jack clung to my feet and we took off with an effort. I’d never flown towing a full-grown man before, and it was a real strain, but a quarter of an hour later we’d made it to our destination. I landed in the shelter of a small grove of palm trees at the base of the fortress.
»What now?« I asked Jack. »Do we just stroll in?«
»No, that’s too risky,« he whispered. »We need to find out as unobtrusively as possible whether they’re even in there.«
He started completely unwinding the bandages from around his body. When he’d finished, I couldn’t see a single trace of him.
»I’ll look around the lower floors,« he said. »Would you take the upper ones? Just fly past the windows and see if you can spot anything suspicious. But don’t get involved if you see anything. Leave that to me. I’ll meet you back here in fifteen minutes.«
»Fine. See you then.« I heard his steps fade away as I took off. As with any ruin, there were no shutters on the windows, so I could get a good view inside every room. When I flew past the back of the fort, I noticed a small shimmer of light indoors, a barely visible flicker lighting up the darkness. Curiously, I flew toward it. I heard a voice. I couldn’t make out the words – it was too far away.
I slipped inside and crept slowly forward. When I was close enough to the illuminated doorway, I cautiously peeked around the corner and into a candlelit room. Two men were standing with their backs to me. One was busy at a table covered in laboratory equipment, mixing assorted liquids. The other was standing next to him and talking.
»Don’t look like that. You’re doing the whole of humanity a great service,« he said.
»A service to you personally more like,« the man at the table muttered. »You know perfectly well that I would never be doing this if you hadn’t threatened to bite me.«
Bite him? That threat would normally only be effective if spoken by a member of my species. Could the kidnapper be a vampire?
»Come now, don’t be so petty,« he said. »Some people just have to be forced to further human happiness. Believe me, you will be very grateful once I’ve wiped those repulsive bloodsuckers out once and for all.«
Suddenly, I knew perfectly well who the man there in front of me was. I hadn’t expected to see him again so soon, but the way he said »repulsive bloodsuckers« left no room for doubt – this was Van Helsing!
»I already dealt with the chief bloodsucker, that miserable Dracula, on the flight over here,« he continued. »And once I’m invisible, the rest of the fiends will be done for. No vampire will stand a chance against me, because they literally won’t see me coming. I’ll just breathe my name once before ramming a stake into their hearts and watch as they crumble to dust before me. Ha-ha! Then I’ll be both immortal and invisible, and will go down in history as the greatest vampire hunter of all time!«
»Fine by me,« muttered the other man, as he held a test tube over a flame. »So long as I can go home again soon. And not as a zombie.«
»That is entirely in your hands,« said Van Helsing. »How much longer are you going to be?«
»I’m almost done,« answered the scientist. »Just three more stirs and a minute to rest, then it’ll be ready.«
I’d seen enough. It was time to tell Jack. He was the pro – he’d deal with Van Helsing in no time.
If only I’d been a pro too, then what happened next might not have occurred. When I turned to get away, four very strong hands grabbed my arms. I’d forgotten Van Helsing’s assistants! They said something I couldn’t understand and dragged me into the room. When Van Helsing turned around, his eyes nearly bulged out of their sockets.
»What …? How …? You?« he stammered in disbelief. »But I … You ought to be … Why aren’t you dead?«
»Because, yet again, you failed miserably,« I answered, unable to repress a laugh. »As you do every time. Face the facts: you’ll never kill me.«
»Oh yes I will,« Van Helsing said. »And I’ll do so right now. This time there’ll be no escape, you won’t even see me coming. Doctor, is the serum ready?«
The scientist nodded and handed him a test tube containing a green liquid.
»Ha-ha!« Van Helsing cried triumphantly. »This small vessel contains the downfall of the vampires! Watch me closely, Dracula! It will be the last time that you look upon the face of your nemesis!«
He lifted the test tube to his lips and knocked back the contents.
Three seconds later, his body started trembling and he screamed with pain. Even as he screamed, you could clearly see his face and hands fading steadily, until the color had completely drained out of him and he was indeed invisible.
»Ha-ha!« he cried once the process had been completed. »It worked! You can no longer see me!«
»Yes we can,« I replied. »Your clothes aren’t invisible, you know.«
»Oh, right. Hang on a moment.«
We watched as, one by one, his garments fell to the floor.
»There now!« his voice rang out. »Ha-ha! You can no longer see me!«
»Er … we can,« I said. »You forgot your underpants.«
»What? Do I have to take them off too?« asked Van Helsing. »But then I’ll be completely naked.«
»Yes, but nobody will be able to see,« I said.
»All the same,« Van Helsing said. »I don’t like being completely naked. I don’t feel comfortable.«
»One or the other,« I said. »You surely don’t want to go down in history as The Walking Underpants.«
»No,« sighed Van Helsing. »Very well. If there’s no other way.«
We saw his underpants fall to the floor.
»Ha-ha!« he cried. »Now you can no longer see me!«
»Yes, now you’re completely invisible,« I confirmed.
»Perfect!« said Van Helsing. »Then I can finally kill you! And you won’t see me coming! I just need my … Where’s my … Drat, I just had it … Maybe it’s in my pocket …«
We saw Van Helsing’s pants rise up from the floor and float in the air for a while.
»Ah, there it is!«
The pants dropped again, and a sharpened stake took their place in the air.
»So!« said Van Helsing. »Say your prayers, miserable vampire! I will now ram my stake into your heart! And you cannot prepare yourself! Because you can’t see me!«
»I can’t see you,« I replied. »But I can see the stake. So I know where you are right now. You’re to my left, about three paces away.«
»What? But … that’s … DARNIT!« Van Helsing yelled. »WHAT USE IS BEING INVISIBLE IF EVERYONE CAN STILL SEE YOU?«
I couldn’t help giggling.
»STOP THAT SILLY LAUGHTER!« Van Helsing screamed at me. »IT WON’T HELP YOU NOW. I’M STILL GOING TO KILL YOU. AND RIGHT AWAY!«
I saw the stake float toward me. I tried to free myself, but Van Helsing’s bullies were holding me tight. Just as I’d resigned myself to death, I saw an Egyptian vase pick itself up off the floor behind my would-be murderer. It floated straight toward Van Helsing, turned upside down, then jerked back and stopped in midair.
»What …? Why …?« I heard Van Helsing’s confused voice. »Hello? What’s going on? I can’t see! Why can’t I see?«
As the vase floated aimlessly around the room, first one assistant and then the other collapsed unconscious beside m
e.
»Jack?« I asked the empty space. »Is that you?«
»Yes,« came the answer. »I heard voices from downstairs. Don’t worry, I’ve got everything under control. Hang on, it’ll be easier if you can see where I am.«
Van Helsing’s jacket floated up from the floor and Jack put it on.
»Hello?« said a muffled voice from inside the restless, floating vase. »Could someone give me a hand here? I’m completely in the dark!«
»You need to take ten quick steps forward,« I called. »Then you’ll be able to see something again!«
»All right!« answered the vase.
Van Helsing walked forward and after five steps, he crashed as hard as I’d intended into the wall. The vase shattered, there was a dull thud, and a small cloud of dust rose up from the floor.
»Very good,« Jack laughed. »There’s no need to worry about him, for the time being at least. Who is he, anyway? He definitely isn’t part of any known secret service.«
»Oh, that’s just my archenemy, Van Helsing,« I explained. »He calls himself a vampire hunter, but he’s never actually caught a single one of us.«
Jack turned to the scientist.
»How are things with you, Dr. Jekyll?« he asked. »I hope that fool treated you well.«
»Yes, I’m perfectly well,« the scientist replied, furrowing his brow. »Apart from a slightly scratched ego. I let myself be kidnapped far too easily. I am simply too trusting, and I was almost paralyzed by fear. But that can be changed – I’m not letting the same thing happen again. As soon as I get home, I’m going to develop a serum to change my personality. I need to be more courageous. And more ruthless. Maybe even a little evil, to make sure there’s no repeat of this.«
»You do that,« said Jack. »Everything is ready for your return flight, there’s a secret service plane waiting for you at the airport. I’ll take you straight there.«
Jack turned back to me. »Shall I take this Van Herring away too?« he asked. »I can make sure that he vanishes forever into a cell that doesn’t even officially exist.«