I knew I wouldn’t be able to get her out of my mind, but she’d laid down the boundary.
I needed to respect it.
I ran myself ragged until I could barely make it back to the house. When I got home, it was quiet. I headed up to my room to take a shower.
The hot water beat down on me and all I could think about was Cassia. I was a man possessed with only one train of thought. I was going to lose her if I tried to push everything too hard. What I needed to do was make myself scarce. Cassia and Sofia would have to take breaks. And Sofia was always busy with something or another for her manager. Cassia wouldn’t be working all the time.
Fuck. No. I wasn’t going to get in Cassia’s way. Just because we couldn’t be together now, didn’t mean it would be forever. It didn’t mean that there wasn’t a future for us somewhere.
It’s too bad I was too fucking impatient.
I needed a beer or something. I felt too amped up. I headed down to the kitchen in my towel. The house was unusually quiet. I preferred it when the family was all around.
I grabbed a beer out of the fridge and moved to the sliding glass doors that led out to the porch in the backyard. The yard was gorgeous. My grandmother had been quite the gardener and my grandfather had made sure to keep it up after she was gone.
The sun was cresting into the late afternoon.
“Fuck.”
Cassia’s voice startled me. I turned around to find her staring at me slack jawed.
I chuckled. “It’s a great view, isn’t it?”
She muttered something intelligible and headed to the refrigerator. “Sofia isn’t great with time, is she?”
“Not so much. Why?”
“She’s been on a conference call for two hours that she said would be fifteen minutes.”
“That explains why it’s so quiet. What are you doing?”
“Drawing up designs. Your sister is pretty particular for someone who really liked my designs.”
“She’s a perfectionist.”
“Well, she’s been right about everything, but it’s still annoying.”
“I suppose so. I hate getting critiqued on my stuff too, but it’s part of the process I guess.”
“Sensitive artists.”
I smiled and nodded.
“What are you doing these days?”
“I work for my father’s company and I’m moonlight as a video game designer.”
She froze, her water bottle halfway to her mouth. “That’s sort of perfect for you. You always did like to design women with big boobs.”
My eyes automatically dropped down to her ample cleavage peeking out of her tank top. “I design a lot more than stacked women now. I was eighteen and horny all the time.”
“And now you’re twenty-five, horny all the time, but you’ve ventured out in your art?”
“Basically.” I moved further into the kitchen wanting to be close. And with the way she kept looking at my bare chest, she didn’t seem to mind. “My eyes are up here, Cin.”
She blushed and turned away from me completely. “Do you always run around here in a towel?”
I chuckled. “I’m going to start if it’s that distracting for you,” I teased.
She glanced at me. “I suppose I could return the favor.”
My mouth went dry. “I, uh, don’t know about that. You want me to stay out of your way and that’s not going to help me keep my hands to myself.”
She gestured at my entire body. “And this is helping me.”
“I want you in my way, you don’t want me in yours. I guess you’re just going to have to suffer.”
“Clearly.” She headed toward the kitchen door. “I’m sorry for the mixed signals. It’s not that I’m not attracted to you; I am. But it wasn’t a good idea the first time around.”
“It was a great idea the first time around, it just didn’t work out. And trust me, I’ve never stopped wondering what would’ve happened if Nick hadn’t been there that night. Because I didn’t want to let you go.”
“With college and everything, we would’ve never made it.”
“Then maybe it’s a good thing we came back together now that we’re adults.”
She sighed. “Christopher, don’t go down that road. It’s not going to get you anywhere. I have too much at stake.”
And I didn’t? Losing her felt more and more like a punishment I wouldn’t be able to deal with if I let her go.
“That’s fine for now. Go for your dreams, Cassia. You deserve it.”
“I’ll see you around, Davenport.”
9
Cassia
As I sipped my latte, waiting for Sofia to get up, I couldn’t help but wonder where Chris was and what he was doing. I pulled out my phone and, against my better judgement, I pulled up our texting stream.
Cassia: You make a really good pumpkin spiced latte.
Chris: Thank you.
Cassia: It’s a sweet gesture, but it’s made worse by not seeing you ever.
Chris: You don’t want to see me. I don’t want to be a distraction.
Cassia: And you respecting my boundaries is even more annoying.
Chris: What I’m hearing is, you miss me.
Cassia: You can interpret any way you want to.
Chris: Oh, I plan to.
Cassia: What are you doing?
Chris: Staring at my bedroom ceiling.
Cassia: Did you go back to bed after playing barista?
Chris: I haven’t been sleeping well. There’s this woman who keeps running through my mind.
Cassia: You’re blaming your lack of sleep on me?
Chris: Wow. You think everything is about you?
Cassia: Sometimes.
Chris: Yes, I am blaming you. I don’t think I’ve jacked off this much in my life.
I bit my lip. He was flirting. And it was making me instantly hot. The thought of him stroking himself, thinking of me. My body flushed with heat and desire.
Cassia: My imagination is way too vivid.
Chris: Thinking about me fucking myself thinking of you?
Cassia: It’s not like I haven’t done the same thing.
Where the hell did that come from?
Chris: Fucking hell, Cin.
Cassia: What?
I was playing with fire and I didn’t give a shit.
Chris: Shouldn’t you be working?
Cassia: I’m drinking my coffee and trying to wake up.
Chris: I could wake you up better than any coffee. I’ve always wanted to wake you up with my tongue.
Cassia: Always?
Chris: Always.
I squeezed my thighs together.
Cassia: You really in your bedroom?
Chris: I am.
I looked up at the ceiling. How could he feel so close and so far away at the same time?
Cassia: I should get to work.
Chris: Should indicates you’re thinking of doing something else.
Cassia: Procrastination is my worst best friend.
Chris: And just what do you want to do while you procrastinate?
Cassia: I’m not going to procrastinate. I’m going to work.
Chris: With wet panties and dirty thoughts?
Cassia: Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been sexually frustrated.
Chris: I could help with that.
Cassia: I bet you could, but you’re not going to.
Chris: You text me just to drive me crazy?
Cassia: No, I just wanted to say thank you for the lattes. Somehow the derailment is your fault. I’m pretty sure it has to do with your fucking towel of torture.
Chris: It’s my house.
Cassia: Fair enough.
Chris: Go to work. Stop distracting me.
I didn’t respond. All I wanted to say was “come make me”. But if I saw him, I was just going to do something stupid like kiss him and probably try to dry hump him or something. That wouldn’t be good for anyone.
I needed to get back to work.
I grabbed a muffin and headed back toward the sewing room.
The place was a disaster. Fabric was strewn about with patterns. And there were all kinds of drawings taped and pinned to the wall or the table. We’d been trying to figure out the seven best pieces. There wouldn’t be plus sized models at the show, so Sofia had been trying to track down a few to hire for the show.
Sofia didn’t say that she was worried about the plus sized designs making it in a traditionally “normal” model-sized show. But Sofia wanted to change the norm as much as I did. We had a lot of work to accomplish if we were ever going to make a difference.
I didn’t know what to do first. There was so much to get done. We had two weeks left and we hadn’t even fully decided on what we were going to make. And I needed the model’s measurements to make the outfits work.
I left the room and went back to my bedroom. I needed to clear my head.
I didn’t feel like I was ready for any of this.
My designs had always been something people looked down on me for. How could a plus size girl know anything about fashion? And why was I trying to glorify unhealthy behavior?
The bullshit people strung together to justify their bullying pissed me off. It wasn’t like all curvy people wanted to be that way. There were so many factors. And like it or not, America wasn’t the best at being a role model for healthy behaviors.
I tried to eat right, and I exercised. I walked dogs most days and I did yoga in my apartment about three times a week. And still, I wasn’t a size two, and I doubted I ever would be.
But more than all the fears circling my brain like a buzzard circling roadkill on the side of a highway, there was Christopher, right in the middle of it.
I couldn’t help but wonder if I was making him more desirable because I was telling myself I couldn’t have him. Much like cookies—I never wanted cookies until I told myself I couldn’t have them.
I wondered how much longer Sofia would be asleep. I needed to do something—go for a walk or maybe a swim. There was a heated pool and a hot tub out back. Sofia was always telling me I was welcome to anything in the house. She’d even insisted I bring a swimsuit just in case I changed my mind.
I pulled it out and decided to work some of my weird energy out in the pool before going back to work. I needed to stop thinking about things that weren’t going to help my dreams.
I had a two piece that I’d never been brave enough to wear to the public pool in Jubilee. But I thought I could hack it here especially if there was no one else around.
I headed down to the pool and found it empty. The late morning was cool and bright. I dipped my toe into the water. It felt like a lukewarm bath. I went down the stairs into the water and then completely submerged myself.
I swam back and forth doing my own version of laps and feeling like a mermaid as I kept my legs together like I had a fin. It was how I’d always swam as a little girl and still did as an adult. Being a mermaid always seemed like the best way to escape the world. Instead of being in the human world though, I wanted to be in the mermaid world. I would’ve happily switched lives with Ariel. She didn’t know how good she had it. Her father loved her. Her sisters loved her. She had a big family, she was a princess, and still, she thought that hanging out with Prince Eric in a giant castle was the way to go.
I didn’t love the idea of having to out-swim sharks, but there were plenty of those on land too.
“You always seemed like you were meant to be in the water. Like a mermaid.”
I should’ve been surprised to hear Chris’s voice, but I wasn’t. I turned around to find him standing in nothing but a pair of swim trunks. I wanted to be mad that he was there interrupting my swim while I was trying to clear my head.
Instead, I was grateful for the interruption. I didn’t want to think about my devoid life. I had friends but the way my family had turned away from me hurt every day. It wasn’t fair.
“I love swimming,” I said.
He came into the pool but didn’t make any moves to come closer.
“I remember. We had some fun time swimming in the lake at camp.”
I tried not to think about how good he’d always looked wet. Or how much hotter he’d gotten since camp.
“Can I ask you something completely inappropriate?” he said.
“You can ask. I’m not sure I’ll answer.”
“Fair.”
I kept my distance as I swam in circles, diving under the water, only coming back up when I needed a breath.
I came up once.
Twice.
He still hadn’t asked his question, but when I came up a third time, he was standing on a couple of feet in front of me. Close enough to touch.
“How many guys have you been with since me?”
I blinked at him. “Why on earth do you want to know that?”
“I just want to know how I compared to others you’ve been with.”
I sighed. “Why? It was one night and my first time. Do you think that I couldn’t do better than that night?”
Chris shook his head. “Of course not. You were amazing that night. I couldn’t believe that was your first time.”
“Is that a compliment or an insult?”
“Compliment mostly to our chemistry, I think.” He smirked. “Come on…just tell me.”
“Why do you want to know? I don’t want to know how many women you’ve been with since that night. In fact, I’m pretty sure it would kill me a little bit. You weren’t even a virgin that night.”
“It just means that we’ve both gotten better at it since we were eighteen. We could rock each other’s worlds even more now.”
I stuck out my tongue.
“You’re not going to answer?”
I didn’t want to tell him I hadn’t been with anyone else. There hadn’t been anyone in Jubilee Falls that touched me the way he had. And after everything went to shit the next day, I hadn’t wanted to do it again. I was afraid it would be devastating again. Which was a real bummer on my high sex drive.
“Look, Davenport, you can feel rest assured that no one has had quite the impact on my sex life that you have.” I dove back under water away from him, wanting space again. I hated feeling unattractive and like I wasn’t good enough for anyone else.
I’d been fighting with those emotions since I was a little girl. No one in my life ever made it easy. But life wasn’t meant to be easy; I understood that too.
When I breeched the water again, I squeaked when Chris appeared right in front of me.
He didn’t touch me, but I wanted him to. I wanted him to reassure me that I was sexy and that any guy would be lucky to have me. But I didn’t need a man to reassure me. It was up to me. I needed to love me. And most of the time I did, but things were scary right now. Since I’d graduated from high school, I’d watched all my friends and relatives go after their dreams. A lot of them just wanted to find a husband and start a family. But that was no small undertaking. And making a marriage and a family work took tons of dedication and sacrifice.
Now I just wanted to be able to work doing what I wanted to do and be selfish with my life.
Chris swam a little closer. “Tell me, Cin.”
I let out a frustrated sigh. “You’re the only man I’ve been with, Davenport.” I held up my hand before he could say anything. “You cannot gloat or boast or puff your chest out. I didn’t want to be a nun for the last seven years. It just worked out that way. The guys I dated weren’t real interested in me. They didn’t like that I had ambitions and didn’t make my world revolve around them. So, I didn’t see the point in spreading my legs for them.”
He just stared at me. “Cin…”
“No.”
Even as I said it, I knew I didn’t mean it.
“Do you want to race?”
My brow furrowed. That hadn’t been what I was expecting. “What?”
“Let’s race. We always were a good match for racing.”
“You’ve filled out
. You’re much stronger than you used to be. And my boobs are much bigger than they used to be.”
He grinned as his eyes dropped slightly to my bikini top. “Come on.”
“Fine.”
We made our way to the deep end of the pool and braced ourselves against the wall, holding on the ledge. I planted my feet against the wall ready to push off.
“There and back?”
He nodded.
“Ready. Set.” I pushed off the wall before saying go. I heard the rush of him pushing off after me. I swam my heart out determined to beat him. I hit the wall of the shallow end with my hand and quickly turned around, planting my feet again and pushing off. I had no idea where he was. But I swam all the way back and came up for my hopefully victorious breath of air.
Instead of finding the wall, I found his chest. He pulled me into his arms and then swirled us around, so he had me up against the wall.
“Fuck, Cin. You say stuff to me and my whole world flips upside down. It was true then and it’s true now. I know you think I’m this super whore, but I’m not. I’ve only been with five women, including you. But no matter how hard I tried, I always came back to thinking about you.”
“Why? We were so young. It was so long ago.”
He reached up and cupped my face. “You’re amazing, Cin. You just blow me away. And I know we haven’t spent any time together since that summer. But every time I see you, I see fireworks. I want to be with you. I know it’s not ideal or easy or even convenient, but can you just give it a chance.”
“I can’t fall in love with you again,” I breathed.
His jaw tightened and his eyes grew fierce. He opened his mouth like he wanted to say something. Like he needed to say something.
But instead he just kissed me.
I knew he would. I would’ve if someone had said something like that to me. But it instantly made everything harder for me. I wanted him. I wanted him badly. I wanted to lose myself in him. I pressed back against him and kissed him with just as much fervor and desire.
The pool made everything between us slick and silky. Our movements seemed exaggerated and slow.
I wrapped my legs around his waist trying to keep our bodies close together.
Billionaire Barista: Love Demands a Holiday Page 7