Tonight she had revealed the anguish that she had felt when he'd simply disappeared without a word, and it had been devastating to know that he had caused her so much pain. His eyes were filled with sorrow and regret when they met hers. "I can't tell you how much I wish things had been different," Ford said sincerely.
"We were so much in love. It was perfect. Magical. The most wonderful thing I'd ever experienced," she admitted tremulously. "Then it ended with no explanation. It was just... over."
"It could be beautiful again," he replied, heart in his throat.
"That's what I'm afraid of," Callie confessed. "Losing you, losing us, broke me, Ford. I can't risk it happening again."
"You don't trust me," he deduced as his hopes sank.
"I can't," she denied and those stunning amethyst eyes pleaded for understanding. "I truly do understand that what happened wasn't your fault, but that doesn't make it any easier to accept."
Determined not to give up, he asked, "Do you believe I intentionally hurt you?"
"I did, but now that you've told me about the amnesia..." She shook her head in rejection of the idea. "No. The man I fell in love with would have never deliberately hurt me. That was why it hurt so bad. I had so much faith in you. In our love. It was inconceivable that you could just walk away from me and what we shared."
"Can you forgive me?" He queried, heart racing madly in his chest.
"It was an accident, Ford," she pointed out. "There is nothing to forgive."
"Then give us another chance," he pleaded and took both of her hands in his.
"We're not the same people we were then," Callie said sadly as she slid her hands from his. "It's been ten years. We've both changed."
"We're fundamentally the same people. You still design sexy as fuck clothes and I lose my rational mind when confronted by a seductress in feathers," he added playfully to make her laugh. "I know we've both changed, but if what we had was as perfect as you made it sound, don't we owe it to ourselves to see if it could happen again?"
Tears shimmered in her eyes when she confessed, "I'd like to, but I'm afraid of being hurt again."
"I'm a safe bet, Callie. Take a chance on me. On us," Ford urged. "I swear you'll never regret it."
"I won't make any promises, but I will consider it," she agreed hesitantly.
"Take all the time you need," he agreed and felt the tension in his chest loosen. "I'm not going anywhere."
CHAPTER EIGHT
Callie
"Am I insane? Tell me I'm insane," Callie pleaded after she explained her latest dilemma to her best friend. "Oh, hell. I'm completely insane."
Soraya had listened to her patiently, and without comment which was unusual in itself, before she finally said, "Cal, your crazy life is more entertaining than those damn soap operas my husband loves. I'm hanging on the edge of my seat every day waiting for the next installment."
"Smart-ass," she growled in frustration since the other woman was not taking this seriously. "I'm in the middle of a meltdown here."
"The answer to one question will solve your problem," her friend opined in a more serious tone. "Do you still love him?"
The question hit her like a ton of lead and sucked every ounce of oxygen out of the room. Did she still love Ford?
"It's not that complicated, Callie," Soraya pressed after an extended period of silence. "A simple yes or no will do."
"There's nothing simple about it," she denied. "How do I know the feelings I have for him now aren't just a reflection of what I felt for him then?"
"Why wouldn't they be? He's the same man you fell in love with," she pointed out reasonably.
"But we're not the same people we were then," she denied. "I don't want to confuse what I felt for him then with the person he is now."
"Then get to know this version of him," Soraya suggested. "From what you've told me, all you've done is discuss the past. Focus on the present and find out if he's someone you want to love. And honestly, if you still have feelings for the man after all these years, it's worth taking the risk."
"You're right," Callie realized. "Thanks for the advice, Ida."
"Kiss my ass."
Ford
"Feathers is going to give us a chance, Doc," Ford announced happily as he settled into the beanbag. He had been ecstatic ever since Callie had called and said that she would like to get to know him better. It was exactly what he'd been hoping to accomplish for the past year.
"Excellent news," the doctor commended.
"I intend to be completely honest with her," he admitted. "I want her to know everything about me."
"Even the one thing that you keep private from everyone?" Wilkes queried.
"Even that," he confirmed and didn't need clarification since they had been discussing the topic frequently for the last two weeks.
"Are you considering broaching the possibility with her?"
"I am," he agreed without hesitation. "I've thought about it a lot actually. If it was Feathers, after the way things happened, I'm grateful for what she did. Knowing the truth won't make any difference in the way I feel about her now."
"A very commendable attitude," the shrink acknowledged. "However, I am curious as to what her reaction will be either way."
"So am I, Doc. So am I," Ford fervently agreed because the thought of losing her scared him shitless.
Callie
Callie rarely left her building. After all, there wasn't much need to when her office was there. Her groceries were delivered, and she wore her clothing brand exclusively so there was no need to go shopping for anything. Other than the occasional outing with Bastion or Soraya, she really didn't have a reason to leave.
Ford had commented on it and suggested she spend the evening at his place for a change. She had been a bit hesitant at first, but he had reasoned that she needed to see him in his own environment as he had done with her. Since personal space could say a lot about its occupant, she had agreed.
Which was how she found herself standing outside his door, nervously waiting for it to open. When it did the breath froze in her lungs. Ford was standing there wearing nothing but a pair of low riding jeans and muscles. Hail Mary full of grace! Where that bizarre thought had come from she'd never know.
Callie wasn't religious.
Or Catholic.
Wait. Hail Mary was Catholic, right?
Her brain was so scrambled that she couldn't form a coherent thought if her life depended on it. Because despite the beauty of his fine as hell muscular body, her eyes had latched onto the tattoo permanently inked into his flesh. An indelible reminder of a past that he claimed not to remember.
She barely breathed as her trembling hand lifted to touch the design without conscious thought. Ford hissed as if he were in pain at the contact and she snatched her hand away to ask in a shaken tone, "When did you get that tattoo?"
"Callie, you're trembling," he said in a tone laden with desire as he reached for her hand. A shiver of awareness zinged up her spine because she remembered the seductive sound vividly. And the incredible passion that came with it. "Come inside."
Refusing to be sidetracked, she stepped back and demanded in a firmer voice, "When did you get the tattoo, Ford?"
"It was there when I woke up in the hospital," he replied and his expression had grown concerned at her behavior. "Is it significant to us?"
Relief spread through her entire body leaving her weak in the knees. "Do you know what it means?"
"I do, but come inside so we can talk about it," he encouraged. "You look like you're going to pass out."
Callie allowed him to slide his arm around her waist and lead her into a living area. She sank heavily onto the couch and stared at him with wide eyes. "Tell me about the tattoo."
He sat next to her and began to explain. "I didn't know what it meant, how I'd gotten it or why, so I did some research. I discovered it's the astrological symbol for Callisto, a goddess in Greek Mythology. That's all I know about it so tell me what it means
to you."
"I've never seen it before," she denied and was still trying to get her thoughts in some semblance of order. Seeing the tattoo had left her completely off balance. "The tattoo, not the symbol."
"The doctor told me it had still been healing when I arrived at the hospital, so I must have gotten it not long before the accident," he added.
Her eyes grew wide in realization. "You said you had a surprise for me," Callie recalled as her eyes drifted back to the design of their own accord. It was a stark reminder of all that they had lost and seeing it had been a huge shock.
"You think it was the tattoo?" He asked and looked confused. "Why? What does it signify?"
"Callisto was known as a proficient knitter. She would create beautiful items and wear them like I did," she explained and lifted a hand to her bare neck. "My mom had given me a necklace with that design on the charm and I never took it off."
"I got the tattoo for you," he realized and lifted his hand to cover it. "And I put it over my heart because I loved you."
Tears welled in her eyes and overflowed because it was exactly the kind of romantic gesture that he would have made. Ford slid closer, pulled her into his arms, and held her while she fought for composure. It felt so comfortable and familiar that Callie wrapped her arms around him and basked in the safe haven of his embrace.
Ford began to chant something under his breath, a peculiar habit that she had recently noticed, but this time she was close enough to understand what he was saying. "Bimini, Bimini, Bimini."
Jealousy washed through her like hot lava as she wrenched free of his hold to demand, "Who the hell is Bimini?"
"Fuck. It's not what you think," Ford hastily denied. "Remember the girl from the auction?"
Her eyes narrowed dangerously. "How could I forget," she bit out. "She was all over you, pussycat."
"She helps me get rid of erections."
"She what?" Callie practically snarled as she surged to her feet, outraged that he was having sex with that child while they were... whatever the hell they were doing.
"That did not come out right," he denied as he rose. "Thoughts of Bimini will kill an unwanted erection. Seriously. All I have to do is say her name and Bam! It's gone. I swear it's true. I was just trying to comfort you and I didn't want you to think I wanted to fuck you. I mean I do. So fucking much. But not while you're upset. That would just be wrong so I..."
Callie began to see the humor in the situation so she pressed her fingers against his lips and he stopped babbling. "Don't speak. Just nod," she commanded. "You want to fuck me." His head began to nod up and down emphatically. "So you say her name when we're together to make an unwanted erection go away." The head nod was a lot less enthusiastic that time.
She leaned in closer and pressed a fingernail against the ink on his chest. "If you ever say another woman's name while you're with me, you can go fuck her. Because any chance you might have of fucking me will be gone forever. Got it?" He nodded his agreement swiftly. "Good. Go put on a shirt before all of those yummy muscles give me a lady boner."
A wicked grin lit his face before Ford strolled out of the room, slow and easy, obviously in no rush to deprive her of the view. He even did a little Magic Mike dance before he disappeared through a doorway. Callie laughed and raked a hand through her hair. Lord. That man was still too hot for his own good.
Or hers either.
Once he returned fully clothed, Ford looked a little sheepish as he held out a hand and offered, "Help me pick a spot to add our photos."
Callie had given him copies of their pictures and he'd been as excited as a kid on Christmas morning. She took his hand and he led her over to where a vast photo gallery covered one entire wall. "What's all this?" She asked in amusement because he obviously hadn't forgotten his love for photography.
"My memory wall," he explained. "Once you've lost memories you realize how precious they are. This is to make sure I never forget the important things again. That's why I want to add our pictures to it."
That was as sad as it was sweet and she was deeply touched that he was including her in the moments he considered important. She noticed that most of the photos contained pictures of Ford with a child so she commented, "What a beautiful little boy. Who is he?"
"My son Scott."
It took a couple of seconds for the full impact of his words to hit her, but when they did, the effect was visceral. Callie lost her breath as a wave of agonizing pain swept through her. Ford had a son. He'd had a child with another woman. Tears blurred her vision as her hand lifted to cover the sob that escaped her lips.
Those dark eyes were focused on her with laser-like intensity and there was an edge to his voice as he continued, "He was born while I was comatose. His mother signed over full custody and insisted on remaining anonymous. I never wanted to know who she was until now. But I have to know, Callie. Did you have my child?"
"What?" She gasped in shocked disbelief and stared at him as if he'd gone insane.
"The timing is too close to be coincidental," he pointed out in a reasonable tone that made her want to slap him. "He was conceived around the time that we were together so it is a logical assumption. Please answer the question."
"No!" The denial exploded from her chest. "If I had been blessed to have your child, I would have never parted with him. Never."
"Why not?"
"Because I would have had a part of you to love," she admitted brokenly and wished with all of her heart that the boy had been hers.
"Why settle for a part when you already have all of me," he replied and slid his arms around her rigid frame. "I love you, Callie. Truth be told, I probably never stopped."
Sheer joy flooded through her, filling her healing heart to overflowing. She closed her eyes to hold back a fresh wave of tears that his declaration caused. "Don't make me fall in love with you again, Ford," she pleaded tremulously even as she melted against him. "I barely survived losing you the first time. I can't go through that again."
"Sweet Callie. There is nothing that could ever make me leave you again," he vowed and lowered his forehead to hers. "Why did discovering I have a son upset you?"
"It hurts," she admitted and opened her eyes so he could see the truth of her words. "Knowing that you had a child with someone else."
Ford lifted his head and impaled her with those dark, intense eyes. "Is that going to be a problem?"
"No, I... I was just surprised," she confessed and pulled away from his embrace because it felt too good. Callie loved children. There was no way that she could hold a grudge against an innocent child just because she hadn't been lucky enough to be his mother. "You really don't know who his mother is?"
"Not a clue," he admitted.
"So, a baby just showed up on your doorstep?" She asked and couldn't even imagine giving her child up.
"No, I found out about him along with everything else when I came out of the coma," he explained.
"That had to be overwhelming. Realizing you'd been unconscious for so long, the things you couldn't remember, and having a baby on top of it," she mused sympathetically. "I wonder if his mother thought you'd done a disappearing act like I did."
"It's possible," he agreed with a shrug as if it didn't matter one way or the other. "The family attorney handled everything. I guess she was someone I met before you. Whoever she is, I'm grateful as hell that she gave me custody."
"And you don't know which of your many lovers she might be," she stated and flashed him an impish smile. "I guess Bastion was right about you, after all, playboy."
Ford
"My playboy days are over," Ford assured her. "I haven't even thought about another woman since we met again."
"Except Bimini," she pointed out in a teasing tone. "You've thought of her often."
"Only because I didn't want to put undue pressure on you while we got to know each other," he confessed. "If I can't have you in my bed, no one else will do. You're it for me, Callie Rose."
Callie stared a
t him in a bemused fashion before shaking her head and saying, "I thought we were going to decide picture placement."
"We are," he confirmed and flashed her his wickedest smile. "After that, I'll have you for dinner."
"In your dreams, Hammersmith," she laughingly refuted, but the flush on her cheeks assured him that she was not as immune as she pretended to be.
"Yes, you are," he confirmed. "I dream of you every night and it's fucking awesome."
"Focus, Ford," she said in exasperation. "We're supposed to be hanging pictures."
"Spoilsport," he teased with a wink.
Ford was a happy man.
The woman he loved was in his home and twice he'd managed to hold her in his arms. Granted he'd been comforting her after he'd fucked up and upset her both times in a matter of minutes, but he'd take what he could get. If he'd known how Callie would react, he would have taken the time to put on a shirt after his shower. Even so, discovering the meaning behind his tattoo had been wonderful.
The Bimini fuck up, not so much. He'd been scared shitless that she was going to walk out on him and relieved as hell when she hadn't. Thankfully Callie had managed to see the humor in the situation. And unless he was mistaken, that had been jealousy he'd seen flashing in her eyes, which was awesome because it meant she cared.
Ford was genuinely disappointed that she wasn't the mother of his child, but if he had his way, she would be. Maybe they'd have a few more as well. But he was getting way ahead of himself. Callie hadn't said she loved him, and that had hurt like hell. However, he knew she wasn't immune to him so he still had hope.
Knowing that she liked his muscles was a huge plus and he wasn't above exploiting them to get her in his bed again. Hell, there wasn't much he wouldn't do to accomplish that. Just having her here in his home, the place where he'd dreamed about her countless times meant more than he would have believed possible.
They hung the pictures, ate dinner, and cuddled on the couch to watch a mutual favorite, The Princess Bride. Ford hadn't been able to help himself. He'd stared at her lips for most of the night and he felt like he'd die if he didn't kiss her. So he had cupped her cheeks in his hands and kissed her with all of the love in his heart.
Heartless Bastard (Rich Ruthless Bastards, #1) Page 9