Ryder (Fallen Brook High School YA Series)

by J. L. Wyer

  My heart cracks. Tiny fissures open and the hope inside leaks out.

  “You used to tell me you loved me too, once upon a time.”

  Liz removes her hand from my grip and places it on my chest above my heart. “Julien. You’re in love with Elijah, and he loves you back just as much.”

  The cracks in my heart open wider. “I do love Elijah. I love him very much. But I love you, too, Liz. Just like by brother, I’ve been in love with you since we were six years old.”

  “You all have told me the stories about us growing up. But like I keep trying to get Jayson to understand, I’m not the same girl you used to know. That Liz doesn’t exist anymore. Right now, in this time and this space, my heart belongs to Ryder, and your heart belongs to Elijah.”

  I feel like she’s slipping away from me again. “No. I can’t lose you again,” I plead. She doesn’t understand. She doesn’t know how much it hurt when she was gone. How much I missed her. How scared I was when we didn’t know what happened to her.

  “You’ve got me, Julien. I’m not going anywhere.”

  I grab her in my arms and hold her, part of me not trusting that truth. “But you did leave. You were gone for three months, Liz, and when you came back, you didn't remember any of us. You didn't remember me. You still don’t.”

  “I promise I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here, Julien.”

  ∞∞∞

  Elizabeth

  I can’t comprehend what Julien is feeling right now. I never considered that any of them felt the way he does — how much my accident and amnesia affect them, just as much as it affects me. And it breaks my heart.

  “Julien, regardless of my amnesia, you have shown me every day for the past month how much I mean to you. How much I mean to all of you. I think it’s that love — that bond of friendship — that really saved me. How could I fight so hard to come back, to want to live, if it wasn’t for me to come back to you, Ryder, and Jayson? This is where I belong. The three of you are who I belong with.”

  “But I love you, Liz,” he says again.

  “I know you do. I know, Julien. But it’s not the same kind of love as what you have with Elijah. Don’t throw that away because you're afraid. You can’t make such a huge decision based on fear. You told me how you and Elijah fought so hard to be together.”

  Julien nods his head slowly and looks over at the breaking waves rolling in. “Can you promise me that you won’t disappear again?” he asks in a shattered voice.

  “Wild horses couldn’t drag me away.”

  He snorts. “Why do people say such stupid things like that?”

  “My guess is someone at some time was actually dragged away by wild horses.”

  This time he full-out laughs.

  “Better,” I smile at him. “Such a gorgeous face when you smile.”

  His smile deepens. “Thank you, Liz.”

  “You’re welcome. I think you needed to get that stuff off your chest as much as I needed to hear it. Promise me that if you ever start to feel unsure or afraid again, come talk to me first. Don’t allow it to build up inside of you.”

  He nods his head again. “You and Ryder, huh?”

  “Yes. Me and Ryder.”

  “Lucky guy.”

  “Honestly? I think I’m the lucky one.”

  I look back down the beach. Ryder, Elijah, and Jayson are mere specks on the horizon. We must have walked over half a mile down the shoreline. Julien turns my face toward his and tips it up with a finger. He’s a good six inches taller than I am. He bends down, and his lips kiss my cheek in a soft, barely-there airbrush of the lips.

  “Jay isn’t going to be happy about you and Ryder.”

  “Are you okay with me being with Ryder?”

  “Don’t get me wrong, I love my brother. But Ry is one of the best guys I have ever known. There is no other person I would be happier for you to be with than him.” He takes my hand as we walk back towards the guys.

  “Wow. That was really eloquently put.”

  “I have my moments.”

  I splash his feet with the fringes of a dissipating wave that rolls ashore at our feet. Julien splashes me back, making me giggle.

  “I really do love him, Julien. I know it must seem fast. I mean, we just had our first date last night.”

  He stops and looks down at me in question, but I plow on. “But I’ve fallen hard for him. There’s just something about being with him that seems right, you know?”

  We start walking again. “Then that’s all that matters. I won’t tell E or Jay until you give me the go-ahead. You kept my secret about Elijah. I can keep yours.”

  “I appreciate that.”

  “Have you told Ryder how you feel about him? Because I can assure you, that boy loves you to the moon and back.”

  I stumble in the sand at the lightheaded feeling I get from his words. “No, I haven't told him yet.”

  “First date was really last night, huh? he asks me.

  “Yeah,” I reply dreamily. “It was a great date.”

  “Ry was with you all night long, wasn’t he? That’s why he didn’t answer our texts.”

  My eyes widen at his correct assumption. “Are we being that obvious?”

  Julien twirls me around in the sand like we’re dancing. “Not at all. You guys have played some good poker faces all day. I kind of figured out something was up when Jay said Ry spent the night at Fallon’s. Ry never crashes at Fallon’s place when Fallon throws one his parties.”

  “What's the story with Fallon? I’ve heard some rumors at school, and Ryder and he are friends, but Jayson seems to despise him. And Fallon kind of acts weird around me.”

  “Where do I begin? Actually, you should ask Ry about him since he knows him best. All I can say is that I think Fallon had a thing for you, but you never gave him the time of day. I could be wrong, though.”

  We’re almost back to where we laid down our towels. I look for Ryder but it’s hard to make out shapes as the sun has almost set. The sky is growing ever darker with each passing minute. Jayson and Elijah are sitting down on the beach near the cooler. Where’s my guy? Julien notices me looking and points to the ocean. Ryder is floating on his back, bobbing along with the ocean swells close to shore.

  “Go on,” Julien tells me. I give him a quick kiss to his stubbled cheek and run off to join Ryder.

  As soon as Jayson sees me enter the breakers, he runs over and dives into an oncoming wave. I watch his graceful movements as he slices easily through the water. He must be one heck of a swimmer at school. I look forward to going to one of his swim meets.

  Within seconds, Jayson pops up out of the water beside me. I cock my eyebrow up at him and he winks at me. I look beyond Jayson’s shoulder to see Julien take Elijah’s outstretched hand. Julien kisses Elijah and lays his head on his shoulder.

  “They are so cute together.”

  Jayson turns to look at his brother. “E is a great guy. I'm glad that they don't have to hide their relationship anymore.”

  Jayson grabs my waist and lifts me, then tosses me high in the air. I land ungracefully with a resounding plop in the water. When I come back up to the surface, Jayson and Ryder are in a game of water wrestling, so naturally I leap in and spider monkey myself to Ryder’s back. Jayson dives for me and I fall backward into the salty water again. When I come up a second time, laughing and threatening Jayson with retaliation, Julien and Elijah are heading our way to join our game. We spend the next fifteen minutes dunking and splashing each other until the sun finally goes down and night falls over the beach. We have school tomorrow, so we need to get on the road soon if we're going to get home before ten.

  After drying off, we pack everything up and put it in the bed of Jayson’s truck. I slide into the back row of seats along with Ryder and Elijah. Julien sits up front, and Jayson drives. I rest my head against Ryder’s shoulder and close my eyes, letting the bumps and the noise of the road lull me. This is how it should be, I think, as I fall asleep. I’
m home.

  Chapter 23

  Girl's Night In

  Elizabeth

  Celeste, Beth, and I are a collapsed tangle of giggles on the sofa as Meredith reenacts her first kiss with Darrel. The kiss involved face smashing and resulted in a goose egg on her forehead. Darrel suffered worse; he chipped his front tooth.

  “I'm going to pee my pants,” Beth laughs, clutching her stomach.

  Celeste wheezes, “That poor boy. Next time I see him, I'm going to give him a hug for bravery.”

  Meredith is literally crying, she is laughing so hard. “At least the dentist was able to fix his tooth. Darrel has such a nice smile.”

  “And you ruined it with your overenthusiastic kissing,” I tell her, wiping the wetness from my cheeks. “No wonder Trevor doesn't want you to date.”

  “Shut it,” she says, whacking me with a sofa cushion.

  And then a pillow fight ensues.

  “Girls! It sounds like World War Three in here,” Daniel says, coming into the living room with a huge bowl of popcorn and a plate of cookies.

  “Ooh, chocolate chip?” Meredith asks.

  “Of course.” He hands her the plate, and she accepts it eagerly. “Alright, I'm going to skedaddle and leave you girls alone. I put the left-over pizzas in the fridge in case you get hungry later.”

  Daniel comes over to me and places a kiss on the top of my head. “'Night, kiddo.”

  “Goodnight, Daniel.”

  “Your uncle is the bomb. Man, that guy can bake. These cookies are awesome!” Meredith shoves one in her mouth and stacks three more in her hand.

  We get settled down on the floor on the pile of pillows and cushions we throw down there, and decide to watch the Kissing Booth movies on Netflix.

  Lying on her stomach, Beth props her forearms up on one of the pillows. “Elizabeth, do you mind if I ask you a question about your accident?”

  I place the bowl of popcorn in front of me and use the remote to turn the television on. “Knock yourself out.”

  Meredith rolls over on her back and flings a piece of popcorn up in the air, then catches it in her mouth. Impressive.

  “What was it like, waking up and not knowing anything?”

  “I knew a lot, actually. Just not the people or places from my past. Apparently, it’s a rare type of amnesia, but I won’t bore you with all the medical terminology.”

  Celeste says, “I guess that explains why you and Jayson aren't together anymore.”

  “What do you mean? We're friends,” I tell her.

  “Yeah, but trust me when I say, you and Jayson were hot and heavy. Like, couldn't keep your hands off one another.”

  I try to conjure any image that pertains to what she described, and all I can come up with are the few memories of Jayson that have popped up out of the blue. Otherwise, my brain is a total blank when it comes to him. But when Celeste says the part about not keeping our hands off each other, all I can think is how Ryder and I can't keep our hands to ourselves when we're alone. I really hate having to keep our relationship a secret.

  I consider the three girls next to me. “Can I ask you guys a hypothetical question?”

  Three heads bob up and down in a yes.

  I'm about to ask something that is very personal for me. I hope I don't regret allowing myself to open up to these girls. “What if I like someone who isn't Jayson and we hook up, and then my memories come back?”

  There. I said it. I voiced my greatest fear, and the world didn't end.

  “You like someone?” Beth asks, very interested. “Who? No. Let me guess.”

  “Trevor!” Celeste offers. “Anyone with two eyes can see he has a huge crush on you.”

  “I know! It's pathetic.” Meredith says about her brother.

  Not this again. How many times do I have to tell her and everyone else that Trevor is just a big flirt, and the two of us are just friends? But I feel like I need to stand up for Trevor here.

  “Your brother is a great guy. He has been like the nicest person to me. He's funny and kind and has a good heart.”

  “Oh my God. It is Trevor, isn’t it?” Beth asks.

  Meredith throws a piece of popcorn at her. “I can tell you with certainty that, regardless of my opinion, they are just friends.”

  I reach over and poke her. “Lead with that next time!”

  “Oh. Well, who then?” Beth queries.

  “My vote is for Fallon. Older guy. Sexy. Hot as all get out. Seems to come around our school a lot even though he's already graduated and lives a town over.”

  I point at Celeste. “It sounds like you like him.”

  “Every girl likes Fallon. I'm sorry that I missed seeing him in action before the football game. Sometimes I hate being on the cheerleading squad. I would rather be up in the stands with you guys.”

  Beth sits up. “You hate being on the squad? You've never said anything about it.”

  “Confession?” Celeste says. “I only joined so I could be with Davis.”

  “Aww. That's actually kind of romantic,” Beth tells her friend, then she gives Celeste a hug.

  “Alright girls. Back to Elizabeth's predicament,” Meredith directs them. “And since I know the answer and have been sworn to secrecy not to tell, I'm letting you both take over the conversation.”

  “Wait. You know who the guy is?”

  “Yep.”

  “Who is he?”

  “I am Fort Knox,” Meredith replies, throwing another piece of popcorn up in the air.

  I kick Meredith with my foot. “I was asking as a hypothetical, remember?”

  “You both suck. I hate not knowing things,” Beth pouts.

  Celeste rolls over to her side. She props her head on her hand and locks eyes with me. “Elizabeth, I will tell you that you can't live in the past. If you aren't feeling it anymore for Jayson, then it's only natural to want to be with the guy who you do have all the feels for.” She holds up her index finger. “But, have you even given Jayson a fair shot?”

  Intrigued, I ask, “Given him a shot?”

  “Yes. Have you tested the waters? Have you gone out on a date with him to see if there is still a spark there?”

  “Well, no.”

  “Then how do you know whether or not he’s still ‘the one’ for you, if you haven't given him any sort of chance? Have you not looked at the guy? He's gorgeous. If I wasn't with Davis, I would be tripping over myself to get Jayson's attention.”

  “I'd take Ryder. That boy is yummy. And his eyes…” Beth fakes shivers. “Please don't tell Keith.”

  Celeste snickers at her friend. “Back to what I was saying. I think Elizabeth should take Jayson for a test drive. See if something is still there.”

  “Jayson is not a car,” I tell her.

  Celeste just smiles at me. “Kiss him,” she says. “Walk up to him and plant a big one on his sexy lips and see if there are any sparks.”

  Beth and Meredith burst out laughing; I, however, do not. Jayson and Julien have already kissed me, and they were good kisses. Very good kisses. They’re just not the kisses I’m craving at the moment from a particular tall, dark-haired, copper-eyed boy.

  “I can't do that,” I tell Celeste.

  Meredith watches our back and forth but keeps quiet.

  “Why not?” Celeste pushes.

  “Because I'm in love with Ry—' I slap my hand over my mouth. Meredith's eyes go huge.

  “Ry...Ryder? Holy sh—!” Beth and Celeste both exclaim.

  “Nooo, that's not what I said.”

  “That's not what she said,” Meredith backs me up.

  “Oh, yes it is! Ryder Cutton? Ohhhh. You've been a bad girl, Elizabeth. I thought I saw you and Ryder sneaking off toward bleachers the other day.”

  My face turns lava red.

  “You can't tell anyone,” Meredith tells them.

  “Why not?”

  I’m so mortified that my big, fat mouth just let slip the one thing I promised Ryder I would keep secret that I’m una
ble to speak.

  “Because it’s the way they want it for now,” Meredith tells them. “The more people who know, the greater the likelihood that it’ll get back to Jayson, if you catch my drift.”

  “Oh,” Celeste says. “Got it.”

  “We promise, we won’t say anything. But, Elizabeth, seriously, what if Jayson does find out?” Beth asks with a hint of sadness.

  “If that happens, I hope that we can still be friends. I'm just not ready to tell him yet.”

  “Yes, but he's going to find out sooner or later. And the way he feels about you, he's not going to be happy about you and Ryder together, regardless of their friendship.”

  “I know,” I groan. “They’ve told me the stories of us growing up and about when Jayson and I started dating. I'm still figuring things out. But that was Old Elizabeth. The me I am now likes Ryder. He makes me happy. I'm just not ready to share our relationship with the entire school yet. People are going to have their opinions about it. They're going to remember the old me. I'm not her. I want everyone to see the person I am now. And that girl is Ryder's girlfriend, not Jayson’s.”

  “Secret girlfriend,” Meredith teases.

  “I say you go girl!” Beth cheers.

  Celeste shushes us. “Hey, do you guys hear that?”

  We all sit up and listen. Sure enough, faint music can be heard coming from outside the house. Bright lights pierce through the living room window behind the closed curtains.

  Beth walks over and lifts a side of the curtain to look out. “Oh my word! Guys, check this out!”

  We all get up and run over. I pull the curtains open so we can see what's going on. I recognize Ryder's Hellcat and Jayson's truck in the driveway, and there are two other cars I don't recognize. Eight tall figures stand in the front yard, their bodies outlined in a halo of light from the headlights of the vehicles. Darrel is holding a phone above his head in one hand and a Bluetooth speaker in the other.

  Like a gaggle of geese, we flock to the front door and scramble outside onto the porch. The music coming out of the speaker is “In Your Eyes” from the movie Say Anything. I touch Meredith's shoulder because I know what this means.

  “Meredith Malcolm!” Darrel shouts above the music. “When they say love hurts, they weren't kidding.”