by Noelle Adams
“Yeah.” That was what he said, but it wasn’t what he meant.
She reached out to put a gentle hand on his thigh. Her touch seemed to brand him through the thin cotton of his pants. “I do think you’re pretty great, Matthew,” she said. “I always have.”
That should have been a good ending. He should have let it go with that and moved on the way she was. But in that moment he could feel the sweetest, realest thing in his life slipping out of his grip for good, and he simply couldn’t allow it to happen.
He grabbed for it frantically. He took Skye’s pretty freckled head in his hands and pulled her into a kiss.
Had he been thinking rationally, it would have been a light, careful kiss, testing out her response to him. But it wasn’t that. At all. It was immediately deep. Immediately urgent. It felt like he was parched, and she was his only source of succor.
She made a squeaking sound against his mouth and was frozen for just a few seconds. Then something broke inside her that matched the uncontrolled force inside him. She melted against him, wrapping her arms around his neck and readjusting her position so she could get closer.
His fingers tangled in her hair, pulling out the pins she’d used to secure the knot on her head, freeing the long, soft waves. His tongue delved deep into her mouth, but it still wasn’t enough. Impatiently he pulled her small body over onto his lap sideways so her legs were sprawled out on one side. That gave him easier access to the soft, slim curves of her. His hands were roving all over now, touching her everywhere he could reach.
She was responding openly, eagerly. She made soft, pretty moans into the kiss as he stroked her thighs, back and neck. Her own hands were clutching at his hair, his shoulders, his face—like she couldn’t get enough of him.
Like she felt just as desperately hungry for this as he did.
Matthew was hard as a rock in less than a minute. His erection pulsed and strained until he could barely keep his hips still.
“Oh God, Matthew, what’s going on here?” Skye’s voice was a gasp against his skin as she ran kisses along the line of his jaw and then gave his earlobe a little tug that made his whole body jerk in pleasure. “What’s happening to us?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted roughly, feeling his way up her thigh so he could feel if she was as turned on as he was. “Can I...?” He waited before his fingers reached her underwear.
“Yes! Yes, please!” Her back arched as she shamelessly tugged up the skirt to her dress to give him better access.
He explored with an entitlement that wasn’t at all like him until he’d gotten his fingers under her underwear. She was soft and hot and wet.
So wet.
She was just as aroused as him.
She whimpered when he stroked her intimately, her face twisting in naked pleasure. “Yes, Matthew, please,” she whispered.
He held her securely with his other arm while he took her with his hand. He could feel her small body tightening, growing hotter as he pumped his fingers urgently inside her.
She hid her face against his shoulder, her hands clutching his shoulders so hard they almost hurt. “Yes. Harder. Faster. Yes, please!” The words were mumbled out against the fabric of his T-shirt.
He couldn’t remember ever feeling like this before. Not just aroused. Not just powerful. But almost tender. Like he was taking care of her at the same time he was bringing her pleasure.
He intensified the pumping of his fingers, and it took almost no time for her body to shake through an orgasm. She sobbed out her release against his shoulder, and he loved it so much that he extended his ministrations until she was coming a second time, this time even louder and messier. His hand was soaked from her desire. Her inner muscles were spasming tightly around his fingers.
Her body relaxed deliciously as he finally slowed down and then pulled out, stroking her gently as she recovered.
There were tears on her red face when she finally lifted it. “Oh God, Matthew. That was... that was the best ever.”
He wanted to preen like a male animal, but instead he wrapped his arms around her in a quick hug. She hugged him back. Then she pulled away and found his mouth again in a kiss.
This kiss was slower, even deeper. Matthew gave himself up to it, his arousal now a bone-deep ache in his pants. She readjusted as she kissed him, sliding off her underwear, straddling his lap, and pushing her skirt up even more.
He groaned in desperate relief when she reached into his waistband and freed his erection, her little hands running up and down the length of him.
“You want me to get a condom?” he managed to ask, his head falling back helplessly as she caressed him.
“I’m on birth control, so unless you’re worried about...”
“I’m good.” He was better than good. It felt like the top of his head might fly off in pure pleasure.
“Me too.” She was smiling when she raised herself to her knees.
He slid down some for a better angle and then held his erection in position. She lowered herself onto him, fitting him inside the wet heat of her. She was so tight he moaned low and long.
“Oh God,” she gasped.
He peeked at her through the slits in his eyes. “Y’okay?”
“Yeah. Yeah. It’s so good.” She shifted restlessly. “You feel so good.”
“So do you.” He reached out to hold her by the hips. “Damn, Skye. Nothing has ever felt as good as you.”
She made a sound almost like a purr and started to rock over him, making both of them groan.
After a minute, he found the mental control to open his eyes so he could watch her. She was riding his lap, the sleeves of her dress falling over her shoulders, the neckline plunging so low he got a full view of the small, firm curves of her breasts. They were jiggling with her motion, and it was the sexiest thing.
His body throbbed dangerously. He was about to come already—at nothing more than the sight of her giving herself to their lovemaking so earnestly, eagerly. Holding nothing back.
Her hair fell all around them both. She was biting her lower lip as her motion sped up.
“Skye,” he muttered, not sure where the words were even coming from. “Take me. Take this. Take everything you want.”
She gave a little sob, her head falling backward as she bounced in his lap, her whole body shaking now. “I’m close,” she whimpered. “So close. Feels so good. Want it so bad.”
“Then take it. All you want. Come hard for me.”
She rode him hard and fast, sobbing loud and messy as she reached climax. Then she cried out shamelessly as release finally broke. She jerked and shook and clamped down around him so hard that he gave a desperate bellow as his own pleasure rocketed out of control.
He gripped her hips and bucked up into her body, chasing his own climax that was now inevitable.
“Yeah. Yeah,” she gasped. “Now you. Now you, Matthew.”
He took her from below until the roar of need inside him exploded. He came with another bellow, his motion clumsy and uncontrolled as he released inside her.
They were both panting desperately when his body finally began to soften. She slumped against him, and he wrapped both arms around her. Held her tightly.
She was his.
She’d always been his. He’d lived so much of his life knowing that she adored him. He hadn’t realized how important that was to him before, but he knew it now.
He wanted this. All of this. Her vibrant heart and small, sweet body. He wanted it exactly as he had it right now.
He wasn’t going to let it go.
Five
SKYE WAS HOT, EXHAUSTED, damp with perspiration, and utterly sated as she slumped against Matthew’s chest. His arms were around her. Their bodies were still tangled together. And nothing had ever felt better than that did.
She stayed there for as long as she could. Too long. Slivers of consciousness slowly began to slice their way through the hot, satisfied haze of her mind. Telling her she shouldn’t be feeling th
is good. Reminding her that Matthew had never wanted her before now. Recognizing that chances were slim he’d suddenly come to a life-changing epiphany and that it was far more likely he was simply indulging a moment’s inclination.
And chiding herself for giving in to feelings she’d resolved to put behind her.
Soon her mind was filled with nothing but those slivers of thought. In fact, they were no longer slivers. They were all she could process.
With a twisting in her chest and belly, she straightened up enough to swing one of her legs over Matthew’s lap and move off him. She pulled down her dress. Stared forward toward the television.
She could feel Matthew looking over at her, but she didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know what to feel.
She was suddenly terrified that Matthew had the power right now to break her heart, and she’d been stupid enough to let him do so.
“So. Uh...” Matthew’s voice was slightly rough, like it was out of practice in speaking. He adjusted to tuck himself back into his pajama pants.
“So,” she repeated, unable to voice any other syllable.
“That was...”
“A mistake,” she finished for him. It sounded right as she spoke the words. It felt like the thing she should say.
She still wasn’t looking at Matthew—couldn’t quite yet—but she heard a frown in his voice. “Why was it a mistake?”
Time to stop acting like a silly teenager. Time to face this like an adult. She turned to meet his eyes with a half smile. “Because we’re not... we’re not together. It came out of nowhere, and we didn’t think it through. We don’t even live in the same town. It’s not like there’s any... any future here.” She waved her hand between their bodies to encompass the “here” she meant. “And I’m going out with someone else... sort of.”
She wasn’t in any sort of committed relationship with Jon. In fact, based on the way the evening had gone, chances were high she wouldn’t go out with him again. She was allowed to have sex with whomever she wanted, just like Jon was. But still...
It felt kind of skeevy—not at all like her—to go out with a guy and then later in the evening have sex with someone else. What the hell was wrong with her?
“Oh. Okay.” He turned his head away, staring out at the blank TV the way she had earlier.
Afraid she might have hurt his manly pride (since guys were kind of sensitive that way), she added hurriedly, “Not that it wasn’t good. It was. Great really. Really, really good sex. Amazing.” Okay. That was enough of that. “Just that I don’t normally have casual sex. I only have sex with guys if there’s potential for... for more. So this feels kind of weird and awkward for me.”
“Yeah. I can see that.”
She searched his face and couldn’t see anything that looked like hurt or disappointment or annoyance. He looked a little stiff. Closed off. Like he was as uncomfortable as she was in this situation. But he didn’t look crushed or angry. That was good. That gave her confidence enough to say, “So can we... can we just try to forget this ever happened. You’ll go back to Richmond, and I’ll go on with my life and keep trying to... to...”
His eyes shot to her face. “To what?”
“To do better.”
Matthew gave a little nod. “Okay. That sounds fine to me.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I’m all for avoiding weirdness as much as possible.”
She stood up, sore in more than one place, and did her best to restore her dress to its previous condition.
The dog had been sprawled out on his side in the middle of the floor, snoring loudly, completely uninterested in such pedestrian proceedings. But he jumped up now, alert in an instant. He came over panting to gaze up at Skye.
“I’m sorry, buddy,” she told him, smiling with a swell of affection. “I don’t have any snacks for you. You better ask your master.”
“I am not that dog’s master,” Matthew insisted, standing and yanking up his pants since they’d slipped too low on his hips. He was flushed and rumpled and somehow softer than normal.
She wanted to hug him hard. Didn’t, of course. “He seems to think you are.”
“He’s mistaken. After the catastrophe this evening, you really think anyone believes I’m a good candidate for a dog owner?”
“I think you are. You just need to make sure he doesn’t slip out the door as you leave.” She slid on her heels and grabbed her little purse. She felt wet and messy between her legs. She wanted to go clean herself up a little. But that would prolong this encounter, and she’d rather escape as soon as possible, before she let Matthew see the chaotic state of her feelings. “I did have a good time tonight,” she told him, pleased that she sounded so casual and grown-up. “Thank you.”
“Thank you,” Matthew said, his expression changing almost imperceptibly. “It was really good for me too.”
That was nice to hear. As nice as she could expect. She smiled at him as she turned toward the door. The dog followed as she walked, so Matthew had to come over and take the animal by the collar as the door was opened.
She smiled one more time over her shoulder at Matthew and the dog and waved as she closed the door behind her.
There.
It was done.
She’d managed all right.
It had been a mistake—a big one—but it wasn’t the end of the world. She’d put her own heart in danger, but at least she hadn’t humiliated herself in front of anyone except herself. Matthew didn’t know. He didn’t need to know.
She was supposed to be growing up and moving on from him, and that was exactly what she was going to do.
Having sex with him changed nothing.
She wouldn’t let it.
IT WAS ALMOST THREE in the morning when Skye let herself into her parents’ house. She made sure to stay quiet so she wouldn’t wake anyone up.
She felt like a teenager. A stupid teenager. She hated feeling that way.
She’d slipped off her shoes and was heading toward the stairs when a voice came out of the dark of the living room. “Everything all right, dear?”
Skye nearly jumped out of her skin. “Oh my God, Gran, you scared me half to death!”
“I’m sorry,” her grandmother said with a soft chuckle. “I didn’t mean to.”
Skye came closer and saw that her grandmother was sitting in her normal rocking chair near the window. “What are you doing here in the dark in the middle of the night?”
“Couldn’t sleep. I sometimes get up and sit here and pray.”
“Oh. That’s kind of nice. Why can’t you sleep?”
“I don’t know. I’m too old to sleep, I think. I don’t do anything but sit around all day, and I go to bed early. I just wake up sometimes and can’t sleep anymore.”
Skye laughed softly. “That makes sense. Can I get you anything? You want a cup of tea? Or are you planning to go back to bed?”
“I probably won’t go back to bed. I wouldn’t say no to tea, but you must be tired, so you don’t have to—”
“It’s no problem. It will just take a minute.”
Skye went to make her grandmother a cup of tea and brought it back to the living room to offer her.
“Thank you, dear. You’re really good to your old gran.”
With a snort, Skye replied, “It’s just a cup of tea. What kind of granddaughter would I be if I didn’t make one for you?”
Gran reached out to touch her arm, gently pulling her down onto the footstool in front of her chair. “Now is there anything you want to tell me?”
Skye gulped. “What? About what?”
“About why you seem upset.”
Skye had thought she’d had her feelings under control, but evidently she didn’t. “It’s nothing, Gran. Just a long night.”
“Did the reunion not go well?”
“It went fine.”
“Why are you lying to me? Are you embarrassed about something?”
Skye considered deflecting some more in the hopes that
her grandmother would give up, but the truth was she really wanted to talk to someone about everything, and everyone else she might share with was currently sleeping. “Not really. I mean, maybe a little. I just... I made a mistake. I thought I was ready to be... be different, but I guess I’m not.”
“What was your mistake?”
Gran was understanding, but she was also old-fashioned. Skye wasn’t sure she was prepared to tell her grandmother that she’d had a random sexual encounter with Matthew Jenkins.
“Did it have to do with Matthew?” Gran prompted.
Skye nodded, looking down at her knees.
“You’ve always been in love with that boy.”
“I don’t think it was love. It was a crush, and it was immature and silly and embarrassing. I don’t want to be like that anymore.”
“And something happened that proved to you that you haven’t outgrown your crush after all?”
“Yes. That’s exactly what happened. And now I feel... awful about it. Like every feeling in my heart is in an uproar.”
“Why is that a bad thing? Love sometimes feels like that.”
“It’s not love! It’s not! It can’t be.” She sniffed. “And even if it was, it wouldn’t matter. He doesn’t love me back. He never has.”
Gran was silent for a long time.
So long that Skye grew self-conscious. “You don’t have any good advice for me?”
“I’m thinking about it.”
“Oh. Okay.” Skye waited. Patience had never been one of her gifts, but she tried.
Finally Gran murmured, “I think you need to give yourself a break.”
“What?”
“You heard me. You need to give yourself a break. You’re trying to make good decisions and be a strong, mature person. That’s a good thing. But it doesn’t happen overnight. Everyone makes mistakes and does things they don’t want to do. Why should you be different? You’re doing well. You’ve made a great business for yourself. You’ve got deep friendships and a whole community who loves you. You go out of your way to take care of your family. You’re a remarkable person. You really are, Skye. So what if you’re living with your parents and you make a few romantic missteps? You’re human. Let yourself be human.”