by J. M. Walker
“Because he’s a biker. If he’s so scary like you guys suggest he is, then I feel like…” I huffed when the guys just stared down at me. “Whatever. I know what I mean. Maybe I’m just being paranoid. Maybe…” Maybe I expected something to take place and was disappointed when it didn’t. Could that happen? It would be like watching an action movie and it building up to the big explosion scene and then…nothing. God, I should get it together and be thankful that—
A loud bang sounded.
I jumped when a heavy body hit mine, pushing me to the ground. I landed on the hard cement beneath me with an oomph, all the weight being knocked from my lungs.
Bangs continued, popping in my ears and making them ring.
My heart jumped to my throat. I tried struggling out from beneath the heavy weight on top of me, but the body kept me close.
“Stop.”
I stilled at the deep voice. “Sunny? What’s going on?”
He grunted, the popping continuing.
It was followed by shouts, women screaming and men yelling. It all happened so damn fast; I couldn’t make out what was being said.
“Sunny, what’s going on?” I asked, my voice shaking.
Suddenly the popping stopped, followed by sirens sounding off in the distance. As time wore on, they only became louder and louder.
“Sunny.” I tried pushing him off me. “Baby, you’re too heavy.” I pushed him again, but he wouldn’t budge. His hot breath fanned the side of my face.
“I’m sorry,” he wheezed.
My eyes widened. “Sunny.” I shook him. My hand landed against something sticky. Pulling it back, I saw that it was coated in something. A dark liquid. My stomach sunk. “No. Shade!” I screamed. “Shade! I need you.” I gently nudged Sunny. “Please, Sunny. Sir. Please.” My eyes welled, my throat working over the hard lump suddenly lodged in it.
“I love you, baby.” Sunny wrapped himself around me. “Take care of him. Take care of my boy.” He coughed, his body shaking with ragged breaths. “Take care of him.”
I squeezed my eyes shut, shaking my head and praying with everything in me for this not to be happening. For us to go back to that morning. For us to have gone on our damn date instead. We should have met up with Tanner tomorrow like Sunny had suggested earlier but then changed his mind, so we could get this over with.
But now…
Sunny’s rising back, slowed until his breathing became even.
A sob escaped me.
I knew. God did I know.
That date would never happen.
With Sunny wrapped around me, protecting me, keeping me safe, he whispered his final breath.
Shade
THE HORROR SURROUNDING US was like it came right out of an action film. Gunshots had fired, Tanner’s men blew up the damn parking lot. But of course, Tanner had been nowhere to be found. I wasn’t sure if he set this up. If he had, that meant war and a war was what he was going to get.
While Meadow had gone to give Tanner the ring, Sunny and I stayed back. When he got what he wanted, he went into the café and that was when the gunshots started.
It had happened so damn fast. At one moment, Sunny and Meadow were coming toward me and the next, they were on the ground.
Sirens sounded, police cars barreling down the road as the red and blue lights flashed. They indicated their arrival and while I would have breathed a sigh of relief at seeing them, I was focused solely on the bundled heap laying on the ground by Sunny’s SUV.
As quickly as I wanted to go to them, my feet were stuck. It was as if I were in quicksand and couldn’t move. Time seemed to stand still the longer I stared.
Voices shouted, someone grabbed my shoulders and shook me.
A cop. A cop was shouting in my face.
Why couldn’t I hear him?
He released me and disappeared into the mess spread out around us.
Sunny. Meadow.
My feet finally moved.
One step. Two. Three.
Several more before I reached the pile.
“Shade.” Meadow. She sounded so far away. Her voice was small. Helpless. Blood splattered her face and the pieces of clothing I could see. “Please. Sunny.”
That snapped me out of it. When I reached them, I fell to my knees, shoving Sunny back a few inches so Meadow could move out from beneath him. When his eyes didn’t open, I knew. When he didn’t demand for answers with that gravelly voice of his, I knew. When he didn’t tell me that he loved me and that everything would be fine, fuck, I knew. But I still needed to hear the words.
“Meadow,” I croaked, pushing Sunny off of her completely and gently turning him onto his back. When I pressed two fingers to his pulse point at the side of his neck and felt nothing, a muffled sob left me.
Through blurred vision, I tilted his head back and started giving him CPR. I would do anything to give my life for him. To breathe into his lungs and make his heart beat again.
I placed two fingers at his sternum, then put the heel of my other hand next to them and started chest compressions. “Please, Sunny. Wake the fuck up. You need to wake up. I need you.”
“Shade,” came Meadow’s muffled sob.
“Please.” Tears rolled down my cheeks, dripping off my chin and onto his leather cut.
“Shade.” Meadow hiccupped. She placed her hands on top of mine. “He’s gone.”
“No,” I shouted. “He can’t die on me.” Not when we were finally getting somewhere. After being together for fifteen years, we were finally starting to feel like a normal couple. “No. Sunny.” I stopped the compressions and beat my fists against his chest instead. But it did nothing. Sunny laid there, still and unmoving, and Meadow cried.
She threw her arms around my neck, muttering over and over how sorry she was but it did nothing to curb this ache. This agony that threatened to consume me completely.
“Say it,” I demanded, holding her against me.
She shook against me.
“Say. It,” I repeated.
Meadow lifted her head, staring at me. “He’s…he’s dead.”
Screams shattered from my lips, tearing my throat to shreds. It was like death himself had ripped my heart from my chest only to crush it in his very hands all the while laughing in my face.
“Sunny Harrison.”
I stood stock still, staring up into the grayest eyes I had ever seen. I wasn’t new to being attracted to the same sex, so these feelings weren’t unnatural for me, but I had never run into someone who looked like…well…Sunny. He looked to be about my age, with dark hair that was cut short at the sides, leaving the strands a little longer on top. He had a full beard on his strong jaw, but it was his eyes that drew me in.
He cocked his head to the side, raising an eyebrow. “Something on my face?”
I chuckled, my cheeks burning. Sticking out my hand, I gave him a smirk. “Roy Allen.”
Sunny slipped his fingers in mine. “Nice to meet you.”
As soon as our fingers touched, a shock of electricity ran through me. I wasn’t sure if Sunny was into men or not, but I knew right then and there that I was attracted to him. But as deep as that attraction went, I could see the walls he had put up. And I was determined to break through them. Even if it took me years.
This couldn’t be happening. There was no way that Sunny could be dead.
“Shade.”
My name was said but I couldn’t make out who was saying it. My mind was in a fog. My stomach lurched, threatening to spew everything I had consumed that day on the ground in front of me.
“Shade,” my name was repeated, firmer that time.
Meadow held me against her, but I never returned the embrace. It wasn’t her fault. None of this was her fault and yet, I still placed the blame. On her? On myself? On Tanner? I didn’t know who killed Sunny, but I would avenge him and make them pay for taking him from us.
Much to my dismay, Meadow was pulled from my arms and placed in the SUV that Sunny and I had owned together
. Although he had been the only one to ever drive it, both of our names were on the ownership. I realized then that he had truly loved me. In his own way. Even though it took a while for him to come out and say those words, it was the small things. We owned a house together. After he moved in originally when he had been with Roxanne, he invited me to move in with him instead. She had never been happy about that fact, knowing that even when Sunny and I fought, it was him and me. It was always us. No one else. Until Meadow came along, it was just the two of us.
“Shade.” Greyson ran toward me. His gaze dropped to Sunny laying on the ground at my knees. “Fucking hell.” He put a phone to his ear and started barking orders, but I couldn’t make out what was being said. All I could focus on was the fact that Sunny was dead. He was gone. It was like my soul was ripped from my very chest. I couldn’t do this. Leaning over Sunny, I brushed my fingers over his eyes and kissed his forehead.
“I love you, Sunny,” I whispered, tasting my tears on my tongue. “I will always love you.”
I could almost hear him say, Take care of our girl.
“I will,” I promised him. “I will take care of her.”
But she would have to take care of me just the same. Sunny had always been the strong one in our relationship but now it was my turn. I didn’t want it to be my turn. I wanted Sunny. He was all I ever wanted. I wasn’t ready to live life without him. We were supposed to grow old together. Before we met Meadow, we had made plans to travel once we retired. Now that would never happen.
“You need to go to the hospital with Meadow.” A heavy hand cupped my nape, pulling me from my thoughts. “Shade.”
I looked up, finding Greyson staring down at me.
“You need to go with Meadow. We’ll take care of Sunny,” he said, his voice thick.
I only stared at him, wondering how he did it. He had lost members years ago when Sunny and I were both just prospects. But he seemed to move on even though I was sure it had been hard.
“How do you do it?” I asked him, my voice rough and thick with the excruciating pain burning through me.
Greyson’s jaw ticked. “What do you mean?”
“All this death. How?”
His face softened. “I have my wife. She helps me.”
“I can’t do this.” My eyes welled all over again. This pain was something I had never felt before. It grated over my bones, dug into my flesh, and ripped my heart into tiny little pieces.
“You can.” Greyson cupped my shoulders, staring intently into my eyes. “Listen, you two joined the club together. You were prospects at the time and drove me fucking crazy. You were hotheads much like myself. Eve said it’s why we butted heads most days.”
I looked away, remembering the many arguments we had but in reality, it was all in fun. We respected the hell out of Greyson.
“I need him,” I whispered.
“I know.” Grey slid his hand to the back of my neck, leaning his forehead against mine. “I promise you that you will get through this. But as much as I want to continue this conversation, you need to go. Take care of your girl, Shade. She needs you.”
I pulled away from Greyson and kissed Sunny one last time, not caring in the least who was watching.
“Shade?”
I looked up at Meadow sitting in the back seat of the SUV. The door was open, and her arms were out like she was waiting for me to run into them. To run into her safety and suck whatever strength it was that she was willing to offer me.
Greyson gave my shoulder a final squeeze before he started rounding up the guys to follow us to the hospital and to speak with the coroner about putting Sunny’s body away for safekeeping until we could bury him.
Pushing away from Sunny, I trudged toward Meadow.
She caught my shirt in her hands before I could touch her myself. Pulling me into the back seat, she threw her arms around my shoulders and cried into the crook of my neck.
I pulled her onto my lap, held her tight, and shut the door.
Cyrus slid into the driver’s seat, followed by Sammy joining him in the passenger seat. Cyrus caught my gaze in the rearview mirror and nodded once.
Blowing out a slow breath, I let my eyes close and held Meadow while she cried.
Once we were cleared to leave by the police, Cyrus and Sammy drove Meadow and I to the hospital themselves. The EMT had checked her out but I wanted to be thorough, knowing that it was what Sunny would have wanted as well.
As much as I just wanted to go home, I knew that Meadow needed to be checked out. Sunny had pushed her out of the way but also landed on her quite hard. They were both knocked to the ground and even though Meadow hadn’t complained about being in pain, the adrenaline could have masked that.
Meadow lifted her head, sniffing and wiping under her eyes. “I…”
“Shhh…” I wrapped my hand up in her hair and kissed her forehead. Letting my lips linger, I inhaled the sweet scent of her skin. Running my thumb along her cheek, I breathed her in. Her scent calmed me. It eased some of the pain rushing through the soul of my very being. I knew in time we could get through this but getting over it?
Never.
***
With shaky hands, I pulled a pack of smokes out of the inner pocket of my leather jacket. I attempted to light a cigarette, but the lighter wouldn’t spark.
“Hey.” Cyrus grabbed the smoke. “Let me.” He took the smoke from me and stuck it between his lips, lit the tip, and inhaled. The sweet smoke billowed around us. He handed it back to me and stretched out his long legs in front of him.
“Thank you,” I murmured, taking a deep inhale of the sustenance that I needed. “I thought you quit.”
“I did.” He nodded toward his brother who paced in front of us. “He’s the smoker. I’d rather have liquor. And you were struggling, so I wanted to help.”
I let out a hard sigh and puffed on the smoke between my lips. “I don’t know what to do,” I said after a couple of minutes of silence fell between us.
“You will,” Cyrus said gently. “Maybe not now. Maybe not even tomorrow. But you will figure out what to do. With Meadow there to help you, both of you will get through this.”
“You don’t know that,” I said, my voice rough.
“Nope.” Sammy stopped pacing. “He doesn’t but we can tell you from experience that it will get easier. Some days are harder than others. You could see things that remind you of him. Or smell something. Or even just seeing Meadow could remind you.”
I swallowed hard, looked away, and butted out the smoke on the sidewalk beneath us.
“You’re strong, Shade. Both of you are.” Cyrus nodded toward Sammy. “Hell, I don’t know what I would have done without this fucker.”
Sammy grinned, patting his own back. “I am pretty spectacular.”
I chuckled.
They laughed along with me.
I let out a heavy sigh. “Thank you.”
“Anytime, brother.” Cyrus cupped my shoulder. “You should get in there though. I’m sure they’re done checking on Meadow.”
I nodded. I wanted to stay with her, but she had insisted that I take a breather.
Rising to my feet, I brushed off my jeans and stared up at the large building in front of us. General Hospital sat in big red letters on the tallest part of the building. I hadn’t been there often. Last time was when Sunny had a cold that turned out to be the flu. He refused medication, so it only got worse and to the point where it ended up being pneumonia.
A shuddered breath left me as the memory slid into my mind.
Making my way into the building, I headed to the room that Meadow was staying in. As I reached the floor she was on, I walked down the long white hall. As soon as I stood outside her room, two words came from inside the room. Two words that I never thought I would ever hear. Not when it came to someone I was in love with.
“What did you just say?” I heard Meadow ask, her voice soft and unsure.
The doctor cleared her throat. “You’re pregnant.
”
***
(Meadow)
My mind was numb. I didn’t care about anything but at the same time, I did. It was confusing. I was confused. The tears no longer fell. I hadn’t known Sunny for long but for the time that I did, I fell in love with him hard. The three of us balanced each other out. While Shade submitted to me, Sunny dominated me and gave me everything that I needed. He was my Sir. My Daddy. While some wouldn’t find it normal, it was our normal. It made us up, as individuals and as a trio. And now it was just Shade and I. If he still wanted to be with me.
My eyes burned, the tears threatening to escape once again. It hurt. Every inch of me hurt. Physically. Emotionally. Fucking mentally. I missed him. God, I missed him. He was taken from me far too soon. And Shade, I had no idea how we would get through this.
My chest tightened, the air escaping my lungs, burning through me.
After everything that happened outside the café, the police questioned everyone who was in the vicinity and surrounding area. They had shown up at the hospital, asking both Shade and I questions. But of course, no one had any answers. Bottom line, either Tanner or one of his crew shot up the place and we lost Sunny because of it.
Hell’s Harlem made an appearance, the police asked everyone questions, cleared us to leave and now I was at the hospital. Truth was, I couldn’t remember much of the night. I had passed out in Shade’s arms. Under normal circumstances, I was sure an ambulance would have taken me away, but these biker clubs liked to do things their own way. So, they drove me to the hospital themselves.
“You’re pregnant.”
I broke down into tears when the doctor told me that I was carrying a baby. I hadn’t even known Sunny and Shade for that long. It didn’t make sense.
“Condoms aren’t foolproof,” the doctor said gently, giving me a small smile.
We did the math and estimated that I was just over a month along.
It had felt like I had known them for much longer when really, it had been almost two months. I couldn’t believe I was carrying Sunny and Shade’s baby. But I didn’t know where Shade was. Maybe I would never see him again. Maybe this was it. Maybe Sunny’s death broke us. I had told him to take a breather but maybe he left for good. Maybe he was only with me in the first place because of Sunny himself.