With Us (Next Generation Book 2)

by J. M. Walker

  No, that wasn’t the case. Shade loved me.

  The sound of the door opening followed by heavy footsteps rang through me but I couldn’t look to see who it was. Even though I knew. I could smell him before he got close enough. I could feel him. Taste him.

  The bed dipped beside me.

  A sob lodged its way into my throat. He never left.

  Shade pushed his face into the crook of my neck, wrapping his arm around my middle. His body shook with silent but rough cries. He lost a piece of himself. A man he had been in love with since he was young. A man he gave his complete self to. A man who took and gave him everything in return. A man I could never compete with.

  “Don’t leave me.”

  My head whipped around. I stared up into Shade’s red-rimmed eyes. “What?” I croaked.

  “Don’t leave me,” he repeated, leaning his forehead against mine. “I couldn’t handle it if you did.”

  “Never.” I cupped his cheek, his thick beard tickling my fingers. He had grown it in some once he realized how much I liked it. “I thought you would leave me. I thought it was us three. And that’s it. Now that it’s just us two…I…I just…” Tears fell, rolling down my cheeks and dripping off my chin. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t.” Shade pulled me against him, crushing me into a deep hug. “It’s not your fault,” he said, his voice shaking. “I’m not leaving you. Never, Meadow.”

  “I should have done something. I shouldn’t have called Tanner on like that. I should…” A sob tore through me, crushing every bone in my body with the weight of my anguish.

  “Baby.” Shade wrapped his hands in my hair, holding me tight and crying along with me.

  “It should have been me,” I sobbed, tugging him tighter against me. My hold on him was so damn tight, it was like I was trying to burrow beneath his skin. Maybe I was. I wanted him to take the pain away and I would do the same for him.

  “Don’t say that,” he pleaded, his voice thick.

  “If you wouldn’t have met me…”

  “Don’t.” He leaned back, staring down at me. “We met you because we were supposed to. You helped Sunny and I become closer. You helped him confess his love for me and I…” He swallowed hard. “The same.”

  “But he was taken from you. Because of me.”

  “No.” Shade cupped my face. “He saved you.”

  “But he died because of that,” I cried, shoving from his grip. I tried pulling away. Even though I was in a hospital bed and hooked up to an IV, I still tried to get as far away from him as possible.

  “Don’t, little lamb.” Shade sat behind me and pulled me back against him. “Please don’t pull away from me. I need you. I can’t do this alone.”

  My shoulders slumped with defeat. All the weight of what happened tonight, came down hard on my body. “I want him back.”

  “I know.” Shade cupped my stomach. “The doctor said that you’re pregnant.”

  I nodded, fresh tears rolling down my cheeks.

  “Sunny died for you and his baby. My baby.”

  I covered Shade’s hand. “Our baby.”

  “I’m so sorry, Meadow.” Shade kissed the side of my head. “I promise you that I will be the best father I can be. I’ll never be able to replace what you had with Sunny but I’m here. I’m always here.”

  I looked up at him then. “I was thinking the same thing.”

  Shade cupped the side of my neck. “What do you mean?”

  “I can’t replace what you had with Sunny either.” I kissed him softly on the mouth. “I’m sorry for your loss, Shade. I’m so sorry.”

  Shade leaned his forehead against mine. “I’m sorry for yours.”

  I had gone into this wanting to fulfill a fantasy and instead, I fell in love with two men at the same time. While Sunny was taken from us, this baby would be a way for us to heal. But I knew the only way that Shade and I could truly heal was by being there for each other. No matter what happened.

  “We never got a chance to go on our date,” I murmured.

  Shade sighed. “I know.”

  Not that it was important but Sunny had been determined to prove to the world that this was right. That poly relationships happened. He let on like he didn’t care what people thought but he did. He was worried that Shade would leave him because of other people’s opinions over what they shared. Over what we shared.

  “This isn’t weird for you?” Shade asked a little while later. His fingers were in mine, his calloused thumb rubbing back and forth over my palm.

  “What do you mean?” I really wanted to go home but the doctor insisted I stay overnight for observation. Especially since I hit my head pretty hard, add to the fact that I was pregnant. My heart jumped. I still couldn’t believe I was carrying Sunny and Shade’s baby.

  “Well I know you wanted a relationship with two men. And you’re pregnant. It could be either mine or Sunny’s or…”

  “Or?” I looked up at him.

  His usually bright green eyes were no longer green but a shade of gray. They reminded me of Sunny’s slate eyes. Eyes that I had looked into for what felt like an eternity when really, it hadn’t been that long at all.

  “You were with someone else before us.” Shade shook his head. “I’m not accusing you of anything.” He sat up, pushing out from behind me and sliding off the bed. He started pacing. “I’m sorry.”

  “Hey.” I held my arms out. “Come here.”

  Shade stopped and turned to me. “We can get a DNA test.”

  “No.” I patted the spot in front of me. “Sit. Please.”

  Shade came back toward me and sat. “I won’t be upset.”

  “Listen to me.” I wrapped an arm around his shoulders and kissed his cheek. “I love you. I love you and Sunny. And while he’s gone, he will always live on with this baby.” I grabbed Shade’s hand and brought it to my stomach. “Our baby. I know it’s either yours or Sunny’s. Not the other guy’s. The math doesn’t add up and I had my period right before I met you both.”

  Shade’s body relaxed at that.

  I ran my hand down his chest. “Whatever this is…I felt like it was right with you two. All along I knew it was where I needed to be and who I needed to be with. I don’t believe in fate but…”

  “I know.” Shade kissed my forehead. “I felt it too. All along. The whole damn time.”

  “This baby belongs to both you and Sunny. And we’ll raise them to understand that they have two daddies. Even though Sunny is…” I swallowed hard.

  “Meadow.” Shade threw himself around me. “You’re fucking incredible.”

  “I’m really not,” I said, hugging him back.

  “You are.” He fisted my hair, staring intently into my eyes. “I love you.”

  “I love you too,” I murmured. “More than I can ever tell you.”

  Meadow

  SHADE AND I STOOD hand in hand, both of us staring as the casket was lowered into the grave. I had never lost someone. My grandfather passed away a couple of years ago but other than that, I had never experienced this sort of loss. This pain that felt like someone was stabbing me constantly with a knife. It ripped into my heart, turned and twisted until all I felt was agony shredding my damn soul.

  Members of Hell’s Harlem from all over had shown up to the funeral. They offered their condolences, the air around them thick and tense. While they offered their gentle words to me, they told Shade they would help him avenge Sunny. He would only nod or grunt in response but never took his hand from mine.

  Our friends and family had been beyond supportive. My brother apologized. I could sense the guilt resting on him, weighing him down constantly when really, this had nothing to do with him. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. Everyone offered their condolences but never asked us how we were doing. Why would they? It was obvious how we were doing. We were hurting. But it was harder for Shade. Not that our pain could be compared to one another, but he had been with Sunny longer than I had.

&
nbsp; Shade tugged my hand.

  I looked up at him.

  He gave me a small smile.

  My heart stuttered. Maybe we could get through this. One day at a time. One step at a time. As long as we had each other, we could get through anything. It was as if I could hear Sunny whispering those words to me himself.

  We hadn’t told anyone that I was pregnant. We wanted to spend some time, keeping that piece of information to ourselves. At least for a little bit.

  After Sunny was buried, I gave Shade some time alone with him and went up to my parents.

  My mother’s head turned around, her gaze catching mine. Her face softened.

  I rushed up to her and threw my arms around her middle.

  “Oh, baby.” She enveloped me in a hug, kissing the top of my head. “I’m so sorry.”

  Dad hugged us both, muttering his own condolences.

  “I can’t do this,” I finally said, my voice thick.

  “Yes.” Dad spun me toward him. “You can.” He cupped my face. “I promise you that you will get through this. Together. It’ll be hard. I’m not going to lie and say it isn’t. But together, you and Shade will heal.”

  I nodded, blinking back tears at my dad’s words.

  I caught Gigi, Luna, and Piper coming toward us.

  Dad released me.

  The girls picked up their steps until they reached me. They wrapped me in a group hug, crying along with me.

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “I can’t imagine what you both are going through.”

  “We’re here. Whatever you need.”

  I wasn’t sure who was saying what, but I didn’t care. I needed them. My friends. Who I also hoped would one day be Shade’s friends just the same.

  “Meadow.”

  My head snapped up, finding Aiden and Ashton standing near us. They mirrored each other’s poses with their hands shoved in their pockets. A solemn look was on both of their faces.

  I released the girls and went up to the twins.

  “I’m sorry.” Aiden wrapped me up in a tight hug. He gave me one final squeeze before gently pushing me into his brother’s arms.

  Ashton’s hug lasted a little longer than what was deemed appropriate.

  “Fucker shouldn’t be touching what belongs to us.”

  A laugh mixed with a sob, escaped me.

  Ashton only hugged me tighter.

  “Meadow, tell him to keep his hands to himself.”

  I pulled away from Ashton.

  He frowned.

  “I’m sorry.” I wiped my face, letting out a harsh breath. “I could hear him grumbling like he was actually here. I know it doesn’t make sense.”

  Ashton tilted his head. “Did he say for me to stop touching you?”

  I laughed lightly, thankful that he didn’t think I was going crazy. “Something like that.”

  Ashton gave me a small smile. “I’ll keep my hands to myself, Meadow. I promise. I know when I’m no longer needed.”

  I stared up at him.

  He gave me a small smile, his shoulders lifting with a slight shrug.

  “Thank you for taking care of me,” I told him as a large shadow came up behind me.

  Ashton stood taller, his gaze flicking over my head. “We haven’t officially met.” He stuck out his hand. “Ashton Donovan. I wish it were under better circumstances.”

  Shade returned the handshake. “Roy Allen but everyone calls me Shade.”

  Ashton nodded. “Your girl and I go way back. You got a good one.”

  Shade reached for my hand.

  I took it, holding it tight and trying with everything in me to suck all the strength he had and wrap it around me. “I have a good one as well.”

  Ashton took a step toward me, cupped my shoulder, and placed a soft peck on my cheek. “Take care of each other, Meadow.” He gave my shoulder a light squeeze before he left us and rejoined his brother who was now standing with the girls and my parents.

  “Meadow.”

  I looked up at Shade but not before I caught a woman standing by one of the cars a few feet away. “Do you know who that is?”

  Shade followed my gaze. “Yeah. That’s Roxanne.”

  “Oh.” I swallowed hard but took a deep breath. With Shade’s hand in mine, I led us toward her.

  “Meadow.” He tugged my hand. “We don’t have to do this.”

  “I know.” But I was being the bigger person.

  When we stood in front of Roxanne, I released Shade’s hand and wrapped my arms around her middle.

  She gasped, her body stiffening.

  “I’m sorry for your loss.” I gave her a final squeeze before releasing her and moving to Shade’s side.

  “I…” She pulled at the collar of her tailored suit jacket. She wore all black, the pencil skirt hugging her figure. Her dark hair was around her shoulders in waves. Her full red lips pressing into a thin line. “I don’t even know what to say.”

  “Well…” I looked around her. “Sunny said he kept in contact with your kids. Are they not here?”

  “They’re in school,” she said, as if that were a good enough reason for them not to show up to a funeral for someone who they were apparently close with.

  “Meadow,” Shade said gently. “We need to meet with Greyson and the guys.”

  “Oh. Okay.” I looked back at Roxanne. “Well, it was nice meeting you. I wish it could have been under better circumstances.”

  She snorted. “Right. I’m sure you do.” She gave me a curt nod. “Shade.” And with that, she spun on her heel and headed back toward her car.

  “Well that was odd,” I muttered.

  “Yeah, she’s never been a fan of mine.” Shade cupped my shoulders and spun me around until I faced him. “But enough about her. We have to meet with Greyson. It’s about Sunny.”

  ***

  (Shade)

  Greyson didn’t want to meet so soon. Especially when we’d just buried Sunny. But Meadow and I both needed answers so we could try and move on. It would still be difficult, no matter what information we got but Sunny deserved justice.

  After we left the graveyard, we told Meadow’s parents that we would be by later that evening. Thankfully they understood. It helped when Meadow’s father was a hothead and would have gone through hell first to get the answers he was needing if someone he loved died.

  Sunny would definitely understand because I knew that he would have done the same thing if the roles were reversed.

  “I’m nervous,” Meadow said, pulling me from my thoughts.

  “I know, baby. So am I.” I pulled the SUV into the large driveway sitting in front of the Hell’s Harlem clubhouse. This would be the first time that I had ever stepped foot into the building without Sunny.

  My heart jumped to my throat.

  I inhaled a shaky breath.

  “Let’s get this done and over with.” Meadow’s voice was soft. So damn soft, I almost didn’t hear her.

  I nodded and left the vehicle.

  Trudging around to her side, I opened the door and leaned in before she could exit. “I love you.” I cupped her face. “Whatever we find out, we are in this together. I’m not leaving you. Not for anything.”

  She covered my hand. “I’m not leaving you either.”

  “Good.” I kissed her softly on the forehead and grabbed her hand, helping her leave the SUV.

  When we made our way inside the house, we were greeted with friendly but sad smiles, hugs, condolences, and more hugs. But while that went on, my hand always remained connected with Meadow’s. I wasn’t letting her go. Ever. I knew that at first, she was concerned that I would leave her because we had gone into this as a ménage. A trio. But none of that mattered to me. I loved her. I meant that. Sunny wouldn’t want us to end things just because he was no longer around. It wasn’t how we worked. Once we loved, we loved hard and we remained faithful. It was why I had waited so damn long for Sunny. I knew he would come around. It would have only been a matter of time before h
e got his head out of his ass.

  I just wished he could be there for when our baby was born. He loved kids. Even when they weren’t his own.

  “Alright, let’s give them the information we know, so they can have some time alone.” Greyson’s booming voice left no room for question.

  With Meadow’s hand in mine, I led her to the meeting room. Non-club members weren’t usually allowed in the room, but this was an exception.

  “Shade.” Greyson stepped in front of me. His gray eyes locked on mine. Much to my surprise, he pulled me in for a hug. “I’m so sorry, brother. So fucking sorry. I know you loved him.”

  My eyes welled, that damn lump burning in my throat again.

  “I’m proud of you though.”

  I leaned back, wiping under my eyes. “What do you mean?”

  Tray and Catch came up on either side of him.

  “You didn’t go in guns blazing when you found Sunny,” Greyson explained. “You went to the hospital to be with your girl and let the police do their job.”

  I shrugged. “It’s not a big deal.”

  Meadow squeezed my hand, giving me a small smile.

  Tray clapped my shoulders. “Yeah, brother, it is. It means you’re stronger than you think you are.”

  Maybe so but I sure as hell didn’t feel like it.

  Tray let me go, nodding toward an empty chair by the head of the table. I sat in it, pulling Meadow onto my lap.

  Greyson moved to the president’s chair while the rest of the crew rolled in. He took a breath, scrubbed a hand down his face and then took another breath. “First, Sunny wouldn’t want us wallowing. The fucker hated this shit.”

  I grunted, knowing for a fact that he was right.

  “But it doesn’t mean that we aren’t allowed to grieve.” Grey met my gaze. “Especially both of you.”

  I nodded.

  Meadow hooked her arm around my shoulders and kissed my cheek.

  “What have you found out?” I asked, knowing it couldn’t be much since Sunny died only a few days ago.