by J. M. Walker
“Well…” Greyson met my gaze.
I shifted in my seat. “What?”
“What all do you know about Roxanne Wilson?”
A look passed between Meadow and I before she started talking, “She’s Sunny’s ex-wife. They had some problems. He tried helping her and her kids, but she was using him. She was there today.”
“Of course she was,” Grey muttered. “Some of our boys stayed behind after the police left and both of you went to the hospital.” He stood and started pacing. “It sounds like Roxanne has been busy.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, his pacing making me nervous.
“I have a feeling that Tanner has nothing to do with this,” Greyson said, rubbing his jaw.
“What?” Meadow sat forward. “But he was there. He…he touched me. He’s…”
“Hey.” I pulled her back against me. “Shhh…” I whispered, cupping her cheek.
“But it’s true.” Her body shook.
“Listen.” Greyson stopped, his brows narrowing. “I know he’s an evil fucker. Trust me, I’ve seen that shit firsthand. For someone so damn young…hell, he’s my son’s age.” Grey shook his head. “Doesn’t matter. After the twins took you to the hospital, we tried to confront Tanner and find out what the hell happened.”
“And? Did you find out anything?” I demanded, needing some answers. Just something. Anything to hold onto so we could heal.
“Shade,” Grey said gently. “Tanner disappeared.”
Meadow gasped.
Bodies shifted around us.
I just sat there.
The doors suddenly opened.
Catch and Tray held a young man between them. Prospect was written on a patch on his leather cut. His face was badly beaten while blood had matted his bangs to his forehead.
“Let me go,” he demanded but his voice came out shaky.
“What’s going on?” Meadow asked, curling against me.
“Tell them,” Greyson demanded.
Catch pushed the prospect until he was bent over the edge of the table. “Tell them,” he repeated.
The prospect looked squarely at me. “Roxanne set you up. It was supposed to be you who died. Not Sunny.”
“The fuck?” I gently pushed Meadow off of me and stood. “What are you talking about?”
Catch cupped the prospect’s nape, pushing his face into the table. “Answer his damn question.”
“I don’t know all of the details. I’m only a prospect,” he said quickly. “But I overheard a few of the guys talking about taking over the club and kicking Tanner out. That’s why he disappeared. He found out there was a mole. They want him dead. I don’t know why or any more than that.”
“What does Roxanne have to do with this?” I grit out.
“She started dating one of the guys. I didn’t see them when they were talking. I swear I didn’t. I’m new. Please believe me. She wanted Sunny back. That’s why she was trying to take you out. But the guy she’s dating doesn’t know this.”
“Then, how do you?”
“Because she was talking to someone else and I overheard them.”
“Wow.” Meadow blew out a slow breath. “I knew she was crazy, but I didn’t think she’d go this far.”
“You and me both, Meadow,” I mumbled.
“Where’s Roxanne now?” Greyson asked the prospect.
“I don’t know. She left after Tanner did.” The prospect struggled beneath Catch’s weight. “Please, let me try and get answers. I’ll do what I can. I can find Tanner as well.”
Greyson raised an eyebrow. “Take him to the basement. I’ll be there in a moment.”
Tray and Catch pulled him away from the table and out of the room, his screams following behind them.
“We’ll find out answers,” Grey finally said. “You said Roxanne was at the graveyard today. So she can’t be far. I promise you we will find out what the hell is going on. But I think you should act like you know nothing. Text Roxanne. Try and contact her in some way and let her know how sorry you are for her loss. Whatever shit you want to say. Maybe she’ll cave eventually and come forward.”
Unlikely. But I only nodded.
The rest of the meeting ended up in a blur. The guys promised to take care of things and get answers. I texted Roxanne, letting her know everything I knew which wasn’t much. When she called me, that was not a conversation I wanted to repeat. She had been off at the funeral, not how I expected her to react. But hearing her sobs on the phone, tore at my heart. As much as I didn’t like her, I knew that somewhere deep down inside of her, she did in fact love Sunny.
I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that she had tried to take me out so she could be with Sunny herself.
“Did you call Roxanne’s kids?” Meadow asked later that night when we were finally alone.
“I did.” That wasn’t a conversation I wanted to repeat either. I had called them before Sunny was buried but couldn’t get ahold of them. It seemed Sunny made things seem better than what they were. Roxanne had them believe Sunny was their dad. I wasn’t sure how that was possible but since Sunny was never around, it made him look like a deadbeat father. All because of a woman who couldn’t let go.
My chest ached, my heart hurting for a man who could no longer defend himself. I did my best to clear the air but that only did so much.
Time was what they needed.
It was what we all needed.
Meadow
I WOKE TO A heavy body wrapped around me. Shade’s hot breath scorched the side of my face. His breathing was deep and even. His hand was beneath my shirt, cupping my breast. Brushing his thumb back and forth over my nipple, it sparked a need inside of me, but I didn’t hint for more. I needed Shade to want it on his own time. It had felt like weeks since we buried Sunny when really it had only been a matter of days. Was it more? I wished it were more. Maybe then, it wouldn’t hurt so much.
I tried with everything in me not to forget his voice or his face. Shade had shown me pictures of him when they were younger. It seemed Hell’s Harlem kept photo albums around. I had come to learn that Greyson liked things old-school. He would rather write letters instead of texting and he kept physical copies of pictures. Rumor had it, he even had negatives of some of the pictures as well.
As Shade showed me images that sparked up memories of their past together, I realized that I never got a picture of him. Of us. After that, I broke down into a fit of tears.
“I did.”
“What?” I looked at him through my tears.
“I did get a picture,” he said, showing me his phone. There was a photo of Sunny and I smiling at each other.
My eyes welled all over again. “How?”
“Neither of you were paying attention.” Shade shrugged. “I also have this one.” He swiped a finger across the screen before showing me it. It was of the three of us.
As Shade continued showing me more pictures, I cried silently in his arms. We made a promise to frame each picture and place them in photo albums as well. It wasn’t enough. It would never be enough, but it would have to do.
There were so many things I wished I could have done differently. I didn’t know Sunny for long. I envied Shade for that fact but felt sorry for him just the same. The agony was written in the hard lines of his face.
We started sleeping in Shade’s bedroom, knowing the one we shared, the three of us, was too hard and the pain was too raw. I wasn’t sure if we would ever be able to sleep in that bed again. Maybe we would eventually, but for now we spent our time in Shade’s room instead.
I rolled over onto my side, fresh tears welling in my eyes.
“You up, Meadow?” Shade asked, his voice rough. Both of us had been crying ourselves to sleep. We were told that this would get easier, but I wasn’t sure how.
“I am,” I whispered but I never turned back around.
“I keep thinking about what Roxanne was trying to do,” he murmured.
“Me too.” Truth wa
s, I was terrified. She already had Sunny killed. Even if he wasn’t the one who was meant to die. It still happened. So now, would she have Shade killed just out of spite?
“I’m not going anywhere, baby,” he said, his voice thick with sleep.
“You can’t promise me that.” I swallowed hard.
Shade pulled me tighter against him. “I can and I will. I’m not going anywhere. I know we don’t have all of our answers yet but one thing we do have, is each other.” He kissed the side of my neck, pushing his waist into the seat of my ass.
I bit back a gasp. His large erection pressed up against me. A sob lodged its way into my throat. It had felt like so long since we had been together, but I knew he needed time and that I needed patience.
“I’m sorry,” Shade murmured, his mouth finding the side of my throat. “I was dreaming about you. About us. And I woke up…”
“Don’t be sorry.” I turned around this time, facing him. Cupping his cheek, I placed a soft peck on his mouth.
Shade pulled away from me, turned on the lamp sitting on top of the nightstand, and lay back down beside me. “It’s been awhile but as much as I want you, I feel like it’s too soon.”
I nodded. “I know. And we’ve…”
“We’ve never been together.” Shade kissed my forehead. “Alone.”
I nodded again, wrapping my arm around his waist. Sliding my hand up his strong back, I reveled in the way his muscles jumped beneath my touch. “I miss you.”
“I know, baby.” He kissed my nose. “I’m so sorry for pushing you away.”
“You haven’t. It’s only been a few days since we…since Sunny.” My voice cracked. I moved my hand to his chest, feeling his heart beat beneath my open palm. “I’ll wait a lifetime for you.”
His breath caught. “Sunny wouldn’t want this. He’d go on a rampage, trying to figure out…” His voice became thick. “He wouldn’t want us wallowing.”
I laughed lightly even though the humor was never there. “I can almost hear him telling you to do what you’re good at.”
Shade smirked, placing a soft peck on my mouth. “Same.”
Brushing my fingers through his beard, I ran my thumb over his bottom lip. “I’m here. For whenever you’re ready. There’s no rush on anything.”
“I know.” His dark eyes met mine. They were pleading, begging for me to take away the pain that he was trying to run away from. Could he ever truly run away from it? No, because I couldn’t either. But I could run beside him.
Taking a chance because I wasn’t exactly sure what he needed, I kissed him again.
Much to my surprise, he cupped the back of my head and pressed his mouth against mine harder.
Slipping his tongue between my lips, it slid and danced along with mine. He spoke to me through that kiss alone. It was a quiet apology for pushing me away when he knew I needed him most. But it was also a cry for help. To take him out of his head. To help him heal. To give him something to focus on besides the pain tearing at his heart.
“Shade,” I whispered against his lips.
His mouth trailed down my jaw and back up before covering mine once again. The kiss picked up speed. It bordered on desperate. It was a need to erase all the heartache the last week and a bit had brought us.
Shade slid his hand down my side, sending a shiver of goosebumps along with it. He cupped my rear, squeezing and massaging his fingers into it. “Sunny loved your ass.”
I whimpered, breaking the kiss.
Our chests rose and fell.
Licking along my swollen lips, I stared into the eyes of the man I was trying to heal. “I love you,” I told him.
Shade slid his fingers around to my front, brushing lightly over my abdomen. “I love you too. And this baby. So damn much.” He pushed his hand beneath the fabric of my shirt and spread his fingers over my belly. “I think we should turn Sunny’s room into a nursery.”
My stomach tumbled. “Really?”
“I know it’s hard, but I like to think that he would be watching over our baby. It would be a way for our son or daughter to be close to him.”
My throat burned. “I like that idea.”
“I’m glad.” Shade placed a soft peck on my stomach. “I want you, Meadow. But…”
“It’s weird without him,” I answered for him.
He nodded.
“We don’t have to do anything. We can just take this one second at a time and see what happens.”
Shade nodded again, his fingers running along the edge of my sweatpants. “Kiss me.”
I did at the same time he pushed his hand into the waist of my bottoms. A moan lodged its way into my throat when Shade slipped his fingers through the folds of my pussy.
He grunted his approval, knowing that no matter what happened, my body would always react to him. I couldn’t help it. Both he and Sunny had given me everything I had ever needed. And now that it was just Shade and I, both of us had to try and fill that empty hole that Sunny left behind.
Shade slipped a finger inside me, followed by another and another. He swallowed my gasp, my sounds of pleasure getting lost between us. Sliding his other arm beneath my head, he deepened the kiss.
Hooking my fingers into the waist of my pants, I pushed them down my legs and kicked them off my feet.
His hand picked up speed, shoving all three fingers inside of me.
I grabbed his free hand, gripping the blankets beneath me with the other one.
He had never been overly dominant but this…this was his. I would do anything to help him feel better.
Shade’s mouth slowed, kissing me softly while he fingered my lower body.
My thighs shook, that familiar tingle starting in my toes.
He broke the kiss, holding my hand against the bed beside my head and stared down at me. “Come for me, pet.”
My eyes welled at the term of endearment he had used.
“Come,” he repeated, stroking his thumb along my swollen clit.
My body broke, a hard cry leaving my lips at the release slamming through me.
Shade crushed his mouth to mine, swallowing the rest of my cries. He released my hand and moved to the spot between my knees but kept his fingers inside of me.
He reached between us, replacing his fingers with the tip of his cock. Pushing into me slowly, he filled me to the hilt and swallowed my gasp.
This was the first time without Sunny.
It was our first time as a couple. Just Shade and I.
The revelation hit me.
Sunny was actually gone.
A sob escaped me.
Shade broke the kiss, leaning his forehead against mine and brushing a hand over my head. “I know, baby. I know,” he said, his voice thick.
Wrapping my legs around him, I held him tight.
We made love and cried. God, did we cry. Our tears mixed with the sounds of our pleasure opened up this newfound awareness that neither of us could have ever expected. My love for Shade became deeper at that point.
“I love you, little one,” Shade told my stomach later that night. “And I promise that we will tell you who your second Daddy is. He would have loved you. So much.” Shade rested his head on my lap, his dark eyes meeting mine.
I ran my fingers through his hair, my throat working through a hard lump.
One day we’ll meet again, Sunny.
Whether you believed in that or not, I needed to believe. I needed to know that Sunny would come back to us. I didn’t get enough time with him, but I would make up for that with Shade and our baby. And all the future babies we shared. Sunny would never be forgotten. No matter how much time passed.
I went into this wanting to fulfill a fantasy and ended up falling in love instead. As much as it hurt, I never regretted it for a second.
For that, I would forever be thankful to both Sunny and Shade.
I also knew, even years later, that Sunny would always be in our hearts and…
…with us.
Always.
A YEAR HAD PASSED, and it still wasn’t easier. To deal with the pain. The loss. To not have him by my side. To not hear his deep voice telling me what to do and how to please him or seeing his gray eyes light up whenever they landed on both Shade and I.
But I liked to think that Sunny was looking down on us, encouraging us to take it one day at a time. If it weren’t for Shade, I knew that I would have fallen into myself, never to return. And I was sure that if it weren’t for me, Shade would have done the same.
Having Sunny’s room done up as the nursery helped us heal. It wasn’t much but it was a start. Somehow, him being gone made Shade and I stronger. Individually and as a couple. But I could still hear him cry himself to sleep when he thought I wasn’t listening. I could also hear him talk to himself, like he was having a conversation with Sunny whenever he looked at our son.
Andrew was our life and because of him, we were able to get through each day.
“What are we going to name him?” I asked Shade as I stared down at our newborn baby. A son. God, we had a son.
“Andrew,” Shade said, his voice thick. “That was Sunny’s middle name.”
My eyes welled. I nodded. “It’s perfect.” I cupped Shade’s cheek and placed a soft peck on his mouth. “Absolutely perfect.”
And it had been. Andrew was the perfect baby. He never cried but instead, cooed and giggled, talking to us in his baby babble. It was funny in a way how much he reminded me of Sunny already. With his deep blue eyes and his constant chatter, he was always telling both Shade and I what to do in his own way.
A warm body stepped up behind me, followed by a hot mouth landing on my neck. Shade growled. “You smell good.”
I laughed, turning in his arms. “I had a shower and I don’t smell like baby puke anymore.”
Shade chuckled, his eyes roaming down the length of me. “Andrew’s down for a nap.”
“Oh?” I raised an eyebrow, placing my hands on his chest. “He must have passed out after I fed him because it’s not his nap time.”
“Don’t care.” Shade crouched.
“What are you—” He had me over his shoulder before I could finish my question. My laughter followed us into our bedroom.