When his patrol shift was up Alex happily said his goodbyes and hurried inside to get dry while I stayed out in the rain. The mist hadn’t changed, it was still light and airy, and as I stood in the middle of the street with my face lifted to the sky, allowing the water to drop onto my cheeks, I had a sudden flashback of the air conditioner Michael had bought me. I remembered lying on the ground right under it, naked except my underwear as cool air rushed out of the unit for the first time. My skin had been sticky with sweat, but the fine mist that had sprayed from the unit had still been cold enough to send a shiver moving through me.
I exhaled, trying to push the memory away. Trying not to think about how my baby had shifted, how her little body had moved inside me at that exact moment, almost as if she was trying to get closer to the AC so she could cool off as well.
Tears stung at the back of my eyes but I managed to successfully blink them away—I didn’t cry, not anymore. Then I kept walking.
The patrol was as uneventful as usual, and by the time I dragged myself back into the building I was ready for a break. Tania had been replaced sometime while I was outside by a squirrely little man with thinning brown hair that everyone called Cal—short for calculator. I hadn’t witnessed his mathematical wizardry firsthand, but I’d heard enough about it to know how he’d earned the name. Not that we had much use for math these days, but in the absence of other entertainment people seemed to find his computer-like brain amusing.
“Cold?” he asked when I stopped in front of him.
He pushed his glasses further up his nose with his middle finger. They were thin wire frames that were now held together by thick wads of duct tape, which wasn’t an uncommon sight these days. Somehow though, it made Cal look like a kid who had just gotten beaten up on the playground.
“Always is,” I muttered.
“True.”
Cal didn’t seem to take offense at my sharp tone, but I felt bad anyway and offered him a tired smile. “Sorry, it’s been a long day.”
“I don’t think we have short ones anymore.”
He was right about that. Bad days were the ones that seemed to stretch on forever while the best days flew by in what seemed like the blink of an eye. Days like that were few and far between now that we found ourselves confined to a shitty old office building and hiding from aliens.
I didn’t say anything else as I handed in my gear, and Cal seemed as content with the silence as I was. He gave me a nod and I returned the gesture before turning to leave, grateful that I didn’t have to pretend to be in a good mood. That was the worst part about living in such close quarters, having to put on a smile when all you really wanted to do was scream. Of course, doing that out in the open would only lead to questions and concerned looks, both of which were things I tried my best to avoid.
I left the supply room and headed toward the stairs only to find Bryan in the lobby. It was clear that he’d been waiting for me, because he stood when he saw me. It was late, so a lot of people had turned in, leaving the first floor practically empty and me totally vulnerable. I silently cursed Daisy, who I was certain was naked and tangled up in muscle at this very moment, but I knew that even if she’d been here she wouldn’t be able to save me from Bryan. It was up to me and me alone.
“I’m not in the mood,” I said, trying to squeeze past him.
“Diana, please.” He stepped in front of me, blocking my way to the stairs and the safety of my room.
“It’s late,” I said, hoping he’d take pity on me. “I’ve been on patrol and I’m tired.”
I tried to step around him a second time, but he stopped me by grabbing my arm. His hands were firm and warm, and I was so close that I could feel his breath when he exhaled. It was the closest I’d been to a man in a long time, and the silence of the lobby made it feel oddly intimate. Even more strange was the fact that I found my heart beating faster, found that I craved the warmth radiating from his body. It made no sense, but I knew what it was. Desire. It was an old feeling that I thought had died with Michael, but it hadn’t, and its sudden presence made me feel like a different person. No. It made me feel like a woman for the first time in years.
I stepped back, prying myself out of his grasp. “Don’t touch me.” The words came out needy and breathless, causing a flush to creep up my neck to my cheeks.
Bryan tilted his head to the side and his gaze moved over me, and I could tell by the expression in his eyes that my feelings were written plainly on my face.
I put more space between us. “Tomorrow.”
“Promise?” he said.
I nodded but avoided his gaze so he wouldn’t know I was lying. “Tomorrow.”
He didn’t try to stop me this time. I made it to the stairs without interruption, and then took off into the darkness, grateful for the chance to hide from everyone. I felt out of control and confused, unsure of my feelings and what they meant. It made no sense that I found myself attracted to Bryan, but I did. Why after all this time had a part of me that I’d thought was dead suddenly awakened? What was it about Bryan that brought it out?
I thought about it as I made my way up, remembered how it had felt to hear my name on his lips, how similar his voice had sounded to Michael’s. Was that the attraction? I was torn between wanting it to be the reason even though it seemed sick, and hoping that it wasn’t. It was impossible to convince myself that the memory of my dead husband was the only thing drawing me to this man, because other than his eyes and the sound of his voice, Bryan didn’t remind me of his brother at all. But he was attractive, something I’d have to be blind not to see, and I was a woman and it was unrealistic to think that I’d go my entire life and never find myself attracted to another man.
“It doesn’t matter,” I whispered to the dark stairwell as I made my way up. “I don’t need him or anyone else in my life.”
Five years. Those two words were the first things that went through my head when I woke up the next morning. Five years ago today the world changed forever, not just for me, but for everyone. How had so much time gone by already?
I found myself wishing that Daisy had saved that bottle of champagne for today. I could use a drink, not just because it was the anniversary of my husband’s and daughter’s deaths, but because I knew Bryan was somewhere in the building waiting to talk to me. He wouldn’t let it go, he’d made that much obvious when he waited for me in the lobby last night. Part of me knew I couldn’t avoid it, but I also knew I had to try. Talking to him would’ve been hard enough on a normal day, but today it felt impossible. Like it would cripple me or crush me. Like it would be the thing that would finally do me in.
I stayed in bed longer than usual, listening to the constant flow of footsteps passing my door. As they grew fewer and further between I knew that my chance to get breakfast was slipping away. If I didn’t get up soon I wouldn’t eat until lunchtime, and with the strict rationing system we had I would be feeling the missed meal. Whether I liked it or not, I had to eat.
By some miracle I managed to make it downstairs, get my food, and get out of the mess hall without spotting Bryan. The luck lasted the rest of the day, which only had a little to do with how much time I spent outside on patrol and avoiding other people. Since it was the anniversary of the invasion, my anti-social behavior was only partly to do with Bryan. Today of all days, I liked to be alone.
I didn’t go back inside until the sky had been blacked out and visibility was nearly impossible. By then I was tired, and cold and wet, but after I’d turned my gear in I’d only made it halfway through the lobby before stopping. A group, most of them militia, was gathered around and Daisy was among them. She waved when she saw me and even though a part of me wanted to keep going, I suddenly felt terribly alone. Before I knew it, I found myself going over and taking a seat next to her.
It was the type of thing I usually avoided, a group sitting around reminiscing about the past. No, not the past, about that day. The day the earth stood still or the day the world ended or the d
ay the aliens took control. Everyone called it something different, but it was the same for everyone. It was the day we lost.
The light from the fires burning throughout the room flickered off the faces of the people around me. Most of them were strangers, men and women from the militia whose names I didn’t know and would never learn, but a few were people I knew. Sergeant Anderson, who looked shorter and more compact in the shadows of the room, and Alex who wore a pinched expression that made him look like a bitter old woman. It was a common emotion that accompanied the anniversary of the invasion, and one I knew pretty well myself.
Next to me Daisy had her arm draped through Tyler’s and her body close enough to his that she was practically sitting in his lap. It wouldn’t be long before she dragged him off, and I knew only part of it was her incessant need to keep her bed full. The other part was her desire to drown out the pain with orgasms. Even I had to admit it wasn’t a bad plan.
A man on the other side of the circle took a swig from a jar. The firelight glinted off the glass as the clear liquid swished around. Moonshine. I knew a few other settlements not too far from here made the stuff, members of the militia brought it in pretty regularly, but we were a mostly alcohol free community. Not that anyone cared if we drank the stuff when it found its way to our building, but we didn’t waste time and resources making it. Waste not, want not, and all that shit.
I was watching the jar get passed down the row of people when Bryan popped up almost out of nowhere. He took a seat without looking around, saying something to the man at his side that I didn’t catch. His sudden appearance made me itch to get to my feet, but I didn’t move. Instead I stayed where I was, watching him through the flickering flames of the fire. He didn’t look anything like Michael to me today, and I found myself wondering what I’d ever seen in him that made me think they shared any kid of resemblance. Michael had been happy and soft, always smiling. Even when his parents had turned their backs on him and we could barely pay our bills. Bryan, however, looked solid and tough. The type of man who would have posed as a model for an outdoorsy magazine or a cologne that was supposed to appeal to the more rugged members of the sex. He was shorter than Michael, and broader. More muscular.
Whoever had been weaving their tale of woe stopped talking and silence fell over the group. I did my best to stay back in the shadows as the people gathered around shifted in their seats. Bryan hadn’t spotted me yet, and I couldn’t help hoping that if I sat still enough he might not see me at all. It was too much to ask for though, because, only a few seconds of silence had passed before a voice I recognized broke through the quiet. The second Daisy started talking, Bryan’s eyes moved our way, zeroing in on me.
“I was at home, sleeping off a night of drinking,” my best friend said, her voice softer than usual. “I was supposed to be at the mall with friends, but I’d overslept. I woke up when the ground shook. I thought it was an earthquake, but the next blast was closer and I could hear the crunch of metal. Then there were more.” She paused and swallowed. “When I looked outside the sky was dark, and somehow I just knew. I knew what had happened. Both of my parents were at work and I was alone. I was terrified. I tried to call my mom, but there was no cell phone service, no more Wi-Fi. I went outside and the streets were full of terrified people, and there were cars speeding through our neighborhood. I could see smoke in the distance, and I just stood there as more explosions rocked the earth and the sky above me filled more and more with dark clouds. I stood there waiting for my parents to come home, for my sister to show up. I stood there until it was so dark that it felt like night. No one ever came.” She shifted so she was closer to Tyler. “I never saw them again.”
I looked down at my hand, twisting the metal band on my left finger. I hated this day. Hated how people felt the need to rehash it over and over again. Hated that I couldn’t join in, but also that I couldn’t forget.
“I was on the interstate, driving home.” The sound of Bryan’s voice made me look up, and I found that his eyes were still focused on me. “The first explosion I saw was far away, but it was huge and it seemed to cause this chain reaction. Traffic stopped. I think there were some accidents further away from where I was, but around me people just kind of stopped driving and got out of their cars. There were dozens of us standing on the interstate, just watching as the explosions continued and the sky grew darker. It was obvious what was going on and I remember just standing there, waiting for something to swoop down and blow me up. I thought for sure that I was going to die.” He paused but didn’t look away from me, and the way his gaze held mine made me squirm, but also made me want to move closer to him. “I was pretty sure I deserved it too.”
I swallowed. I couldn’t look away. There was pleading in his gaze, but I didn’t move or nod or give any indication that I was ready to talk. Hopefully he would get the message and give up.
Someone else started talking and I forced myself to look away from Bryan. It wasn’t easy. Just like yesterday in the lobby, I felt drawn to this man. I hated it, hated myself for it, but I couldn’t deny it either. He was attractive, sexy even, but there was more to it than that, more than the connection we had over Michael, more than the past we shared. There was something about Bryan that I liked, but I couldn’t explain why or even what it was.
I tuned everyone else out as the stories went on and on. Eventually the jar of moonshine made it around the circle to me, and even though I usually avoided the foul liquid, I found myself throwing it back. The gulp was so big that it made my eyes water and burned my throat on the way down, but it didn’t stop me from taking another one. And then another. A buzz had started in me with that first drink, and with each one that followed it grew until I felt like the world around me was buzzing right along with it.
The night wore on and the stories grew more depressing. Alex talked about how he’d been on duty at the hospital, working in the ER. I’d heard the stories before, but every time felt like the first time all over again. His descriptions were vivid enough that I could picture the mayhem, could imagine the waiting room being clogged with bleeding and broken people. Even worse was the panic and terror that each new blast brought, and the overwhelming knowledge that nothing would ever be the same.
“The electricity went out maybe an hour after that first blast,” he said, “but the hospital had emergency generators that kept us going. I was pretty sure we were all going to die, but I didn’t have any family nearby and with the phones not working, there was nothing else I could do. So I kept working, trying to distract myself. The hospital got so crowded that we could hardly move down the halls. We were exhausted, but it went on like that for days. The few times I went out I couldn’t face it. The sky was black and there were these vines—” He let out a bitter laugh and rolled his eyes. “I don’t have to tell you guys what they looked like. Working in the hospital was less scary than being outside, so I stayed while a lot of people went home. I stayed until the lights went out for good.”
He’d had electricity a lot longer than we had. On top of everything else, we’d been thrown back into the stone ages, because the blasts had taken the power out all over the city, all over the state, and it had never come back on. Never would. Just like the clouds had blocked out satellite service for good, and water pipes all over the place had burst, taking away the luxury of running water. In one afternoon the aliens had swooped in and rendered us helpless.
“Things at the base were a mess,” Anderson said, his deep voice booming through the room. “We were alerted, we were ready, but no one knew where to send us. I sat there for days, armed and ready to fight, but it was like we were facing ghosts.”
“They still feel like that,” I muttered.
Anderson nodded in agreement, and when he didn’t continue his story, someone else started talking. It didn’t matter. I’d heard Anderson’s tale a few times too many already. Plus, I kind of felt like if you’d heard one person’s version of that day, you’d heard everyone’s. The names and locat
ions might have been different, but almost everything else was the same. Depressing.
I got up, nearly stumbling over my own feet in the process.
“You leaving?” Daisy asked, reaching up like she was going to steady me.
“I need to get some sleep,” I said.
She nodded and I could tell by the expression on her face that she wanted to walk with me, to make sure that I got there in one piece. I wouldn’t have pushed her away if she’d tried, but I also knew that she had plans with Tyler. Or more accurately, for Tyler.
“I’ll be okay,” I assured her.
She didn’t follow me when I left, but I hadn’t made it even halfway to the stairwell when I heard footsteps behind me and realized someone else had. When I looked over my shoulder I wasn’t the least bit surprised to see Bryan.
“You’re like an ugly penny,” I said as I spun to face him.
“You mean a bad penny?”
I waved my hand at him. “Whatever.”
“I’m thinking you’re not ready to talk yet,” he said.
“Sure.” I crossed my arms and glared up at him. “Throw some more shit on the pile. All the stories don’t have me ready to kill myself yet.”
“We can do this in the morning.”
“No,” I spit out. “We can do this never. I don’t have to talk to you. Not about Michael.”
His name came out against my will, and when it did my stomach flipped. When was the last time I’d spoken his name out loud to another person? I couldn’t remember. I couldn’t remember ever saying it after that first day.
Bryan opened his mouth to argue or try to convince me or something, but he was cut off when Daisy hurried up. She put her arm around my shoulder like a protective mother and frowned at Bryan.
“I think Diana needs to get some sleep.”
“I take it she asked you to run interference?”
The Blood Will Dry Page 5