“He was a cocky asshole,” I said continuing my story. “He and his rich friends all looked at me like I was trash. It wasn’t like some dramatic scene you used to see in a movie. He didn’t drop pig’s blood on me or try to pay me to dump his brother or treat me like I was the maid or anything. It was more his attitude. The way he looked through me. It was so blatantly dismissive. Like I wasn’t even worth the effort it took to focus on me when we talked.”
“I can’t believe he was ever like that,” Daisy said, shaking her head. “He seems so nice now”
“That was a long time ago and he’s apologized, but even if he hadn’t I realized not too long after he got here that I didn’t hate him for that anymore. But I was afraid of him showing up because I knew it would dredge up the past. That I’d finally have to deal with my loss and face what had happened to Michael.” I took a deep breath, preparing myself for the next words. “You know the mall you were supposed to go to with your friends? The one that is now a crater?”
“Yeah…” Daisy mumbled, letting the word hang like she was afraid to hear what I had to say.
“I was there with my husband and daughter, only they were inside. I’d gone to get something out of the car and when I turned around the mall exploded. That blast didn’t just rip the mall off the face of the earth, it ripped my life in two.”
My legs were trembling when I crossed the room and knelt in front of the desk. I opened the bottom drawer and pulled out the small box that was tucked inside. I stood but paused before turning to face Daisy. I hadn’t taken the lid off since settling into this room and I knew that I would need her support to be able to do it now. She seemed to understand and came to stand at my side, and when she put her arm around me it gave me the strength I needed to lift the lid.
The onesie sat inside. It had yellowed with age and was grimy, but the purple flowers were still visible through the dirt. It had been through a lot. Not just the blast, but the days that followed when I’d wandered the city trying to figure out what to do. I’d held it the entire time, had refused to put it down even when a medic unit from Wright-Patt had found me and tried to tend to my many wounds. After that I’d gone to a camp that had set up on base and slept with it every night, hugging it to my body like it would bring my baby back if I only clung to it hard enough. At that point we were all just waiting for the aliens to show their faces and blow us away.
The days passed and that didn’t happen, and all around me the world changed into something I didn’t even recognize. The soldiers left had banded together, ready to head out and hunt the bastards down, and they started to recruit civilians who were willing and able to fight. I had no training, but the shock had started to wear off and I found that I had enough anger and hatred inside me to make anything possible. I learned to fight and shoot, started exercising with the other recruits. I did everything I could to prepare myself to kill aliens, and the onesie stayed with me every step of the way.
Even when we headed out I had it, in my pack or in my pocket. It got so dirty that I had to wash it so I could see the flowers, but I refused to leave it behind. Looking at it fed my hatred. It gave me a goal that seemed almost tangible. It kept me going.
When I left the militia and settled here I put it away, washing it one last time and folding it neatly before putting it in the box. I told myself that one day I would have a funeral for my daughter and husband. That after I’d healed I would find a place where I could bury the onesie and my wedding ring and give them a proper goodbye. Only that had never happened, and the weeks turned into months, and before I knew it more than four years had gone by and I still felt raw and broken inside.
Until Bryan. His coming here had saved me. Not because he was a man and I was a woman, I didn’t subscribe to that knight in shining armor bullshit, but because he opened my eyes to the fact that life could still exist. He made me see that even though Michael was dead, his memory could still bring me joy. More than that. His memory should bring me joy.
I tore my gaze away from the onesie so I could look Daisy in the eye. “You were right. For the past five years I’ve been picking at the wound, refusing to let it heal, and if I don’t stop soon it’s going to kill me. I have to let the blood dry.”
She pulled me in for a hug, wrapping her arms around me until I felt like I could hardly breathe. “You deserve to have a life. You deserve to be happy. It’s what they would have wanted for you.”
This time I was the one waiting for Bryan in the lobby. He came back with a mass of other people, all of them dirty and dragging their feet, their faces covered with gas masks. Even before he’d taken his mask off I spotted him in the crowd. His messy blond hair spiked up between the straps holding the mask on his face, and the gold sheen gave him away.
He ripped the mask off only two steps into the building and sucked in a deep breath like the air in the lobby was in any way fresh. It wasn’t. It stunk of dirt and bodies that didn’t shower enough, and smoke from the fires. But I’d spent more than my fair share of time out on the streets wearing one of the masks and I knew that even the stinking and muggy air in the building was better than the hot air you breathed in when wearing a gas mask.
Bryan’s piercing blue eyes held mine as he crossed the room, the mask in his hand forgotten for the moment. His expression was hesitant but hopeful when he stopped only a foot away from me, and even though I wanted to reach out and wrap my arms around him and hug him, I held back because I needed to tell him a few things before we got carried away.
“I’m sorry,” I said, starting off with the most obvious part.
He shot me a relieved smile. “Daisy said she’d talk some sense into you.”
“More like beat some sense into me, but it was what I needed. I’ve been hurting for so long, and having you in my life is an amazing turn of events I never expected, but it has also brought those feelings back. I’m afraid of losing again. I won’t lie. It terrifies me to think of having someone I love ripped away from me again. But I’ve also realized that I’m lucky. I got hurt and I lost a lot, but I experienced something a lot of people never had, and that makes me lucky. Even better, if I play my cards right I may get to experience it for a second time.”
The smile on his face grew, becoming more sincere and open, just like he was. “I think your chances are pretty good.”
“Is that so?” I asked, giving him a little smile.
Bryan grabbed my hips and pulled me against him, and when he pressed his lips against mine even the pain in my shoulder couldn’t make me pull away. Instead, I wrapped my good arm around his neck and pulled him closer as his mouth moved over mine. He tasted like rain and sweat, but all it did was make me think of our time together in the apartment. Desire swirled through me and I was suddenly cursing myself for getting hurt. At the moment all I wanted to do was drag him back to my room and let him ravage me, which I knew would be both painful and difficult in my current state.
Maybe there was another option though…
“How about a shower?” I whispered against his lips.
“I thought Alvarez didn’t allow that.”
I shrugged even though I had no idea how I was going to be able to talk the big man into not only letting me into the shower when it wasn’t my turn, but also look the other way while Bryan and I participated in some extracurricular activities.
“It’s worth a shot, don’t you think?”
Bryan nodded and kissed me one more time before grabbing my hand and pulling me through the lobby.
It was late enough that most of the population had turned in for the night, but that didn’t mean the showers were closed. I could hear the thud of the water against the tile floors as we got closer, and I prayed that Alvarez was the one on duty. He had a soft spot for me in that big old heart of his, I’d seen it in his eyes more than once when he’d looked at my left hand, and I had a feeling he’d be willing to let the rules slide just this one time.
We lucked out and found him on duty. I could tell that he
knew what we were up to the second he saw us because he frowned and shook his head, but I also noticed a twinkle in his eye that told me he was pleased to see me smiling.
“You’re not on the schedule, and if I remember correctly, you had a shower when you got back yesterday.” He crossed his arms.
“I know, but Bryan just got in and he could really use it. We wouldn’t want any of the pollen clinging to his hair and clothes to infect anyone. Would we?”
I batted my eyes and even though Alvarez tried to maintain a straight face, he failed and a little smile broke out. He shook his head again and if I hadn’t known him better I would have thought he was going to say no, but I could tell by the sigh he let out that he was about to break one of the biggest rules he had.
He leaned closer to me. “You tell no one, understand?”
“I’m not the kind of girl who kisses and tells,” I replied, feigning outrage.
Alvarez snorted and turned away. “What I don’t see isn’t happening.”
“Thanks,” I said as Bryan and I hurried past him.
Two other showers were running, but I knew they had to be reaching the end of their time. I dragged Bryan to the last stall where we stripped our weapons and shoes off. Getting the sling off was the next order of business, and I did my best to ignore the pain that pulsed through my shoulder because I not only wanted this to happen, I needed it. I needed to enjoy this moment, to grab the happiness in front of me while I could. I needed to solidify the idea that things like this were possible. That love and laughter still existed.
Once the sling was off I kept my bad arm hugged tightly to my body as we hurried into the shower. The second the curtain was closed we started to strip. I couldn’t keep my eyes off Bryan and I knew he felt the same. He was done in half the time that I was thanks to my damn arm, but he seemed to be enjoying the show and even helped me ease out of my tank top.
Then the shower was on and we were under the stream, kissing as it fell down over our naked bodies. Even with my arm held tight against my chest my shoulder throbbed, but it didn’t come even close to overpowering the other throb inside me. The one that wanted Bryan to touch and kiss every inch of me, the one that wanted him to lift me up so he could slide into me.
As if reading my mind, Bryan lifted me, putting one arm around my back while the other held me up. I kept my bad arm against my chest but used the other to hold on while wrapping my legs around his waist. Then he was sliding inside me as the water fell on us in fat drops. My back hit the cold tile, forcing a gasp out of me that had more to do with the cold and the pleasure than the pain in my shoulder. I moved with him as he picked up speed, urging him deeper while being careful not to hurt myself more than I already had. I could tell when he was close, both by the expression on his face and the way his fingers dug into my skin. We were both trying to be quiet, but it was useless. The sound of our moans and grunts echoed off the surrounding tile and I knew anyone walking by would be able to hear us. Not that I cared. Not with the pressure in me building, not with Bryan hitting that perfect spot inside me over and over again.
I came just before he did, crying out as I dug my nails into his back. Only seconds later he joined me, gasping his own release as he thrust into me one last time. We were still panting and the water was still pounding against the tile, but the sudden silence seemed so stark that I would have flushed from embarrassment if I hadn’t been so damn satisfied.
Bryan pulled out of me and I slid down, landing on unsteady legs and feeling very grateful for the lukewarm water. I stepped under the stream and he joined me, running his hands down my sides as he looked me over.
“You okay? I didn’t hurt your shoulder, did I?”
“It hurt a little,” I said. “But not enough for me to care.”
He grinned. “It was that good?”
“I think everyone on the first floor knows how good it was.”
He chuckled as I reached for the shampoo sitting on the nearby shelf.
“You better wash up before Alvarez decides he’s had enough of us.”
Bryan took the bottle and grinned. “What’s the worst that can happen? He’s going to kick us out and I’ll have to drag you back to the bedroom?”
“Good point.”
We spent the next few days collecting flowers and setting up barrels all over our street. We didn’t want to put them too close to our building, the pollen wouldn’t kill from a distance but it could make people pretty sick, but we wanted to be sure there were enough on the street that if a big swarm of bugs came in again we’d be ready.
It wasn’t hard work, but even with the masks on it was terrifying. Even worse, we were going through water fast because of it. After that first day Bryan had pointed out that I’d been right: there probably had been pollen on his clothes and hair. He’d brought it up to Anderson who’d agreed, and it was decided that everyone who went out on flower duty should shower when they got back. Alvarez blamed the extra influx of people heading to the showers on us and as a consequence refused to break the rules again. Not that it mattered. We’d learned how to work around my injured shoulder pretty well in my room.
That’s how our days went for a while. We worked during the day to get our bug traps set and at night kept one another busy in the darkness of my room. I learned pretty quickly what positions put too much strain on my injured arm and which ones didn’t, and by the time a week had passed we were pros at working around the pain.
But there was more to it than just sex. We explored one another nearly every night when we retired to my room, but when that was done we’d settle on the cot and talk. He’d tell me what he’d been doing since the initial attack, describing the different parts of the state he’d traveled to and what things were like in other places. The militias weren’t content to stick to one area and he’d been as far away as Cincinnati.
“Out that way the hives are rare and there are a hell of a lot more settlements,” Bryan told me as he ran his fingers down my good arm. “We made contact with four inside the city, but we know there are more. The survivors flocked there like crazy after the bugs started setting up hives in the more rural areas.”
“It makes me wonder what places like New York and Chicago are like. Maybe they’re almost free of the hives up that way. Maybe it’s safe.”
“Maybe. But it’s tough to say and you know how hard it would be to get there. It would take months on the road and who knows what we’d run into on the way. I wouldn’t risk it.”
“What about going to Cincinnati?”
I shifted to face him but stopped when my shoulder throbbed. Sometimes I still forgot it was hurt. Overall it was feeling better, but Alex had been right to warn me that it would take a while to get better. A week after the injury and I was still in a lot of pain.
“If we had to go anywhere, I’d go there. We started to head out to Columbus once, but there’s a lot more open space between here and there, and the vines made it tough. I’d be willing to bet there’s a least one hive between them and us. The way to Cincinnati is pretty clear as long as you stick to seventy-five.”
I hoped we didn’t have to run because this was my home. Not Dayton exactly, because I’d grown up just north of here, but this area. Michael and I had come to see the Dayton Dragons play when we were dating, had gone to the Schuster Center to see Phantom of the Opera when it came through. We’d gone to restaurants in the Oregon District. This was normal for me, and even after five years I hated the thought of leaving it behind.
Still, it was nice to know that there was a tangible option within our grasp. If we had to flee, if we failed to take the bugs out and Dayton got overrun, we could get to Cincinnati.
With the barrels ready for any attack that might take place, we began focusing on the next part of our plan. How we were going to get into the hive and take out the queen—assuming she existed.
Despite Bryan’s numerous attempts at dissuading me, I was in on the planning. I wasn’t sure if my shoulder would be healed enou
gh to head out with everyone else when they left, but I knew I couldn’t sit back and have no clue what was happening. I was getting stronger every day and being careful to rest it when Bryan and I weren’t going at it, and I could already tell that it was getting better. I felt lucky, because according to Alex everyone healed at different rates, and for some people it took months to feel better.
“Our main objective is to get to the hive,” Anderson said, looking across the room at everyone gathered around. “Thanks to Daisy and Diana—”
“Go double D,” Alex whooped from across the room, earning him a glare from Anderson.
“We know that we can get there by going into the crater at the end of our street. Not that it’s going to be easy, but it’s a start.” Anderson paused and looked the group over. “But we all know we don’t have enough of the damn claws or man power right now. I’m open to suggestions about how we change that.”
“We need to head out and recruit people from other settlements,” Bryan said.
He and I had already discussed this, but we knew it was going to be a tough sell. The bugs had already attacked once and the odds of them coming back were good. We would need to leave most of our able-bodied men and women behind to protect our settlement.
As predicted, Anderson frowned. “You know we can’t run off and leave the building vulnerable.”
“Bryan and I can go,” I said.
This was something I hadn’t suggested earlier in private, mainly because I knew how Bryan would react.
“No.” He jumped to his feet. “You’re hurt.”
“Too hurt to walk fifteen miles?” I rolled my eyes. “I walked further than that right after I got hurt and was fine.”
The Blood Will Dry Page 20