She pouted prettily. “Surely you could let it rest just a while yet, couldn’t you? I haven’t gotten to talk to Travis in such a long time.” Her eyelashes fluttered at him.
He held back a grimace. Katherine’s little tricks had always annoyed him rather than attracted. She was still the spoiled little pest who had ruined many a fine day with her presence. Now she was dangerous too, with that stunning beauty of hers. And he was not about to let her sink her claws any deeper into Travis. His brother often seemed to be blissfully, or willfully, ignorant of her designs on him, and the last thing Rob wanted was Katherine Scott as a sister.
“I’m afraid it won’t wait at all. Your servant, ma’am,” he added, grabbing Travis by the arm and hauling him out of the room and into the hall behind the stairs.
Travis looked more than a little irritated. “What gives, Rob? We’re on furlough, remember? What could you possible need to discuss with your lieutenant, as you put it?”
“Trav, you better go talk to your little Secesh friend. She means to do something rash, I think.”
Travis’ brows drew together in confusion. “Last I saw her, she seemed like she was having a good time. But you were the one dancing with her. Whatever gave you the idea that she was up to something?”
Rob resisted the urge to smack some sense into his brother. “Are you really that oblivious? You let Katherine kiss you right there in front of her, and she gets all steely eyed and sings that she wants ‘to live and die in Dixie’. While surrounded by Federal soldiers. That’s what makes me think she’s going to do something rash. If you have anything important you want to say to her…. Don’t stare at me like a dead fish, Trav. I have eyes in my head. I saw the way you looked at her earlier, and the way her eyes followed you all evening. As I was saying, if you have anything to say, about you and Katherine, or about you and herself, then I highly suggest you find her now, because I wouldn’t doubt it at all if she were in the process of departing for her friends in the South.”
“Oh damn,” Travis muttered, suddenly acutely aware of how his actions must have looked to Star. He had only been trying to avoid being so blatantly obvious in his attraction to her, but in hindsight he saw that it must have looked like he was avoiding her. And that kiss—his mind had been elsewhere, wondering how he should approach Star with what he wanted to discuss—so he’d not really taken much notice of it. Though now that he thought about it, Kitty had seemed entirely too happy afterwards….
He tore up the stairs for Star’s room. The door was closed. He knocked softly.
“Miss Star?” There was no response. He waited a few seconds more, then pushed the door open.
The room was empty. A pile of blue and gray lay across the bed, shimmering in the moonlight. There was something else, a note, pinned to the discarded gown. There was just enough light to decipher her ragged writing.
Dear Caro and Sam,
After much thought and tears I have decided that my continued presence is far too great a threat to you and your family. After all you have done for me, I could not bear it if you were to suffer misfortune on my account. I return now to my former position, so do not worry for my safety. Please think of me kindly as I remain
Your friend,
Starla Anderson
He just stood there, for a moment stunned. Then he sprang for the door. Think, Travis, he told at himself as he took the stairs three at a time. She isn’t going to walk all the way to Richmond. She’s got to get Iris first.
Rob was still at the bottom of the stairs, a far away look on his face. “The stable,” was all he said, confirming Travis’ guess.
There was indeed a lamp glowing brightly in the stable. She was saddling Iris, wearing her stained, patched gray dress and trousers, dark hair drifting like a storm cloud behind her.
“Starla!”
She didn’t turn around, just continued tightening the girth and checking the bundles attached to the saddle. “Go away, Lieutenant Black. I have nothing to say to you.” Her voice could have frozen water in June.
“Look here, it’s not what you think. There really is nothing between Kitty and me.”
“Tell that to Miss Scott. She seems to think differently. But you know, there’s really no reason why you should care what I think, since you and she have been such close friends since childhood and all, and since I’m leaving right now.”
“Please don’t go, Starla,” he said in a calm voice, one that masked the urgency he felt inside. “Not until you’ve heard me out.”
“What have you to say to me, Yankee boy, that could possibly be of any importance?” she spat, grabbing hold of the saddle.
“That I love you. And have for a long time.”
She froze, one foot in the stirrup, anger draining in a flood of anguish. The words hung in the air between them, words she had longed to hear, but now mustn’t listen to. No, she had to mount up swiftly and ride away, far away from this confusing, aggravating, terrible, wonderful man. Her foot slid back to the ground, her head drooping to rest on Iris’ warm flank.
Iris was saying something, but Star could only focus on Travis’ words. I can not let this happen. Not and escape the inevitable pain. Pain and suffering for both of us.
Footsteps behind her. He was there, not touching her, but her whole body was aware of him. I must be strong. As strong and uncaring as a stone. His hand on her shoulder, and all her resolve melted. An arm around her waist drew her close to him; she could feel his breath in her hair. She began to tremble.
“Is it such a terrible thing to hear me say that, Star?” he asked quietly, loosening his hold on her.
She shook her head. No. It’s not that at all. I’m just so afraid…. She twisted in the warm blue circle to look up at him. He was studying her face in the flickering lamplight, as if searching, waiting for permission to continue. And I can say nothing, nothing past this lump in my throat.
She looked away from him, focusing instead on the brass buttons marching up his jacket. A tentative hand traced one. What am I doing? came her panicked thought as her hand left the button, slid across his chest—his heart was galloping like all of Jeb’s cavalry—and drifted down to settle at his waist. But I want to. Oh, how I’ve wanted to touch you … and I do not fear you. She dared a glance at him, but his face was shrouded in shadows. All she could see was the pale glint of his eyes, watching her every move.
Easy. Easy, he thought over and over, feeling dizzy, almost sick with waiting and wanting. Let her lead. Only the tense set of his shoulders belied his patient attitude.
She left one arm wrapped around him, and reached up with the other hand, hesitantly, barely touching his cheek, immediately retreating. She chewed a moment on her lower lip, then reached out and touched his face again. Her fingers were like ice on his skin, tracing the scars on his chin and forehead. He shut his eyes lest she read his thoughts there. You don’t know what you are doing to me, Star. And I’m not certain how much more I can take….
A cold finger touched his lips, bringing an involuntary breath.
“Travis?” Her voice was barely audible above the pounding of his heart. He looked down at her. She was gazing up at him intently, the light from the lantern creating little fire sparks in her eyes. Those incredible blue eyes, bottomless pools to be drowned in forever.
“Please?” she finally whispered, mouth quivering as she spoke. He drew her in closer.
“Are you sure?” he asked, voice husky, barely daring to hope.
She brushed a wayward lock of hair out of his eyes and nodded, eyes closing as his hand crept up to cradle her head.
Then his lips brushed hers, ever so gently, just enough pressure to let her know that it wasn’t the night wind, and then were gone. He released her and retreated a step, fighting to restrain himself before he kissed this maddening female senseless. I mustn’t. Do nothing to frighten her, just like gentling a filly. Easy.
“Travis?” She brought her face close, lifting her lips invitingly, and wrapped her slend
er arms about his neck. “Again?”
That did it. His restraint evaporated at her touch. With something akin to a groan, he bent down and pulled her tight against him, hands buried in masses of hair, mouth devouring her. Vaguely he heard her gasp. I’m sorry, my love, but I don’t think I can stop.
It came as a shock when he realized she was kissing him back just as passionately. There was the salty taste of tears on his lips, and he heard her murmur, “Don’t leave me, Travis. Don’t ever leave me.”
Leave you? As if I ever could. I couldn’t even keep from loving you when you had a gun pointed in my face.
His leg twinged beneath him. Stupid reels. Must sit down, he thought dazedly, stumbling sideways onto a bale.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, a tremor of doubt in her kiss harshened voice.
“Absolutely nothing. Just my leg. Come here, my beautiful Rebel.” He pulled her down onto his lap with a grin. She acquiesced shyly, ducking her head behind a curtain of hair.
“Say now, you weren’t so shy a few minutes ago.” He fingered her lips tenderly. Her skin flamed warm under his touch.
“Ladies aren’t supposed to be so … so….”
He interrupted her with a series of tiny kisses. “Starla. Stop worrying. You’ll never hear me complain.”
She blinked at him in momentary confusion, then nestled deeper in his arms with a sigh of contentment.
“Travis?”
“Hmmmm?”
“I love you too.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” I never thought to hear those words from you. He looked at the girl in his arms. “How could I not have seen how beautiful you are?” he wondered aloud, stroking her face.
She snorted, a very unromantic sound. “Probably had something to do with the fact that I was carving up your leg at the time.”
“Probably,” he agreed, chuckling, before kissing her again, deeply and thoroughly. I could kiss you forever, Starla Anderson, and never be satisfied. Nothing but all of you would ever be enough— “Marry me,” he blurted out.
“When? Now?” She was breathless and reckless, ready to agree to anything.
That was like a blast of cold air on his fevered brain. He sobered quickly. “No. Not until this damned war is over.” He kissed her again, distractedly this time, running his hands through her hair, twirling the nut brown curls around his fingers. Without thinking he said, “I would not have you a widow before you were truly a bride.”
She inhaled sharply as if he had struck her, and clutching him tighter, buried her head in his chest.
Fool! You should have said nothing, convinced her some other way to stay. Now that she knows, there will be so much more pain…. “Shh, shh. A mhuirnín, I’m sorry,” he said, rubbing her back soothingly. “I know I should have waited, but I couldn’t keep silent much longer, and I certainly couldn’t let you leave again without knowing.”
“Don’t.” Her voice was muffled through layers of hair and cloth.
“Don’t what?”
She flung back her head, tears glistening on her cheeks, but her eyes were sparking. “Don’t you dare apologize, Travis Black. I would not trade this,” she ran her hand down his jawline, sending shivers through his body, “I would not trade this for anything. ‘I hold it true, whatever befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; 'tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.’ Will quoted that at me more than once, and I’ve come to believe he was right.”
He held her tighter. “So you’re willing to wait?”
“I will marry you when this war is over; you have my word on that.”
“You know how difficult it will be.”
“Aye. I know.” There was a hint of a sob in her voice.
Don’t cry, he thought. I don’t want to ruin this moment with tears. Right now, I just want to remember this night, engrave it on my memory for the long hard road ahead. I want to remember you, in my arms, mouth swollen with my kisses, hair spilling over me, eyes sparkling, laughing.
“Especially since I’m still an arrogant, uncivilized Yankee, and you’re still an ill tempered, bull headed Secesh girl?” he asked, knowing what her response would be.
“Ooooo, you irritating….” She pounced on him in mock anger.
“That’s the Star I know and love,” he said, laughing as he captured her hands and proceeded to kiss her breathless again.
17. Plans For The Future
April 2-20, 1864
Iris stuck her head around the stable door. “You know, you two should be getting back to the house about now. And if we’re not leaving, Star, would you be so kind as to take this miserable hunk of leather off my back? It really is most uncomfortable.”
Starla was perfectly content to stay precisely where she was, but she supposed Iris was right. She got up reluctantly and did as the mare asked. Then they walked slowly, hand in hand, back towards the lights and music.
Travis glanced down at her and ran his fingers lightly over the gray wool. “First thing we need to do is get you out of this uniform before someone catches sight of you.”
“I suppose I should put my dress back on then?”
“Can you do that without calling for help?”
She shrugged. “Shouldn’t be a problem. I got it off by myself. Usually you only need two people if you’re lacing your stays or hooking the back, neither of which I need.”
“Then I’ll be the good cavalryman and shield your movements from enemy view until you can get back into position. Wait here a moment,” he said, holding the kitchen door open for her. “Let me reconnoiter the field.” He stuck his head around the corner. “All clear. We’ll rendezvous here in about fifteen minutes.”
Laughing, she saluted and darted up the stairs as Travis sat down to wait for her return.
“Well, you look pleased with yourself. Take it you caught her?” Rob seated himself on the stairs beside his brother.
Travis grinned an affirmative. “In more ways than one. If you’d not warned me, though, she’d have been well on her way to Richmond before morning. But we had a nice little discussion, and everything is fine now. Thanks.”
“Were out there long enough,” Rob teased, plucking a piece of hay off the back of Travis’ uniform.
Travis felt his face grow warm, but he just smiled a little broader.
“We were just talking.”
“Uh huh. By the way, where is she?”
“Upstairs, getting undressed.” He realized the minute the words were out of his mouth how wrong they sounded. Hurriedly he added, “She had changed into traveling clothes. We thought it would be best if nobody knew we had even been gone.”
“That’ll be a difficult thing to accomplish, seeing how Katherine has been scouring the premises looking for you, and working herself into a fine fury when I informed her you were talking privately with Miss Anderson. You are going to have to have words with her anyway,” he said in answer to Travis’ muffled oath, “because she certainly has the wrong idea about your relationship. Near as I can gather, she’s expecting a proposal from you any day now.”
“I’d suspected as much, but where in the world did she get that idea? Even if I had had interests in that direction, I know I’ve never so much as hinted at such a thing.”
“She got the idea because you’re entirely too polite to the weaker sex, and—”
The clatter of shoes on the stairs above interrupted him.
“Miss Anderson,” Rob said, bowing low as she came down the last few steps with slightly more decorum. “A pleasure to have you with us still.”
She finished pinning the end of her braid under itself as it crowned her head before letting Travis take both of her hands in his. She smiled shyly, then blushed furiously when he planted a kiss on the tip of her nose.
At Rob’s bemused look her eyes became very dark and worried and she made as if to pull away from Travis’ side.
“Perhaps we should be a little more circumspect, Travis. At least until we have a chance to talk to yo
ur family in private,” she said quietly, a little of her glow dimming.
Travis shot an annoyed look at Rob, but nodded grudgingly. “Fine, my dear, I’ll behave for now. But as soon as everybody else is gone, we are going to have a staff meeting.”
Although they had danced into the wee hours of the morning, Travis and Rob’s fellow officers were off again shortly after dawn. Travis didn’t blame them; he had been just as anxious to get home himself.
“Quite the heathens, aren’t we?” Rob said from behind him. “Dancing all night long and then skipping church.”
Travis closed the front door and walked back into the empty ballroom.
“It was for a good cause,” he replied, sitting at the piano and fingering the keys lightly, so as not to wake anyone. “Da said the dance brought in almost twenty dollars for the widows and orphans fund.”
Rob picked up a link of paper chain and spun it idly about his wrist. “Will you talk to Mum and Da today?”
“Talk to us about what?” Their father stood in the doorway, leaning heavily on his good leg. “Ooo,” he moaned as he limped over to a chair. “Wooden legs and dancing do not go well together.”
“But you always dance the first and last set with Mum, and you’re not about to let a little pain get in the way of tradition, eh?” Rob remarked.
Sam chuckled, rubbing at his leg. “That’s right. Old biddies make enough noise about us dancing together in the first place. Heaven knows what they’d say if we stopped. But what did you need to talk about, Trav?”
Travis scowled at his brother. Thanks for pushing my hand, Rob, before I had a chance to plan my attack. “Um, well, I was rather hoping I could talk to you and Mum at the same time. And you should have Star look at that leg.”
Sam looked from son to son, watching their wordless conversation. “Fine then,” he said. “I’ll try to hold in my curiosity until our womenfolk drag themselves from their beds.”
Which happened sooner than Travis would have thought. By midmorning all five of them were seated around the dining room table for a late—or in the case of Rob and Travis, second—breakfast.
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