by Jack Stroke
“I don’t think that such a good idea.”
“Why not? You’re obviously enjoying it.”
“It’s just not.”
It must’ve been her fury clouding Amber’s brain, denying her anything even half intelligent to say. ‘Jump down’, she willed Lion. ‘Jump down or scratch him in the face and run’.
“No, I think it would be a good idea if I stayed, to be close to my family.”
“They’re not your family anymore.”
“Oh, don’t be silly. I’ve made some mistakes, sure, but they will always be my family. Ben will always be my son. Blood. You’re right though. Maybe you need to give me some lessons.”
“Lessons?”
“Sure. On how to be like you. Just be and not worry what everyone is thinking. I really admire you, Amber. You’re so… tenacious. Is that the right word? You just worm your way into situations…”
“You’re the worm,” Amber said, and instantly regretted it. Of all the times to come up with a terrible comeback. Ellis’ smirk suggested he was thinking much the same thing.
“I don’t mean it rudely. It’s great. You just wriggle your way in and never care what people think. Especially somewhere like this. I couldn’t do it. I’d be worried all the time that no one wanted me here. That I was intruding. It’s like, you know, back in the day, when Joan and Megan used to complain that they’d never be rid of you. But you never took the hint. You always hung around. And here you are now. Still. Good for you.”
He patted Lion with his left hand, still holding him in place with his right.
“I swear, Ellis,” Amber said, her voice getting steadily louder. “Put Lion down right now.”
“Why?”
“Because if you don’t, I will hurt you. Seriously hurt you.”
“Amber!” Joan’s voice cut through the dark from inside the owner’s cottage.
Amber felt twelve-years-old again, aware she was about to get into some serious strife.
40
Joan waddled out of the owner’s cottage and stood between them. “What are you two doing out here?”
“Nothing,” Ellis said, straightening like he was the one in strife. “We’re just having a friendly chat, aren’t we, Amber?”
“It didn’t sound that way to me.” She observed them both. “Ellis, go to your cabin, please.”
“Joan, I’m sure Amber didn’t mean anything by —”
“Ellis, go.”
“But, Joan —”
“Now.”
Ellis pulled a face, which angered Amber all the more. Faux sympathetic, like he was on her side. Like he wanted nothing more than to prevent her getting in trouble. He stood. Lion dropped to the ground and bounded away.
“What on earth are you doing, Amber?” Joan asked.
“What, me? Nothing.”
“I heard you. You threatened him. Over what? That stupid cat?”
“He wouldn’t put Lion down.”
Joan flashed her a look Amber didn’t care for. “Lion is not your cat, Amber. And even if he was —”
“He’s not Ellis’ cat either. You didn’t hear what he was saying.”
“I heard what both of you were saying.”
Amber glared at her. “Why are you here, Joan?”
“I live here.”
“Yeah, but you just happened to overhear us? He set me up, didn’t he? Again.”
“Amber…”
“Don’t you see? He got you to listen. And then he —”
“What is wrong with you? Why do you always act like this when he’s around?”
“I’m not acting like anything. Don’t you get it? It’s him.”
Ellis stopped and glanced back as he reached the door of his cabin.
“Look at him. Smirking at us.”
“Oh, don’t be silly, Amber. You can see no such thing.”
“No, I can feel it. He’s gloating like he won.”
“I think you need to take a long hard look in the mirror. He and Megan are back together. And that’s a good thing.”
“A good thing? What is wrong with you, Joan?”
“Amber!”
“Don’t you remember what he was like?”
“I remember what you were like. Quite frankly, you were a nightmare.”
“No, no. It was him.”
“Besides, people change. Ellis has been nothing but a perfect gentleman since he returned. You on the other hand…”
“Me what?”
“He’s scared of you, Amber. And quite frankly, given that business with Ted on his boat, I can see why.”
That wasn’t fair. Amber had saved Joan’s life. She opened her mouth, but Joan beat her to it.
“He said you threatened to kill him.”
“What? That’s a lie.”
“In some hotel room. You pulled a gun on him.”
Actually, Amber had done that.
“Well, okay… yeah, but that was a long time ago.”
“Oh, that makes it all right, does it?”
Amber realised she’d better be careful. Going into the specifics of that incident could be trouble, no matter what her intentions at the time had been.
“Joan, the guy is bad news.”
“Are you sure, Amber? You don’t like him. Never have. Maybe you don’t want Megan to be happy.”
“What? That’s ridiculous.”
“Is it? You have always had this infantile ‘it’s him or me’ attitude with Ellis. Like Megan is yours and you don’t want to share. Need I remind you Ellis is Ben’s father?”
“Yeah, and what a great job he’s done of that.”
“Everyone deserves a second chance. Better late than never. You need to stop this craziness. Grow up. Stop acting like a child.”
“Me acting like a child? You don’t know what he’s like. Not really.”
“No, but I know what you are like… Ellis is here to stay, Amber, whether you like it or not, that is what’s happening. Deal with it or make some other arrangement.”
Joan stepped back inside, her last comment hanging heavily in the air.
41
Nineteen years earlier
Once again, Amber was in her car six months on from the incident with Ellis’ phantom ‘sister’ and all that rubbish, a new speech ready to deliver to Megan. Things had never been worse between the childhood friends. They had always fought, ever since they were little girls, although that was more like bickering. The way sisters do, all forgotten five minutes later.
Except, Ellis, that stupid Ellis, had changed the dynamic completely. Now all Amber and Megan did was fight, and nothing was ever forgotten.
Things might have been different if Megan and Ellis were a decent couple. But they weren’t.
On his own, Ellis was awful. Sure, people would say Amber was biased and she probably was. Didn’t mean it wasn’t true. He was a horrible sleaze, drooling over anything in a skirt. Megan saw it too, but she wouldn’t hear it. Not from Amber at least.
And as a duo, Ellis and Megan were toxic. They fought constantly. Big, horrible screaming matches, especially when they’d had a few drinks. It didn’t matter where they were, at a party or whatever, there was no sense of being on their best behaviour in public or anything like that. Megan and Ellis would just start yelling, no matter how uncomfortable it made everybody around them.
After the sister/stalking incident, Amber had tried. She really had. She laid low and kept her mouth shut. Ellis and Megan couldn’t last, could they? They were the couple from hell. They would break up, much to Amber’s delight and then get back together before she knew it. Was it possible she was keeping them together on some level? Megan keeping the relationship artificially alive to spite Amber?
In time, Amber decided she’d had enough. No one incident prompted her decision, just an overall crappiness of the situation. Ellis was a cancer. It was time to cut him out. An intervention of sorts. Lay it all on the line. Make it clear to Megan she had to choose. It was her or Ellis. And
if Megan chose Ellis? Well, surely she wouldn’t.
Once again, Amber practised her speech in her head beforehand. All the things she wanted to say, not just about Ellis, but about how much she missed her best friend. How she didn’t want to lose that.
Amber climbed out of the car, aware the next few minutes could change everything. It did, just not in the way she was anticipating.
“Amber,” Joan said. “It’s so good you’re here.”
Joan smothered her with a great big hug. She hadn’t even made it through the front door. Amber hugged back, baffled. She got on well with Joan, yet this was a little over the top.
“Come in, come in.”
The lounge was crowded. Pablo and Megan and Ellis and two people Amber had never seen before. Older. Joan and Pablo’s age. Everybody had champagne.
“Look who’s here. Pablo, another glass. Amber, do you know Dale and Mary? Ellis’ parents?”
“No…”
They shook hands, Amber numb.
“Champagne?” she blurted out as Pablo handed her a glass. “What’s going on?”
“We’re toasting the happy couple.”
Megan stuck out her hand, showing a gaudy yet presumably cheap ring. Oh no. Amber hugged her friend, no feeling in her body.
“Congratulations.” She did her best to smile. It’s just that her face didn’t seem to want to work.
Sometime later Dale offered to take everyone out to dinner. Amber politely declined, not sure if she was actually invited anyway. Joan hung back too, making up a lie so she could stay and have a chat with Amber.
“Married? This is a disaster.”
“Amber…”
“Come on, Joan. Ellis would hardly be your first choice either, would he?” Amber felt on solid ground with Joan. “I mean, how many times have we complained about Ellis? Said how Megan would be better off without him?”
Joan merely smiled blankly as they tidied up.
“And they are so young. Too young. Way too young. What is she thinking?”
“Amber…”
“I mean, come on, Ellis…”
“Amber, you know we love you, but it’s time to stop all of this silliness.”
“Silliness?”
“Megan has made her choice.”
“Yeah, but come on, Joan.”
“Amber. Enough. You’ve been acting like this ever since that incident with his sister…”
“That wasn’t his sister, Joan. He doesn’t have a sister. Did you see any sister here today?”
“Amber, please. This is precisely what I’m talking about. I understand you don’t like him.”
“Nobody likes him. You don’t like him. Megan doesn’t even like him.”
“Megan has made her choice.”
“But Joan —”
Joan put both hands on Amber’s arms. “You need to listen to me. You’re probably too young to understand this —”
She pulled the face. “Joan, I’m not some kid. I’m twenty-one.”
“People make choices in their lives. Other people’s choices are none of our business. We can advise what we think is best, but in the end they have to be left to make mistakes for themselves. If you try and fight it, all you’ll do is drive a wedge between them and yourself.”
Amber broke free and circled the room, collecting glasses. “I get that.”
“Do you?”
“Yeah. But it’s not like she has to marry Ellis.”
Oddly, Joan said nothing. Amber picked up Megan’s glass. Little bits of pulp lined the inside. Pulp? Since when did champagne have pulp?
The realisation almost took out Amber’s knees. Pulp. Megan hadn’t been drinking champagne. She’d had orange juice. When did Megan ever turn down champagne? Horror engulfed Amber. She spun about.
“She’s pregnant?”
Joan’s smile was patient. “Like I said, Megan has made her choice, Amber. Best we can do now is support her.”
42
Amber found Vaughan sitting on his boat, enjoying the sea air.
“Hey, kid.”
“Permission to come aboard?”
“Permission granted. What’s with the bag?”
Amber’s bag made a hefty thud as it hit the deck. “That is all my worldly possessions.”
“Okay.”
“Let’s go on an adventure, Vaughan. You and me.”
“An adventure?”
“Yeah.” She intertwined her fingers in his. “Let’s sail away together.”
Vaughan stared, taking a good few seconds to answer. “Where?”
“Wherever the sea takes us. Start a brand-new life. Doesn’t that sound romantic?”
“Sure.”
“Let’s do it then. Right now.”
“Do I get a say in this?”
“Of course you do.”
His facial expression made it pretty clear he wasn’t buying it.
“What?”
“It’s an interesting idea. Just not very well thought through.”
She let go of his hands with more vigour than necessary. “You don’t want to sail away with me?”
“You want me to be honest?”
Her look made it clear being honest was probably not the wisest of choices.
“I think you would find it difficult.”
“I would or you would?”
“Both. The first few days, you would be over-the-top happy, trying to help and getting in my way. Then you would get bored and — Hey, don’t do that.”
He grabbed her arm. She pulled away but didn’t leave.
“This is the most you thing ever.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It’s not an insult, it’s just who you are.”
“And who am I?”
“Sometimes I wonder if you know the difference between fantasy and reality.”
“Sometimes I wonder if you know what a giant jerk you are.”
“Amber, whatever is going on, running away is —”
“I’m not running away. Excuse me for wanting an exciting adventure with my man…”
“Your man… Is that what I am?”
“Not anymore. It seems pretty clear you want to split up.”
“What are you, twelve? We’re having a sensible, rational conversation.”
He took the bag off her shoulder and placed it gently on the deck. “What about Megan and Joan?”
“What about them?”
“You’re not even going to say goodbye?”
“You want to say goodbye? Sure. Let’s go. We can say goodbye to whoever you like.”
“Amber…”
“Vaughan. You don’t understand. They don’t want me here. They have never wanted me here.”
“That’s simply not true.”
“It is true. You don’t know. You weren’t there.”
“Weren’t where?”
Amber shook her head in lieu of a response.
“What about Ben?”
This got her. “Ben… will be all right.”
“Yeah, but you don’t want to tell him what happened? To explain? You’re just going to disappear?
“I… Look… It’s not a hard question. Do you want to sail away with me or not?”
“Not.”
“Fine.” She snatched up her bag, jumping onto the pier.
“I’m happy to keep talking about it though.”
Yeah, right. Talking was about the last thing Amber was interested in.
Amber stomped away. Fine. Vaughan wouldn’t run away with her. Amber had other options to fix things. Ones that didn’t involve that jerk.
43
Eighteen years ago
“He’s beautiful, Megan.”
“You reckon? I did all right, didn’t I?”
Amber couldn’t believe how light the baby was. Light and delicate.
“What are you going to call him?”
“Ellis wants Ben.”
“Ben,” Amber repeated.
“It’s a
name.”
Little Ben had no hair and splotchy red welts. Megan’s cheeks were red too, like she had run a marathon, although it was hard to imagine Megan running any place.
“How was the birth?”
“Worse than we ever imagined. Like being ripped in two. Worth it though, I guess.”
Little Ben moved his head, pursing his lips. Amber couldn’t get over how cute the little fellow was, and she hadn’t even seen his eyes yet. She had never been a baby person. At the same time, she had never seen one this young.
“How was Ellis for the birth?”
Megan let out a disapproving snort. “Disgusted. Then bored. I should have had you in here. He sucked down more of the gas than I did.”
Ben made a noise like he was trying to talk, which was ridiculous because he wasn’t even twelve hours old yet.
“Can’t believe you’ve got a kid… that’s crazy.”
“I know, right?”
Amber swayed gently from side to side.
“Where have you been, Amber?”
“What do you mean, where have I been? I saw you last week…”
“You know what I mean. Everything is different. Look, I don’t know what happened with us…”
That wasn’t true, but Amber held her tongue.
“I just… I don’t know. I…”
Amber focused on Ben, not interested in helping, until she realised Megan was crying. Megan wasn’t a crier. Amber couldn’t remember the last time she saw her friend in tears. She had to put Ben down, except she wasn’t entirely sure how. She lay him gently in his plastic hospital cot and sat awkwardly on the bed beside Megan.
“Hey, hey. It’s all right.”
“Probably just the hormones or something,” Megan said. “I don’t know.”
“Makes sense. You’ve had a big day.”
The tears kept coming. Amber pulled Megan close so her head lay on her shoulder.
“I’m scared, Amber. I’m really scared. What if I’ve made a huge mistake?”
“Look at him, Megan. He’s gorgeous. There’s no way you have made any sort of mistake.”
“But what if I can’t do all the stuff? There is so much to do to look after a kid. There’s no way I’ll remember it all.”