“Marshall, you’ve already helped more than you’ll ever know.” Her throat hurt like she’d swallowed shards of glass. “Your work with June and her inventions and the lobbying you’ve done in the Capitol has tipped the scales for the good.”
“It’s not enough, and yet the more I push, the farther I get from Carter. I can’t make up for what I did if I want to have time for him.”
“When will it be enough then? When will you pay enough to make up for that vote?” She didn’t know if she was asking Marshall or herself.
“I … I don’t know.” He pushed his hands through his hair, hopelessness filling the small laundry room and squeezing everything good out until all that remained was its stifling weight.
“I do,” she whispered.
She didn’t want him trapped in the endless cycle of guilt anymore. He was a victim just like Ethan and all the others were. By lumping him in with the organization that deceived so many, she’d failed to acknowledge all he’d done the last two years. June wouldn’t be able to manufacture so many of her gadgets for the military if Marshall hadn’t shifted all his company’s focus to supplying her the materials she needed. People in the Capitol and across the nation wouldn’t be talking about term reform if he hadn’t taken up the torch and pushed for it. She’d been wrong to ignore all of that.
“I forgive you, Marshall.” Relief coursed through her and left her trembling. “You’ve shown your honor in everything you’ve done the last two years. I see it now. I’m sorry I didn’t before.”
His search of her face left her exposed, but she no longer cared. Her mother had been right. Lena needed a shift in her focus from her grief and hate to what brought hope and honor.
“I want to believe you.” His rough whisper broke the last of her resistance.
“Then do.” She straightened from the washer and crossed her arms over her chest.
He swallowed, glanced at his wife’s letter, then returned his gaze to Lena. “Okay. Maybe I will.”
“Daddy, you’s said you get me a ’nack.” Carter pushed his way between Lena and Marshall.
Marshall stumbled into her with a grunt, one hand reaching behind to steady them on the washer and the other wrapping around her waist. His hand burned against her side, confusing her with the intensity of its heat. Marshall’s fingers flexed on her waist as he mouthed, “Sorry,” and let her go. She covered her unease with a shrug and a tightlipped smile.
She might be ready to forgive Marshall for his vote. She wasn’t sure if she was ready for anything more than friendship. Yet the lingering warmth from his touch, causing her pulse to pick up, called her a liar.
Sixteen
“Oh, where are we going now?” Lena grabbed the book Carter handed her, and Marshall watched with rapt attention as she helped Carter onto her lap.
“On a bear hunt.” Carter placed both hands on her shoulders. “Don’t worry. We’re not scared.”
Marshall chuckled from the kitchen where he put the last of the dishes away. This entire day had been amazing, and the coziness of the cabin capped the night off perfectly. He paused to hear what Lena would say.
“We’re not?” Her eyes widened theatrically like she wasn’t sure.
“Nope.” Carter turned around and settled in her lap. “Me will protect you.”
Lena smiled and smoothed Carter’s still-damp hair down. She gave him a hug as she read about catching a big bear and swishy grass. The scene warmed Marshall’s heart and made it all liquid like lava. He clicked the last plate in the cupboard. At some point after Amara’s death, he’d let his heart go as hard as rock. Seeing Lena with Carter, and spending time without the pressures of guilt and responsibility hitting him from every angle, had heated his core to a molten mess.
He didn’t want to stay on the outside of his life with Carter anymore. He wanted to snuggle on the couch, reading books and making memories. If Lena happened to cozy up to them, too, Marshall couldn’t imagine anything better. Her forgiveness earlier might just be the step in the right direction to make that newfound dream a reality.
He crossed the room just as the adventurer in the book traveled through the deep, dark wood. Instead of settling into the recliner, he sat on the loveseat with the two of them. Like a family. He stretched his arm across the back of the couch, and Lena turned a hesitant smile to him as she and Carter recited words they’d obviously read several times. How was it that a week before, her eyes had shot daggers at him? Marshall never wanted to leave this place, didn’t want to leave Lena and Carter there.
Yet, he had to.
He’d been gone from his business with no communication for much longer than he was comfortable with, especially knowing some insidious organization wanted to take him down. Would he get back to reality and find everything he’d worked for gone?
He trusted Ed could take care of things, but Ed wasn’t Marshall. As much as he could rely on and respect his best friend, sometimes their ideas of what the company needed varied greatly. Plus, the vote was only three days away. Marshall couldn’t just leave that to chance, not when he’d dedicated the last year and a half to putting all the pieces in place for the bill to have a good chance of passing.
Could he just leave Lena and Carter up here alone? Lena could handle anything the Alaskan wilderness threw at her, but Marshall wasn’t sure he could be away from Carter for however long it would take to guarantee his safety. He also didn’t want to lose any ground he’d gained with Lena.
“It’s a bear!” Carter yelled, his smile stretching across his face in excitement as he peeked up at Lena.
As they rushed back through the scenes of the book, Carter’s giggling voice rose in anticipation. When the story’s family claimed they wouldn’t go bear hunting again, his tiny forehead scrunched in thought. Just what would his son come up with this time? Marshall held his breath, waiting for what would spill from Carter’s lips.
“We’d go on a bear hunt again, wouldn’t we?” He lay down so his head was on the armrest and his feet stretched across to Marshall’s lap. “We no be scaredy cats, would we Eena?”
“Nope.” Lena smoothed Carter’s hair off of his forehead, her fingers trailing down his cheek. “When you’re afraid, you have to push through and do what needs to be done.” This time when she ran her fingers through his hair, his eyes drooped closed. “Sometimes the fear will go away, but often it doesn’t and you just have to continue through it.”
“Are you ever ’fraid, Eena?” Carter’s voiced slurred with sleep.
She swallowed and peeked at Marshall. “Yeah, Carter, I get afraid sometimes.”
“Okay, buddy, it’s bedtime.” Marshall rubbed Carter’s belly. “Give Lena a hug goodnight, and I’ll put you to bed.”
“Will you pray for me like Eena does?”
Carter’s question had Marshall’s eyes darting to Lena’s. She prayed for his son? What didn’t she do? She’d make an amazing mom someday.
“Yeah, I’ll pray for you.” He cleared his throat, pushing down the emotion clogging it.
Carter sat up and threw his arms around Lena’s neck. “Me love you, Eena.”
“I love you too.” She closed her eyes and leaned into the hug.
Marshall wanted to witness that exchange every night. His desire to make them all a family reared up strong and scared him. He pulled Carter into his arms and carried him to their room.
How could he have such powerful feelings for her when he’d spent the last two years feeling nothing? Could she ever feel the same? What if he lost her like he lost Amara? The more questions that tumbled through his head, the more the fear clawed up his gut and swarmed over the hopeful feelings that had bloomed there.
What was it that Lena had said?
Sometimes pushing through fear was the only way to get to the goal.
He settled Carter into his bed, said a prayer for protection, and kissed him on the head all while his mind raced with thoughts of Lena. Marshall didn’t want to go back to the hardened person he’
d become. Though the feelings swirling within him made him uncomfortable with confusion and worry, they also infused him with a dream he’d thought he could never aspire to again. He desired a family for Carter, wanted siblings he could play with. Brothers or sisters with raven hair and eyes so dark he could get lost in them. After being with the Rebels, a small family didn’t seem as satisfying as it once had.
Marshall stole one last look at Carter before he pulled the blackout curtains closed and headed into the living room. He paused as he stepped into the open space. Lena stared into the wood stove and pulled lazily at the end of her ponytail.
Doubts twisted in his gut, so he took a deep breath to settle them before he stalked across the space. He sat on the recliner, unsure of the coziness of the loveseat now that Carter wasn’t there. He’d just gotten her forgiveness, something he never thought he’d have. He didn’t want to push her trust of him by moving too fast. For all he knew, she could throw venomous glares at him or punch him in the face. If she didn’t, he’d take that as a sign to move forward with Operation Charm Lena.
“We need to talk.” Marshall’s words caused her lips to tweak into a grin before she controlled it.
She crossed her arms, leaning back against the opposite side of the couch, and raised her eyebrow in a silent question. Or maybe it was more of a command. In either case, it made Marshall’s heart pound in anticipation. He was used to being the one in charge, but he didn’t think he’d have that position with Lena. She was too much of a driving force to be the yielding partner.
Would that make a relationship between them burn hot with passion or explode in conflict? He inwardly shook his head. He was getting ahead of himself. Marshall took another breath.
“Okay. Shoot.” She was just going to let him talk?
Marshall stared at her, determined to catch any signs of how she really felt in her expression.
“I’m going to have Bjørn take me to an airport when he comes up to join us tomorrow.” He quickly continued when her forehead crinkled in objection. “I know Bjørn had some things he had to take care of before he could come up here long-term, but now that Carter is safe here with you, I need to make sure everything is all right back home. I can’t be out of communication indefinitely. I can’t leave my business to others, no matter how much I trust them. Plus, the vote for the term-limit bill is in three days.” He picked at nonexistent lint on his jeans. “I’ve dedicated too much time and sacrificed too much to just give it up when we are so close to having the numbers to pass it.”
“All right.” Lena swallowed and stared out the window, still bright with the midnight sun of late July. “You won’t be able to come back.” She turned her gaze to him. “Not until it’s safe to bring Carter home. It’d be too risky. No one knows we’re up here at the moment. It’s the only reason Bjørn could come back. When he does, he’ll be fully stocked with enough for us to last a good month or more. But you’d be going back into the bear’s den. If you tried to come visit, you could be followed, and then Carter wouldn’t be safe.”
He had ridiculously thought he could figure out a way to visit on the sly, but she was right. He looked past her at the rocky mountaintops. Could he be away from her and Carter for an unknown time? Would he even know when it was safe to come get them? He closed his eyes as heaviness settled on him again. Responsibility and his own wants warred within.
“It’s okay, Marshall.” Lena scooted to the other side of the couch and stretched her hand to squeeze his that gripped the recliner’s armrest. “I understand you need to finish what you’ve started, but I think you should call Zeke and hire more of the Stryker team for protection until the threat is contained.”
He nodded, grabbed her hand, and squeezed it in a move that probably showed his desperation. “I’m scared.” His voice was hoarse and scratchy as fear climbed up his throat. “What if something happens? What if I never see you two … Carter again?”
“I’ll keep him safe. I promise.” Her whisper held a confidence that eased his muscles and settled his fear to a slight buzz as opposed to the disconcerting clanging it had risen to.
He ran his thumb along the back of her hand. He could trust in her strength and knowledge to keep his family safe. With them hidden away, he could focus on the tasks needed to be done to bring them back to him.
Seventeen
Lena stuffed another protein bar into her backpack and slid the water bottle in the side holder. Her plan was simple: distract Carter with a bear hunt so he wouldn’t be upset about Marshall leaving. All night, she’d tried to tell herself that she wasn’t disconcerted with him leaving, that she was worried about what Carter would do. She couldn’t lie to herself when she broke out into a cold sweat as fear crashed over her that morning with one look at Marshall. The organization could decide to just take him out of the equation completely. She didn’t want that for Carter, didn’t want him left without both parents who loved him so much.
She understood and respected Marshall’s need to get back. Didn’t mean she couldn’t secretly wish the helicopter would break, and Marshall would have to stick around a little longer. It wouldn’t, of course. Bjørn was meticulous about his stuff, and his dream since high school was that helicopter. There was no way he’d let anything slip past him when it came to his “baby girl.”
“Penny for your thoughts.” Marshall came up beside her and grabbed a protein bar.
“I was just hoping that the helicopter would have mechanical problems so you could stay.” She turned from the stuff she still needed to pack and leaned her back against the counter. “I don’t want you to go.” His eyes widened, and she quickly added, “It’s not safe.”
She turned her gaze out the kitchen window at the fireweed stalks, half-full of blossoms. She bit the inside of her cheek as worry pounded at her brain. Would the petals make it all the way to the top and summer close into a quick fall before he got back? Lena wasn’t sure she could stay up in such a harsh spot if Carter had to spend the winter up away from his dad, but she didn’t have a plan B.
“Hey, everything will be okay.” Marshall placed his hand on her shoulder.
She stuffed the worry down and brought up her shield of strength that had gotten her through troubles. Life didn’t have any guarantees of security. Letting the fear of an unknown future hinder the present wasn’t the Rebel way. She could focus on the what-ifs, or she could do all she could in the now to wield the what-ifs under control.
“The minute you get to Anchorage, call Stryker.” Lena used her commander voice. “Don’t contact anyone else until you are in their protection.”
His lip tweaked on the side as he slid his hands into his pockets and rocked on his heels. “Roger that. Any other commands?”
“Yeah.” She raised an eyebrow in her best you-better-listen expression. “Figure out a plan fast. I don’t think Carter will want to be away from you very long.”
“Carter, huh?” His smile came out full force, dimple included, making her heart skip a beat.
“Daddy, Eena, I see the ’elicopter!” Carter dashed into the room from the back of the cabin before Lena could respond, the stomp of his boots loud against the wood floor.
Marshall’s smile turned sad as his gaze lingered on her a moment before following Carter out the door. Lena stared after them, a sense of foreboding skating up her spine. She shook it off, stuffed the remaining items into her pack, and stomped out the door. She had to show Carter that being in the Alaskan wilderness was an adventure, one he could tell his daddy all about when he returned to them.
Marshall held Carter, who stood on the porch railing. The kid bounced up and down on the narrow board in his excitement as Bjørn touched down. One thing was for sure, the boy would keep her busy. Hopefully busy enough not to worry about Marshall.
“Born!” Carter waved wildly as Bjørn climbed out of the cockpit.
“Let’s go see if he needs help.” Marshall lifted Carter from the railing.
Movement past the helicopter gr
abbed Lena’s attention. She placed a hand on Marshall’s back before he could put Carter down. If it was a bear, she wanted them all safely inside. She cupped her hands over her eyes to shade them from the sun and scanned the trees and brush. She swallowed as a hard rock settled in her gut. Why was she so hyped up? Animals were a part of being in Alaska.
She shrugged, hoping the motion would relax her overactive mind. As she lowered her hands, men emerged from the forest like ground wasps bursting from their hive. The rapid pop-pop of their guns as they fired at the helicopter sent her pushing the Rands off of the backside of the porch toward the woods. She glanced over her shoulder in time to see Bjørn bailing into the trees by the helicopter.
Would they catch him? Would they just kill him on the spot? How had they found them in the first place?
“Go into the woods,” she harshly whispered as she scanned behind them, her Sig ready in her hand.
Men swarmed the helicopter, then continued toward the cabin just as she pushed Marshall into the thick undergrowth. Had they been seen, or had the intruders been more focused on Bjørn? She searched the woods where her brother had disappeared but saw nothing. She needed to move, get the Rands to safety.
The helicopter exploded in a hot billow of fire, causing her to duck and Carter to scream. Bjørn would freak. Lena took one last look as the door to her cabin was kicked in. A few men scanned the area while the others stormed into the cabin.
Honoring Lena Page 9