by Unknown
‘No, thank you’ he said, before going back inside, his shoulders stooped.
Not wishing to overstep the boundaries of our fragile acquaintance, I didn’t say anything further, but couldn’t help wondering if his limp was always this bad, or if he’d been hurt trying to put out the fire.
I started the ignition. I wasn’t certain, but thought I felt him watching me from one of the windows. I wished he would let me in, just a little, but maybe me coming here so soon after the visit to Mum’s house had unsettled him. We all needed friends and I suspected he needed them more than he let on.
‘Mummy, do you think Mr Henri is sad?’ Katie asked from the back seat. ‘Nana Mimi said he isn’t nice.’
My grip on the steering wheel tightened. I wished my mother would keep her opinions about Henri to herself. I didn’t want her worrying Katie about someone who hadn’t done anything wrong.
‘Nana Mimi doesn’t know Mr Henri. He is nice, but sometimes when people like to be left alone it makes them seem sad.’
There was a moment’s silence as the car drew out of the farmyard, while she contemplated this notion. ‘Like you, when you’re working?’
‘Yes, just like that.’
As much as I loved living back in Oakwold, I also enjoyed leaving the peace of our village with its quiet, tree-lined lanes, red-brick cottages and pretty colour-filled gardens, and the wild ponies coming looking for food if you didn’t keep your gate shut. It was picturesque, like the perfect backdrop on a social media post. And just like so many filtered posts, looks could be very deceiving.
Chapter Three
2018 – Oakwold, New Forest
Sera
The following morning I washed and dressed Katie, leaving early to take her to pre-school. I was relieved that it was one of the three days each week that I drove into Southampton to my workshop where I renovated old enamelled signs. It was good to get away from the house and Mum repeating her lines. I needed the peace of my studio after the shocking fire two nights before. Living at Mum’s house meant that I didn’t have to pay rent, just contribute to the upkeep of the place and our food, so Katie and I were able to survive on the small policy we received that Marcus had thankfully set up for us about a year before he died.
Sourcing and renovating the signs gave me an interest and added income. It also gave me a reason to drive to different markets looking for stock as well as keeping me from spending too much time at home dwelling on Marcus’ death. After a shaky start when my shyness threatened to hold me back, I now enjoyed selling the signs weekly from my market stall in Southampton.
Today, though, I was looking forward to spending a solitary day in the studio. The day was still and the heat heavy. I loved summery days, but this year the consistently high temperatures and feeling like I was trapped inside a thick blanket was exhausting. Determined to lift my mood, I pressed on the car radio. As I turned into to a road passing nineteenth-century town houses and hinting at the past wealth the region had enjoyed, I sang along to ‘If Tomorrow Never Comes’ by Ronan Keating. My best friend Dee and I had sung it and I’d played it endlessly after she and her family had disappeared on the hottest night of a heatwave in 2003.
The song’s title gained a new significance when I rounded a corner and thought I’d spotted someone I hadn’t seen for fifteen years.
‘Leo?’ I shrieked as the car in front stopped at the last minute, when the traffic lights changed to red. It was pure luck I didn’t cause a smash. My heart pounded, although whether it was from the shock of the near miss, or thinking I’d seen Dee’s younger brother, I wasn’t sure.
I could still recall the months I’d waited for a letter from her. I’d wasted hours trying to trace them online and via electoral rolls, even contacting the Salvation Army, desperate to ascertain if they were still alive, or what might have happened to them. All to no avail.
I was about to drive on, but what if it was Leo? I couldn’t miss a chance to speak to him. Excitement bubbling inside me, I looked for a parking space, checking back in his direction, but unable to see him. My stomach churned at the lost opportunity, but then I saw him walking towards an office along the street.
A car pulled out of a space in front of me. Parking my Golf badly, I got out, almost forgetting to lock it, before running towards the imposing stone building that housed the branch of the town’s main bank. I took a deep breath and pushed the heavy oak doors open.
Running up to him wasn’t the way to reintroduce myself, if indeed it was Leo. I watched the broad-shouldered man speaking to the receptionist, willing him to turn his face slightly towards me so that I could get a better look. Why was he here? This wasn’t a financial district and this man looked the epitome of a financier, if the cut of his suit was anything to go by.
Then the potential humiliation of what I was about to do dawned on me. What was I thinking? Surely, if either Leo or Dee had wanted to get in touch with me, they could have contacted Mum. Losing my nerve, I turned away. Walking out of the building, the heat of the day hit me. Maybe listening to that song had conjured up one of the people I’d longed to find.
My tired mind must be playing tricks on me. Embarrassed at getting carried away, I hurried to my car. I dropped my keys when a hand landed heavily on my shoulder.
‘Sera, is that you?’ the man asked, bending down to retrieve my keys from the gutter.
The voice was much deeper, but the inflection belonged to Leo. A thrill of excitement shot through me.
‘Leo,’ I whispered spinning round to face him. ‘I thought I was going mad.’
He held out my keys and shrugged. ‘Yes, it’s me.’
I took the keys with a shaky hand and couldn’t help staring at him as he took a deep breath and smiled. ‘Where the hell have you been for the past fifteen years?’
‘Let’s not worry about that now, shall we?’
‘But…’ Why couldn’t he tell me? He must know how lost I’d been when his family vanished?
Taking my shoulders, Leo held me at arm’s length and studied my face. ‘I always knew you’d grow up to be a beautiful woman,’ he said, his cornflower blue eyes twinkling with more confidence than I could ever have imagined him possessing. My stomach contracted as I looked up at him. He was even taller than Marcus’ had been.
Leo frowned, then pulled me into a bear hug. I stiffened for an instant, unused to being held by a man since Marcus died. Despite my best efforts my face reddened. How could this handsome man be the same scruffy boy his sister and I had teased as teenagers?
‘I just can’t believe it,’ I said, my mind whirling and trying to come to terms with what was happening.
He held me away from him again and gave me another wide smile displaying perfect white teeth. He looked wealthy, as if he’d done well for himself.
Desperate to find out more about his family, but not wishing to give him an excuse to leave, I asked, ‘Dee? Is she well? She’s not here with you, is she?’
His smile slipped. ‘No. Dee’s not here.’
I waited for him to continue, but he glanced at his watch. ‘I have to go. I’m already late for a meeting.’
I followed his gaze to the large building. ‘Will I see you again?’
‘That would be great.’ He thought for a moment. ‘Where should we meet?’
‘I’ve moved back to Mum’s place. How about coming to the house this afternoon, if you’re free?’
‘I should be able to get there for around two-thirty. Would that suit you?’
I nodded. ‘That’s perfect,’ I said. ‘I’ll see you then.’
The mystery of their disappearance had plagued me since my teens. I had almost given up hope of ever finding out what had happened to Dee and her family, but it looked as if my wait wasn’t quite over. I smiled as I unlocked my car. At least I knew they were alive. Glancing back to the majestic bank, it dawned on me that Leo hadn’t actually answered any of my questions. What was he doing back here?
Chapter Four
; 2003 – Oakwold, New Forest
Young Sera
I almost lost my footing on the gnarled branch of the apple tree as I raised one plimsoll-shod foot and reached out to Dee’s windowsill, missing by inches. I held my breath for a second. I’d never known Dee’s mum to ground her before. I couldn’t imagine what she must have done to upset Hazel this badly.
‘Shit.’ I grimaced, silently praying that I could hold on long enough for her to realise I was there. I could hear her mum’s raucous laughter as she partied with her friends on the other side of the barn where it opened out onto the meadow.
Having no siblings of my own and a mum who had long since disconnected with her relatives, the people at the farm were like my family. I could confide in Dee about anything and she understood how it felt not to know the identity of your father. No one, not even Hazel, was going to stop me seeing her.
I didn’t want to insult Mum by letting her know how much I wanted to be a part of Dee’s home where everyone chatted openly about their thoughts and dreams. At home the only dream that mattered was the size of the next part Mum might get. I understood that she needed to earn enough money to pay for everything in our lives, but did she have to be so controlling? Hazel wasn’t married either. She needed to find ways to pay for her farm and kids, but unlike Mum she was carefree and fun to be with.
Someone put on another record and Hazel began singing. It was safe to carry on. I braced myself ready to propel forward once again. Grabbing hold of the sill with one hand, my nails grazed one of the wooden shutters. I groaned as two nails broke near the quick, tearing the skin.
‘Dee,’ I almost hissed, trying not to be overheard by her mum.
Something clattered onto her wooden floor and Dee’s face appeared at her half open window. ‘What the hell are you doing up here?’ she asked, barely able to stop from giggling. I noticed her headphones dangling from around her neck – no wonder she hadn’t heard me.
‘Bloody help me,’ I said through gritted teeth. ‘I’m stuck.’
She pushed the other window wide open and leant out. She pulled me to her by the elbows. ‘Shit, you’re heavier than you look.’
I didn’t have the strength to argue, but pushed my feet hard against the branch, launching myself towards her, and together we fell back heavily onto her floor.
‘Oof. Get off me.’ She tugged at the wires now wrapped tightly around her throat.
Relieved to be safe, I pushed myself off and lay next to her, willing my heart to slow. ‘I thought I was a goner then.’
We stared at each other in silence for a couple of seconds, before amusement washed over her face again. ‘You looked so funny hanging on for dear life,’ she giggled. ‘I never knew your eyes could go that wide.’
I punched her playfully on the shoulder, wincing as the broken skin under my nails tore further. ‘Ouch.’
‘You hit me after nearly strangling me?’ she teased, tears of laughter running down her face.
‘It was your headphone wire that nearly strangled you, not me,’ I argued. ‘Anyway, I was terrified,’ I said in between hysterical bouts of laughter. ‘You know I’m scared of heights.’
Dee wiped her eyes with the bottom of her T-shirt. ‘Why did you climb the tree then, moron?’
‘To see you.’
‘You can’t use the front door, like everyone else?’ She threw her iPod Classic onto the bed.
‘When I saw your mum earlier at the greengrocer’s, she told me I wasn’t to come here. She said you were in serious trouble.’ I sat up and crossed my legs. ‘What did you do to piss her off?’
She sat up opposite me, frowning and stared at the floor in contemplation. ‘It’s that idiot boyfriend of hers, Jack.’
I didn’t like him much either. There was something odd about him, though I had no idea what. We’d discussed our thoughts on Hazel’s relationship many times, while stuffing our faces with popcorn and watching 10 Things I Hate About You on DVD, desperately trying to work out ways that we could meet Heath Ledger. I suspected that our nastiness towards Jack had mainly been due to boredom.
‘What did he do?’
‘He shouted at my brother.’
Anger coursed through me. ‘Why?’ Leo was a quiet kid. He never really got into trouble and I couldn’t imagine him having the courage to give Jack any lip.
‘Leo said he saw Jack push Mum, but she denied it.’
I thought about how I’d feel if I saw someone being rough with my mum. ‘Why are you grounded if Jack was the one in the wrong?’
‘That’s precisely what I said when I walked in on her shouting at Leo.’ She traced a series of circles in the light dust on her bedroom floor with one finger. ‘She’s been acting a little odd lately.’ She hesitated. ‘I think she’s doing more than smoking the odd spliff, Sera.’
I wasn’t sure what to say next.
Dee shrugged. ‘Never mind that, you know how I never stand up for Leo, so that must tell you how nasty things got earlier.’
She was right, she didn’t. It must have been a bad row for her to defend her brother. ‘True.’
Dee hadn’t finished. ‘I couldn’t believe it when she turned on the pair of us and sent us to our rooms, so she could be alone with him.’
Despite Dee’s comments about her mum and what she was getting up to, it still didn’t make much sense to me why Hazel had been quite so angry with her. I voiced my concerns.
She sighed. ‘Well, she also caught me cutting up one of her dresses.’
‘What?’ I shrieked. ‘Why would you do that?’ But Dee was always braver than me so I could picture her doing such a thing.
‘She slapped me.’ Dee put her palm up against her left cheek and I saw it still had a pink tone to it under her tan.
‘Won’t do that again then, will you?’ I asked, stunned to think of Hazel raising a hand to either of her kids.
She shook her head. ‘No. I don’t know what all the fuss was about; she hadn’t worn it for years.’
‘Can I see your creation?’ I asked, but had no idea where Dee thought she’d wear a new dress, if she had managed to make one. There was little to do in our village. There certainly wasn’t anywhere you’d bother dressing up for.
‘I can’t,’ she pouted. ‘She threw it away.’
I hated seeing her cross, she was usually so cheerful. ‘At least you have a mum whose clothes you can make into something you’d choose to wear. Imagine me trying to do that with my mum’s stuff?’ We sat contemplating this amusing notion for a bit. ‘So,’ I said, standing up. ‘Are we going to sit here all night, or are you coming down to the woods for a swim? It’s stifling in here.’
I was worried I’d get caught by Hazel: while she could be odd at times, I loved her and didn’t want to get into her bad books. Coming to this farm in my free time was what I enjoyed doing most. I wished my mum and Hazel were friends and she could see how lovely and open this family were, but Mum would have none of it. She didn’t really like me spending time here with them.
Mum wouldn’t even take me to visit her mother and sister and it didn’t matter how many times I tried, she never answered any questions about my dad. Giving me a name would have been a start. I couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t give me that, at least.
‘Stifling?’ she said, mimicking my voice.
‘What?’ I said, realising I hadn’t been listening to her.
‘You been listening to your mum talking posh again?’
‘Shut up,’ I pushed her, unable to stop smiling.
She got up and pulled open the middle drawer of the wide chest next to the window and lifted out her pink bikini. ‘I think I could do with cooling down a bit,’ she said stripping off and changing, and I knew she wasn’t just referring to the heat in the stuffy bedroom. She was angrier about what had happened between her and her mum than I’d realised.
We stepped out onto the landing, stopping to listen for Hazel’s voice, or any one of her cronies who might have come into the house for d
rinks. Then we tiptoed down the stairs, covering our mouths with our hands to stifle our giggling. As soon as we were outside, we glanced at one another, and without speaking, tore off, running as fast as we could towards the wood. Dee shrieked as we neared the coolness of the dense trees circled around the natural pool.
When we were younger and first discovered this place, Dee had insisted it was a fairy glade. I didn’t believe her, but now I was sure that the pool had magical properties.
‘Remember when we thought time stood still for everyone else when we were in here?’ Dee asked. Without waiting for a reply, she dropped her towel, and ran into the water. She didn’t stop until she was in the deepest part of the pool, instantly lowering her head.
I imagined it must be spooky here at night-time, but right now it was an oasis cooling our hot skin. I followed her, my breath catching as the cold water reached my ribcage.
‘This is brill,’ she shouted, splashing me and cheering as if she hadn’t been out here only the day before. ‘I love this place. One day I’m going to buy this wood. I’ll make sure I never leave it.’
‘You have to leave it sometime, you can’t stay here forever.’ Dee gave me a sad look and I wondered if maybe the situation between her mum and Jack was worrying her more than she was letting on.
‘How come you’re here tonight?’ she interrupted my thoughts. ‘Your mum doesn’t usually let you out this late.’
‘She’s away filming, again.’
Dee’s mouth fell open. ‘She never leaves you by yourself in the house.’
‘I know.’ I just couldn’t imagine my controlling mother leaving me alone in the house for several days. ‘She’s got another babysitter from that agency to stay with me.’
‘That doesn’t explain why you’re allowed out,’ Dee said, lying on her back floating, her arms and legs outstretched. ‘Where is this babysitter?’ she asked, emphasising the word ‘baby’. ‘How did you escape from her?’