by Unknown
My last comment made him frown. ‘I think your husband would be happy that you’ve made these choices.’
My mother had said almost the same thing to me many times and a part of me believed it, too. ‘I find it difficult sometimes not having him here.’ A sob caught in my throat and I coughed to be able to continue speaking. ‘Marcus was a darling man. He was funny and very kind. It almost doesn’t seem right that I enjoy seeing our daughter growing up while he’s missing out on everything.’
‘Life is cruel.’ He spoke as if the pain of his own past weighed heavily on his mind.
‘Tell me about you, Henri,’ I asked, seizing the moment. ‘What happened to bring you here?’
Chapter Eight
2018 – Oakwold, New Forest
Sera
‘Loss, like you.’ He looked thoughtful. ‘A different loss, but one I struggle to accept. In that we are the same, I think.’
Seeing his mood dipping and not wishing to be the reason his day was made more difficult, I leant forward in the chair and smiled at him. ‘We’re a couple of miseries; we need to do something to cheer ourselves up.’
He narrowed his eyes suspiciously, unsure whether to take me seriously. ‘You wish to do something, together?’
I could tell that my suggestion had unnerved him. ‘Yes, we could go somewhere with Katie. Fishing maybe, or swimming in the large pool in the woods at the back of your farm. Have you ever been there?’
He shook his head slowly. I could see my suggestion disconcerted him, but it was too late to take back the suggestion.
‘No. This makes it a little painful to walk far.’ He tapped his thigh and once again I was intrigued to know what had happened to him.
I recalled my mother’s warning about him, but remembered how she also mistrusted Marcus when she had first met him. Turning my attention back to Henri and my plan to encourage him to confide in me at some point, I said, ‘We can drive part of the way, if you like?’
He considered this suggestion. ‘It is hot. I do like to swim.’
‘Then it’s decided,’ I said, happy to have persuaded him.
I asked him to fetch a couple of towels for us and went to put away the books Katie was looking through. Entering the living room across the hallway, I glanced around for a bookcase and not seeing one, walked over to a small table in the corner that already had a pile of papers spread out on it. I straightened them slightly. Hearing footsteps coming down the hallway, I waited for Henri to join me.
‘You have found something?’ he asked, frowning, three rolled-up towels under one arm. I opened my mouth to say something, but he shook his head. ‘We must swim.’
I was aware he’d changed the subject, which I found a little odd, but before I could prod him for further information Katie ran into the room. ‘Why is Mr Henri holding towels?’
She was such a nosy little devil. I walked over to her and picking her up, winced when she landed against my bruised thigh. She spotted my reaction and looked upset, so I tickled her to distract her. She tried to wriggle out of my arms, until I told her of our plans to go to the pool for a dip.
We reached the car and I strapped Katie into her car seat and waited for Henri to come and join us. He looked unsure as he stood on the steps in front of the farmhouse. Refusing to allow him to stay behind, I turned on the ignition and motioned for him to come over. ‘Get in,’ I said, before he had a chance to change his mind.
* * *
‘I’m sorry I haven’t been to see you in a while,’ I said, feeling guilty. ‘I’ve been busy with work. I’ve had a few extra orders to take care of.’
‘It is good to be busy. Please, do not worry.’
We drove to the wood and parked the car. I’d already worked out that my dark underwear could pass for a bikini, and Katie’s pants and vest worked well as a makeshift costume. Henri stood by the car. I could see he was unsure of the situation as he silently watched me remove our outer clothes and step in to the water.
I held Katie in my arms and crouched down so that we were up to our underarms in the cold water. She gasped as it connected with our skin, a shock to our systems at first after the extreme heat of the day. I purposely didn’t watch Henri take off his trousers. He was shy and I didn’t want to give him reason to not enjoy a swim.
Katie splashed about. I held her under her tummy as she kicked and pretended to swim. It was the first time I’d come here since Dee’s disappearance.
‘That’s it, Katie, keep kicking.’
I heard Henri’s feet step into the water’s edge and glanced up, trying to hide my shock at the sight of the deep, vivid scars across and down his right thigh. The angry gashes depicted the pain of what had happened to him. It was obvious that he’d been lucky to have kept his leg, although his shocking scars and limp made me wonder how close he’d come to losing his life.
He sensed me watching and let his T-shirt, raised midway, drop back down to his waist. ‘Hideous, no?’
I shook my head. ‘Your scars are on the outside, mine are inside, but no less terrible.’ I pulled a stern face. ‘Now get into the water, it’s glorious.’
His expression softened, and he stared silently at me. For a moment, I wondered if it was a look like this that had disconcerted my mother but reasoned that his discomfort must come from allowing a relative stranger to come socially close, albeit only for a short swim. I had seen his damaged body and hadn’t flinched. I had thought him shy, but now I could see he was ashamed of how he looked. He had no reason to be.
‘Come on, what are you waiting for?’ I teased.
‘You are bossy,’ he said, hurrying into the dark, cold water, his breath catching for a second as the cold hit him. ‘Sheesh, it is too cold.’
‘No, it isn’t,’ Katie giggled. ‘Mr Henri is being a big baby, isn’t he, Mummy?’
‘He is, Katie,’ I mocked, smiling at him over her mop of damp curls. ‘You’re far braver than him.’
‘Swim,’ she insisted, bored with our chatter. I held her under her tummy once again and laughed when she kicked and paddled with her hands. She would soon be swimming by herself. We played for a while longer and then she wanted me to help her swim again.
‘She is good,’ Henri said, before diving under and disappearing for longer than I thought possible. I scanned the water for him and was beginning to wonder if his legs had got tangled in reeds when his head popped up away from us.
‘Don’t do that,’ I shouted. ‘You frightened us.’
‘He didn’t scare me,’ Katie said. ‘Mr Henri is a fish. I want to swim like him when I’m big.’
‘Then you’ll have to practise, little one,’ he said swimming slowly back towards us.
Katie shivered. ‘Right, that’s enough. You’re getting cold,’ I said, taking her over to the side of the pool.
‘No,’ she screamed indignantly kicking her legs in temper. ‘Swim, now.’
‘We can come back another day,’ I assured her.
‘I want to swim now.’ Katie began to cry. I held her close to me and carried her over to the car to dry her. Thankfully, it was so hot out of the water she soon warmed up. Tired from the excitement of the afternoon and being at pre-school earlier, she became dozy, closing her eyes as soon as I placed her in her car seat. I quickly strapped her in.
I looked at Henri. ‘Any news on how the fire was started yet?’
He shook his head. ‘They have found nothing apart from the accelerant, but I am hoping there will be soon. I would like to start working on the barn.’
I turned to pick up my towel where I’d dropped it closer to the water, but Henri bent down to grab it first. He straightened up and opening the towel, draped it around my shoulders, the water from his hair dripping on to my arms. He stood still, so close we almost touched. I wasn’t sure how to react.
‘Sera,’ he whispered in his lyrical accent, so different to Marcus’ harsh Scottish one that I’d loved so much. ‘I must tell you…’
He was about to say somet
hing else when I heard a deep voice calling my name. Henri and I stared wide-eyed at each other. Who could know we were here? I peered past him through the trees to try and see who it might be.
Twigs cracked underfoot as the person intruding on our intimacy strode through the undergrowth. ‘There you are,’ he said, his smile faltering as he spotted Henri still holding the edges of my towel.
‘Leo?’ I shouted, stunned to see him so unexpectedly. I sensed Henri tense. He let go of the soft material. I daren’t look at him again, in case my gaze inadvertently slipped back to his scars. Not wishing to appear rude to Leo, I walked a few steps to the pathway to greet him. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘Maureen told me I might find you,’ he said awkwardly. ‘I hope it’s okay, me coming here, that is?’
I didn’t look at the silent man standing by the water’s edge. ‘Yes, why wouldn’t it be?’
I wondered momentarily what Henri had been trying to tell me, but Leo’s voice dispersed my thoughts.
‘Great. I would hate to interrupt your afternoon.’ Leo gave me a bear hug. ‘Phew, it’s a relief to be in this shade. I don’t think I’ve ever been so hot.’ He walked over to the pool, bent down and scooped up some water in his hands, wiping it over his face and hair to cool down. ‘I’m sorry I haven’t been back to visit you before now, but there’s been so much going on at work. Now I’m here, I didn’t think I should waste a moment coming to find you and giving you the great news.’
My heart pounded with excitement. Henri walked up to stand slightly behind me as if he were guarding me in some way, which I found a little irritating.
‘Tell me,’ I said, forcing a smile and willing away the tension pervading the air around us.
Leo glanced unsmiling over my right shoulder at Henri, still a little unsure of the situation. He returned his gaze to me. ‘Dee is with me. I told her about meeting up with you and she insisted on travelling here.’
I hardly dared believe what he was telling me. ‘Here? But that’s amazing.’ Then remembering Henri, I turned to him. ‘Henri, this is Leo. Dee is Leo’s older sister,’ I explained. ‘We were best friends when we were teenagers. Did I tell you that? They lived on your farm.’
His expression darkened; he watched Leo silently. ‘No,’ he said eventually. ‘You have much to talk about.’ He backed away. ‘I will leave you to welcome your friend.’
I couldn’t understand why he was acting so strangely but supposed Leo had interrupted whatever it was he’d been about to tell me. I thought of his bad leg. ‘I’ll drop you off at the farm.’
‘It is not necessary,’ he said shaking his head, droplets of water splashing down on his tanned shoulders. ‘I will walk.’
‘No, please,’ I insisted, touching his arm lightly. ‘I’ll take you home. It’s on the way.’ I turned to Leo. ‘Your car must be here somewhere?’
‘Yes, it’s not far. I’ll go, and meet you back at your house. Good to meet you, Henri,’ he said proffering his right hand towards Henri, who, after a moment’s hesitation, shook it.
Leo walked back the way he’d come.
‘I suppose we’d better get going,’ I murmured. I hated how the carefree atmosphere between me and Henri had vanished. I got into the car and turned the key in the ignition, setting off as soon as Henri was seated. He sat resting one arm on the open window as the car exited the wood.
The full force of the sun pierced through the windscreen and I lowered the sun visor to shield the worst of the glare from my eyes. It had been good to spend a little time with him after the drama of the fire. I hoped that despite Leo’s interruption his day had been made a little better by leaving the farm for a bit.
‘Henri,’ I said hoping to entice him to finish what he’d begun telling me by the pool. ‘Was there something you wanted to discuss?’
He didn’t reply immediately. ‘It is nothing.’
By the tone of regret in his voice I suspected it must be fairly important. Maybe it was a confidence that needed to be shared when he was in the right frame of mind. I wondered if he would tell me soon; I hoped he would.
Chapter Nine
2018 – Oakwold, New Forest
Sera
‘Mummy’s friend has come to visit us,’ I explained, wishing I’d managed to find a parking space closer to the house. My skin was so hot and the blissful coolness of our swim now only a memory, as I carried Katie into the house, trying to distract her from her grizzling.
‘We’re out in the garden,’ Mum shouted, hearing me slam the front door closed with my heel. ‘Hurry up; you’ll never believe who’s here.’
I supposed it was living here alone when I moved away with Marcus that made her be more open to inviting people around. My teenage self would have much preferred this softer, friendlier version of my mother.
I put Katie down to stand on the tiled hall floor, watching as she ran out to the garden, her bad mood forgotten in the thrill of having visitors. I hurried down the stone stairs to the oasis I’d established as a subdued teenager needing to escape my inner torment.
I couldn’t see Dee anywhere, but a little girl a year or so older than Katie sat quietly opposite my mum.
‘Dee?’ I called, spotting movement behind the largest hydrangea. A slim figure with dark, bobbed hair stepped forward. She looked timid and nothing like the Dee I remembered. ‘You’re all grown up,’ I laughed, desperate to hide my shock at her tense, sullen appearance. I hurried over to her.
She stood stiffly as I put my arms around her skinny body, but she barely touched my back in response. Not wishing to make her uncomfortable, I cut short my hug. I stepped back, unable to miss the expression set on her pinched face, once so pretty and cheeky, and now so, what? Sad? Haunted? I couldn’t decide. She didn’t speak.
‘It’s fantastic to see you again,’ I said willing my enthusiasm to pass to her, desperate to fill the strained silence. ‘I couldn’t believe it when Leo told me you were here. And—’ I motioned towards the fragile-looking little girl, ‘—who’s this?’
‘I asked her name, but I’m still waiting for her to answer me,’ Mum teased.
‘Her name is Ashley,’ Dee said, her voice monotone. ‘She’s shy. She also doesn’t speak much English.’
I tried hard to hide my shock. ‘She doesn’t?’
‘She’s always lived in France and we’ve always spoken in French at home, so I could practise. We didn’t expect to ever leave.’
I asked, ‘Would she like to something to eat, or drink?’
Dee shook her head. ‘No, thanks, we ate before coming here. She’ll be happy as long as she’s with me.’
Katie, oblivious to any nuance of awkwardness, had gone inside to fetch a couple of her teddies. She handed one to Ashley, who stared at it. Then glancing over to Dee, she waited for her to nod an approval before snatching it from Katie and holding it tightly against her chest.
‘She can have that one, Mummy,’ Katie said, looking a little startled by the other child’s reaction.
I ruffled her messy hair and bent down to her. ‘Thank you, Katie, that was very considerate of you.’
‘Can she come and play in my room?’ Katie whispered.
‘If she wants to, but I think she’ll probably want to stay near her mummy for a bit until she gets used to us.’
She twisted her teddy’s crumpled ear and thought about my comment. ‘I’ll ask her later.’
I nodded, and she went back inside the house.
I was dying to ask my once extrovert friend more about her life but by the look of her, Leo had underplayed the difficulties she’d experienced since we’d last seen each other. It was hard to imagine we could be the same age. Her skin was lined and her once full mouth now tight and sullen. What had happened to diminish her enthusiasm for life so completely?
Disappointment welled up inside me. If I didn’t hurry up and distract myself, I wouldn’t be able to hold back my tears. I went over to the peach tree and raised my arm gently, careful not to bruis
e the round juicy fruit as I cupped it in my hand. It came away effortlessly, and I held it out to Dee. She’d always loved this tree and could never get enough of the sweet peaches whenever she had come to see us.
She shook her head. ‘No. Thank you.’
I covered my disappointment and walked with her moving silently next to me. Unsure what to say next, I smiled at her.
She stopped. ‘You must think me very rude.’
‘No. I do think something has happened to you and I’d wish you’d trust me to share it with me,’ I couldn’t help saying.
‘Because I didn’t say goodbye and never contacted you?’
Saddened by her defensiveness, I said, ‘I’m sure you had your reasons. You’re here now; that’s all that matters.’
Neither of us spoke for a few seconds. ‘Katie’s gorgeous and so like you when you were small,’ Dee said, finally. She glanced over to her silent little girl sitting, eyes closed, hugging the teddy to her as if her life depended on it.
‘Ashley is very sweet,’ I said. I tried to see some resemblance to her mother but assumed she must take after her father. ‘Katie would love to show her all her toys when she’s feeling a bit more at home.’
Dee frowned. ‘She’s very timid.’ We walked on further. ‘I was sorry to read about your husband’s death. Marcus, wasn’t it?’
I hadn’t expected her to know about his plane crash, and hesitated. ‘You knew?’
Dee frowned in confusion at my question. ‘Of course, it was in all the papers.’
Why hadn’t she bothered to contact me then? I wondered, upset at her lack of concern. Surely it wouldn’t have been hard to send a note to Mum’s house, or give her a call; Mum’s number – though only given out to a few people – had never changed.
‘It was devastating,’ I said, my voice breaking at recalling that dark time twice in one day. ‘We were very much in love, and Katie wasn’t even three years old when he was killed. She doesn’t remember anything about him, but she does miss him when it’s her birthday. I think it’s because other children at her nursery school have mummies and daddies and she just has me.’