I heard the phone ring and sat my diary aside and jumped up off my bed. I wandered down the hall to make sure everything was in place in Logan’s room. I had just put the finishing touches on it yesterday and I was proud of how it had turned out. I hoped he liked it.
I was straightening the comforter on the bed when I heard the phone ring again. Surely that had to be Logan. He said he would call today and confirm his flight information so we could pick him up. I ran downstairs and went into the kitchen. Anna sat on the phone smiling at me as I entered. “No, Joe, I still haven’t heard from him. Maybe I will call.”
It was just my father’s daily afternoon call home. I wandered over to the fridge and poured myself a glass of juice. Anna finally hung up after numerous I love you’s. I couldn’t get over how in love they really were and hoped that I too could have that one day.
“Have you heard from Logan?” I asked, a funny feeling kicking up in the pit of my stomach.
“No, I haven’t. I’m worried, it’s not like him not to have called, but he said he would be buying his textbooks today and that he would be busy right until he came home. Are you looking forward to having him home?”
“Doesn’t matter.” I swallowed the last of my juice down, trying to hide my feelings and went back to the fridge for a little more. I could already feel my pulse humming with excitement over the mention of his name. Who knew what I would be like when it came time to face him.
Anna got up and began preparing the meatloaf for tonight’s dinner. I was helping her by adding in the ingredients when the phone rang. “Leah, dear, could you get that please, my hands are a mess!” she said holding up her meat covered hands and wiggling her fingers at me.
“Sure thing.” I laughed and reached for the handset and answered. “Hello.”
“Hey.” His voice, that smooth, deep voice suddenly hit me right in the stomach and I swallowed hard. “Gingersnap, is that you, I barely recognized your voice.” That name still grated on everyone of my nerves, but I swore I wouldn’t let him know just how much that nickname still bothered me.
“Hey, Logan.” At the mention of his name Anna stopped what she was doing, quickly washed her hands and came over waiting for the phone. “Your mom is here, she is waiting to speak with you.” I didn’t give him a second to reply I passed her the phone.
“Hi, Logan, honey. How are you?” I could tell she missed him. She looked so happy to hear his voice and then suddenly whatever was being said on the other end of the phone wiped that smile right off her face.
“I see. So, you couldn’t get the time off from work then?” she said into the phone, disappointment lacing her voice. She was quiet for a moment. “All right, well then, I guess we will see you at Thanksgiving. I will not tell you how disappointed everyone will be.”
I hung my head knowing Anna had picked up things for his favorite meal at the grocery store this week and suddenly I felt bad for her. She looked so upset and she kept holding her fingers under her nose, she always did that to hold back tears.
I stayed in the kitchen and as soon as Anna hung the phone up from speaking with Logan, I continued to help her with dinner. I didn’t feel right leaving her all alone. “Are we having dessert tonight?” I asked hoping to get her to talk.
“I picked up something frozen for tonight,” she mumbled mixing the breadcrumbs into the bowl of meat.
“Oh, I was looking forward to your homemade carrot cake, we haven’t had it in a while. When we are finished making the meatloaf, why don’t we make one. It’s been a while since we baked together.” She stopped mixing the meat in the bowl and looked at me, one lone tear falling from the corner of her eye.
“Leah, I would love nothing more.” She wrapped one arm around me and pulled me in for a tight squeeze. I swallowed hard, fighting my own tears from falling at the news he wasn’t coming home.
Once my father got home, Anna had told my father that Logan wouldn’t be coming home and while I cleaned up the kitchen and got the cake in the oven both Dad and Anna went up to their room. She came back down, her eyes red from crying, and to be honest I think he was just upset as she was. We ate dinner, and I listened to my father go on about his day and after dessert I returned to my room. I flopped down onto my bed and pulled out my diary and began to write.
Dear Diary.
I’m so upset. As you know Logan was supposed to be coming home this weekend, but now he wasn’t. I don’t know why it’s bothered me, all he ever did was pick on me, still does according to the Gingersnap comment he said tonight on the phone. I guess nothing has changed even with what happened between us. But something funny happened today when I heard his voice. My stomach flipped, and I got this funny, warm feeling inside. Maybe I’m coming down with something. Anyway, I have never seen Anna look so upset.
I dropped the pen on my diary and jumped out of bed; I had an idea. I grabbed a piece of paper and a red pen and sat down at my desk. I would write him a letter and tell him exactly what he was missing by not coming home. With the paper in front of me I thought for a couple of moments. I decided I would talk to him about Labor Day since this was the first holiday he would miss with us.
Dear Logan,
It’s Labor Day! I cannot tell you how much fun we are having without you here, but I will try. We went down to the waterfront tonight and the minute those fireworks went off; it was as if the entire city was celebrating your absence. Oh, and just for you, I ate a hot dog; you know how much I hate those! We also had brownie sundaes in your honor, made from your favorite brownie cake. Do you want to know the best part: I didn’t have to share any of it with you. We even had whipped cream, chocolate and caramel sauce, all that we could eat. Hope Boston is as hot and humid as the weatherman was predicting, guess you should start preparing for hell now.
Leah
I giggled at the last part. I folded the letter and placed it into an envelope and addressed it to Logan’s school address and the next morning I mailed it.
Weeks had gone by. I had finally given up checking the mail every day when I got home. There had been no response from Logan. I had started back to school and had buried myself in school work. It was getting close to Christmas, and I was in my room filling out college applications when Anna came to my door.
“Leah, we are going to go and get the tree now. Are you coming?” I looked up from the paperwork I was filling in and smiled.
“Oh yeah, give me two minutes, I’ll be right down.” I quickly finished what I was working on and grabbed my sweater and cell phone from the end of the bed. I needed a picture of us tonight, I wanted to make sure that Logan could see what a great time we were having without him. I planned to give him his letter at Christmas while he was home. After all, I couldn’t stop now, I had already sent him three more letters since Labor Day.
On Veteran’s Day, yes, Veteran’s Day, it doesn’t matter how minute the holiday was; I planned to send him one for every holiday. On Veteran’s Day, I told him we were having a fabulous time down at the waterfront ceremony and how it was too bad he would never have the chance to be honored since he wasn’t in the military. On Halloween, I took a photo of the three of us out front the house handing out candy and told him not to bother buying himself another mask as his face was already scary enough. Oh, and on Thanksgiving, I included a family photo of the three of us and told him his absence was what I was most thankful for this year. Was it mean, sure, but this had become a fun little game I wasn’t ready to give up, yet.
Dad, Anna and I walked through the Christmas tree lot together, hot chocolate in hand, looking for our perfect tree. “What about this one?” I asked taking a sip of my steaming cup.
“Jeez, Leah, it’s a little large,” Dad said holding his hand above his head to give it a measure. “It’s over eight feet tall there is no way it will fit in the living room.” I giggled, I always wanted these huge trees from the time I was little, and Dad knew it.
“I think this one would be perfect,” Anna sang out pointing to one acr
oss the way, poking me on the shoulder while nodding and smiling in the direction she had sent my dad.
My father did the same thing, held his hand up to measure its height. “Now I have two of you to compete with.”
We both laughed and took another sip of our hot chocolate continuing to look for our tree. Another half an hour and we had found the perfect tree. Before the guy wrapped it up, I asked Anna and Dad to pose with me in front of it. We all held up our hot chocolate and smiled for the picture. It was the perfect one to include in Logan’s Christmas letter.
As soon as we got home, I went back up to my room and grabbed a piece of paper. I quickly threw in a sheet of photo paper and printed the photo I took before I grabbed a green pen and started my letter.
Dear Logan,
We had a great time tonight picking out the tree. You would have loved the hot chocolate, it contained your favorite little marshmallows, so I had the lady put extra in mine since you weren’t there. I guess you could say I had yours too. Too bad you gave up chocolate, you’ll never get to taste that combo again. Oh, and know that I am enjoying drinking all your mother’s eggnog and not having to share it with you this year. And just so you know, I came up with the perfect resolution for New Years, to forget that you ever existed!
Leah
Christmas came and went without Logan. He said he couldn’t possibly make the trip home between semesters because of his job and the amount of studying he had to do to be prepared for classes to start up after the first of the year. It was just too much to take the time off. So, once again, I got to watch as he broke Anna’s heart, and while she cried on my father’s shoulder, I fought back the tears that were threatening to pour down my cheeks. On Christmas Day, Anna spent most of her time in the kitchen keeping herself busy. New Years was the same, it too came and went without Logan.
Over time, I never stopped thinking of Logan or writing to him every holiday. I soon discovered that not only did I miss him but the reason I had convinced myself that I hated him so much was because my crush on him had never really ended. I missed those blue eyes, the way he wore his baseball cap backwards, the smell of his cologne and the truth was that kiss we had shared haunted my every waking moment. I never called him, I would just bide my time until the next holiday came around and write to him then. I soon started including little gifts with my letters, all things I knew he hated. I think the best one had to be the black licorice I included with his Valentine’s Day letter.
No responses ever came, even the few times I spoke with him when he called, he never mentioned them. As the years continued to pass, Logan never returned home—though Anna and Daddy went to Boston for a few visits over the years—and his calls became few and far between. I figured he probably had found himself a girlfriend and was now too busy to even read my letters since he was too busy to call his mother on a weekly basis.
NINE
Leah
Present Day
I lifted my case into my trunk and slammed it shut. Another consultation in the books. I was feeling defeated, everything I did for this firm was the same, there was never any challenge, nothing exciting or new. I had graduated the top of my class, and I was damn good at what I did, and I wanted a challenge, I didn’t want to spend the next twenty-five years redesigning Martha’s living room. I wanted to design grand hotels, and office buildings and account executives’ homes. I climbed into the front seat and started my car. I was about to turn on the radio when my cell phone pinged. I grabbed it and looked at the notifications—it had been going off all during the meeting. I had three emails from work letting me know of my three newly booked appointments, doing the same old mundane things. God, I hated this town, nothing changed. I closed my eyes for a moment resting my head back on the headrest. Why hadn’t I heard anything from the companies I had applied to last week? There couldn’t be that many interior designers out there vying for positions.
I threw my phone down on the console and went to pull away from the curb when it rang. I glanced down at the number—out of the area. I frowned, perhaps it was Jenna, “Hello,” I said into the mouthpiece.
“Hi, could I speak with Leah Tate, please.”
“You’ve got her.”
“Hi, Leah, my name is Mary. I’m calling from Preston Interior Design in Boston. Your resume crossed my desk yesterday and I’m very impressed.” My jaw dropped, I was suddenly glad I wasn’t driving for fear I would have crashed my brand-new car, “Leah, I would like to set up an interview. I wasn’t looking for a designer, but I will make an exception. Now I understand you would have to travel so I think Skype would work just fine.”
I swallowed hard, this design firm was exactly what I wanted and the fact they called me without even looking for a designer was unbelievable. “Absolutely.”
“How does your schedule look tomorrow at two?”
I glanced down at my day planner that always sat open on my passenger seat. I was scheduled to meet with Mr. and Mrs. Simpson to discuss the redesign their living room and kitchen. “I’m available.” I would worry about the Simpsons later.
“Perfect. I will speak with you then.”
“Thank you, Mary, I look forward to it.”
As I drove home, I felt lighter than I had in months, and if this went well, I could finally get out of this mundane little town and leave behind everything. I wanted to start my life over and maybe meet someone instead of holding onto a hope and dream that would never come true.
By the time I arrived home, Anna and Dad had gone out for dinner with a couple of friends. I changed into my yoga pants and a t-shirt, threw a frozen pizza into the oven and pulled out my anniversary party planner. I was planning a surprise ten-year party for them. After all, neither of them made it to ten years in their previous marriages. Dad and Mom had divorced after six years, and Anna’s husband had died. Tonight, I needed to send out the invites online. I sat at the kitchen table eating pizza and drinking a soda and made my list of invitees. Then I grabbed my laptop from my bag and went straight to Facebook. I planned to make the party event there but first I wandered to Logan’s profile and looked through his pictures. He had uploaded a more recent picture—as handsome as ever now, he wore his hair shorter and looked as if he kept a little scruff on his chiseled face. His blue eyes still danced like they always had, and it looked like he was still working out. I opened the little messenger chat box and wrote him a message to invite him personally but stopped. I would send him an invitation just like everyone else but because we had almost no communication since he had left for college, I felt silly messaging him directly.
I had even stopped sending him holiday letters after Christmas. It felt odd not sending one now because Valentine’s Day was just around the corner, but I needed to move on. Ten years was a long time.
I shut his profile down and created the event for the anniversary party. Somewhere deep inside of me I was secretly hoping that Logan would come, his mom missed him so much, I thought it would be amazing to see her face light up at seeing him. I too missed him.
It surprised me to hear her talking to my father one night about Logan. He apparently still wasn’t dating anyone and that worried her, but my father assured her he probably just hadn’t found the one yet.
After I had sent the invites, I called the Simpsons and moved their appointment from two to four, making something up as the reason for the reschedule. Then I spent the rest of the night learning more about Preston Interior Design. I wanted this job more than anything, this opportunity was just what I needed.
“I got the job!” I sang as I walked through the front door, two weeks later. I had been sitting in the coffee shop on my lunch break when I got the call. I could barely contain my excitement and thought about taking the rest of the day off after I had heard the news. Instead, after I calmed down, I had returned to work and handed in my notice. I felt it only fair to give them more than the standard two weeks after being there for five years.
Anna came out from the kitchen and smile
d. “I knew it, I just knew you would get it. Congratulations, Leah. When do you start?” she asked leaning against the armchair holding a towel in her hand.
“Right after your anniversary, so three weeks.”
“Your father will be so proud of you, but don’t be like my son and decide not to come back and visit us. I can’t handle losing you both.” I hugged her then I sat my things on the floor while I took my coat off and hung it in the closet.
“Anna, I wouldn’t dream of not coming back home and miss all those wonderful deserts you bake.”
“Speaking of which I will whip something up, this is cause for a celebration.” She ran off into the kitchen and started banging bowls around. I smiled since Anna would look for any reason to bake something sinfully delicious.
I ran up to my room to get changed. I checked my laptop first for more responses. I had sent the invitations out two weeks ago and almost everyone had responded except for Logan. As I logged in, I silently prayed he had responded, the excitement growing in the pit of my stomach as the page loaded. Once again, I was disappointed to see that his name still hadn’t moved from the invitee list. I tapped my fingers on the desktop debating sending him a text but decided against it. I needed to let him go; this wasn’t healthy. I shut the laptop and quickly changed from my work clothes into my sweats and took my makeup off.
TEN
Logan
I glanced at the clock on the wall and went back to studying the plans in front of me. I could finally work on my own stuff now that the firm had closed for the day. I was living in the same bachelor pad I had gotten after my last year of school all those years ago and would until my house was finally built. They had already poured the foundation, and we were getting ready to frame this week. I had designed the whole concept and couldn’t wait to see it come to life. My dream was finally coming true, building the perfect home to support the perfect family. In three months, I would live in my dream home, albeit alone, because I still hadn’t found the perfect woman, one I would be happy to call mine, but still I was halfway there.
Bad Company Page 5