Little, Big

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Little, Big Page 35

by John Crowley


  “You dasn’t!” Mrs. Underhill cried out, but it was too late; Lilac had loosed her grip of Mrs. Underhill’s cloak and as they passed, inspired by an emotion like mischief but fiercer by far, had taken hold of a coiling rope of golden hair and tugged. The jolt nearly upset them; Mrs. Underhill flailed with her stick, the stork squawked and stalled, they circled Sophie’s head again, and still Lilac hadn’t released the hank she held. “Wake up!” she shouted.

  “Bad child! Oh horrible!” Mrs. Underhill cried.

  “Squawk!” said the stork.

  “Wake up!” Lilac called, hand cupped by her cheek. “Away!” cried Mrs. Underhill, and the stork beat strongly toward the casement, and Lilac, if she weren’t to be pulled from the stork’s back, had to release her mother’s hair. One thick strand as long as a towline came away in her fingers, and laughing, shrieking with fear of falling, and trembling head to foot, she had time to see the bedclothes heave vastly before they reached the casement again. Just outside, like a sheet suddenly shaken open, and with a noise like that, they became again stork-sized to the house, and mounted quickly to the chimney-pots. The hair that Lilac held, three inches long now and so fine she couldn’t hold it, slipped from her fingers and sailed away glittering.

  Sophie said “What?” and sat bolt upright. More slowly she lay back again amid the pillows, but her eyes didn’t close. Had she left that casement open? The end of a curtain was waving goodbye madly out of it. It was deathly cold. What had she dreamt? Of her great-grandmother (who died when Sophie was four). A bedroom full of pretty things, silver-backed brushes and tortoise-shell combs, a music-box. A glossy china figurine, a bird with a naked child and an old woman on its back. A big blue glass ball as fine as a soap bubble. Don’t touch it, child: a voice dim as the dead’s from within the ivory-lace bedclothes. Oh do be careful. And all the room, all of life, distorted, made blue, in the ball; made strange, gorgeous, unified because spherical, within the ball. Oh child, oh careful: a weeping voice. And the ball slipping from her grasp, falling as slow as a soap bubble toward the parquet.

  She rubbed her cheeks. She put out a foot, wondering, toward her slippers. (Smashing on the floor, without a sound, only her great-grandmother’s voice saying Oh, oh, child, what a loss.) She ran a hand through her hair, impossibly tangled, elf-locks Momdy called them. A blue glass ball smashing; but what had come before that? Already it had fled from her. “Well,” she said, and yawned, and stood upright. Sophie was awake.

  That’s the Lot

  The stork was fleeing Edgewood when Mrs. Underhill pulled herself together.

  “Hold hard, hold hard,” she said soothingly. “The harm’s been done.”

  Lilac behind her had fallen silent. “I just want,” the stork said, leaving off her furious wing-beats, “none of the blame for this to fall on me.” “No blame,” Mrs. Underhill said.

  “If punishments are to be handed out …” the stork said. “No punishments. Don’t worry your long red beak about it.”

  The stork fell silent. Lilac thought she should volunteer to take whatever blame there might be, and soothe the beast, but didn’t; she pressed her cheek into Mrs. Underhill’s coarse cloak, filled again with rainy-day wonder.

  “Another hundred years in this shape,” the stork muttered, “is all I need.”

  “Enough,” said Mrs. Underhill. “It may be all for the best. In fact how could it be otherwise? Now”—she tapped with her stick—”there’s still much to see, with time a-wasting.” The stork banked, turning back toward the multiple housetops. “Once more around the house and grounds,” said Mrs. Underhill, “and then off.”

  As they climbed over the broken, every-which-way mountains and valleys of the roof, a small round window in a particularly peculiar cupola opened, and a small round face looked out, and down, and up. Lilac (though she had never seen his real face before) recognized Auberon, but Auberon didn’t see her.

  “Auberon,” she said, not to call him (she’d be good now), but only to name him.

  “Paul Pry,” said the stork, for it was from this window that Doc had used to spy on her and her chicks when she had nested here. Thank it all, that part was over! The round window closed.

  Mrs. Underhill pointed out long-legged Tacey as they came over the house. Gravel spun from beneath her bike’s slim tires as she shot around a corner of the house, making for the once-trim little Norman farmhouse which had been stables once and then garage—the old wooden station wagon slept here in the dark—and was now also where Bumbum and Jane Doe and their many offspring had their hutches. Tacey dropped her bike at the back entrance (seeming, to Lilac over her head, to be a complex scurrying figure suddenly coming apart into two pieces) and the stork with a wingbeat rose out over the Park. Lily and Lucy walked a path there, arm in arm, singing; the sounds they made rose up to Lilac faintly. The path they walked intersected another, which ran past the leafless hedges wild now as madman’s hair, stuck full of dead leaves and small birds’ nests. Daily Alice loitered there, a rake in her hand, watching the hedge where perhaps she had seen a bird’s or an animal’s movement; and, when they had gained a bit more altitude, Lilac could see Smoky far down the same path, eyes on the ground, books under his arm.

  “Is that …” Lilac asked. “Yes,” Mrs. Underhill said. “My father,” Lilac said.

  “Well,” Mrs. Underhill said, “one of them anyway,” and guided the stork to swoop that way. “Now mind you mind, and no tricks.”

  How odd people looked from right above, the egg of the head in the center, a left foot seeming to emerge from the back of it, a right foot from the front, then the reverse. Smoky and Alice at last saw each other, and Alice waved, her hand also seeming extruded from the head, like an ear. The stork swooped low beside them as they met, and they took on more human shape.

  “How’s tricks?” Alice said, putting the rake under her arm like a shotgun and thrusting her hands in the pockets of her denim jacket.

  “Tricks is good,” Smoky said. “Grant Stone threw up again.”

  “Outside?”

  “At least outside. Amazing how it quiets things down. For a minute. An object-lesson.” “About …”

  “Stuffing a dozen marshmallows into your face on the way to school? I don’t know. The ills that flesh is heir to. Mortality. I look very grave and say, ‘I guess we can go on now.’ “

  Alice laughed, and then looked sharply left, where a movement had caught her eye, either a far-off bird or a last fly nearby; saw nothing. Did not hear Mrs. Underhill, who had been regarding her tenderly, say Bless you, dear, and watch the time; only she didn’t speak again all the way to the house, nor did she hear much of what Smoky told her about school; she was absorbed in a feeling she had felt before, that the earth, unimaginably massy as it was, turned beneath her only because she walked it, like a treadmill. Peculiar. When they came close to the house, she saw Auberon flee from it as though pursued; he gave a glance at his parents, but no acknowledgement, turning a corner and disappearing. And from an upstairs window she heard her name called: Sophie stood at her casement window. “Yes?” Alice called, but Sophie said nothing, only looked down at them both in wonderment, as though it had been years and not hours since she’d seen them last.

  The stork glided over the Walled Garden and then, wings cupped, skimmed the ground between the avenue of sphinxes, all but featureless now and more silent than ever. Ahead, running the same way, was Auberon. In two flannel shirts (one like a jacket) grown somewhat small in a burst of growing he was doing, but still buttoned at the wrist; his long-skulled head balanced on a skinny neck, his sneakered feet pigeon-toed a bit. He ran a few steps, walked, ran again, talking to himself in a low voice.

  “Some prince,” Mrs. Underhill said in a low voice as they caught up to him. “A lot of labor there.” She shook her head. Auberon ducked, hearing wingbeats at his ear as the stork rose up past him, and though he didn’t stop walk-running, his head swiveled to see a bird he couldn’t see. “That’s the lot,” said Mrs.
Underhill. “Away!”

  Lilac looked down as they rose away, and kept on looking down at Auberon growing smaller. In her growing-up Lilac (no matter that Mrs. Underhill strictly forbade it) had spent long days and nights alone. Mrs. Underhill herself had her enormous tasks, and the attendants set to wait on Lilac as often as not had games of their own they wanted to play, amusements the thick, fleshly, stupid human child could never grasp or join. Oh, they had caught it when Lilac was found wandering in halls and groves she had no business to be in yet (startling once with a thrown stone her great-grandfather in his melancholy solitude) but Mrs. Underhill could think of no help for it, and muttered “All part of her Education,” and went off to other climes and spaces that needed her attention. But in all this there was one playmate who had always been with her when she liked, who had always done her bidding without a moment’s hesitation, who had never grown tired or cross (the others could be, sometimes, not only cross but cruel) and always felt as she did about the world. That he had also been imaginary (“Who’s the child always talking to?” asked Mr. Woods, crossing his long arms, “and why amn’t I allowed to sit in my own chair?”) hadn’t really distinguished him from a lot that went on in Lilac’s odd childhood; that he had gone away, one day, on some excuse, hadn’t really surprised her; only now, as she watched Auberon lope toward the castellated summer house on an urgent mission, she did wonder what this real one—not very like her own Auberon really, but the same, there was no doubt of it—had been doing through all her growing up. He was very small now, pulling open the door of the Summer House; he glanced behind him as though to see if he had been followed; then “Away!” cried Mrs. Underhill, and the Summer House bowed beneath them (showing a patched roof like a tonsured head) and they were off, high and gaining speed.

  A Secret Agent

  In the Summer House Auberon unscrewed his fountain pen even before he sat down at the table there (though he firmly shut and hooked the door). He took from the table’s drawer a locked imitation-leather five-year diary from some other five years, opened it with a tiny key from his pocket, and, flipping to a page in a long-ago unrecorded March, he wrote: “And yet it does move.”

  He meant by this the old orrery at the top of the house, from whose round window he had looked out as the stork bearing Lilac and Mrs. Underhill had passed. Everyone told him that the machinery which operated the planets in this antiquity was clabbered thick with rust and had been immovable for years. Indeed Auberon had tried the cogs and levers himself and couldn’t move them. And yet it did move: a vague sense he had had that the planets, sun and moon were not, on one visit, in quite the same places they had been on a previous visit he had now confirmed by rigorous tests. It does move: he was sure. Or pretty sure.

  Just why they should all have lied to him about the orrery didn’t just at the moment concern him. All he wanted was the goods on them: proof that the orrery moved, and (much harder to get, but he would get it, the evidence was mounting) proof that they all knew very well that it moved and didn’t want him to know.

  Slowly, after glancing at the entry he had made and wishing he had more to state, he shut and locked the diary and put it in the table drawer. Now what question could he think of, what seemingly chance remark could he let fall at dinner, that would cause someone—his great-aunt, no, far too practiced in concealments, expert at looks of surprise and puzzlement; or his mother; or his father, though there were times when Auberon thought his father might be as excluded as he was—to confess inadvertently? As the bowl of mashed potatoes went around, he might say “Slowly but surely, like the planets in the old orrery,” and watch their faces…. No, too brazen, too obvious. He pondered, wondering what anyway would be for supper.

  The Summer House he sat in wasn’t much changed from the time his namesake had lived and died there. No one had been able to think what to do with the boxes and portfolios of pictures, or felt up to disturbing what seemed a careful order. So they only patched the roof against leaks, and sealed the windows; and thus it stayed while they thought. The image of it would now and then pass through one or another of their minds, particularly Doc’s and Cloud’s, and they would think of the past stored up there, but no one got around to unsealing it, and when Auberon came to take possession no one disputed him. It was headquarters now, and contained all things necessary for Auberon’s investigations: his magnifying glass (old Auberon’s in fact), his clack-clack folding measure and roll-up tape measure, the final edition of The Architecture of Country Houses, and the diary which contained his conclusions. It also contained all of Auberon’s pictures, which Auberon the younger had not yet begun to look into; the pictures that would end his quest as it had the elder’s, through vast superfluity of ambiguous evidence.

  Even as it was he wondered if the thing about the orrery weren’t dumb after all, and his arrangement of string and pencil-marks open to more than one conclusion anyway. A blind alley, as lined with mum sphinxes as the others he had gone up. He stopped tilting back the old chair he sat in, stopped vigorously chewing the end of his pen. Evening was gathering; no evening more oppressive than one like this, in this month, though at nine years old he didn’t attribute his oppression to the day and the hour, or call it by that name. He only felt how hard it was to be a secret agent, to go in disguise as a member of his own family, trying to so insinuate himself among them that, without his ever asking a question (that would expose him instantly) the truth would be spilled in his presence because they would have no reason to doubt he was already privy to it.

  Crows cawed away toward the woods. A voice, blown around the Park with odd alteration, called his name, and announced dinner. He felt, hearing the long-drawn melancholy vowels of his own name, at once sad and hungry.

  The Worm Turned

  Lilac saw sunset elsewhere. “Magnificent!” Mrs. Underhill said. “And terrifying. Doesn’t it make your heart beat high?” “But it’s all made of cloud,” Lilac said. “Hush, dear,” Mrs. Underhill said. “Someone’s feelings could be hurt.”

  Made of sunset was more correct: all of it, the thousand striped war-tents obscured in the wreathing smokes of orange watch-fires, and their curling pennants striped the same in sunset colors; the black lines of horse or foot or both, picked out with silver weapon-glint, that receded as far as the eye could see; the bright coats of captains and the dark gray of guns being drawn up under their command against empurpled barricadoes—the whole vast encampment, or was it a great flotilla of galleons, armed and under sail?

  “A thousand years,” Mrs. Underhill said grimly. “Defeats, retreats, rear-guard actions. But no more. Soon …” The knobby stick was under her arm like a commander’s baton, her long chin was held high. “See?” she said. “There! Isn’t he brave?”

  A figure, burdened with armor and with weighty responsibilities, walked the poop, or toured the breastworks; wind stirred his white whiskers as long almost as himself. The Generalissimo of all this. In one hand he held a wand; just then, the sunset altered, the tip of the wand caught fire. He gestured with it toward where the touch-holes on his guns would be, had they been guns, but then thought better of it. He lowered the wand, and it went out. From his broad belt he drew out a folded map, unfolded it, peered nearsightedly at it for some time, then refolded it, replaced it, and took up his heavy tread again.

  “The die’s cast now,” Mrs. Underhill said. “No more retreating. The worm’s turned.”

  “If you don’t mind,” the stork said, her voice faint between labored pants, “this altitude’s too much for me.”

  “Sorry,” Mrs. Underhill said. “All done now.”

  “Storks,” the stork panted, “are accustomed to sit down, once a league or so.”

  “Don’t sit down there,” Lilac said. “You’ll sink right through.”

  “Downward then,” Mrs. Underhill said. The stork ceased to pump her short wings, and began to descend, with a sigh of relief. The Generalissimo, hands on his gunwales or his machicolated belvedere, stared eagle-eyed
into the distance, but failed to see Mrs. Underhill salute him smartly as they passed.

  “Oh, well,” she said. “He’s as brave as they come, and it’s a fine show.”

  “It’s a fake,” Lilac said. It had already shape-shifted into something even more harmless as they sank.

  Curse the child, Mrs. Underhill thought irritably. It was convincing, convincing enough…. Well. Perhaps they oughtn’t to have entrusted it all to that Prince: he was just too old. But there it is, she thought: we’re all old, all too old. Could it be they had waited too long, been too long patient, retreated one final furlong too many? She could only hope that, when the time at last came, the old fool’s guns would not all misfire, would at least give heart to their friends and frighten briefly those on whom they were trained.

  Too old, too old. For the first time she felt that the outcome of it all, which could not be in doubt, could not, was in doubt. Well, it would all be over soon. Did not this day, this very evening, mark the beginning of the last long vigil, the last watch, before the forces were at last joined? “Now that’s the tour I promised you,” she said over her shoulder to Lilac. “And now …”

  “Aw,” Lilac said.

  “With no complaints …”

  “Aaaawww …”

  “We’ll take our nap.”

  Lilac’s long-drawn note of complaint altered, surprisingly, in her throat, to something else, a sudden mouth-opening thing that stole over her like a spirit. It went on opening her mouth wider and wider—she hadn’t thought it could open so wide—and made her eyes close and water, and sucked a long draft of air into her lungs, which expanded with a will of their own to take it in. Then, just as suddenly, the spirit was gone, releasing her jaws and letting her exhale.

 

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