by Lori Wick
Lily stood then and walked back out of the house. Tears blinded her, but she still began to run. It was too hot in the day for such activity, but she ran until she was overly warm and winded and then sat beneath a tree for shade.
I know You love me, and in his own way my father loves me, but I don't know what to do, Lord. Do I go back to the way it was, forget Gabe, and live out my life in this village?
But even as Lily prayed this, she didn't feel it was right. There was nothing wrong with her loving a godly man like Gabe and wanting a life with him. That her father would expect her to never find love and have a marriage of her own was not only unreasonable, it was selfish. At the same time, Lily knew that no amount of disrespect or anger toward her father was right. Lily asked God to help her curb her emotions and be as blameless as Elizabeth, who had been described in the first chapter of Luke. Only then did she let her thoughts turn to Gabe.
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Oahu, Hawaii
One of Gloria and Carson's Christmas gifts to Gabe was a copy of the tape from Gloria's birthday. He had watched the video right after he got it, but not again until tonight.
It was late, and he should have been in bed like the rest of the household. But Lily was so heavy on his mind that he was up close to midnight watching her on the tape. It didn't take long to see that it would be sweet torture. He came to the part where Carson had filmed just the two of them in the kitchen, and when the television screen was full of Lily's smiling face, Gabe paused it. He smiled just at the sight of her and knew an ache so deep that he didn't know if he could stand it.
"Are you all right?" Ashton had come down the stairs to ask.
"Did I wake you?"
"No, but I saw the light when I used the bathroom."
Ashton sat with Gabe, and this time the older Kapaia didn't pause the tape. They watched the whole party, laughing at their mother's fun response to her gifts and smiling in delight as Carson caught the children on film. The familiar images suddenly disappeared, static followed, and then the blue screen indicating the video was over appeared. Both men were brought abruptly back to the present. Gabe hit the button to shut things down.
"And this year Deanne will be in the film too," Gabe said to his brother.
"So will Lily."
"Do you think so?"
"Don't you?"
Gabe was quiet for a moment before saying, "Let's just say I'm hoping, Ash, but we'll have to wait and see."
I'm sitting under a tree in Lhasa, Gabe, and I'm thinking of you," Lily whispered into the warm afternoon air. "Are you thinking of me?"
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Knowing he was finally ready to sleep, Gabe told his brother good night and took himself off to bed.
Lily's face was nothing short of dreamy as she sat at the table in her house and read her letter from Gabe. He made her laugh on several occasions, and one time Lily's mouth actually opened in surprise.
I was really down yesterday when I realized you've been gone for seven weeks. Do you know what I did? I gathered what I needed, took myself off, and applied for a passport I know by the time it comes I'll have calmed down, but as of yesterday I was getting ready to fly to you with little more than my toothbrush in my pocket I had my hand on the phone to get prices from the airline when I realized I needed a passport. It was an impetuous act, I'll admit that to you, but I think that when it comes, just having it in hand might make you feel a little closer.
Lily set the letter down and smiled. He was so fun. She desperately wished she could tell him to come, or write and say she was coming, but it wasn't time. And Lily still wanted to do as Gabe had asked honor her father's wishes.
"Lily, are you home?" Rika called from outside the door. "Can you come help me?"
Lily rose to aid the older woman, a smile on her face.
"What have you got?" Lily asked when she stepped outside to see that her neighbor was dragging what appeared to be an old, broken metal barrel. She had lassoed it with a rope and tied the rope around her waist.
"I don't know, but I wanted it."
Lily laughed hugely over this, even as she spotted her father coming their way. He stopped and greeted Rika and asked if he could help.
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"Lily and I can get it," she replied, waving him off. Lily shook her head in amusement.
"So where do you want this?" the younger woman asked. "In my garden."
"All right, let me have some of the rope."
The two tugged it along the path, both out of breath in a few minutes, and Lily wondered how the old woman had gotten it as far as she had. Once they had it in place, Lily was invited inside for some tea, and they visited for the next hour. It was a good time, but Lily suddenly realized she hadn't started working on dinner.
Not until she walked back into her own house did she remember she'd left the letter from Gabe on the table. Seeing it just as she left it gave her great relief as she knew her father had come in. As Lily gathered the letter and took it to her room, she wondered what her father would have done if she had gotten off the plane and told him she'd met a man. Having Gabe come up even at this stage of the game made Lily tremble with dread.
Lily suddenly stopped. I've become consumed with worry, Lord. I don't trust You to take care of this. Please repair things between my father and me. Help me to know what to say and when.
Lily heard her father in his room just then and was reminded about dinner. It wouldn't help anything if she didn't get her work done. She had done her best to keep all her jobs going, even her translating, in an effort to show her father how much she cared. And it wasn't an act. She did care; she cared deeply.
And I must keep working to accept the fact that I may never get to go back and marry Gabe, Lily reminded herself. She didn't know how many years it would take to get over that hurt, but if that was God's will for her, she did not want to let it cripple her. Not to mention, whether I leave here tomorrow or never again, there's no point in stealing a moment of precious time from my work in the village.
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Oahu
"Hey, Gabe," Jeff had caught him on a rainy Sunday morning in late February.
"Hi, Jeff. How are you?"
I'm okay. Did you get a letter from Lily recently?"
"Thursday."
"Any changes?"
"None."
Jeff stood still for a time. "What are you thinking?" Gabe asked. "Something isn't right here. I feel like Lily's not telling us something."
Gabe's heart sank with dread.
"Your father wouldn't hurt her, would he, Jeff?"
"Not physically, but he's tremendously controlling."
This news for Gabe was extremely painful. Lily was so far away, and they couldn't even speak on the phone.
I'm going to confront her with this when I write next," Jeff concluded.
"Do you want me to say anything?"
Jeff looked at his friend. He knew that what he had just shared would cause Gabe pain and tempt him to worry. Lily would not thank her brother for that.
"Why don't you keep your letters in a lighter vein, Gabe? I think Lily needs that right now. If she's having a hard time and not sharing it with us, there's a reason. I'm not trying to come between the two of you, but until you've been introduced to my father, I'd probably better stay involved."
"All right. I hope you know this is hard."
"Yeah, it is. I wish I had better news."
"Why would Lily not talk to us?"
"I have a sneaking suspicion that she hasn't even been able to mention that she's met you. If my father knew about you and forbade Lily to marry you, she would have written about that and
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not left you hanging. This is Lily being protective, feeling that it's best if she handles something on her own." "That's not like her."
"Not when she's here, it isn't, but we're both so far away." Gabe's eyes closed as he said, "Don't remind me." Jeff only touched him on the shoulder before they moved to sit down for the service.
; Lhasa
Lily frowned down at the bread she had just burned and knew she was going to have to do better than this. Her heart was so heavy all the time that she was having trouble doing anything well. When she was out with the folks from the village or church it was easier, but at home, a dark cloud rested over her and it was starting to show. Even Ling told her she looked thin and pale. Since then Lily had been working hard to be thankful, but it was proving to be more difficult than she expected.
"Do you wish to discuss something with me, Lily?" Owen asked so suddenly from behind his daughter that she nearly dropped the loaf she was holding. Moving slowly, lily managed to turn and look at her father.
"I did not tell you to look at me!" Owen snapped.
lily dropped her eyes. She didn't want to, but she hoped if she obeyed he would listen.
"May I tell you my thoughts now, Father?" lily asked softly, eyes down the entire time.
"Proceed."
"It seems to me that your rules mean more to you than our relationship. On Sunday you preached about the Pharisees who were angry with Jesus because he healed a man on the Sabbath." lily nearly quoted her father when she said, "'Their tight hold on man-made rules left them utterly coldhearted to a man in need.' Now your own daughter just wishes to look at you and
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talk with you, but unless I obey your rules, not God's rules, you shun me."
Lily trembled in the horrible silence that followed, her body aching with the tense way she held herself.
"You are getting letters from a man, are you not?"
This question surprised Lily, because it was so far from their present topic of conversation, but she still answered truthfully.
"Why have you not told me?"
Lily answered slowly, still keeping her voice level and eyes down.
"Gabe is special, Father. I find it very hard to discuss him with someone who is constantly enraged at me."
"I will not tolerate your disrespect!"
Lily couldn't take it anymore. She slowly raised her eyes, and although her father hid it, he was shaken by the depth of pain he saw in her face.
"What of your disrespect for me, Father?" Lily whispered slowly and in very real agony. "I'm a person with feelings, and I've honored you all my life, only now to be treated like a criminal. I love the people of our village you know I do but I'm not Kashienese, I'm white, and while we're alone in our home I want to be free to talk to the father I love and look him in the eye. I used to be able to do that, but when Mama left us, you changed. I want to go back to the way it was. I'm not asking for anything immoral or sinful I'm just asking to be noticed and loved in a way that makes me feel loved."
Owen's look and tone were colder than he intended.
"You've changed."
"You're right; I have," Lily agreed, "but I'm not sinning against you, Father. I think if you search your heart, you will see this."
When Owen said nothing for several long seconds, Lily didn't wait to be excused but turned and went to her room.
Owen stood looking at the spot where his daughter had just been, his heart in a mix of emotions. Having her gone from him had been nowhere near as hard as he'd anticipated, but that had
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lasted only until she returned. Once she came back, he realized he never wanted her to leave him again. But that wasn't the point right now. Lily Walsh was a wise young woman, and she had said something Owen could not ignore.
Walking to her door, he called her name.
"Lily?"
"Come in."
Owen moved the heavy drape that served as a door. Lily was sitting on her bed and kept her eyes down.
"What are these man-made rules you speak of?"
"It is not a rule of God that I lower my eyes before you in this house, nor is it one of God's rules that we pray together at a certain time each evening. I see in my Bible that anger is a sin, yet you grow angry with me often. I am confused that you do not see sin in your anger and yet see so much sin in some of the actions of a daughter who wishes only to honor and please you."
"You see obeying your father as mans rule?" Owen asked.
Lily mentally wrestled to explain, fearful that she would make a mess of things. "Do you think that Le Pa's sleeping with a woman who is not his wife is a serious sin, Father?"
"Of course."
"Do you realize that you exhibit the same anger toward me when I do not keep my eyes lowered as you did toward Le Pa?" Lily wanted to look up but was afraid to risk it. "And this was not the way I was raised, nor did you expect this from my mother. At what point did you read in your Bible that to be an obedient daughter I must become Kashienese?"
"But we live in Kashien, Lily. Surely you can see."
"Yes, I can see when we are among the people of the village, but not when we are home alone. You keep me at arm's length, as the Lhasa men do with the women of their families. I wish for a closeness again, an openness between us."
"And you do not feel we have this?"
"You are angry with me often. You are so easily upset with me that I do not feel I can make a move. This is the first time in more
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years than I can recall that you have allowed me to ask you something and have not become angry when you do not like my answer."
"And you have realized all of this in making this trip to Hawaii?"
"No," Lily was forced to admit. "I have felt this way for years but have not been able to tell you."
"But something did happen in Hawaii that has made you come home and say these things to me."
"That is true. I was able to look my brother in the eye and not feel ashamed. I was able to say what I feel and not be ashamed."
"If it was so ideal, I wonder that you came home at all."
lily did not see this coming. His voice had been so calm. She couldn't believe how harsh those few words could be. Her whole body was racked with physical waves of pain as her father delivered these barbs, turned, and walked from the room.
Lily had no choice but to cry out to God for help; He was all she had. Finally invited to talk to her father, Lily thought it had done no good.
For many minutes she prayed and asked God for comfort and wisdom. It was while she was praying that she realized the very thing she'd been talking to her father about had just happened. Ironic as it seemed, he had turned into his own example.
With a peace and calm that Lily had not felt in many weeks, she decided to confront him with this truth. Lily walked slowly out to see whether her father was still home. Sitting in his chair and reading a book, he did not look in her direction, but Lily felt firm in her resolve.
"There is one more thing I need to say to you," Lily began.
Owen ignored her, and for the first time Lily began to grow angry.
"I would beg an audience with you, Father. Will you please hear me out?"
Owen did not so much as stir, and lily's anger boiled over. "Look at me!" lily ordered her father for the first time in her life.
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Owen was so shocked by her words and tone that he did turn to her.
"The very thing I told you that happens between us has just occurred, but you are blind to your own sins. I said things you do not like, and you left my room in anger." Lily's eyes were blazing now, but she was not done. "I left the man that I love with all my heart in the state of Hawaii in order to come home to you because I told you I would return. Do not ever accuse me of being a daughter who does not work to honor her father, for in such a statement you lie to yourself about Lily Walsh."
Lily walked out of the house this time, leaving her father shaken. Never had she spoken to him in this way. It came rushing to him that the woman who had come home to him was happy and productive before he stopped speaking to her. She had not said one word about wanting to go back or about meeting a man, but she had been happy and joyful in his presence.
Owen sighed with relief when he saw that it wasn't too late. He would talk to her again. He would
find that happy woman again, and everything would go back to the way it was.
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Chapter 27
Oahu
It was with a tough mix of emotions that Gabe Kapaia stood as best man for his brother on March 4 and watched him pledge his life to Deanne Talbot. Nevertheless, there was no denying the happiness in the bride's face and the utter joy in his brother's.
The families of the bride and groom, church family, and friends were out in force. Everyone was up for a great time. Gabe was too, but all through the service and celebration he found his heart in two places: rejoicing with Ashton and Deanne in Hawaii, and in a small village in Kashien that he could only imagine.
Lhasa
Lily was in a quandary. Her brother had figured her out. She had read his letter while sitting quietly under her favorite shade tree, and now she just sat and thought.
Something is wrong Lily, had been some of his words. I can tell by your silence after all we discussed when you were here. I can only guess that Father has become impossible. By the time you receive this, you will have been gone for almost three months, and not being able to talk to you and know how you are truly doing is more difficult than I can say.
He didn't need to say. Lily knew how hard it was. The last weeks had felt more like years. Her father had been slightly more
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civil since lily had made her feelings clear, and Lily had been doing better with her emotions, but this time had been unlike anything she'd ever known.
Lily read the letter again, thinking that "impossible" was a great way to describe her father.
"He's never once told me he was sorry," Lily suddenly realized, speaking quietly even though she was alone. "I think such words from him would be wondrous to hear."
Owen gave Lily a week, thinking she might need a little time on her own, but his plan to talk to her and bring her happiness again was sincere. The only problem was how busy she had become. From the morning she'd told him of her feelings, she had been extremely occupied in the village. It niggled in his mind that this might be a tactic to ward off some type of gloom or sadness, but Owen wouldn't let himself go too far with such thoughts.