by Teri Wilson
He nodded and beat a hasty trail toward the porch. “Absolutely, babe. No problem.”
Madison sat down on an ottoman across from Felicity and gave her knee a squeeze. “We got the best cinnamon spice tea at the Christmas festival the other day. You’ll just love it. It’s like Christmas in a cup.”
“Thanks,” Felicity said, even though Christmas was the last thing she wanted to think about at the moment. She didn’t want to think about anything, really. What she really wanted was for everything to go completely blank. She didn’t want to think, and more important, she didn’t want to feel, anything at all.
She’d been so close to starting a new life in a new town. A simple, safe life with no strings attached—nothing and no one to hurt her, ever again. Then she’d made the fatal mistake of letting her guard down. After weeks of hiding in her protective little shell, she’d mistaken Wade Ericson for a nutty Christmas character and let herself believe in happy-ever-afters, and look where it had gotten her. She was a trembling, devastated mess. A perpetrator of canine crimes. The type of person who snuck out the back door instead of facing heartache like an adult.
Maybe things had worked out for the best. She probably didn’t deserve to be anyone’s mother.
Felicity wasn’t even altogether certain how or why she’d ended up at Jack and Madison’s house. Her main objective had been to go someplace where Wade wouldn’t be able to find her. The apartment above the yoga studio would be the first place he checked once he realized she’d slipped quietly out the back door while he’d been talking to Nick’s mother. She hadn’t known where else to go, and her footsteps had somehow carried her here.
She couldn’t stay, obviously. For starters, she was intruding on their holiday plans. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve. Plus, there were two very important reasons she and Duchess couldn’t hide out here longer than one night. And those reasons were named Emma and Ella.
Felicity’s gaze flitted toward the corner of the room where presents were piled beneath the Christmas tree in identical, matching pairs. A nearby end table boasted a giant framed photo of both girls, dressed in precious, coordinating tartan ruffles as they sat on Santa’s lap. Two stuffed snowmen toys lay discarded on the sofa. Signs of the babies were everywhere. Her throat closed up tight as she spotted four Christmas stockings lined up on the mantel, so similar to the ones she’d bought earlier this afternoon...back when she’d been part of a family.
Felicity stood, hanging on to Duchess as if the dog was a security blanket. “Can we go someplace else?”
Madison followed her gaze, wincing as she saw the stockings. “Something’s happened with Nick, hasn’t it? Oh, Felicity. I’m so sorry. Yes, let’s go to the kitchen. Forget the tea. I’ll make us some hot toddies.”
Jack came in from outside as they headed toward the kitchen. He smiled at Felicity and told her he’d put her bag in the guest room.
“I’m sorry,” she told Madison as she slumped into a chair at the kitchen table. “I should have called first. Tell Jack he doesn’t need to get the guest room ready. I can go to a hotel.”
“Don’t be ridiculous.” Madison opened a cabinet, pulled out a bottle of whiskey and set it down on the kitchen counter next to a bear-shaped bottle of honey. “You’re clearly upset. I’m not letting you go anywhere.”
Madison snatched a pacifier off the counter and attempted to shove it into a drawer before Felicity caught sight of it. She’d noticed, though. It was impossible not to. This house wasn’t safe—not even the kitchen. The drying rack beside the sink was filled with baby bottles and toddler spoons. A baby monitor sat right in the center of the kitchen table. Everything about the place screamed babies, twins, motherhood. It made Felicity want to curl into a ball on the floor.
She might have done it if she hadn’t been so afraid she might bump her head on a matching pair of Tickle Me Elmos. Instead, she took a deep breath and counted to ten while Madison poured water into an electric kettle and sliced open a sunny yellow lemon. Duchess settled into a snoring lump on Felicity’s lap.
Within seconds, Madison slid a steaming drink in front of Felicity and sat down beside her. “Okay, now tell me everything.”
Where to start?
Felicity took a sip of her hot toddy and closed her eyes as the whiskey warmed her body. She toyed with her locket, purely out of habit, and then looked down at the dainty gold heart. The best place to start was probably back at the beginning.
Madison was her closest friend in Lovestruck. It was time she knew the truth about the framed baby picture Felicity kept on her desk back when they worked together at Fashionista. Maybe if Felicity had been more open about what she’d been going through and tried to share the burden of her heartbreak, she would have been able to move past it. But did anyone ever truly get over losing a child? Even a child that was still safe and sound, but simply no longer a part of their everyday life?
Felicity didn’t think so. It seemed impossible.
Madison waited patiently for her to say something as Felicity took another gulp of hot toddy. Sweet lemony fire blossomed in her chest, loosening her limbs. And for the first time, she realized that the pain she’d been carrying around for the past six months—the constant ache that had become her faithful companion since that long lonely day in a Manhattan courtroom—was probably the same sort of pain that had stopped her cousin from going through with the adoption. It was the same pain that had brought Nick’s young mother to Wade’s door tonight.
She finally understood she wasn’t alone in this. They were all mothers in one way or another, and a mother’s love was a rare and precious thing. Sometimes it was just too strong to release, no matter what sort of promises had been made. No matter if the mother had been forced to hand over the baby she’d thought she was adopting or whether she’d changed her mind about a decision she’d thought would be permanent. Broken promises and broken hearts all around.
It was time for Felicity to forgive her cousin. Until she did, she’d never be able to call another baby her own. Not even Nick, although she was sure she’d already lost him, too.
Felicity ran a shaky hand over Duchess’s warm back and blinked away tears as she finally met Madison’s gaze. “You really want me to tell you everything?”
Madison nodded.
“It started just like Christmas,” Felicity said, voice breaking. Then slowly—carefully—she slipped the gold chain over her head and opened the heart-shaped locket to reveal a tiny photograph of Ariel. “It started with a baby.”
* * *
Wade wasn’t sure when he first realized that Felicity had left and wasn’t coming back.
The minutes ticked by as he sat beside the young girl on his sofa, and he did his best to concentrate on what she was saying. But he felt like he was about come apart at the seams, burst right through his skin. It was the same feeling he got on the rare occasion when he arrived on the scene of a fire that was already too far gone to wrestle under control. There was nothing he could do but stand by and watch it burn until it was over, the damage was done and the flames had reduced everything around him to ash.
Felicity’s absence was a given. She’d checked out the very second she’d walked into the room and seen Nick’s biological mother standing in the living room. The life had drained right out of her, and there hadn’t been a thing Wade could do to stop it. He’d known better than to try to make her stay and find out what exactly the troubled teen had wanted. Every cell in his body screamed to go after her, to protect her. But he needed to talk to the girl. He couldn’t very well leave her out in the cold.
Marcie—that was her name. It was printed in neat block lettering on the birth certificate she’d handed to Wade before she left, along with a baby blanket and a Christmas-themed storybook. Goodbye presents, she’d called them. Tomorrow she’d be moving to Texas with her family, and before she left Vermont, she’d wanted to thank Wade for all he’d done
for her son. Then she’d promised to never come back again.
Wade stood in the doorway and watched her walk toward the bus stop around the corner, hoodie pulled snug around her face. He’d offered to drive her, but she’d turned him down, and on some soul-deep level, Wade knew why—she wanted to leave before he could ask if she wanted to see Nick.
In the end, he wasn’t sure whether to feel relieved or sad by the unexpected turn of events. The pang in his chest felt like some strange combination of both, but as the snow swallowed up the footsteps that Marcie left behind, he also got the sense of one story ending and another beginning—a brand-new story filled with hope and promise, untethered from the past.
He had to tell Felicity.
The walls of his little cottage practically vibrated with her absence. Still, he tried to tell himself he was only imagining things. She’d been rattled. Of course she had, but she wouldn’t just leave, would she?
Yes, apparently. The truth sank into his bones as he ran from room to room calling her name. He couldn’t even find Duchess. Was he losing his mind? They’d both been there twenty minutes ago.
The nursery was the last room he checked, and relief coursed through Wade hot and fast when he caught sight of Nick sleeping in his crib with his tiny hands curled into fists, as if trying his best to hold on tight to his new, fragile family.
Rest easy, son. Wade blinked hard, tears stinging the backs of his eyes. You’re home for good.
Then Wade’s cell phone rang, and he tripped on every single piece of furniture in his path as he raced back to the living room to pick it up. His heart slammed around his chest as he answered without bothering to check the display.
“Felicity?” he panted into the phone. He knew it was her. It had to be.
“Sorry, friend. It’s me,” Jack said on the other end.
“Oh.” Wade tried his best to swallow his disappointment, but it settled at the back of his throat, black and bitter like tar. “Hey.”
It wasn’t exactly the warmest greeting, but Wade couldn’t even think straight. He had to get off the phone and bundle Nick up in his snowsuit so they could get down to the yoga studio. He wasn’t sure where else Felicity would have gone. Just the thought of her sitting all alone in that sad, small attic apartment with that even sadder, smaller Christmas tree made him sick to his stomach.
“Now’s not a really good time, Jack. I—”
“She’s here,” Jack said, cutting him off.
“What?” Wade was pretty sure he’d heard correctly, but he couldn’t be sure. Jack’s tone was awfully low, barely above a whisper.
“Felicity. She’s here at our house. With your dog, I might add.” Jack cleared his throat. “She seems upset, and I should probably be minding my own business, but I thought you’d want to know.”
“Definitely.” Wade dragged a hand through his hair, tugging hard on the ends in an effort to kick his rear into gear. He needed to get over there. Now. “Thanks, man. You have no idea. I’m coming over right now. Whatever you do, don’t let her leave.”
“I’ll try, but I can’t make any promises. She and Madison are in the kitchen right now, and I’m pretty certain there’s whiskey involved.” Jack let out a gravelly laugh. “Besides, I know better than to try to control a woman.”
So did Wade, obviously. And he’d never want to, either. But she had to know that Marcie hadn’t changed her mind about giving Nick up. If she had, Wade would’ve accepted it. Her rights as a parent hadn’t yet been terminated by the courts, and people made mistakes. Bad ones. It would have killed Wade to give Nick up, but he would have done it, just as Felicity had given up Ariel six months ago.
He hadn’t fully understood how painful that must have been for her until now...until he’d swung open the door and seen the familiar teenager standing on his front porch, clutching a baby blanket. Felicity might never come back. What had just happened in Wade’s living room may have felt like closure, but there were no guarantees—not until the court approved an adoption. Would she wait by his side until things were official? Could she?
He honestly didn’t know. But she deserved to know where things stood. She deserved the truth, in all its complicated, joyful uncertainty.
He took a deep breath. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
* * *
“Wow.” Madison drained what was left offher hot toddy and dabbed at the corners of her eyes with a napkin as she looked at Felicity from across the table. “That’s...a lot. Why didn’t you tell me any of this before? You shouldn’t be dealing with such heartbreak all on your own.”
Felicity blew out a shaky breath. “I don’t know. I think I thought if I didn’t talk about or dwell on it that the pain would just go away. I thought I could start a new life in a new place and it would be as if it had never happened.”
Looking back, she’d been hopelessly naive. If she could just go back in time to the very beginning—before she ever moved to Lovestruck—she’d do so many things differently. But of course that wasn’t possible. This wasn’t a Christmas movie, it was real life. Her life, which, at the moment, was as messy as it could possibly be.
“Have you told anyone?” Madison asked. “Anyone at all?”
Felicity’s gaze fixed with her friend’s, and she nodded. “Wade.”
A smile made its way to her lips before wobbling off her face. Wade. Of all the things she wished she could go back and do differently, she wouldn’t have changed a minute she’d spent with Wade. Not a second—not even the horrible moment earlier that had caused her to steal his dog and run away.
“Hon.” Madison reached forward and gave Felicity’s hand a comforting squeeze. “Why don’t you call him? He’s got to be worried sick.”
Felicity shook her head. “I just can’t.”
She was too ashamed. She’d had a chance to be strong—to stay and do the right thing—and she’d done the exact opposite. A real couple would have handled things together. A real mother would have stayed to see things through.
“He’ll understand why you left. I promise he will,” Madison said as if she could read Felicity’s mind.
Would he, though? Felicity wasn’t so sure. He’d asked her to trust him, to trust in them, and at the first sign of trouble, she’d left. On top of it all, she’d stolen his dog.
Madison’s eyebrows rose. “Besides, you don’t know for certain that Nick’s biological mother came back because she changed her mind. The truth might not be as bad as you think it is.”
Felicity shook her head. She didn’t want to hope. She couldn’t. She didn’t have a drop of hope left inside her. It was better to just accept the fact that their temporary family was exactly what it had always been—temporary.
Her fingers burrowed deeper into Duchess’s soft fur. What was she going to do?
“Excuse me.” Jack opened the door to the kitchen but lingered in the doorway without stepping inside the room. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I need to borrow Madison for a quick sec. Okay, babe?”
Madison frowned at him. “Seriously, now?”
“Yes, now. Right now. It’s super urgent.” Jack’s gaze flicked to Felicity and then back to Madison. He cleared his throat.
“You’re acting really weird, but okay.” Madison squeezed Felicity’s hand, harder this time. “I’ll be right back. Don’t go anywhere.”
Right. Because that’s what Felicity did when things got uncomfortable, wasn’t it? She ran.
Jack was probably thinking the same thing. No doubt he was in such a hurry to talk to Madison because he was wondering how long they were going to have to harbor Felicity and her canine fugitive.
“Take your time,” she said. No more running, starting right now. It was time to stay and deal with her problems head-on.
Stay.
Every time that word spun through her mind, she heard it in Wade’s voice, the exac
t way he’d said it when he’d told her he wanted to adopt Nick together and be a family. He’d said it in his three-in-the-morning voice—sleepy and low, and she’d loved the way it had settled so deliciously deep in her belly.
The baby monitor on the table crackled to life, pulling her out of the memory. At first, she assumed that Jack and Madison must have gone to Emma and Ella’s room to check on the twins. But then the voice that came through the little speaker was identical to the one she’d just been thinking about...yearning for...
“Hey, little man. Don’t cry. Everything’s going to be just fine,” he said.
Felicity went still as stone and stared at the baby monitor. It was Wade. There was no mistaking that voice—she’d know it anywhere. And he was using his favorite nickname for Nick, little man. Was Wade here, in Jack and Madison’s house? With Nick?
“That’s right,” Wade said, and hearing him speak so soothingly to Nick, so lovingly, was such a balm to Felicity’s battered heart that she felt like she might float right off the kitchen chair. “Your birth mother came to say goodbye one last time because she loves you. How could she not? You’re perfect. And you know what else you are? You’re mine...mine and Felicity’s. We’re your parents, little man.”
Duchess’s ears twitched, and she sat up to cock her head as she tried to figure out how Wade’s voice was coming from the little white box on the table. Felicity probably would have found it adorable if she hadn’t been too stunned by Wade’s words to think about anything besides baby Nick.
His birth mother hadn’t come to take him away, but to say goodbye. The truth was almost too impossible to believe. Felicity pressed a hand to her chest because her heart felt like it might pound right out of her. And then a slow smile rose up inside her when she realized what was happening...what Wade was doing.
He was speaking to Nick, yes, but he was talking to her. He was letting her know how he felt in the same way she’d done when she’d told Duchess how charming she’d found him. Everything was coming full circle.
“Don’t you worry about a thing. I might not seem like the best choice for a dad. She probably doesn’t think I’m ready or that I haven’t thought things through. But I’ve never been so certain of anything in my life. I’ve known since the second I saw her standing in the snow in a swirl of snowflakes and blue silk with you in her arms. You’re my future, my destiny. You both are.”