CHAPTER XXXIV
THE BEAUFORT JUSTICE
There is nothing more indicative of real fine people than the easyindifferent sort of way they take leave of their friends. They never seemto care a farthing for parting.
Our friend Jawleyford was quite a man of fashion in this respect. He sawSponge's preparations for departure with an unconcerned air, and a--'sorryyou're going,' was all that accompanied an imitation shake, or rather touchof the hand, on leaving. There was no 'I hope we shall see you again soon,'or 'Pray look in if you are passing our way,' or 'Now that you've foundyour way here we hope you'll not be long in being back,' or any of thoseblarneyments that fools take for earnest and wise men for nothing.Jawleyford had been bit once, and he was not going to give Mr. Sponge asecond chance. Amelia too, we are sorry to say, did not seem particularlydistressed, though she gave him just as much of a sweet look as he squeezedher hand, as said, 'Now, if you _should_ be a man of money, and my LordScamperdale does not make me my lady, you may,' &c.
There is an old saying, that it is well to be 'off with the old love beforeone is on with the new,' and Amelia thought it was well to be on with thenew love before she was off with the old. Sponge, therefore, was to be inabeyance.
We mentioned the delight infused into Jawleyford Court by the receipt ofLord Scamperdale's letter, volunteering a visit, nor was his lordship lessgratified at hearing in reply that Mr. Sponge was on the eve of departure,leaving the coast clear for his reception. His lordship was not onlydelighted at getting rid of his horror, but at proving the superiority ofhis judgement over that of Jack, who had always stoutly maintained that theonly way to get rid of Mr. Sponge was by buying his horses.
'Well, that's _good_,' said his lordship, as he read the letter; 'that's_good_,' repeated he, with a hearty slap of his thigh. 'Jaw's not such abad chap after all; worse chaps in the world than Jaw.' And his lordshipworked away at the point till he very nearly got him up to be a good chap.
They say it never rains but it pours, and letters seldom come singly; atleast, if they do they are quickly followed by others.
As Jack and his lordship were discussing their gin, after a repast ofcow-heel and batter-pudding, Baggs entered with the old brownweather-bleached letter-bag, containing a county paper, the second-handcopy of _Bell's Life_, that his lordship and Frostyface took in betweenthem, and a very natty 'thick cream-laid' paper note.
'That must be from a woman,' observed Jack, squinting ardently at thewriting, as his lordship inspected the fine seal.
'Not far wrong,' replied his lordship. 'From a bitch of a fellow, at allevents,' said he, reading the words 'Hanby House' in the wax.
'What can old Puffey be wanting now?' inquired Jack.
'Some bother about hounds, most likely,' replied his lordship, breaking theseal, adding, 'the thing's always amusing itself with playing at sportsman.Hang his impudence!' exclaimed his lordship, as he opened the note.
'What's happened now?' asked Jack.
'How d'ye think he begins?' asked his lordship, looking at his friend.
'Can't tell, I'm sure,' said Jack, squinting his eyes inside out.
'Dear Scamp!' exclaimed his lordship, throwing out his arms.
'Dear Scamp!' repeated Jack in astonishment. 'It must be a mistake. It mustbe dear Frost, not dear Scamp.'
'Dear Scamp is the word,' replied his lordship, again applying himself tothe letter. 'Dear Scamp,' repeated he, with a snort, adding, 'the impudentbutton-maker! I'll dear Scamp him! "Dear Scamp, our friend Sponge!" Bo-o-ythe powers, just fancy that! 'exclaimed his lordship, throwing himself backin his chair, as if thoroughly overcome with disgust. '_Our friend Sponge!_the man who nearly knocked me into the middle of the week after next--theman who, first and last, has broken every bone in my skin--the man who Ihate the sight of, and detest afresh every time I see--the 'bomination ofall 'bominations; and then to call him our friend Sponge! "Our friendSponge,"' continued his lordship, reading, '"is coming on a visit ofinspection to my hounds, and I should be glad if you would meet him."'
'Shouldn't wonder!' exclaimed Jack.
'_Meet him!_' snapped his lordship; 'I'd go ten miles to avoid him.'
'"Glad if you would meet him,"' repeated his lordship, returning to theletter, and reading as follows: '"If you bring a couple of nags or so wecan put them up, and you may get a wrinkle or two from Bragg." A wrinkle ortwo from Bragg! 'exclaimed his lordship, dropping the letter and rolling inhis chair with laughter. 'A wrinkle or two from Bragg!--he--he--he--he! Theidea of a wrinkle or two from Bragg!--haw--haw--haw--haw!
'That beats cockfightin',' observed Jack, squinting frightfully.
'Doesn't it?' replied his lordship. 'The man who's so brimful of sciencethat he doesn't kill above three brace of foxes in a season.'
'Which Puff calls thirty,' observed Jack.
'Th-i-r-ty!' exclaimed his lordship, adding, 'I'll lay he'll not killthirty in ten years.'
His lordship then picked the letter from the floor, and resumed where hehad left off.
'"I expect you will meet Tom Washball, Lumpleg, and Charley Slapp."'
'A very pretty party,' observed Jack, adding, 'Wouldn't be seen goin' to abull-bait with any on 'em.'
'Nor I,' replied his lordship.
'Birds of a feather,' observed Jack.
'Just so,' said his lordship, resuming his reading.
'"I think I have a hound that may be useful to you--" The devil you have!'exclaimed his lordship, grinding his teeth with disgust. 'Useful to _me_,you confounded haberdasher!--you hav'n't a hound in your pack that I'dtake. "I think I have a hound that may be useful to you--"' repeated hislordship.
'A Beaufort Justice one, for a guinea!' interrupted Jack, adding, 'He gotthe name into his head at Oxford, and has been harping upon it ever since.'
'"I think I have a hound that may be useful to you--"' resumed hislordship, for the third time. '"It is Old Merriman, a remarkably stout,true line hunting hound; but who is getting slow for me--" Slow for you,you beggar!' exclaimed his lordship; 'I should have thought nothin' shortof a wooden 'un would have been too slow for you. "He's a six-seasonhunter, and is by Fitzwilliam's Singwell out of his Darling. Singwell wasby the Rutland Rallywood out of Tavistock's Rhapsody. Rallywood was by OldLonsdale's--" Old Lonsdale's!--the snob!' sneered Lord Scamperdale--'"OldLonsdale's Palafox, out of Anson's--" Anson's!--curse the fellow,' againmuttered his lordship--'"out of Anson's Madrigal. Darling was by oldGrafton's Bolivar, out of Blowzy. Bolivar was by the Brocklesby; that'sYarborough's--" That's Yarborough's!' sneered his lordship, 'as if onedidn't know that as well as him--"by the Brocklesby; that's Yarborough'sMarmion out of Petre's Matchless; and Marmion was by that undeniable hound,the--" the--what?' asked his lordship.
'Beaufort Justice, to be sure!' replied Jack.
'"The Beaufort Justice!"' read his lordship, with due emphasis.
'Hurrah!' exclaimed Jack, waving the dirty, egg-stained, mustardy copy of_Bell's Life_ over his head. 'Hurrah! I told you so.'
'But hark to Justice!' exclaimed his lordship, resuming his reading. '"I'vealways been a great admirer of the Beaufort Justice blood--"'
'No doubt,' said Jack; 'it's the only blood you know.'
'"It was in great repute in the Badminton country in old Beaufort's time,with whom I hunted a great deal many years ago, I'm sorry to say. The lateMr. Warde, who, of course, was very justly partial to his own sort, hadnever any objection to breeding from this _Beaufort_ Justice. He was ofLord Egremont's blood, by the New Forest Justice; Justice by Mr. Gilbert'sJasper; and Jasper bred by Egremont--" Oh, the hosier!' exclaimed hislordship; 'he'll be the death of me.'
'Is that all?' asked Jack, as his lordship seemed lost in meditation.
'All?--no!' replied he, starting up, adding, 'here's something about you.'
'Me!' exclaimed Jack.
'"If Mr. Spraggon is with you, and you like to bring him, I can manage toput him up too,"' read his lordship. 'What think you of that?' asked hislordship, turning to ou
r friend, who was now squinting his eyes inside outwith anger.
'Think of it!' retorted Jack, kicking out his legs--'think of it!--why, Ithink he's a dim'd impittant feller, as Bragg would say.'
'So he is,' replied his lordship; 'treating my friend Jack so.'
'I've a good mind to go,' observed Jack, after a pause, thinking he mightpunish Puff, and try to do a little business with Sponge. 'I've a good mindto go,' repeated he; 'just by way of paying Master Puff off. He's aconsequential jackass, and wants taking down a peg or two.'
'I think you may as well go and do it,' replied his lordship, afterthinking the matter over; 'I think you may as well go and do it. Not thathe'll be good to take the conceit out of, but you may vex him a bit; andalso learn something of the movements of his friend Sponge. If he sarvesPuff out as he's sarved me,' continued his lordship, rubbing his ribs withhis elbows, 'he'll very soon have enough of him.'
'Well,' said Jack, 'I really think it will be worth doing. I've never beenat the beggar's shop, and they say he lives well.'
'_Well_, aye!' exclaimed his lordship; 'fat o' the land--dare say that manhas fish and soup every day.'
'And wax-candles to read by, most likely,' observed Jack, squinting at thedim mutton-fats that Baggs now brought in.
'Not so grand as that,' observed his lordship, doubting whether any mancould be guilty of such extravagance; 'composites, p'raps.'
It being decided that Jack should answer Mr. Puffington's invitation aswell and saucily as he could, and a sheet of very inferior paper being atlength discovered in the sideboard drawer, our friends forthwith proceededto concoct it. Jack having at length got all square, and the black-inklines introduced below, dipped his pen in the little stone ink-bottle, and,squinting up at his lordship, said:
'How shall I begin?'
'Begin?' replied he. 'Begin--oh, let's see--begin--begin, "Dear Puff," tobe sure.'
'That'll do,' said Jack, writing away.
('Dear Puff!' sneered our friend, when he read it; 'the idea of a fellowlike that writing to a man of my p-r-o-r-perty that way.')
'Say "Scamp,"' continued his lordship, dictating again, '"is engaged, butI'll be with you at feeding-time."'
('Scamp's engaged,' read Puffington, with a contemptuous curl of the lip,'Scamp's engaged: I like the impudence of a fellow like that callingnoblemen nicknames.')
The letter concluded by advising Puffington to stick to the BeaufortJustice blood, for there was nothing in the world like it. And now, havinggot both our friends booked for visits, we must yield precedence to thenobleman, and accompany him to Jawleyford Court.
LORD SCAMPERDALE AS HE APPEARED IN HIS 'SWELL' CLOTHES]
Mr. Sponge's Sporting Tour Page 34