by Emily Albert
“Don’t. Just go… Please.”
It’s for the best. You don’t need him. He’ll only hold you back.
Lenna slinked out the door. Just outside, she stood with her hand to it, trying to keep any kind of connection to her brother. Her guardian wanted to break that connection, but that was one thing she had to fight.
Six
The wide council room had a long oak wood table. Her mother had sat here countless times. She had seen the exact same things that Lenna looked at now. She would have run her hands along the polished table, tracing the swirling grain. She would have seen these exact faces in these exact seats.
Having never sat with the advisors before, Lenna scanned the room. The group consisted of twenty-one people: ten members of Parliament, three appointed royal counselors, and eight elders. She recognized most of them from at least passing them in the hallway.
She felt for Remy, who was also there for the first time. He was sitting at the opposite head of the table, and it hurt to look up at him and see how upset he was.
“Okay,” Lord Illyn Jarar said, placing his slender hands on the table. “I think you all know why we are here. The whole castle is in mourning of Queen Fay, and everyone outside of it, as well. Nonetheless, we must discuss the next step: a regent. Since our Prince Remy and Princess Lenna are twins, there is no immediate King or Queen. There will be tests to indicate etiquette, knowledge of politics, and personality. These tests will be held by several of us members of Parliament as well as a few elders. But I can see you two aren’t in any state to discuss it, so we will come back to it another time.”
The room was silent, making Lenna’s chest feel dangerously heavy. She didn’t take her eyes off of the table, even when she heard, Now. Do it now, child. Start this. You can push through.
“These tests will be held after Queen Fay’s funeral, and until then, Lord Vince Alton will serve as regent of Haeden.” A pale, balding man across the table nodded solemnly and waved awkwardly. “He has been a great presence in Parliament, as we all know. Years ago, when the twins were born, we voted to have him be next in line, just in case something were to happen. And here we are, just as we feared… But I think he will do a fine job. You two may go to him at any time to talk about the kingdom.”
He spoke quickly; it was easy to hear the stress in his voice. Lenna and Remy nodded but didn’t make a sound.
“Princess Lenna?” He said softly. “Prince Remy? Would you like to say anything? Do you have any questions?” There was another long silence.
You can start it now. You can be Queen, and soon. Don’t you want the power? You deserve it. It can all be yours.
Lenna’s hands twitched and her heart fluttered with excitement, but she said nothing. She was in too much pain. Even wanting to please her guardian, she couldn’t just shrug off the death of her mother.
Your mother would want you to have it.
Lenna took such a sharp breath that people looked at her. She didn’t make eye contact with any of them.
Do you believe that? We both want it for you. But she’s gone, and you have to trust me now. I believe you can have it all. Do you trust me? Let her go and let me—
Remy finally spoke up, his voice wavering, and interrupted the guardian. “I would just like a moment of silence for Queen Fay.” It was a ridiculous thing to say in the midst of this dead silence, and they must have all known it, but there wasn’t a single acknowledgement of the fact. They continued on without a sound.
After an uncomfortably long time, Remy said, “Thank you.” Then after another pause, “No questions.”
Lenna had questions before the meeting, when she wasn’t in a tense room with her head spinning. Her guardian’s insistence scared her. Why was it so important to take the throne now? She wanted it, but she wasn’t as ready as she once thought she was. “No, no questions.”
“All right, good. Well, I could go on, as I normally do, but it appears that is all that needs to be said. Being in mourning, I’m sure no one wants to be here for long. So I suppose that’s it.”
Everyone but the twins rose slowly and left. Several people patted them on the back and said their condolences as they walked past. Lenna kept staring at the glossy wood table, unable to keep a clear thought. When she glanced up at Remy, he had a dazed expression similar to hers. She felt words trying to escape her, but it was hard to break through the silence.
Pointless to be caught up in it. Don’t you see? The sadness is pointless. You will be okay, child. Don’t you know that? Your mother isn’t here, but I am. I want the power for you, and I will make sure you get it.
At times, her guardian was comforting, protective, almost parental, but other times it went too far. She shivered. Her brother was not pointless. Her sadness for her mother’s death was not pointless. The power could wait. She eventually managed, “Well, that’s a lot to think about. If it wasn’t thrown at me so abruptly it might actually sink in.”
Remy just nodded.
“I wasn’t ready to hear about those things. I don’t want to think about Mother’s death, let alone what’s going to happen without her. It’s just… too much.”
Remy nodded again.
“I’m sure Lord Vince will do a good enough job. He’s a little… odd… but I think he’s smart enough, and not power-hungry enough to mess with things like some of the others.” Lenna thought of bringing up the tests, if only to please her guardian, but she looked at her distraught brother and couldn’t manage it.
“Can we talk about this later?” Remy asked in a quiet, monotone voice.
“Of course.”
Instead of trying to cheer him up anymore—an impossible task—she got up to put her hand on his shoulder. When he leaned away from her, she thought better of it.
“Come to me to talk later, okay? Whenever you’re ready. Do you hear me? We need to be there for each other.”
Remy made such a small noise that Lenna wasn’t sure if she heard it correctly. She knew better than to let herself hope he would come to her. He looked worse than she felt.
Your obstacles are down. You have an opportunity to move on, move forward! Look at it! A grand, wide-open opportunity! You can be at the top. You must be at the top.
Her guardian was morbid, and she didn’t understand that. But what she did understand was that it believed in her and loved her passionately. It wanted her to thrive.
Opportunity, she reminded herself. You can be at the top.
Seven
Lenna’s head throbbed with the words of her guardian during the announcement of the Queen’s death. Kendra stood between her and Remy, a quiet reassurance. Beforehand, Lenna had asked her to say most of what needed to be said. But now, with her guardian’s encouragement, she told her that she felt ready to speak.
The family of three stood on the capitol’s stage in the bustling city, facing the same crowd of faceless people that had been there before. Lenna heard—no, she felt—the same urging presence. Look. They are yours.
She knew Remy and Kendra were staring at her, waiting. For one second she was so swept up in the loving, compelling voice that she forgot why she was there. When she remembered, she felt a twinge of sadness for her loss, countered by her guardian’s assurance that it was a positive thing.
Isn’t it worth it? You will have all this.
She saw Remy start to cover for her when she finally became fully alert. “This is a very difficult thing to announce, but it is something the kingdom must know. We are all here because we have lost someone. Not only have we lost a mother, but you have all lost a queen. One week ago today, Queen Fay was found poisoned in her bed.”
Lenna took a deep, shaky breath. “We do not know the culprit, but we are still looking. When we know, you will know. All you need to know now is that the Queen has tragically passed, and there will be a new king or queen—Price Remy or myself—very soon. Until then we will be ruled by a regent, and of course, we will both still have some say in what happens. Are there any questions?” Hands wer
e raised. People talked amongst themselves. Many cried. A few shouted at the injustice of the murder.
Lenna pointed to a man close to the stage. “Your Highness, you must have some idea of who could be responsible. We’ll take care of him ourselves!” Lots of men shouted in agreement.
“We appreciate your loyalty, but you don’t need to worry. We have it under control.”
She pointed to a woman. “Yes?”
“There are tests to decide between you and the Prince, right? When’ll they be?”
“Yes, there will be different tests, and members of Parliament will decide. They will come soon, very soon.” Lenna found herself smiling, and she tried to force it down.
It will be you.
The next man was in the very back and screamed excitedly. “Could a king be picked from the townsfolk? I think one of us should be King—we could do it! I could do it! I’d get that murderer good!”
Lenna hurriedly moved on to a woman off to the side. “Queen Fay always looked out for us. She made sure we got food and that we had clean water, and when our buildings fell apart, she had ‘em fixed. Well, until recently… Will both of you make sure none of that stops?”
“Of course we will. We plan to follow in our mother’s footsteps, and that includes taking care of those in need. In our nineteen years of living here, you have always been a priority.”
They will love you. But you can do better. You will not be your mother. You will hold power. You will do what she could not.
This stopped Lenna short. Her whole life, she had wanted to rule like her mother. She was fair, kind, and smart. She couldn’t imagine being better than her, but her guardian insisted that it was inevitable
Then a woman in the middle of the crowd said, “Why do you need tests to choose the King or Queen when the gods decide for you? If either of you can speak to ‘em, that’ll decide it plainly. The true rulers rule with the gods.”
Remy and Kendra were obviously trying their best to remain patient, but the comment hit Lenna hard. Could her guardian be a god? No, something like it, maybe, but she knew that it was different. It was her friend, her mentor. Belief in the gods was a delusion of the people who didn’t know better.
Not a god, a guardian. And I have chosen you. There are no gods to speak of, just us. You will rule, conquer. I will merely show you how. You will hold the power now.
The way it said now was odd. She figured it just meant she would rule after her mother, but it sounded loaded, more important, like there was more to the kingdom’s power that she didn’t know. The countless possibilities got mixed up in her head, so she shrugged it off.
“It’s not like that, not exactly.” She saw Remy and Kendra turn toward her out of the corner of her eye. “I mean… you must count on more than the gods to fix our kingdom. Count on us.”
“Queen Fay respected the gods. She was a believer! The gods helped her.”
“Yeah, that’s nonsense! The gods will help us! You just gotta let ‘em!”
You will be the one to fix the world. Make them believe in you, for you will need them. If you have them, you will have the kingdom.
The stage felt unstable. There was this groundbreaking feeling of importance and invincibility that her guardian was able to plant in her mind. It was a sort of high that convinced her she could conquer anything, and it was growing. The world was wide open. It was below her, and it could be hers.
You are the true ruler. No gods, just you. You can have all the power in the world.
“I will fix it,” she said calmly. “I will. Just give me time. Believe in me…” She was pulled back into the present by the lack of response. She corrected herself: “Believe in us—Remy and me. We will both take care of you, no matter who takes the throne.”
“We don’t have no time, your Highness! Look around!” a woman whined.
She was right—buildings were crushed, the streets were filled with waste, the townspeople were all dirty and malnourished. They needed the help that Fay had tried to give them. And she had provided that help for a long time, but there had been a lapse while she was not capable of being productive, and now there was no ruler. She needed to act quickly if she wanted her kingdom to be a healthy, loyal one.
She had a thought that scared her, one that did not feel like her own—she needed a healthy kingdom so her people would love and admire her. She needed to be the best, most powerful ruler, and she could get that by winning over the people. She wondered how she could have such a harsh idea.
“Believe in your princess and your prince,” Kendra chimed in, interrupting Lenna’s thoughts. “They’ll do more than you could ever imagine—both of them—whether the gods exist or not. This I have faith in.” She winked at Lenna and smiled at them both.
○○○
Once again Lenna found herself going to her mother’s room wanting to talk to her, then remembered she couldn’t. Her room had been left the same so the murderer could be found with the evidence; the book and the soup would still be there, the covers would still be soiled. It would be hard to see it again, of course, but she didn’t change her course. No matter how much she wanted to take Fay’s place, she was still her mother.
A servant caught up with her and walked alongside her. “Your Highness?”
“Yes?”
“Prince Remy said we should begin to clean up Queen Fay’s bedroom. Is that all right with you, your Highness?”
Lenna stopped, and the servant stumbled. “Absolutely not. We still have to figure out who the murderer is.”
“Yes, but the Prince was very distraught… He said—”
“Tell the Prince that we’re going to figure this out, and then we’ll be able to clean up the mess.”
“Yes, your Highness, of course.” He nodded as he walked back in the opposite direction.
The rest of the way, Lenna dragged her feet. Getting closer to the room, she realized this would be the first time seeing the room since she found her mother dead. Because the room had been left exactly the same, maybe this would not be filled with happy memories of her in her room, but of panic and trauma. Despite this, she hesitantly opened the door.
The windows were closed, and the air was stale and foul with the sharp smell of old vomit. Lenna gagged. The book and bowl of soup were in the exact same place. It was strange to see all this, knowing how it happened.
Lenna drifted around the room looking at her mother’s belongings as if they were on display. First, she took the book from under the bowl and held it to her chest, as her mother had probably done countless times. It had to be about her father; she had no doubt. Then, still holding the book, she found her jewelry. There were boxes and boxes of jewels and strings of beautiful things: pearls, silver and gold, gems of green, red, and blue. Surely these would be passed down to Lenna, but she didn’t think she wanted them. Having them sit on her dresser would only be a constant, painful reminder of what had happened. Fay’s hairbrush and pick were next to the jewelry. They still had hairs trailing out of them, and Lenna did not pull them out. What she did was smell the brush, and she regretted it when she did; it smelled exactly like her mother—like her hair, her perfume, her natural, soothing smell. Lenna kept it clasped in one hand, the book in the other.
She caught a glimpse of herself in the vanity mirror. She looked pale, her eyes dark and sunken. Her mother must have looked at herself so many times in this mirror, and every time she had surely looked beautiful. Maybe toward the end, however, she looked the same as Lenna did—exhausted and devastated. Lenna wanted to find similarities between the two of them, but there weren’t many. Lenna’s eyes were smaller and steadier than Fay’s wide, curious ones. Her skin was lighter and not yet creased by the wrinkles her mother had, her face dewy and youthful. Her dark hair was kept in a knot or braids as opposed to Fay’s hair, which always down, showing its impressive length and volume. Lenna caught herself looking through herself in the mirror, thinking of her mother. She looked away.
Walking to the bed, sh
e saw her mother’s wooden amulet. She remembered what that man had told them: They were supposed to protect them from demons. No matter how hard her mother had believed in demons or gods, this never had the power to protect her.
She rolled the chain of beads around in her hands and suddenly wanted to tear them apart. It felt heavy in her hands, and she didn’t even want to look at it. She felt silly for resenting an object, but this amulet was supposed to protect her mother, and it failed. The man had given her mother hope, and she trusted him. He let her down. The beads made a loud, dull sound when she threw the chain back onto the nightstand.
“These are for your protection…” echoed in her head. “They will protect you…” Lenna could picture the man who gave them the amulets, and decided she did not hate the object, but the man.
Her insides stirred. She needed to do something to stay sane.
Do you feel that? You have the power to do anything.
“You’re right,” she murmured. “I feel it.”
The desire to avenge her mother mixed with the power and determination her guardian had instilled in her made her feel almost out of control. She was ready to fight.
Running out of the room, she turned to one of the guards. There were tears running down her face, unnoticed. “I need you to find someone for me.”
He looked confused. “Highness, I have been assigned to guard the Queen’s chambers.”
“The Queen,” Lenna spat, “is dead. I need you to find someone who wronged her, who lied.”
“All right, I will assemble some more men to help look. What can you tell us about this person?”
“Old, thin, white hair. A peasant man. I didn’t get a name. He gave my family amulets which he claimed would protect us. I need to… speak with him.”
“Yes, your Highness. We will go into town and question people. Should we bring him right to you?”
“Bring him to the throne room, and don’t be gentle.”
Lenna paced the length of the throne room for many hours, wringing her hands. The room was empty except for four guards at the entrance. It was dark now, but the guards searching would not return until they found the man. Lenna couldn’t sleep, even though her legs felt weak and everything around her was fuzzy. Nothing seemed real to her at that moment except for the dull, burning desire to get vengeance.