by Emily Albert
But Ollivan faced threats to the whole kingdom head-on. He fixed all the messes his father had made. He caught the visiting Nalivian King who tried to poison Fay while she was pregnant with the twins, then stopped all business with the country. He knew there would be less fruit and sugar, but the people understood because they trusted him. He did not, however, declare war. Food can be replenished, but lives cannot, he said. He rapidly reached out to several countries to fix their lack of food. Since he didn’t have many resources to trade, he used all the gold and silver he could find in the castle to buy as much produce and sugar as he could. He didn’t think twice about doing what he had to for his people and family, even if it hurt him. He always knew how to get out of a tough situation.
He consistently supplied fresh food and water filtration to every town. Even though it only made a dent, he didn’t stop while he tried to work out a better plan.
Somewhere along the line, though, something changed. Objectively, Ollivan was still an effective king. He did his job and seemed healthy and happy enough. But everyone noticed something was different, though they could never pinpoint what it was or when it had started. It was said to be such a slight shift in his demeanor that only the members of the castle and those who frequented open meetings would have noticed. He was distracted, maybe, and a little irritable.
The rumor of his madness started when he seemed to be talking to himself and listening to things that weren’t there. Everyone was too polite to ask what was going on, trusting everything would be resolved as it always was. And since Fay said nothing, the rumor remained and could never be confirmed.
Regardless of the reason Ollivan had for leaving, he was gone, and it was universally felt. Fay was still there, friendly and trustworthy—or trying to be. She filled the gap enough to stop most of the worry over the country.
Ollivan’s marriage to Fay had provoked skepticism from the start, because who could measure up to him? Their predictions were accurate. She was respectable, but she wasn’t quite the same. Ollivan would always be their true ruler. Then, when he left, Fay became a beloved queen by default. She stepped up and performed, taking care of her people until it hit her that her husband was gone. The exceptional improvements and complete compassion were the first to give. Still, the people found a way to stay loyal—to this day, they kept their desperate hope for things to get better. Fay knew she had children to take care of, and she tried to be present for them, but eventually, they were swept aside too.
For the most part, the twins were handed off to the nursemaid, Kendra. They were taken care of and had a relationship with their mother, but the two things were hardly connected. It was obvious they both turned out fine and healthy, but would they have been better with their father’s support? Would Fay have been better? How would Haeden be different if Ollivan were still king? People could only guess.
Nineteen
Between her guardian, Kendra, and Coira’s arguments, it would be foolish for Lenna to turn down Marco’s proposal. It made too much sense—it would help her become Queen and earn the trust of the people.
So, she embraced it. There was no doubt that marriage would be exciting. It would be a new phase in her life; aside from recognizing the practicality, the buried girlish part of her blushed at the thought of the arch, rings, and flowers. That same, small part wished that her mother could be there to observe the milestone. She could not help holding onto the bubbly feeling she knew she and her mother would have shared. Weddings had been Fay’s favorite event—the most modest wedding of a stablehand put her in a lively mood for days. Lenna could only imagine the passion she would have had for her own daughter’s marriage. Because of this, marriage had been a goal of hers until she grew to care more about becoming Queen.
Though Lenna had worked hard to let her mother go, her wedding was something she wanted her to be a part of. Trying to have some connection, she rode out to the abandoned garden to talk to her.
You must let her go. Completely. This is for you, not her.
She couldn’t help herself, just this once. She would only be a moment.
It will only drag you back in.
She would be careful.
The garden was just as she remembered it. It sat sprawled out among the trees, looking sad and desolate, and yet somehow her mother was still there. As she dismounted and approached it, she shivered. Though it was overall decrepit, it had charm. It harbored flowers that were bright and lively, and the small patches of grass were a vibrant green.
She sat in the grass, brushing her hands along the flowers around her. She leaned her head back and sighed. Here, it felt like she was with her mother again. She didn’t have any calluses or anger or anxiety built up in her. She was a child again, carefree and content. Deep down, she knew her mother was not here in any way, but she could pretend.
She opened her eyes and sat up, reminding herself not to get too comfortable. This would be her closure.
“Hi, Mother,” she whispered as if afraid to disturb the beautiful silence. The words felt coarse and chalky in her mouth. She cleared her throat, then said again, louder, “Hi, Mother.” The words rang out clearly this time and felt so perfectly right that she nearly cried. “I miss you.”
Careful.
She paused and sighed shakily. She would try. “I just wanted to tell you that I’m getting married. This is a step toward my goal.” She was quiet for a while, then said, “He’s a prince from Elawar. His name is Marco. I don’t like him in that way, but I’m sure that’s how many marriages are. Maybe I’ll come to like him. I think he’ll allow me to become Queen more easily. And that’s important.”
She stopped, not liking the sound of the words. Here in this garden, her mother felt more important. She felt like a child, wanting comfort from her mother, even if she would never get it. She tried to push the emotions down, but they rose up and out her mouth. “I’m going to be Queen, Mother.” She smiled a little bit and closed her eyes. “I want you to see it.”
Lenna started crying, hard but silently. It felt like pushing away her feelings was futile. It would never make her grief go away.
The same mixed voice came back, and again she tuned out what sounded like her guardian. She held on to this tiny piece of her mother.
You must be Queen. Even without me, you must be.
Lenna blubbered, “Mother?”
You are made to be Queen. Do it without me. I must go; we must part ways.
She cried hopelessly now, letting herself be loud and ugly. She couldn’t stop.
After a long time, her sobbing calmed, and she realized it had been the only sound for miles. “Mother?” She sounded weaker.
There is nothing you can say to bring me back.
Oh, how she knew that. She would have cried more if she had been able. She heaved a few attempted sobs, but she was raw. “Please… Please, Mother, please! Come back!”
Let me go.
The last, mindless thing Lenna could say was, “I need you at my wedding. I need you to see my beautiful dress, and my ring, and how everyone will cheer…” It was such a foolish thing to say to the voice that was only partially her mother. Instead of trying to speak anymore, she screamed.
Her guardian’s voice broke through.
I will be here. You don’t need her. You should have given up on her a long time ago. She wants you to give up, don’t you see?
It felt like a lie; her mother wouldn’t push her away. But her guardian was who showed her love now. Her mother would never take back that role.
There, there, child. You have better people now. You have me. I will get you what you want. Do not fret.
She tried to welcome the affection.
She could enjoy her wedding all on her own—no, not on her own, she reminded herself. She wiped away her tears and smiled for her guardian. “Okay,” she promised for the second time, “I’m done with her. This time I mean it. I know she’s gone, and you are here.”
○○○
The courtyard w
as filled with bright sunlight and fresh air. With that, many people emerged. Lenna had called on Marco to meet her there; either of their chambers seemed too personal.
Contented humming filled the nervous silence in Lenna’s head. It reminded her that she was doing that right thing. That she would be Queen because of this.
Eventually Marco came, led by a Haeden guard and followed by an Elawar guard.
“Good afternoon, your Highness,” he said with a smile.
“I’ve made my decision.”
Marco’s face lit up.
“I think that you could help me. There are things I want, and you can help me get them. You’ll be useful.”
“I think I know better than to ask what kind of things, but I can’t say I’m not curious. I am glad you think I can help you.” He paused, searching her face. “Are you saying you will marry me?”
“Yes, I think that’s the smart thing to do.”
“Well, then I am honored.” He bowed his head. “When should we make the announcement?”
“Soon. I was thinking tonight.”
Marco’s eyes widened, more in pleasant surprise than anxiety.
Lenna smiled. “Is there a problem with that?”
“No, not at all, your Highness.”
“I think as my future husband, you can call me Lenna.”
“I am looking forward to being your husband, Lenna.”
○○○
Lenna arrived in the throne room early. She sat in her throne and waited. Soon Marco came and looked at both thrones, obviously trying to work something out. He walked toward the queen’s throne, then stopped.
“I should be sitting in the king’s throne, no?”
“Yes, you’re correct. I’m in the wrong throne.”
You are to be Queen. Sit where you belong.
Finally. It was time.
When she sat in the adorned throne, she sank into its comfort—whether it was a physical feeling or her elation, she wasn’t sure. She ran her hands over the smooth arms of the chair and fingered the intricate carvings at the end. The gold-clad back somehow felt more supportive than the one of the nearly identical king’s throne. Since Fay had died, Lenna expected the throne to be haunting, to feel like she was close to her mother. It didn’t. This was all hers.
After matching Lenna’s grin, Marco sat in the king’s throne next to her.
Lenna sat in a daze until people poured in, buzzing with excitement. Shortly after, Lenna surveyed what must have been every lord, lady, and servant packed into the throne room. Devon and Vince stood beside her, and Marco eyed Devon.
“Quiet, quiet! Everyone please, quiet. Thank you.” Lenna looked over at Marco, who was already engrossed in her words. His smile brought a flicker of desire for a happy, married life, loved by this man, but she thought better of it. She couldn’t get too tangled up in his charm and devotion.
For now, she had to pretend. She needed the people to trust that this was a strong union. She pasted on a smile just like his and looked at the crowd. “As you all know, we have an announcement.” The room was heavy with anticipation. Lenna gestured at Marco. “I am betrothed to Prince Marco Cazares of Elawar. We are proud to share this with you, and we hope you are as thrilled as we are.”
Lenna hadn’t realized that her hand was still outstretched toward Marco, and he took hold of it. She twitched, and Marco gripped her hand tighter. The crowd burst into loud adoration.
Marco said, “Yes, I am very happy to be marrying into this fantastic country, and this amazing princess. I am glad to know that you all are welcoming of me and my country.”
There was no longer darkness overtaking the room. In fact, the energized noise and emotion seemed to fill it with more light and life than she had ever seen.
Do you feel it? Do the feel greatness in the air? That is you. Do you feel how they love you? It is all yours.
The people chose to stay and celebrate long after the announcement was over and into the night. Lenna did not stop them.
She stood, feeling incredibly tall. Something intoxicating took hold of her. “This is my kingdom!” Her voice boomed as she spoke into the crowd.
Both Marco and Devon whispered to her, “Lenna…” but she did not sit. Marco tugged at her sleeve, but she shook him off.
“I will be the greatest ruler to ever live!”
She remembered everything her guardian told her. That she would be the best queen, that she would take over the world. She felt drunk on the power.
“You will all kneel before me as you now kneel before the gods. They are nothing. I am your ruler, and you will bow to me!”
The room went quiet. When people got past the shock, they started to disperse.
“What? Leaving because you’re intimidated? You can’t handle the power I will hold? Are you afraid of strength?”
Devon said more forcefully, “Lenna… please sit down. Just enjoy the celebration. I know you’re excited, but you’re scaring people…”
“What,” she snapped at him, “you think they can’t handle it? It’s all true. They’re going to have the best queen that has ever lived.”
“Please…”
With one last burst of energy, she shouted, “You’ll all see! I’ll be the best queen in the world, and you will bow to me!”
With everyone cleared out of the room, she left, and Devon followed her.
“Lenna!” he called. “Lenna! Can you stop, please?”
She did, still bouncing with energy.
“Will you listen to me? Please?”
“Sure. Of course. But only if you’re going to congratulate me.”
“I don’t know what’s going on, and I-I guess it’s none of my business. But it is my job right now to guide you. If you want to become a dependable queen, you can’t do things like that. You can’t… can’t… make yourself look like a lunatic. What I’m trying to say is… you’re not Queen yet. And if you want to be Queen, you have to be calm and gracious. You can’t have outbursts, even if it’s coming from excitement. Parliament watches these things. Especially after what has happened in the past, they want to make sure the ruler is stable.”
“I am stable. I feel better than I ever have. I’ll be the perfect queen.”
“Yes, I believe that… But since—”
“Devon!” Her face sobered. “I know you don’t want me to marry him, but here we are. He seems like as good a husband as any. We are going to be wed, and it will help me become that wonderful queen. That’s what you want for me, isn’t it? I know that this will work.” She shook his shoulders lightly and he drew a long breath.
“Yes, your Highness.”
Twenty
Now that Lenna was certain she would be Queen, she needed to fill the role. Her mother’s life as a queen had been different than Lenna wanted, but she there was no doubt she had been respected. Though Lenna did not care for Grace, Iva, and Damara, she couldn’t deny that having ladies in waiting made Fay seem more personable. Lenna did not need friends, but she could find a lady to look pretty at her side.
Fay had not met Grace until she moved to Haeden, but Iva and Damara had grown up with her in Amoretta. They were daughters of farmers and cooks who worked in the castle, not nobility in the slightest, but Fay liked them. Her mother told her that as children, she did not care about status. The two girls were good playmates and loyal friends. Lenna had that once, with Hael, Sierra, and Avery. She did not want to think of the innocent childhood she had lost with them. It wasn’t important now. She was ready for a fresh start.
Aside from people who could not become her lady in waiting, like Devon and Kendra, Lenna had no one left to appoint. Perhaps it was best to not have your friends as ladies anyway, she thought. She should be focusing on the rank and social appeal of the person, not whom she liked personally. She needed to choose wisely.
Normally, it would be acceptable for her to choose a relative, but Fay’s side of the family lived in Amoretta, and Ollivan’s younger brother and sister had marri
ed and moved to different countries. She had been surveying the noble women in the castle, and there were several she considered. The daughter of Duke Barwyn, Camille, was polite and familiar with the politics of the castle, but quite talkative. Lady Coron was quiet, which meant she wouldn’t be in Lenna’s way, but she was not too bright. She would ruin her image. There were several others who seemed like reasonable candidates, but none stood out.
Finally she remembered Vannette, the daughter of Lord Sinclair, who was in Parliament. She didn’t know much about her except that she was quiet and exceptionally smart, and that she always smiled at people she passed in the hallway. She would be an attractive partner.
Lenna found Vannette reading in a window nook in the hallway. When she got close, the woman didn’t notice. Lenna cleared her throat and she looked up, startled.
“I’m so sorry, your Highness, I didn’t see you there,” she said in her gentle voice as she stood.
“Hello, Vannette. I have to ask you something.”
Vannette nodded.
“As you may know, I am to be Queen.”
“Oh my, I hadn’t heard. That’s wonderful.”
“Well, it hasn’t been announced yet. But it’s true. So I need a lady in waiting. I thought you might be a good woman for the job.”
Vannette looked dumbfounded. “I—of course! I would be honored! Thank you so much, your Highness. Should I call you Lenna now?”
“No, I don’t think you should.”
“Oh, all right then. I’m sorry to have asked, your Highness.” She ran a hand through her rich auburn hair.
Lenna said, “Now, I don’t know much about you. I know you’re the daughter of a duke, and that could be enough. I’m going to be straightforward with you: I am very independent. I don’t need help with every little thing that I do, and I don’t want someone on my heels all day. I’m also not lonely. I don’t need a friend, I need a lady. So you can do your fancy party planning and all those odd jobs ladies seem to love, but you are not my shadow.”