by Vera Hollins
“How aggressive?”
“He hit our mom.”
My hand rushed to cover my mouth. “What?”
“We were arguing, and he was screaming so loud I was sure I would go deaf. Our mom barged into my room and tried to reason with him, and when he asked her for more money and she refused, he hit her.”
“I can’t believe this. He hit his own mother?”
She poked at her fry, grimacing. “Yep. And then I punched him in the face and almost broke his nose.” She put her head in her hands. “It was awful. He left after that and only returned at six this morning.”
“Have you tried suggesting rehab?”
“He doesn’t even want to hear about it.”
“So what are you going to do?”
She raised her head to look at me. “Take a pan and hit his face so hard it turns into a shovel face.”
I burst into giggles just as Hayden appeared with Sarah by his side.
“Why so serious?” he asked Mel. “You look like someone kicked the bucket.”
“Yep. My rat Pepito died, and now I don’t know what to do with my life,” she said dramatically with her hand raised in front of her, all previous worry gone from her face.
Once more, I was surprised by how quickly Mel could recover, or rather, hide her pain when needed. She never cried. She rarely harped on her problems, always pushed forward, and never said I can’t do it.
“You don’t have a rat,” Sar told her as she took a seat between Hayden and me and placed her tray on the table.
“I did when I was eight and thought it was cute to keep rats in the house. My mom flipped out when I came to our doorstep carrying a rat by its tail. Sadly, he died a tragic death.”
“What happened?” I asked.
She put two fries into her mouth. “Our cat Butcher ate him.”
Hayden raised his eyebrow while Sarah and I broke into laughter. “Butcher? Let me guess—he ate rats for breakfast,” he said.
“Exactly. He lived up to his name. He butchered all those rats in the neighborhood with no mercy.”
Sar and Hayden glanced at each other as if looking for the other’s reaction to this. Hayden squeezed her hand underneath the table and leaned in to leave a kiss on her forehead.
My heart swelled at the sight. Seriously, they were goals. They did these small signs of affection all the time, and I wasn’t sure they were even aware of it.
If I had to compare their relationship from six months earlier to their relationship now, it would be like comparing the sky to the earth. From enemies to a sweet couple everyone envied, starting with me. The way Hayden looked at Sarah was so intense that even I, an outsider, felt it, and the romantic in me craved experiencing that. I craved having someone look at me like I was his reason for his next heartbeat.
No. Not someone, but him.
As if I’d conjured him with my thoughts, Blake entered the cafeteria, but he wasn’t alone. He walked next to some girl, their bodies too close, and my stomach churned up a storm. It was hard not to notice how attractive she was, with her waist half the size of mine. His eyes found mine immediately, as if drawn to me, and it was like a kick in the gut. My pulse began drumming.
I tore my eyes away from them and met Hayden’s incisive gaze. I blushed and glanced at my food. I could feel him seeing right through me.
How long would this new girl last? One hour? Two?
“He changes them more often than I wash dishes,” I grumbled. I didn’t mean for it to be heard, but Hayden picked up on it, all right.
“Do you have a problem with that?” he asked.
His question hit too close to home. “I’m just curious as to why he doesn’t pick one,” I replied, trying to downplay it.
“Because he doesn’t want a relationship. He’s with those girls just for sex and nothing else.”
I frowned. “That doesn’t sound right.”
His face remained blank. “If Blake and his girls are enjoying it, who are you to judge?”
Were those girls actually enjoying it? What if they developed feelings for him?
“But why doesn’t he want a relationship?” The million-dollar question.
He stayed silent, and I could see from the corner of my eye that he was observing me over Sarah’s head. I couldn’t look back at him, feeling like I’d asked too much.
“Look, you’re Sarah’s friend, and if you get hurt, Sarah will get hurt too. So, I have to warn you—don’t waste your time on Blake. You’ll only get burned.”
Blush pervaded my face. I glanced sideways at him and opened my mouth to say I wasn’t interested in him, but Hayden beat me to it.
“Don’t deny it, because you’re too obvious.”
Talk about embarrassment. Okay then. Since it was already like this, I figured I might as well satisfy my curiosity.
“Let’s say hypothetically that I’m interested in him. Although, I’m absolutely not.” Mel snorted, and I glared at her. She snorted again. “I’m not interested,” I repeated. “But hypothetically, if I wanted to be with him, why would I get hurt?”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “Because he can’t love you. Satisfied now? There are reasons why he doesn’t date girls.”
Reasons. Not a reason, but reasons. My curiosity reached its highest peak, and I threw all my shame and caution away. “Reasons? What reasons?”
He looked away from me and reached for his pizza. “I’m not telling you that.”
He was unbelievable. Both Blake and him with their half-assed answers.
“The bottom line is that you better forget about him,” he concluded.
As if it was that easy. My gaze moved of its own volition and locked with Blake’s, who already observed me from his table, and my heart jolted in my chest.
Forget about Blake? I could only hope.
The rest of the week was uneventful, slowly bringing in Thursday night, which had my nerves humming with doubt. I was in luck when I told my parents Mel and I had to finish a school project and asked them to let me sleep over at her place because they didn’t question it one bit.
I wrestled with my contradicting thoughts during the entire ride to the track. I didn’t want to be near Blake, but at the same time, I wanted to know more about him. I wanted to put an end to the mystery that he was.
Why couldn’t he love? Why had he been so gentle in the basement? He’d clearly dropped his guard, just like on New Year’s Eve, but such drastic changes in his attitude gave me whiplash. Either he hated me or…
No. That was a dangerous way of thinking. It didn’t matter. However he felt didn’t matter, because I couldn’t get over everything he’d done to me.
Or could I? I didn’t know if I was capable of wiping the slate clean. He didn’t deserve me. He was obviously so full of anger, and I took the brunt of it, and for that sole reason, I knew I had to get away from him. He wasn’t good for my sanity…yet I wanted to help him.
“You’re awfully quiet,” Mel told me, her gaze unmoving from the dark road ahead. This area outside of Enfield was unfamiliar, dotted by woods that provoked fear and unease, and once more, I asked myself why I was going to a place where nothing good dwelled.
“I’m still not sure this is a good idea.”
“What exactly?”
“Prying into Blake’s business. I should stay away from him, not chase him.”
“You’re not chasing him.”
“I know, but I feel like I am. So what if he’s in a gang? That doesn’t concern me.”
Oh, what a lie that was. I even had nightmares that revolved around Blake’s life in the gang, and it made me want to wrap my arms around him and protect him somehow.
“Tell that to your heart,” Mel said as she headed down a bumpy pathway in the woods that only led us deeper and deeper into encompassing darkness.
After ten minutes of rocky ride, the forest gave way to a clearing filled with parked cars. In the distance, a crowd of people stood by what I assumed was a track, which ran arou
nd a farm.
Mel parked her Volvo next to a red Sedan, and we stepped out onto a thin layer of snow, greeted by the icy cold air. I shivered, but it wasn’t only because of the low temperature. Adrenaline pumped through me as I took in the people surrounding us.
They looked like the kind of people I would never willingly associate myself with. Most of them were dressed fully in black and wearing leather jackets, looking like they could crush me with their little finger if they wanted to. A lot of them were much older than us, with menace carved into their faces along with the scars that testified to cruelty.
Following Mel’s suggestion, I’d worn all black too, which allowed me to blend in easily. I double-checked that my phone was in my pocket in case something went wrong and followed Mel to a nearby group of guys.
Steven was the tallest of them and easily the loudest; his high-pitched laugh grated on my ears. Masen stood next to him with a cigarette in his hand as he talked to a short guy on his other side. Blake was nowhere in sight, and the ball of tension in my stomach shrunk a bit.
“Oh look. Here’s my nosy bodyguard,” Steven said out loud and pointed at Mel, the bruise on his nose impossible to miss.
The whole group turned to look at us, and I blushed to the roots of my hair. I got the urge to hide behind Melissa as they checked us out. Masen raised his eyebrows, clearly surprised to see me. I would have felt the same if I were him. I felt like a fish out of water here.
“Oh look, it’s the brain fart! Oops. I mean, my brother.”
The group burst out laughing, everyone except Steven, whose eyes turned into slits. “I told you not to come here.”
“Yeah? And I told you I don’t follow anyone’s orders. I just want to make sure you don’t break a bone or two.”
“Cue the eye roll,” Steven said to Masen, matching his smirk. He turned his gaze back to Mel. “Yes, Mommy. Anything else, Mommy?”
She slapped the back of his head. “Get serious, you jerk.”
“Ouch! Your signs of affection never fail to amaze me, sis. I wouldn’t be surprised if I woke up with bruises tomorrow.” He pointed at his nose. “You already gave me one.”
Mel grimaced but covered it quickly. “You’ll end up with broken bones or worse if you race while you’re this stoned.”
“Shiiit, Brooks. Why didn’t you tell us your sister was a savage?” The guy standing next to Masen winked at her. “So hot. I’d totally do you.”
Mel gave him a murderous glare that made even me shrink with apprehension.
“You don’t know what you’d be getting yourself into,” Masen said to him, his smirk long gone. “She’d chew you out before you even took your dick out.”
Mel fisted her hands. “Steven, give me your knife.”
Steven tipped his chin down. “And why would I do that?”
“Because I want to cut this asshole up,” she said with her glare fixed on Masen.
“Sheesh! They’re at each other’s throats, but the sexual tension between them is off the charts! Kinky,” a redhaired guy on Steven’s other side said to another guy. He smirked at Masen. “Why don’t you two blow off some steam in the back seat?”
If Mel was furious before, now I was sure she was on the path of becoming a murderer.
“Mel—” I started, wanting to reason with her, but she didn’t pay attention to me.
“And why don’t you shut up and stop sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong, you stupid asshole?” she bit out, ready to swing at him.
The redhead’s smile dropped, and he drew himself up to his full height. “What the…? I’m gonna knock this bitch out.”
He lunged at her, but before she could react, Masen slid in between them, surprising us all.
“Don’t do it, man,” he told him. Mel’s eyes widened and went down Masen’s arm, which was now placed against her waist and holding her behind him. She inched away from the contact, but she kept looking between his arm and the back of his head, her lips parted.
Steven moved to stand next to Masen as he finally decided to side with Mel. “Yeah. Don’t mess with my lil’ sis.”
“You’re defending this chick?” the ginger asked Masen through his teeth.
Masen snorted. “I’m defending you from her. Ending up in the ER because of this nutcase isn’t worth it.”
The confusion on Mel’s face was replaced by fury, and she spat at Masen’s feet. “Go to hell and drown in the hottest pits of fire.” She grabbed my hand and dragged me away from the hollering group.
“Oh yeah? I’ll make sure to drown you in those pits first,” he shouted, his murderous glare following us all the way to Mel’s car.
She let go of my hand and hit the hood of her car with her fist. “Jackasses! They are all jackasses.”
Worry sprouted in my chest as I observed her quietly. She was so full of anger. It was almost tangible.
“Don’t take it to heart.” I placed my hand on her shaking shoulder. Her white-hot rage wasn’t healthy at all. “They’re not worth it.”
She pressed her fists against the hood, clenching them so hard her knuckles turned white. “It’s just that…it’s not fair. I hate that kind of people. I hate all of them. The world would be a better place if people like them didn’t exist.”
I flinched at her venomous tone. “It’s just that they don’t know any better.”
She snorted. “They don’t want to know better. They just enjoy living their miserable lives and bullying others.”
“Don’t be so judgmental, Mel.”
“I’m not judgmental. I’m a realist.”
She was more like a pessimist, but I didn’t tell her that. The truth was that sometimes she had to back off and refuse to engage, but she never considered that possibility. She could be too explosive, and her anger issues got the best of her far too often.
“Anyway.” She took a deep breath and exhaled it before she faced me with a gigantic smile. “I’d have totally broken that guy’s nose if I’d gotten the chance. I’d have made pudding out of him!” She swung her fist around in the air, going for a comical effect.
She was back to old Mel pretty quickly, too used to putting a mask on, and it only made my heart ache for her more. I wanted to help her get rid of her demons, but how could I help someone who refused help? Whenever I tried to talk about it with her, she dismissed me and said she was completely fine. She always told Sar and me to open up, but she never opened up herself.
A few cars parked nearby, and I raised my head in time to see Blake stop his red Dodge Challenger Hellcat about fifty yards away from us. He hadn’t even gotten out of his car and a group of girls already flocked around his car, half of them wearing black leather skirts and leather jackets that fit their perfectly proportioned bodies like a glove. I pushed my envy aside and willed myself to remember I should embrace the differences between our bodies and stop being so bitter.
Blake got out of his car. He looked immensely attractive with his spiky dark hair, the sides shaved close, and black clothes that added to his appeal. Two girls attached themselves to him as if pulled by a magnet.
Before I could look away, he glanced over and caught my gaze, and even with the distance between us, I could see he was surprised to see me here. I dragged my gaze back to Mel, definitely feeling like I was here chasing him.
“I’m surprised a good girl like you is here. You look nice tonight,” a voice said into my ear, and I jumped back. I came face to face with Steven, who had left his friends to join us.
“She always looks nice, moron,” Mel told him.
I stepped away from him, but he closed the gap between us immediately, and my stomach coiled. He reeked of what I assumed was weed.
“But tonight, she looks even better. Wanna have some fun with me after the race?” He put his hand on my shoulder as he leaned close to my face. “I feel all lonely, and I need someone to warm my car seat. So what do you say, doll?” He winked at me.
I shifted away from him once more, breaking our cont
act. “I’m not interested.”
Mel scowled at him. “Last time I checked, junkies don’t score high on the attractive-boys scale. Maybe you’d stand a chance with her after you clean up your act, but for dating, not fucking, you jerk.” She smacked the back of his head for the second time this evening. “Although, I wouldn’t suggest she date you even then, considering your horrible personality.”
“Will you shut up already? You’re yapping all the time. And what’s with the hitting? I’m not a punching bag, so chillax.” He flashed me a smile that gave me the creeps. “So, doll, what’s it gonna be?”
“I’m really not…” My voice trailed off as I met Blake’s glare from where he stood only a few feet away.
“So?” Blake cocked his head to the side, not taking his eyes off of me even once. “Are you with Brooks too?”
Anger choked off my reply, but still, my heart missed a beat or two because of his obvious jealousy.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Mel asked him, placing her hands on her hips.
“It means I’m not talking to you, clown face,” Blake told her, but his eyes remained on mine.
“What the hell did you just call me now?”
Steven burst into chuckles. “Clown face! I like that. I’ll be using that often from now on.”
“Go back to those girls and stay away from Jess,” Mel said, stepping in front of me to protect me from Blake, but for the first time ever, I didn’t appreciate the gesture or her words. I could see it in Blake’s eyes—the same feeling that now churned in my chest: disappointment.
Once more, I was unable to fight back. Once more, someone else was fighting my battles. Once more, I was a coward.
I stepped to the side so Mel wasn’t shielding me anymore. “You’re asking me if I’m with Steven? Then what about you? Are you with some unknown girl, number five hundred?” I fired off the first thing that came to my mind and motioned with my head toward the girl who had been wrapped around him just a minute before. “What a hypocrite.”
His eyes flashed with liquid anger, but he didn’t say anything. Instead, he pulled me after him.