by Vera Hollins
“So, the sunflower field?” I asked.
“The sunflower field.” He leaned in and captured my lips. The kiss was languid, until he deepened it and stole my breath. Always hungry for his kisses, I cupped his face and pressed myself closer to him. We separated moments later, both gasping for air.
“You know I’m addicted to your kisses, right?” I told him as I started my car.
“You know I’m addicted to you, right?” His sensual voice did something strange to my core.
I giggled as I pulled out of the parking lot. “Now I do. How was your session?”
“As usual, boring as fuck but necessary. She was glad to hear about you. She thinks I’ll be able to deal with my PTSD symptoms more easily now that you’re by my side. Support and all that.” I truly hoped so. I wanted to be of help to him. “And how was your session?”
“It was okay. I like talking to Susan.”
“Yeah? Why?”
“Because she always makes me feel calmer and closer to accepting myself the way I am.” I smiled and accelerated, passing the car in front of us. “She’s satisfied with my progress.”
He placed his hand over mine on the gear stick. “I love the way you are,” he said gently, and I glanced at him. There was longing and a slight hint of regret in his expression. “I wish I could erase my insults and fix the damage, but as I told you, that’s not possible. So, I’ll show you each day how special and beautiful you are. I really don’t care how much you weigh. I just want you happy.”
I smiled at him, wishing I could pull him into a crushing hug. “I know. I mean, it still feels a bit unusual since you called me fat until recently, but you can compensate by telling me how pretty I am and how much you love me a hundred times a day.” I winked.
He laughed. “That’s nothing. Let’s make it three hundred times.”
“Three hundred and fifty times.”
“Deal.” I giggled, and he planted a quick kiss on my cheek. “You were never ugly or fat to me. If you could only see yourself the way I see you, I’m sure you’d never doubt yourself again.”
“I bet all you see are my big boobs and butt,” I joked.
He chuckled. “I can’t deny that. They’re sexy as hell.” He stroked my hair, running his fingers through the strands slowly.
“Hey, you’re distracting me.”
“I love distracting you,” he said in his sexy, low voice, which sent a shot of pleasure through my belly. He didn’t stop teasing me the rest of our ride, and I was almost tempted to pull over and have him kiss me again and again long before we reached our destination.
There was still enough light when I parked at the same spot as the last time, a few feet away from the sunflower field sign, and I could see everything I hadn’t been able to that night.
The whole area was decorated by vivid wildflowers, and the trees in the distance had just started to leaf. It was a peaceful view. I jumped out of the car and skipped over to the edge of the field, mesmerized by the budding nature and the darkening colors of the sky. The earthy fragrance was overpowering, widening the smile on my face.
“Jessie?”
“Yes?” I turned around, and he snapped a photo of me with his new iPhone.
His eyes warmed as he looked at the image. He smiled. “Perfect.”
Giggling, I ran to him and wound my arms around his neck. He’d been taking photos of me every day. “You are perfect. But won’t you get bored of taking my picture? You already have so many of them.”
He grinned. “Are you complaining?”
I bit my lip as my smile stretched. “Not at all.” I kissed him and gave myself over to the warmth that blossomed in me each time our lips connected. His lips were soft, so soft, creating music with mine in my mind, an uplifting song that talked about two lovers finally united in light.
When I pulled away, we were both dazed and panting. He hugged me and put my head on his chest, letting me soak in his closeness.
“I’m so happy, Blake,” I whispered as I looked at the vacant field that would soon be full of beautiful sunflowers. It would change. Just like Blake and me.
“Me too. I’m happier than I ever thought I would be. Hell, I never thought I’d be happy to begin with.”
I raised my head to look at him. “But here we are. We went through hell, but we’ve survived, and now we have each other.”
He cupped my cheek and laced his other hand in my hair. “It’s strange. I never thought I would have this, and now that I do…”
“Yes?”
“I want to protect it at all costs.” He took my hand and pulled me to my car. “There’s something I want to tell you.”
We sat on the hood next to each other. A bird chirped in the distance, adding to the peaceful melody of nature with no cars passing to ruin it.
“I wasn’t afraid of death. After Emma died, I didn’t have any other reason to live except my revenge, and I thought if I died, it would be okay. I would be free of trauma and pain. But in that house, with you next to me, I was afraid to die for the first time. I was afraid to leave you, and my last thought before I passed out was how I wished I could see you again.”
A bittersweet feeling crushed my chest. I interlaced my fingers with his. I would never forget that moment, the shine in his eyes as he told me he loved me before the current of death dragged him away.
“I got a second chance at life, and I don’t want to waste a second of it. I don’t want to lose you. I want to see you. Your smile. Your beautiful eyes. Want to hear your sweet laughter. Your songs. I want all that and so much more, which is why I’ve decided to accept admission to Columbia. I want to go to New York with you.”
My pulse doubled. I grabbed him by his forearms, ready to squeal and jump in excitement. “Really?”
He smiled. “Really.”
“Really, really?”
He chuckled. “Mhmm.”
“Yes!” I pumped my fist in the air and planted a loud kiss on his lips. “Yes, yes, yes!” He laughed as I peppered his face with kisses. “We’re both going to New York!”
“Yep. I mean, I don’t know if law is my thing since I’ve never cared about anything, but I have to start with something. Maybe it will turn out that I like it.”
I licked my lips as I conjured up an image of Blake dressed in a suit in a courtroom. “Mmm, you would be a sexy litigator.”
He cocked his eyebrow. “Who told you I was going to be a litigator? Maybe I’m going to be a prosecutor and put motherfucking bastards behind bars.”
“Even better. You’re going to punish all those murderers and look sexy while you do it.” My smile dropped at the sudden reminder of his ties to the gang. “But wait…what about the gang?”
He grew serious. “That’s another thing I wanted to tell you. I talked to T last night.”
I raised my eyebrows. “You did?”
“Yes. I talked to him about leaving the gang.”
My heart kicked against my ribs. “Will they jump you out?”
His lips curled at one corner. “Not really.”
At first, I thought I’d heard him wrong. “No? But how? Why?”
He gazed softly at me. “Remember the scar underneath my tattoo?”
The round spot that looked like a bullet scar. “Yes.”
“I got it when someone tried to kill T a while ago. I was standing next to him when it happened, so I reacted out of instinct and shielded him, taking the bullet for him.”
I gaped at him. “You took a bullet for him?”
He half-smiled. “Crazy, right? I still don’t know why I did it. Maybe that was me trying to end my miserable life, or maybe I was actually trying to protect him. Either way, he owed me, and he said if I ever wanted out, he would let me go. A life for a life. But I didn’t want out because life there helped me keep my mind off my problems and deal with anxiety. But more importantly, it allowed me to dig deeper for Bobby Q and his guys.” He gazed at the dark sky that was now decorated with a few stars. “When Hayd
en wanted out, I went to T and told him to let Hayden leave instead of me. But he didn’t want to hear it, said it didn’t work that way. I couldn’t help Hayden.”
My heart ached. He was ready to do anything for the people he cared about. Emma. Hayden. Me.
“But in the end, it turned out to be a good thing,” I told him, and he looked at me. “Because Hayden survived, and you can get out without consequences.”
“Right. So, now I’m officially out of the gang. I’m free.”
Yes, yes, yes! I began bouncing up and down on the hood, laughing like a maniac. He didn’t have to risk his life. He was free.
“YES!” I smacked my hands together. “We have to celebrate this!”
“Definitely.” He smiled and placed his hand on my waist, his gaze full of adoration. “You’re amazing, you know that?”
“Not more than you.”
“No, you’re the most amazing. The sweetest, most caring, most addictive…” His lips brushed my cheek softly. “You gave me your heart and helped me when I needed help the most, no questions asked. I’ll never forget that moment in the school basement when you helped me with my panic attack.” He cradled my head with his hands. “Maybe that’s what made me fall in love with you.” His voice dropped to a whisper.
I sucked in a breath, my eyes dropping to his lips before he kissed me, tasting me slowly. My whole being was filled with love for him that increased every day. Each day, he gave me a new reason to be happy, and I could finally fully understand Sarah’s words from her birthday party.
Love is resilient. It can be born on ground filled with hatred and negativity and still survive. It can change a person, and seeing Blake finally allowing himself to heal and be happy, I understood that love isn’t just about the entrapment. It isn’t just about the unwanted feelings that keep you in a place you want to escape from. It can also be about healing and second chances. It can be about a door into a new world that allows us to grow and come out stronger than ever.
In the midst of all-consuming negativity, our hearts had managed to find their way to each other. We’d managed to find a shelter from all the pain and nurture our love, and now we were free to love each other with no bounds to keep us shackled.
His eyes were almost as dark as the sky above when he drew away to look at me. His hands roamed up and down my arms languidly. “So, if I’m really that amazing, what do I get for it?”
I put my finger on my lips, pretending to think. “Hm. A dozen kisses?”
His eyes twinkled with amusement. “And?”
I tipped my chin down. “And? Let’s see…sex?”
He chuckled and ran his finger over my lower lip. “Tons of it, yes. And?”
I chuckled in disbelief. “You want more?”
He grinned. “Absolutely.”
“I’ll let you beat me at Monopoly again.”
“I won that fair and square, but sure, I’d love to win again. So? What else?”
My smile was enormous. “Okay, I get it. You want me to sing for you.”
His smoldering gaze made me so warm. “Bingo.”
My heart began to pound in my chest. My performance anxiety came to the surface, but I’d promised I would sing for him today, and I wanted to see awe in his eyes as I played my new song for him.
I slid off the hood and opened the rear door to retrieve my new guitar from the back seat. “Promise you won’t laugh.” I sat back down next to him, holding the guitar in my hands.
He cocked his head to the side. “Like I laughed the first two times I heard you sing?”
My cheeks went red. “I know you didn’t laugh, but I’m nervous, and while I know you wouldn’t, it doesn’t hurt to remind you to—”
He interrupted my rambling by pressing his lips to mine, giving me a long, warm kiss, and my toes curled.
“Don’t ever be nervous in front of me.” His words were a warm whisper upon my skin. Our gazes locked. “I love you, Jessie.”
And just like that, my anxiety was gone. I rested my fingers on the strings, and my lips curled into a smile. “I love you too.”
I played the first few notes tentatively, then more confidently, and the poignant tune poured out into the night air. I fixed my gaze on his, moved by the stars in his eyes that matched the ones dotting the sky, soaking in this moment.
No matter what tomorrow might bring, it was all right. We were going to overcome all the lows one by one. And I was ready for it.
You and I are like flowers
That bloom at night
Courageous, teasing
Opposing the dark
Shining our own light
And it’s mesmerizing, enticing
The way you watch me move
Like the sunrays on your skin
Like the love that you give
The flames flicker in the dark
Creating a path of light
That bursts through hearts filled with love
And ends our happiness drought
And it’s heaven, the way you kiss my skin
Making my heart go wild
And I feel free
I’m becoming stronger
The flames flicker in the dark
Creating a path of light
That bursts through hearts filled with love
And ends our happiness drought
And it’s heaven, the way you kiss my skin
Making my heart go wild
And I’m freed…
Stronger than ever
Important PTSD disclaimer:
Blake isn’t a representation of all people with PTSD, and this author’s intention wasn’t to portray this disorder or people with PTSD in a negative way. Each person with PTSD experiences their condition in their own way, and PTSD symptoms and their frequency/intensity may vary from person to person.
As shown in my cameo in chapter twenty-five, the titles of the Bullied series hold yet another special meaning. Blake’s condition is post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD. The first letters of Pained, Trapped, Scarred, and Damaged spell PTSD.
Thank you for joining Jessica and Blake’s emotional ride and for reaching the end. I hope Trapped helped you get through difficult times and put a smile on your face. Trapped is for all of you who feel insecure or unhappy with yourself. It’s for all of you who feel there is no way out of the shackles that prevent you from going on, for all of you who want to make your dreams come true but just don’t know how or don’t feel strong enough.
Just remember that happiness and strength lie within you. You shine your own light, and your uniqueness is the true beauty, so be yourself and keep going. One day, everything will come to its place.
In the end, here is a quote from me:
“Follow your heart and believe in yourself because you don’t lose when you fail. You lose when you give up.”
Jessica and Blake’s story has ended, but there is one more story in the Bullied series. Stay tuned for Melissa and Masen’s story in book five, Scarred.
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This time I want to begin by thanking my readers—my great pillar of support. I feel very grateful for each and every one of you and for your highly encouraging messages, comments, and reviews. Thank you for the time you put into reading my books and for your enthusiasm about my characters and their world. Your encouragement always pushes me forward. <3
To all bloggers: thank you for taking a chance on my books and for helping them reach more readers. There are a lot of books out there and so little time, which makes me appreciate everything you’re doing all the more.
To my beta readers Auni Borhan, Rita Joana Gonçalves, Rachel Domingos, Breannca Bussert, Jean Manoti, and Mehvish Azmi: thank you for your very helpful responses and suggestions!
To my ARC team: you’re so amazing and supportive! I can’t thank you enough for helping my books get discovered.
To Caitlin from Editing by C. Marie and Stacey from Champagne Book Design, thank you for your excellent work.
To Catreena: thank you very much for all your posts. I really appreciate your time and effort.
To my FB reading group Evil Bunnies: you’re always so wonderful, and I feel so lucky to have you as my readers. Thank you for your continuous support and enthusiasm!
And to my love and number one fan, Rasha, thank you for always cheering me on and believing in me. Love you lots.
Vera Hollins is the author of the Bullied series, which has amassed over 40 million reads online since 2016. She loves writing emotional, dark, and angsty love stories that deal with heartbreak, mental and social issues, and finding light in darkness.
She’s been writing since she was nine, and before she knew it, it became her passion and life. She particularly likes coffee, bunnies, angsty romance, and anti-heroes. When she’s not writing, you can find her reading, plotting her next book with as many twists as possible, and watching YouTube.
Read more at www.verahollins.com.