by Amy Ruttan
Her pregnancies had never gone this far. She had never seen the heart flicker and flutter like that, so she couldn’t stop the tears from coming.
“So my original prediction of gestational age is correct. You’re eight weeks along. Congratulations.” Dr. Murdoch flicked off the machine and wiped her belly. “I take it Mr. Davis is the father, since he seems to be a bit shell-shocked as well.”
Kody nodded. “Yes. Yes. I am.”
“Congratulations to the both of you. I’ll leave you alone, but, Sandra, make an appointment with your OB/GYN fast. If what you say about your past fertility history is correct, you’re a high-risk pregnancy. You can’t work long hours in the ER if you want to keep this baby,” Burt warned.
Dr. Murdoch left and Sandra let it all sink in. He was right. There was no way she could work now, but how the heck was she going to support herself or the baby? And she didn’t expect anything from Kody. She could take care of herself. She always had since her parents’ death.
She was going to have to go on light rotation. Maybe work in the clinic so she could support herself and the baby.
If it lasts.
There was a part of her that was terrified of the stark reality that this pregnancy might not last and she couldn’t get too attached.
“You’re pregnant,” Kody said, a bit dumbfounded.
“Yeah,” she responded dryly. “I was told this would never happen and, really, it might not last.”
His brow furrowed and he frowned. “Why would you say that?”
“I’ve never had a pregnancy last long.”
“Think positive.”
“That’s easy for you to say. You’ve never lost a child!”
* * *
He instantly regretted the words when he said them. She was right: he’d never lost a child. He’d lost Jenny, but Lucy was still with him. The only thing that came close to what Sandra was feeling, or felt, was before the cancer diagnosis, when they’d thought Jenny had been pregnant and it had turned out to be stage four ovarian cancer.
They had thought they were expanding their family. He’d got used to the idea of another baby, but then it had been cancer, so, even though it wasn’t the same depth of loss that Sandra had experienced, he was no stranger to pain.
He was no stranger to the hope of a new baby, only to have it taken away.
“I’m sorry, but I tend to think positive.” Kody helped her stand up. “I think you should go home.”
“I suppose so, but my patients...”
“There are other doctors that can take care of your patients. Until you see your OB/GYN you’re going to go home and rest. I can have Robbie drive the rig back and I’ll drive you home.” It was a statement rather than an offer. He was going to drive her back home and make sure she was okay. She might not need him, but, after all, this was his baby too.
“And what about your daughter?”
“She’s with her grandparents for the weekend. I was working back-to-back night shifts and my sister couldn’t watch her. She’s fine. I can take you home and make sure you’re comfortable.”
And he was pretty sure they had a lot to talk about.
He was still in shock that she was pregnant. There were a lot of things he’d been expecting about the possibility of seeing Sandra again. Since their night together he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her. And he’d realized he missed seeing her.
He’d been hoping they would have dinner and talk; her fainting because she was pregnant with his child was not one of the possibilities that he’d imagined. This was the furthest thing from his wildest dreams.
Sandra got to her feet and he held her steady. She was still a bit dizzy; he could tell by the way she was moving.
“Maybe I should get you a wheelchair?” he offered.
She glared at him. “I’m perfectly capable of walking to the attendings’ lounge, to collect my things from my locker and walk out of this hospital.”
“You’re sure?” he asked. “It seems like you still have some vertigo.”
“Yes.”
Kody wasn’t so sure. “I’m going to tell Robbie that I’m taking you home. I’ll meet you outside the attendings’ lounge in a few minutes, okay?”
Sandra nodded and made her way out of the exam room.
Kody tried to smooth down his hair when he caught a glimpse of it standing on end in the mirror. How was he going to tell Robbie the reason why he was taking Dr. Sandra Fraser home? He hadn’t told anyone what had happened between him and Sandra, because it wasn’t anyone else’s business, but people were going to find out sooner or later.
They were going to find out about their stolen night of passion in that cabin when they’d been stranded from the flooding.
Robbie was loitering at the charge station and talking to his girlfriend. He straightened when he saw Kody.
“Whoa, what happened? Did the patient die?” Robbie asked.
“No, he’s fine... It’s Dr. Fraser.”
“Oh, what did she do now?” Robbie asked.
“I’m going to drive her home. She’s really not well and she has no one to help her. I just want to make sure she gets home okay. Are you okay to take the rig back to the station?”
“Sure.”
“Thanks, Robbie.” Kody turned and walked back toward the attendings’ lounge, relieved that had gone better than he’d thought it would. He’d thought Robbie would question him, because Robbie had always teased him about having a crush on Sandra.
Which wasn’t a lie.
He did. And their one stolen night had only intensified his feelings for her, but they had both made it clear that night it was only to be a one-time thing.
This pregnancy just complicated a lot of things.
* * *
Sandra was sitting outside the lounge and looked annoyed.
“You ready?” he asked.
“You’re sure about this?” she asked.
“Positive. You can’t drive yourself and you need to get home and rest.”
Sandra nodded. “Fine. I’m not happy about it, but fine.”
Kody chuckled and followed her out of the hospital to the parking lot. She led him to her new SUV. It was cherry red and was a definite upgrade from the one he’d rescued her from.
“That’s an improvement to your old SUV,” he said as she handed him the keys.
“Yes. I’m happy with it, but I do miss my old SUV. That vehicle got me from California to Texas. It had sentimental value.”
Kody opened her door and made sure she was seated and then took his spot in the driver’s seat. He had to adjust the seat because she was only five foot eight and he was six-one. He needed a little bit more legroom.
He adjusted the mirrors and then started the ignition.
“You’ll have to remind me where you live again. I have a vague idea of what direction to head in.”
“Just follow the GPS.” She punched in something and a map showed up on the console, directing him to her home.
“Cool!”
“It is...” She trailed off and then sighed. “Kody, I want you to know if I thought there was any inkling that I could get pregnant I would’ve asked for protection or not given in to the passion I was also feeling.”
He nodded. “I understand and I would’ve protested too. I’m sorry for my part in it.”
“I’m not sorry that I’m pregnant. I’m worried about losing the baby, but it’s something I’ve wanted for a long time. It’s just not how I pictured it.”
“Me neither.” Then he cleared his throat. “I mean, I thought I wouldn’t have any more children. I didn’t ever want to get married again after losing Jenny. It was never in the plans to settle down again. It was just going to be Lucy and me. I am happy about the baby, though.”
“I’m not asking you to marry me,” Sandra
said gently.
And he was embarrassed for implying that she expected a proposal from him. He hadn’t expected that from her. He knew that she was dealing with her own demons, her divorce and unsuccessful fertility treatments.
“I never thought you were,” he said. “I’m sorry for implying it, but I want you to know that it’s my baby too and I’m going to help in any way that I can.”
“I appreciate that.” Her voice trembled. “I just... I don’t think it will last. They never do.”
“Okay, but let’s take it one day at a time. When you get home, leave a message with your OB/GYN and see if you can get in tomorrow afternoon. I’ll take you to that appointment and we’ll get things checked out. Don’t focus on the future, but one day at a time.”
“That’s hard for me to do. As a surgeon—especially a trauma surgeon—I have to think fifteen steps ahead. I always have to look toward the inevitable.”
“I respect that. Paramedics and first responders do too, but, for now, let’s just take it one day at a time. Baby steps.”
“Ha-ha...good pun,” she said dryly, and he laughed.
“Not intended, but, yes, I suppose that is pun-derful.” He winked.
Sandra groaned and then laughed. “Well, until I pass out of the danger zone, I don’t want to tell anyone. I know that you’ll eventually need to talk to your daughter, but... I would hate to disappoint her or upset her needlessly if this doesn’t pan out.”
Kody nodded. “I agree. We’ll keep it to ourselves for now.”
He really didn’t know how he was going to tell Lucy. Lucy didn’t remember Jenny, not really, and he knew that she would be thrilled to have a little brother or sister, but it was Jenny’s parents. They still grieved their daughter and he couldn’t imagine starting a family, a life, with someone who wasn’t Jenny.
It would break Myrtle’s and Ted’s hearts and he couldn’t do that to them.
He wasn’t sure what he was going to tell them.
Jenny might have told him to move on after she died, but he hadn’t, and he wasn’t sure that he could. He was kicking himself for giving in to that moment of temptation, because he liked Sandra Fraser, and if things had been different she was definitely the type of woman he would be interested in.
She reminded him of Jenny in some ways and other ways not at all, but he liked that about her. There were so many admirable qualities about Sandra Fraser.
She’s off-limits. Remember?
And he had to keep reminding himself of that, but then there was the baby and he had to do right by Sandra and his unborn child.
No matter how conflicted his heart was.
His child came first.
* * *
Sandra was really glad that the cleaning lady had come through and Kody’s first impression of her home wasn’t going to be of a jungle of stuff.
Not that she had a lot of stuff, but still. She wasn’t always the most organized, even on the best of days.
She unlocked the door and her body relaxed, because all she wanted to do was sleep, but she had to let Kody in to use her phone or at the very least wait for a cab or his sister to come and pick him up.
Although, he could take her car and if he promised to come back and get her the next day for her OB/GYN appointment, then he wouldn’t have to wait around, but she had a feeling that she wouldn’t be able to push Kody off tonight.
They had a lot to talk about.
She had felt a little embarrassed when he’d brought up the subject of not wanting to marry again and she hoped that he didn’t think that was what she expected, because that was far from the truth. She didn’t expect him to pop the question; she didn’t want to get married.
There was no way she wanted to open her heart up to a mess like that again.
Who says marrying Kody would be a mess?
He was nothing like Alex. Alex had been just as charming as Kody, but it was different. Kody was a different kind of charming than Alex was. When she’d first met Kody she’d thought his charm labeled him as something he wasn’t and nothing could be further from the truth. She’d been wrong about Kody.
Kody was genuine and Alex was not supportive. She knew that now.
Still, Kody was off-limits. She’d promised herself that she was never going to get married again. It was just going to be her, and now...well, it was hard for her to even think about it. It was hard for her even to begin to hope that it would work out.
She couldn’t let herself think about it.
She’d been disappointed so many times before.
“So this is your place?” he asked as she opened the door and he followed in behind her.
“Yes, I got it at a fairly decent price. It was pretty abandoned and run-down when I bought it. I took a couple of months off when I first moved to Austin and did some of the work myself, but then realized that I suck at home renovations and hired people.”
Kody chuckled. “So what did you actually do in here?”
“I did lay down the vinyl plank flooring. It was easy, though.” She shut her front door and locked it.
Kody squatted and touched her floor. “Huh, I thought it was wood. Vinyl plank flooring is something I’ve never heard of.”
“It’s waterproof. Good for floods. Not that I’ve had any experience with that.”
They both laughed at that and then an awkward silence fell between them.
“Can I get you something to drink?” she asked.
“I’m good.”
“You must be hungry, though. You just got off shift.”
“I am that. How about you? Are you hungry? You have to keep your strength up.”
Sandra was going to say no, but then her stomach betrayed her. “I guess that I am.”
“Do you have any eggs? I can make an omelet or some scrambled eggs with toast.”
“I do.” She led Kody into the kitchen, flicking on the lights and opening the fridge, but her head began to spin and Kody’s arms went around her, steadying her. They were strong and made her feel safe.
They made her feel secure.
Don’t get used to it.
If she lost the baby, Kody wouldn’t be so attentive. And she’d be alone again. She had to prepare herself for that and not get attached.
“You okay?” he asked gently. “You started to sway.”
“It was the scent of all that food. It was a bit overwhelming.”
“You sit down. I can find my way around your kitchen and I’m going to make some ginger decaf tea. Something my grandmother always made when Sally and I were kids and our stomachs were feeling a bit wonky.”
“I’d like that.” Sandra sat down at her kitchen table. It was a booth seat with a large table, and it overlooked a large picture window out into the meadow. Of course, right now all she could see was darkness, but there was a pink tinge to the sky and the sun would be rising right in front of her.
Kody was rifling through her cupboards and soon had everything started. The smell of butter melting in the pan for the scrambled eggs didn’t make her stomach protest and whatever tea he was brewing smelled divine.
She was looking forward to partaking.
The toaster popped and Kody set a piece of toast on a plate, then spooned out yellow fluffy eggs on top and set it down in front of her with a fork and knife.
“I’ll be back with the tea,” he announced. He poured the fragrant tea into a mug and set it in front of her.
“Mmm...it smells so good.”
He smiled, pleased, and returned to sit next to her with his plate of eggs and toast and mug of tea for himself.
“I used to make this...” He trailed off.
“You can tell me about Jenny. I promise, it’s okay. I know that you loved her, and I want you to feel comfortable talking about her to me.” Which was true. And she was curious about her.
“I appreciate that.” There was a gentle timbre to his voice, and she knew that he valued it.
“So, you made this for your late wife? Did she have morning sickness?”
“The worst, but this meal used to calm her stomach down,” he said.
Sandra took a sip of the tea. “That’s wonderful.”
“Something my grandma learned from her mother and so on and so on. I learned a lot of wilderness medicine from my grandmother. She was full-blood Cherokee and even though she had to hide what she was learning from a lot of people, she still learned it, nonetheless. She didn’t want to lose the knowledge, so I tried to learn what I could from her before she died.”
“What else did you learn?”
“Brewing cedar leaves can help with iron deficiency, as well as other things, or at least that’s what my grandmother told me. I don’t know if there’s scientific proof, but that’s what she did.”
“Good to know. It must be nice to have that kind of knowledge passed down to you. I know next to nothing about my biological parents.”
“What about your adoptive parents?” Kody asked.
Sandra smiled as she thought about them. “They were both fifty when they adopted me. They were older, but they were the best parents a girl could ask for. They encouraged me to pursue medicine and taught me to stick up for myself and fight back. They taught me my gender didn’t define me.”
And she was sad thinking about that, because before she’d met Alex she had been a strong woman. She’d learned to speak up, to think for herself. And then slowly, over time, she was letting Alex speak for her. He became her voice, even though her mother had told her not to let that happen.
And then she’d struggled to have a child and Alex had questioned her as a woman.
When had she let her life spiral out of control? Even if she wanted to stop the tears from flowing, she couldn’t. She broke down.
Kody wrapped an arm around her and just held her. It was exactly what she needed in that moment and she was glad that she hadn’t sent Kody home.