by Amy Ruttan
She was scared of being rejected again. She’d been rejected her whole life. Her birth parents didn’t want her and neither did Alex in the end.
People were constantly leaving her and, as much as she wanted a family, as much as she wanted Kody and loved him, she was terrified of losing him. She was terrified that he was going to walk out of her life, so she’d helped push him out, but she knew that he was afraid too and she didn’t know how to reach him.
She didn’t know if there was room in his heart for anyone but his late wife.
“I’ll check on you later,” Megan said. “You try to rest.”
“I’ll try.”
Megan left and Sandra grabbed her briefcase. She pulled out the genetic report that she’d shoved in there. She opened it up and saw that low blood pressure and anemia were two things she’d inherited.
Diabetes was also indicated.
She learned that she was 70 percent Dutch and 30 percent French, which made her smile. The Dutch thing was unexpected, but it was neat to see on the map where her ancestors were from. Also, a common surname that seemed to pop up was Rutant.
It was such a French surname compared to the surname of her adoptive parents, which was decidedly Scottish, but one thing it did, she thought, staring at her genetic report and reading about the DNA sequences that made up her, was give her roots. It gave her a sense of belonging and it was something she could share with her baby.
She knew something about where she came from. The next step was to check out that letter about her adoption record. Hopefully, they’d been able to contact her parents and see if they were willing to tell her more.
But as Kody always said, she was going to take it one day at a time.
She hoped that Kody would come back so she could clear the air. She wanted to move forward. She wanted him to know that she wasn’t going to hold him back and if he wasn’t ready for a relationship, she understood, but she was going to tell him how she felt.
She was tired of hiding who she was.
She was tired of hiding behind the walls she’d built. It was lonely there. She was afraid to take a chance, but she was ready to put Alex and everything behind her.
She was ready to go forward into the future. Whatever that might be.
* * *
Kody took a deep breath and headed up the steps to his in-laws’. He was pretty sure that Lucy had probably already told them that she was going to be a big sister, and he owed it to Ted and Myrtle to tell them about Sandra.
He owed it to Jenny and he owed it to Sandra and most of all he owed it to himself.
In order to move forward he had to make room in his heart for Sandra. If she would have him. If she ever forgave him. He’d taken out his fear on her. When he’d seen her collapse, he’d been terrified of losing her and the baby.
He wasn’t sure Sandra could ever forgive him.
And if she didn’t, he’d still be there for her, for the baby. The most important thing to do now was tell Myrtle and Ted about Sandra.
And it wasn’t that he had to make room in his heart for Sandra—he already had. Jenny had wanted him to move on, but he knew that it would be hard for her parents and he didn’t relish telling them and letting them down.
If he didn’t really want to be with her, he wouldn’t have fallen for her the way he did. Others had tried to set him up on dates since Jenny had died, but none of those dates had ever led anywhere.
With Sandra, he had been sucked in and he loved her.
He wanted to be a family with her, Lucy and the new baby. As long as he hadn’t ruined everything. And if he did ruin something, he was going to spend as long as he could making it right.
He just hoped that Myrtle and Ted understood.
When he walked into their home they were sitting in their living room and he could hear Lucy in their den, watching television. She had her headphones on and she hadn’t noticed him, which was fine, because he didn’t want her to interrupt.
“So,” Myrtle started, breaking the ice. “Lucy tells us there’s a baby?”
“Yeah, um... Dr. Sandra Fraser. We had a night together a few months ago and she’s pregnant.”
“Do you love her?” Ted asked point-blank.
“I do. I didn’t want to. I want you to both know that. I loved Jenny so much, but I’ve fallen in love with Sandra and I’m hoping she loves me and Lucy too. Well, I know that she loves Lucy.”
Myrtle smiled gently. “We know that you loved Jenny. You took care of her, you stepped up when she was so sick and you’ve done everything to keep her memory alive for us all, but, Kody, we never expected you to stay celibate for the rest of your life, only living to mourn our Jenny.”
“I’ll always mourn Jenny,” Kody said quickly. “She wanted me to move on...but I could never bring myself to do it. I just couldn’t move on.”
“Because you hadn’t found the right person,” Ted said. “Son, we know. We understand. You could’ve talked to us about this. We love our daughter and it pains us every day that she’s not here, but she’s not and you can’t stop living because of that.”
Kody shook his head. “Sally has told me the same.”
Myrtle smiled and stood up, giving him a hug. “You have our blessing, for what it’s worth, and we’re happy and thrilled about the baby. We hope that we can be a part of this new baby’s life too.”
Kody smiled and squeezed Myrtle’s shoulder in a half-hug. “Of course! My parents are far away and Sandra doesn’t have parents. Her adoptive parents were older and died some time ago. Other than me and Lucy, she’s been alone.”
Tears welled up in his mother-in-law’s eyes. “It’s like Jenny sent her to us, then. We love you, Kody, and we’ll love this new baby too. And, please, bring Sandra by so that we can let her know that she’s already a part of our family.”
Kody got choked up. “You don’t know how much this means to me.”
Ted nodded. “You don’t know how much it means to Myrtle and me that you included us in your life, that you didn’t shut us out.”
“I would never shut you guys out, but we’re probably going to be moving out of our little house in the city—that’s if Sandra takes me back. Her house outside the city is a lot larger, but, then again, she may not want to see me anytime soon. We had a bit of a blowout. She overdid it at the accident scene and fainted and...we lost our tempers.”
“I’m sure she’ll forgive you,” Myrtle said.
“I hurt her badly.”
“Then grovel, son. Grovel.” Ted winked. “Every couple fights. I knew you and Jenny had a few doozies. Things always work themselves out, especially when love is involved. You do love Sandra, don’t you?”
“I do. I never thought that I would love someone like this again and it’s not like my heart has closed off to Jenny, but it’s like it’s expanded. I guess the same way a parent equally loves all their children just the same.”
Myrtle nodded. “Go to her and make it right.”
Kody kissed Myrtle on the top of the head. “Can you guys keep Lucy for the night? Sandra’s in for observation and I want to stay with her.”
“Of course,” said Ted. “Now, go make it right.”
“Jewelry helps,” Myrtle teased.
Kody laughed. He wasn’t quite ready to propose, but he wanted to set everything right. He was going to make sure that Sandra knew how he felt and that he wanted to be with her. He wanted to raise their child together. He wanted to be a family.
* * *
Sandra was very tempted to turn Kody away when he showed up to her room up on the maternity floor, but she wasn’t as angry as she had been when they’d fought earlier, and she was glad that he’d come back. She hadn’t been sure that he would.
She was very emotional when he walked in the door with a big teddy bear.
“They wouldn’t let me bring flowe
rs up, or balloons, and I didn’t think you really wanted a basket of fake flowers, so I brought this. Although, Myrtle suggested jewelry.”
She was stunned. “You talked to your in-laws?”
“I did and they’re happy and want you to know that if you’ll have them, they would like to be part of our family.”
Tears stung her eyes. “I’d like that. Wait, what do you mean, our family?”
“Sandra, I’ve been a fool. I’ve been carrying around this guilt because I was falling in love with you. I felt like I was betraying Jenny. I felt like all I deserved was one love in my life and I felt like you deserved more than half a heart, but the longer I’ve got to know you, the more I realized that it’s simply not true.”
“What?” she asked quietly.
“It’s not half-hearted. My heart just expanded and you’re in there, with Jenny. The both of you, and I love you. Try as I might, you wiggled your way in there and I fell in love with you. You’re not holding me back. Sure, my life didn’t go exactly as I planned, but when does life ever go as planned?”
“Right,” she said, tears streaming down her face. “So you’re saying you love me?”
“I do. I love you and I’m so sorry for our fight. It was a petty thing and I was scared. You don’t understand how scared I was when I saw you lying there, unconscious and your blood pressure tanking. It brought back all those nightmarish memories of Jenny dying. I couldn’t lose you and the baby. I just couldn’t, so I acted cowardly. I’m sorry.” He took her hand and kissed it.
Sandra reached out and touched his face. “I love you too. And you’re right, I’ve been afraid too.”
“You’re one of the strongest women I know.”
“Perhaps, but I was scared. I was scared of opening my heart again. I lost so much, and so many people in my life have left me. I was left in a bathroom, in a high school here in Austin. I was fortunate to be adopted, but my adoptive parents died within a year of each other and left me alone and then Alex, the first man I loved, left me. I couldn’t even stay pregnant. So, everyone left and I just got so used to being alone. You weren’t the only one pushing the other away, I was doing the same and, for that, I’m sorry. I love you, Kody. I love Lucy and I want to try and make this work. I want to be a family. If you’ll take a chance on someone who gets rejected an awful lot.”
Kody smiled. “Your ex-husband was a fool. I’ll never leave you, Sandra. I think that Jenny sent you to me and Lucy, because you’re exactly who we needed in our life.”
She cried then and he climbed into the bed beside her and touched her belly.
“I love you both, but you have to promise me something.”
“What’s that?”
“Don’t scare me like that again.”
“I won’t. So, what happens next?” she asked nervously, leaning her head against him.
“I don’t know. I don’t know where this is going yet, but all I know is I want you by my side. I want you in Lucy’s life. I just want all of you and I’m scared to take these steps too. The uncertainty of it all is thrilling and scary.”
She reached up and kissed him. “We’ll do what you told me when I was anxious about being pregnant and staying pregnant.”
“What’s that?” he asked.
“One day at a time. We’ll take it one day at a time. That’s all we can do.”
He chuckled and pulled her closer. “I love you, Sandra Fraser.”
“I love you too, Mr. Davis.”
He laughed, because that was a reminder of the old Sandra. He used to dread her icy demeanor when he came into the emergency room and had to deal with her, but he’d also been attracted to her. Now he realized painfully that his first assessment of her had been so wrong. She was icy to protect her heart, just as he was aloof to others to keep his heart protected, but now he was glad that the walls they’d both built to keep themselves safe had come crashing down.
Now they could take those individual bricks that they guarded their hearts with and build a solid foundation to stand on.
A foundation where they could stand together. It would be him, Sandra, Lucy and the new baby. And behind them would be the memory of those they’d loved and lost. Ahead of them would be the family of their own choosing and, most of all, they would be united by love.
They were in this together.
United as one family.
Forever.
And that was exactly the way he wanted it, even if he’d never believed it would be possible to feel this way again. He was glad that he’d been proven wrong.
And as Sandra settled in beside him, he sighed in contentment. No, he couldn’t completely predict the future, but he was going to make sure that they stayed together. He wasn’t going to let this gift from his guardian angel go.
He was in it for the long haul.
He was Sandra’s forever.
“I love you,” he whispered again.
“Ditto,” she said, sounding sleepy. “Now, when are you and Lucy going to move to my ranch? Because I’m certainly not moving into that tiny house in the city.”
“Now who’s jumping the gun? Remember what you said.”
“Right. One day at a time.”
Yes. One day at a time. Forever.
EPILOGUE
One and a half years later
SANDRA COULD HEAR Lucy laughing hysterically through the open window, and she could also hear the squeals of Lucy’s little sister, Samantha.
She peeked out the front window of her house and saw that Lucy was running around the big picnic blanket that Kody and Samantha were lounging on.
Sandra laughed. She had no idea what was so funny to Samantha, but it was cute all the same. And all she could do was stand there and watch them. Just for a moment.
One year ago, she’d never thought that she would be here.
That she would have this family.
That she would be getting married today. Although, it wasn’t going to be a fancy service. It was just going to be their relatives gathering to see her and Kody married by an officiant in their front yard, with their daughters by their side.
Myrtle and Ted, Sally, Ross and the rest of her and Kody’s family from North Carolina. Even Sandra’s own biological father, John, would be here. Just before she’d given birth to Samantha she had opened her adoption record and reached out. Her biological father had responded and each day they built a relationship.
He’d had no idea that she existed, and he had been alone too.
Sandra had never heard from her biological mother, but that was okay. Maybe one day. For now, she was happy. She’d gone from being completely alone to having what she always wanted. A family.
Her big ranch that she’d bought because it was dilapidated and cheap was now a real family home. The rooms were filled, and she was no longer lonely.
The back meadow was being converted into a landing strip so that Kody could continue his flying lessons. After the sale of his house in Austin, he’d bought himself a small plane. That way, he could get air time, while still being close to the family.
It might not be Alaska, but at least he was still living a part of his original dream.
He was a pilot.
And Sandra was now the director of Rolling Creek’s newest simulation lab, and her course on triaging and surgery in the field for large-scale natural disasters was one of the most renowned in the Southern states.
Other cities and hospitals were sending their doctors and their first responders to learn from her. There were times when she missed the emergency department and the operating room, but with this project there were no more night shifts and she was able to spend more time with her children.
Lucy might not be biologically hers, but she still loved her as her own. Lucy was her daughter but Sandra would never let Jenny’s memory fade.
She step
ped outside.
“I hope that you three are keeping clean. The guests will be arriving soon,” she scolded gently.
“We’re keeping clean.” Kody stood up, picking up Samantha and giving her a gentle toss in the air. “Aren’t we?”
Samantha just squealed and Kody set her down in her playpen, pulling the sunshade over it. Lucy had retreated to the blanket to play with her dolls and Kody came over to see Sandra. He wrapped his arms around her and gave her a kiss on the top of her head, as he always did.
“How are you feeling today? Still tired from all the wedding prep?”
“Um, sort of,” she said slyly. “I have something to tell you.”
“Oh, do I want to hear this?”
“You might.” She couldn’t stop smiling, because she’d never thought Samantha would happen and she had been just as shocked when she’d received the call from Jocelyn about her lab results.
“What is it?”
“I’m pregnant again. Jocelyn called me this morning. I’m six weeks gone already.”
Kody’s eyes widened. “You are? So soon?”
“I know. Samantha is almost a year old, and I didn’t think that I would get pregnant again, but I went for my routine checkup and told her I was feeling tired. I thought it had to do with opening up the simulation lab’s new addition and all the work I’ve been doing. I certainly haven’t had the same symptoms I did when I was pregnant with Samantha.”
Kody shook his head. “I’m so...”
“What? Are you happy?”
“Of course I am.” He pulled her close and kissed her. “Of course. I think I can’t quite believe it myself. For so long I thought that Lucy would be my only child. I always wanted a big family, but until I met you, I thought that wasn’t in the cards for me. And then Samantha came along and we were so lucky to have her, I just never expected a third.”
“Well, maybe this time you’ll finally get a boy, so you’re not so outnumbered by all these girls,” Sandra teased.
Kody laughed. “I don’t mind being outnumbered by all these girls. I’m so happy that you’re in my life. I’m so happy that you love Lucy as much as Jenny did.”