Dan had made her feel both at one point or another but never both at the same time, and she hadn’t realized that until she’d met Owen. She hadn’t fully realized it until last night. She had never in her life felt so weak and so strong simultaneously, and it was intoxicating.
They’d lazed in bed well into the morning, deciding that with the soupy fog clinging to the coast a walk on the beach wasn’t nearly as appealing as snuggling together, so now, a quarter past eleven, they were finally finishing breakfast. As soon as they washed the dishes, it would be time to head down to meet Dan at the ice cream parlor to pick up Daphne. She couldn’t wait to see her daughter, but she was in no hurry to see her ex again.
“You ready to go?” Owen asked. He put the last dish away.
“As I’ll ever be. Are you sure you want to come?”
“I’m positive. I’ve loved our time alone together, but I miss—”
“That’s not what I mean.”
Endearingly, he took her face in his hands and kissed each cheek and then her lips. “I can handle your ex. Besides, he’s always going to be a part of Daphne’s life, so I’m likely to cross paths with him at some point.”
Hope only nodded in acknowledgement. A queasiness built in her gut, and she stepped into the bathroom to wash her face before they left. Staring at her reflection in the mirror, she muttered, “You’re delaying.”
She jerked away from her reflection and followed Owen out to her car. Why was she so nervous about him meeting her ex-husband and vice versa?
“It’ll be fine, Hope,” Owen said.
“Didn’t know you were a mind reader, too.”
“Don’t have to be with that face. Take a deep breath and relax, all right?”
She nodded and did as he suggested, but it didn’t help. Not much, anyhow. When he reached over and squeezed her hand, that helped more.
Then she was pulling into the Delta Mall shopping plaza and Dan’s truck was parked in front of the ice cream parlor and there was no time left to calm herself.
“Daphne’s spotted us,” Owen remarked when she made no move to get out of the car. “See?”
Hope returned her daughter’s wave, and at seeing her little girl’s brilliant smile, joy overpowered her anxiety. She only had to talk to Dan long enough to hear how his visit with their daughter had gone, and then he’d be on her way, and her life would return to its new and peaceful rhythm.
“That’s more like it,” Owen commented gently. “Come on. Let’s go satisfy our sweet teeth. And then we can have some ice cream after.”
It took a moment for his quip to register in her brain, and when it finally did, she grinned up at him. “You make everything so much easier,” she replied. “Thank you.”
He dipped his head in acknowledgement and held the door open for her.
Dan and Daphne hadn’t ordered their ice cream yet, and by the looks of things, they’d arrived only moments before Hope and Owen. There was the expected awkward silence as Dan eyed his ex-wife’s new companion, and Hope had to force herself forward to make the introduction.
“Dan, this is Owen McKinney. He owns the Sea Glass Gallery, and his mom and sister own the Salty Dog Chowder House next door to it,” she said. “Owen, this is my ex-husband, Daniel Andrews.”
Owen extended his hand, but it was almost two seconds before Dan stood to shake it.
“Pleasure to meet you,” Dan greeted, his voice clipped.
“Likewise,” Owen replied lightly. “May I get everyone’s ice cream so you can have a chance to talk?”
Hope glanced sharply at him, wishing she could beg him to stay, to give her an excuse to cut her time with Dan short. Instead, she sucked in a breath and said, “That would be great. Thanks, Owen.”
“Can I help?” Daphne asked, tugging on his hand. “I know what my mom and dad like.”
“Sure, sweet pea, if it’s all right with your parents.”
Hope nodded. As they walked away toward the counter to order the ice cream, she heard her daughter whisper to Owen, “I missed you.”
The man’s entire countenance lit up, and he winked. She couldn’t hear his reply, but she was certain he told the little girl that he’d missed her, too.
“So that’s Owen,” Dan remarked.
“Yep.” Hope turned back to him.
“Daphne talked about him a lot. Almost non-stop.”
“He’s great with kids.”
“Sounds like it. Are you two…?”
She waited for him to finish, and when it became apparent he wasn’t going to, she said, “There’s definitely something there. What it is I don’t know yet, but I don’t have to know.” She stopped short of telling him that it was nice being with someone whose motives and actions she wasn’t constantly questioning and testing. “It’s enough to know that I’m healing and that I have more of myself to devote to Daphne.”
He stared at his hands, fiddling with his truck keys, and Hope tensed in anticipation of what was coming.
“I’m sorry, Hope.” His voice cracked and tears welled in his eyes. “I wish I wasn’t so broken. I wish I could be a better father to Daphne. I wish I could be what you need. I tried. You have no idea how hard I tried to change, but I am what I am.”
She squirmed, hating him for tugging on her emotions even as her heart broke for him all over again. Several times she opened her mouth to reply only to snap it closed again. For a long time, they stared at each other, and all the words they’d said or couldn’t say hung between them, a thick fog of regret and mourning.
“I love you, Hope.”
“You may not believe this, but I still love you, too, Dan, and I will always care deeply about you.” She sighed. How many times had they had this conversation in the months since she’d told him she needed a divorce? “I didn’t leave because I stopped loving you. I left because I had to. Because I did everything I could to help you and it only ended up breaking me. I can’t help anyone if I’m broken, too.”
He nodded and wiped at his eyes. “I should go.”
“No, stay and have an ice cream with your daughter.”
He shook his head, rose from his stool, and hurried away.
Hope didn’t watch him go. She folded her arms on the table and rested her forehead on them, staring blindly at the salt-and-pepper flecking that was too close for her eyes to focus on even without the tears blurring her vision. Frustration and heartache melded in a blistering concoction, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to cry or scream. Once again, he’d wound her up and left her abruptly to figure out which direction was up while the earth was still spinning. How long would it be before she stopped letting him do this to her?
The worst part of it was that none of it was intentional. If his manipulations were a conscious tactic to control her, they’d be easier to fight. But they weren’t, and while her mind doubted that, her gut was certain. They were the habits and learned defenses of a man who hadn’t been taught or shown compassion until it was too late. And she had too much empathy. She’d been drawn to him, needing to fill his empty well with love and compassion. But the well was bottomless and no matter how much of herself she poured into it, she could never fill it. And it had nearly destroyed her. As it was, it would be a long time before she broke the habits.
Sensing that she was no longer alone, she dried her eyes on her arms as discreetly as she could and forced a smile. Daphne was seated at a table near the door with her father, and it was only Owen who joined her. And he wasn’t fooled. He saw right through her false cheerfulness.
“I’m fine,” she said automatically. When he lifted a brow, she corrected herself. “I’ll be fine.”
Mollified for the moment, he handed over her ice cream—mint chocolate chip in a waffle cone, her favorite—but while she ate it, she felt his eyes on her.
If Dan’s well of compassion was an endless sinkhole, Owen’s was a spring overflowing. She only hoped she hadn’t become like Dan with a crack in her well that drained the waters as quickly as Owe
n could fill them. She couldn’t do to him what Dan had done to her. But at least she didn’t feel like that.
Well, she hadn’t, until seeing Dan again. She glanced at her ex, noted how quickly he ate his ice cream. It was as if he couldn’t get out of here fast enough and not even his daughter’s love could hold him here. Her jaw clenched, and she scowled.
“Do you mind if Daph and I cancel our beach date with you?” she asked. “I need to go for a drive.”
“Do what you need to do. We’re still on for dinner, I hope.”
Relief trickled through her, though she had no idea whether it stemmed from his understanding of her need or from his desire to keep their dinner date even though meeting her ex-husband probably hadn’t been a cakewalk for him, either. Then she shrugged and decided it didn’t matter. “We are absolutely still on.”
Fourteen
Owen covertly watched Hope and her ex-husband while he waited for the young woman behind the counter to scoop their ice cream. Beside him, Daphne bounced on her toes, oblivious of the tension between her parents. That was something of a miracle because he felt it from across the room. It bored into him like needles hooked up to an electrical current.
“What does your mom like?” he asked her when the server handed him Dan’s banana split.
“Mint chocolate chip in a waffle cone,” Daphne replied. “Same as me.”
“That’s my favorite, too.”
She beamed up at him. “Really?”
“Yep. And it’s my favorite because it’s my mom’s favorite.”
“I like your mom. She’s…. What’s the word? It’s kinda like funky.”
“Spunky?”
“Yeah! She’s spunky.”
“That she is,” Owen agreed with a chuckle.
His amusement faded when he glanced at Hope again. She looked like she was about to cry, and when he shifted his gaze to Dan, he saw why. He caught snippets of their conversation, but he didn’t have to hear the words to know what the man said. The agony on both their faces revealed a conversation of lingering but shattered love. It was the same look he remembered seeing on his mother’s face when she’d told him and Erin that they were leaving their father, their family, and their home. He cringed. The way Dan looked at Hope, his eyes pleading…. It was a punch to the gut.
“Here you are, Owen,” the server said.
He yanked his gaze away and smiled at the woman. “Thanks, Lulu. What’s the damage?”
“Fourteen even.”
Holding two ice cream cones in one hand, he somehow managed to free a twenty from his wallet and told her to keep the change. Just as he turned toward their table, Dan rose abruptly, and panic and then despair washed across Hope’s beautiful face. When the man strode away, she dropped her head onto her arms.
“Got your ice cream,” Owen said as Dan passed him.
“What?” Dan asked dumbly. Then he glanced at the banana split Daphne held out to him. “Oh. Thank you. I wish I could stay—”
No, you don’t, Owen surmised.
“—but I need to leave.”
“Daddy, please stay,” Daphne said quietly.
“I have to go, pumpkin.”
Owen noted the panic in the other man’s eyes—like a wild animal looking for escape. He started to walk away, but Daphne grabbed his free hand with tears glittering in her eyes.
“Please don’t leave me!”
“I’ll never leave you, baby,” Dan replied. “But I have to get on the road.”
“You can’t stay long enough to eat some ice cream with your daughter?” Owen asked a little more sharply than he intended.
The other man eyed him warily, his jaw tightening and untightening like he was fighting the urge to punch Owen. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other, paralyzed by indecision, and Owen’s senses heightened, waiting for the fight even as dread settled over him. The man was built like a tank, and while he wondered with a primal curiosity what his chances were of holding his own against Hope’s ex, there was no way he’d give in to it. Not in front of Daphne. He’d let the man knock him out without lifting a fist to defend himself because that was better than letting her see him engage in a useless territorial brawl.
At last, Dan straightened, and the fight left his eyes. Resignation replaced it. “I suppose I could.”
“I’ll take your mom her ice cream, sweet pea,” Owen said to Daphne. “You enjoy a few more minutes with your dad, all right?”
“Okay,” she replied, brushing her tears away and watching her father like she didn’t trust him to stay.
Annoyance stiffened Owen’s gait as he walked over to Hope’s table. What kind of man would rush away from his daughter when she so obviously wanted to spend a few more minutes with him? Even as he thought it, he knew why. He supposed, face to face with the woman who had broken but still owned his heart and realizing that she wasn’t his anymore, he’d have a hard time sticking around to let that pain spear him, too.
He wasn’t surprised when Hope asked to cancel their plans to walk the beach so she could take a drive to cool off. At least she still wanted to come to dinner with him.
Dan was the first to leave, but the goodbyes he exchanged with Daphne were easier than they would’ve been if Owen had let him leave when he’d wanted to. Owen walked out to Hope’s car with her and Daphne and declined the offer of a ride home. He grabbed his canvas sack out of the back, kissed her and hugged Daphne, and then watched them drive away. When they were out of sight over the ridge of North Point, he crossed the highway and headed through the dunes to the beach.
The tide was out, so he scavenged lower down the beach than he’d been able to lately and was rewarded with several large pieces of abalone shell and some nice chunks of indigo glass. He could already envision the projects he’d make with them.
While his walk was successful in terms of his work, it wasn’t so productive for clearing his head. By the time he reached the rock arch and passed beneath it to Hidden Beach, he was no closer to untangling the thoughts and emotions Hope’s conversation with Dan had stirred.
He sat on the bottom step and set his sack beside him.
There was obviously a lot of love left between them, and the guilt that had prickled him earlier returned, digging its talons deeper into him. What if Hope had made a mistake? Sure, she’d said she was still game for dinner with him tonight, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t second guessing her divorce. In her place, he would be. The look on her ex-husband’s face when he’d said he still loved her….
Owen thought he was going to be sick. He knew all too well the shattering pain of losing his wife and child, but his family was forever beyond his reach. Dan’s wasn’t. For the last three days, Dan’s family had been close enough to hold. How torturous that must be, to have his family right there in front of him but to be unable to reclaim them. And then to meet a man not only hoping to move into his place but already doing so….
Owen propped his elbows on his thighs and scrubbed his hands through his hair.
Maybe it was too early to be sure, but he loved Hope and he loved her daughter. And no matter what, he craved their happiness even if that meant letting them go.
“Quit overthinking it, McKinney,” he muttered, pushing to his feet.
He climbed the long staircase to the path above, deciding somewhere along the way that he didn’t want to wait at home for Hope and Daphne to return from their drive. He needed a distraction, and even creating new products to sell wasn’t going to do the trick; there was too much quiet in his garage. Back at home, he grabbed a few tools and supplies and headed to his gallery.
“Whoa, what’s the frown for, big brother?” Erin asked as soon as she spotted him strolling into the chowder house. “I guess that meeting the ex didn’t go so well. Did he threaten to bury you in an abandoned mine if you hurt his daughter?”
“He didn’t say more than a few words to me.”
“So… what’s got you all twisted up?”
Owen shook
his head, not sure if he could adequately voice his concerns. “Would you mind bringing me a bowl of chowder?”
“Sure thing.”
Moments later, she returned with his soup and sat quietly beside him while he ate almost half of it. Finally, he couldn’t stand her intense stare any longer. He pushed his bowl away. Taking that as an invitation, she curled her hands around his arm and rested her head on his shoulder.
“Don’t leave me again,” she murmured, sounding far too much like Daphne had not so long ago. “Not now when I am so close to having my brother back again.”
“I’ve never left, sis.”
“No, but you haven’t been here for a long time, either.”
“I’m sorry. I am. I never meant to push you away, Erin.”
“I know you didn’t. It would’ve been easier to handle if you’d done it on purpose.” She sighed. “I’m not trying to make you feel guilty, Owen. I just don’t want you to close up again, and I don’t know what happened with Hope and her ex today, but I can see you fading a little. What happened?”
“I thought….” He stopped, swallowed, and started again. “Up to this point, she’s seemed so confident about her divorce. That’s not the right word, but I got the impression that it was a relief.”
“And suddenly that’s changed?”
“There’s a lot more left between them than I realized. And Daphne would be better off with a whole family instead of a broken one.”
“Were we better off as a whole family?”
“No, but our family was broken before the divorce and became whole after.”
“Who’s to say that isn’t the case with theirs, too?”
“You didn’t see and hear what I did, sis.”
“I don’t have to know what they said. She left him, Owen.”
“Yes, she did. But he needs her, and I think in some way she still needs him. And Daphne needs her father.”
“So? She’ll be getting an amazing father in you if you and Hope decide to go that route.”
His heart lurched with that particular thought, but he ignored it. What his heart wanted didn’t matter if Hope’s didn’t want or need the same. “If Hope needs to fix her family, it’d be selfish of me to stand in the way of that.”
The Abalone Shell Page 10