by Angel Lawson
“We just had…I don’t know, what I thought was a moment. So, I went for it. I live with four teenaged boys, all of them would die for a girl to make the first move. Apparently, Smith is not like most guys.” I think back to that kiss. The way, at first, he’d seemed a little startled, but then he’d leaned into it, our bodies brushing, his mouth moving. I’d gripped his waist, feeling the hard muscles underneath his sweater. But when I pushed up on my toes, and deepened the kiss, he’d pulled back abruptly. Really abrupt. He’d stared at me hard and mumbled something about fireworks and left me there on my own.
I tell Katie this, or most of it at least, and she listens intently. “Okay, so before he got spooked, how was it?”
“How was it?” She really does want all the details. “It was good. He’s a good kisser. “
She raises an eyebrow.
“Fine, an incredible kisser. Honestly, if he’d put his all into it, I probably would have melted on the floor. But he didn’t put his all into it. He was like, repulsed?” I shake my head. “It was so bad. So, so bad.”
“I just can’t believe that. It had to have been something else.”
“Really? Because every time I see him, he looks like he’d rather be anywhere else.” Well, except last night, when he just looked sorry for me. I must seem pathetic to him, needing help like that.
Katie leans back in her seat and stares out at the horizon. She takes a long drink of her tea and looks like she’s mulling something over. I’m not sure if I want to hear what she has to say or not. Finally, she exhales and says, “I think you and all of those guys, especially Smith, have more in common than you probably realize, and that probably freaks him the fuck out.”
I frown. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, you’re not the only one that’s lost people important to you and have had to struggle to build a new family.” Her eyes flick to mine. “And you’re definitely not the only one struggling with the past and where to go in the future.”
My shoulders tense, feeling defensive. “You’re saying he rejected me because we’re too similar?”
“I’m saying maybe you need to get to know these guys better, Sierra. Open yourself up to them and maybe they’ll open up to you.”
“I never even said I wanted them in my life.”
She drains her tea and stands, annoyance lining her face. “That’s the problem, you never seem to want anyone in your life.”
“Wow, really?”
She grimaces. “I’m not trying to be a bitch, but if you want something in your life, you’ve got to give a little. It took you six months to tell me something you could have told me at the time. We’re friends, Sierra. Or I think we are. It’s hard to tell with you running and putting up walls all the time. And the Rangers? They’ve made it clear they’re interested in you, even just as friends. And you just keep slamming that door over and over. Maybe Smith felt that from the beginning and that’s why he didn’t follow through on that kiss.” She heads to the door. “Maybe, he knew it wasn’t worth the potential heartbreak.”
She goes inside and a moment later I hear her car start up in the driveway. I’m stunned, stuck in my seat, trying to process what just happened. Katie is my friend, and I do trust her. I don’t mean to hold her at arms' length. And the rangers? I don’t even know what to do about that. The one guy I took a chance on shut me out. The other two scare me. How am I supposed to handle three hot guys, even if they’re just friends?
Especially when my body wants them to be anything but friends.
I rub my face.
This. This is why I keep to myself and work alone. Everything gets complicated. Messy.
I clean up the glasses and head back inside, knowing there’s a lot of work left to do. Something Katie says nags at me as I walk into the kitchen. She may be right about one thing: if Smith is worried about getting too close to someone out of fear of breaking his heart? We may be more alike than I realized.
“Seriously?”
I tap on the window, startling Smith out of sleep. He blinks and looks at me, the grimace on his face confirming he didn’t plan on being caught. I wait, hands on my hips, as he rolls down the window.
“Jesus, what time is it?” he asks, rubbing his face.
“Too fucking early for you to be sitting in my driveway. What the hell are you doing here?”
His jaw tightens. “I don’t like you being out here on your own.”
“So you think you can just sit in my driveway?” I stare at this man who has no obligation to me. “I can take care of myself, Smith.”
He gets out of the car, slow moving. He takes a second to stretch, grimacing when his back pops, probably out of line from sleeping in the car. Again.
He looks me over, like he’s trying to assess the truth in that statement. Can he tell how hard my heart is beating, or the nightmare I’d woken from minutes before?
The dream felt so real. Terrifying.
Reid’s body had been on top of me, groping and pawing. I felt like I was suffocating and unable to catch my breath.
Even now, standing in front of Smith, I tell myself I’m not afraid, that he didn’t hurt me, but each one of those statements feels like another brick in the wall Katie accused me of building. A wall I’m tired of holding up.
“You don’t have to, you know.”
I frown. “Have to what?”
“Take care of yourself, by yourself.”
I laugh and run my hands through my tangled hair. “I don’t know what you want from me, Smith. You made it pretty clear on New Year’s Eve that you weren’t interested. Which is fine. I was just, I don’t know, looking for a little fun.”
His eyes hold mine. I feel exposed and more unanchored than ever, except there’s the slightest tug, like a cord binding us together. It’s something in his eyes, in the way he looks at me, that makes me think of what Katie said.
I’m not the only one dealing with loss.
He crosses his arms over his chest, showing me the lines of his forearm and the swell of his upper body. “I was wrong that night.” He frowns. “No, not wrong, but I apologize. I handled it badly.”
I snort, a defense mechanism for my humiliation. “So, you’re apologizing?”
“Yes.”
“For what? Not wanting me? I’m the one that took liberty where it wasn’t wanted.”
He looks like he wants to argue but doesn’t. His fingers push into his thick hair. “So now I can’t even apologize? You’re a fucking piece of work, Sierra Falco.”
My jaw drops. “What did you just say?”
He shakes his head. “Never mind. You’re right. You’ve got this. All on your own.”
He opens the truck door and slides inside. Before he closes the door, a walkie-talkie sitting on the bench seat crackles to life. Without hesitation, he picks it up and listens.
“…smoke over the ridge. Eastern summit. All fire units, rangers, and safety personnel report in…”
The voice rolls out a series of numbers, none of which mean anything to me, but Smith reacts immediately, cranking the truck.
“There’s a fire? In the park?”
Forest fires in this area are common, deadly and terrifying.
“Sounds like it.” He gives me a softer look. “I need to go.”
“Yes. Go.” I step back, all my anger from the argument vanished. He nods, moving to shut the door. I hold on to the top. “Smith?”
“Yeah?”
“You guys be careful, okay?”
He nods again, blue eyes intense, and shuts the door.
I watch him back out of the driveway and speed down the dirt road, his headlights bouncing off the uneven surface.
I head back into the house, sit on the couch, and pull out my phone. It only takes a minute to find the first reports of the fire on the internet.
No matter what happens tonight, one thing is for certain: I’m not getting much sleep.
10
Sierra
At dawn I see the p
lume of smoke to the west, hovering like a strange, pink cloud in the sky. The sunrise gives it a strange haze, but this isn’t my first forest fire. Soon a thick blanket will cover the whole area, making it impossible to see more than a few feet in the distance. Helicopters beat overhead, flying toward the danger. Worry builds in my stomach, and I call Katie, apologizing for our argument the day before, and ask her if she wants company.
We agree to meet at the diner in Mammoth Lakes. It feels a little blasphemous, supporting the competition, but I’m not ready to head into Lee Vines. Thankfully, she understands.
“Smith came to your house again last night?” she asks, picking at a plate of eggs. I’d already told her that’s how I knew.
“Yes, and I told him off and it didn’t go over well.”
“Because you keep pushing people out of your life, Sierra. It has to change.”
I know she’s right. I feel it in my bones, right now, with the guys out there fighting the fire…I know something’s got to give.
Katie gets a text. “It’s Robbie. The fire isn’t contained yet but they’re working on it…oh no.” Her hand covers her mouth. My heart ratchets up.
“What?” I lean forward.
“The woods closet to their cabin went up fast, they did what they could to stop the house from burning but they couldn’t get there in time. It’s a total loss.”
“But they’re okay?”
She nods, eyes watering. “Everyone’s safe. Each of them got a bag out and their trucks are fine. They’re just homeless.”
I swallow, feeling a mixture of relief and loss. I can’t imagine what it’s like to lose everything like that. It has to be devastating.
The waitress comes over and refills our coffee. Katie types quickly into her phone, sending a message.
“Robbie can come stay with me until they get a new assignment.” She rubs her forehead. “Maybe the guys can stay at the lodge. I’m sure Mrs. Nye would be fine with that. One of the cabins in the back?”
“Sure, that’s not a bad idea.”
Katie wraps her hands around her coffee, warming them. “Or maybe someone could put them up for a few weeks.”
I’m pouring sugar in my coffee, not really paying attention. I glance up and see her staring at me.
“What?”
“You know, someone with a big, empty house…”
“You want them to move in with me?” I shake my head. “No, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Why not? You have the room. Those cabins are really small. The three of them will get cramped after a few days. They don’t have a kitchen or anything. It’s not much more than a temporary solution.”
“It’s a temporary problem.” I frown. “I’ve already raised four boys. I don’t need three more.”
She smirks. “These aren’t boys. They’re men.”
“Yeah, that’s not making it any better,” I mutter.
“Look, they’re good guys and they need help. I’m sure they’ll be willing to repay the favor by um, helping you out, too.” I shoot her a glare. She holds up her hands. “I mean with the house. You could use some help with the house, right?”
I take a deep breath, but don’t reply.
She takes it as an opportunity to continue. “And don’t say you’re not a little freaked out being alone all the time, not after what happened with Reid.”
I lean back in the seat, she’s right. I do have the room and could use the help, and yeah, not being alone in the house would make me feel better. But there’s also complications that will most definitely arise from having three handsome men in the house. One of whom I already have an awkward and unfortunate past with.
I sigh. “Fine. I’ll do it. But I’m going to set some rules.”
Her smile is wide. “Yay! This will be good for all of you. Promise.”
I want to tell Katie not to make promises she can’t keep. I’m not sure how “good” this is going to be for all of us, but it will most definitely be interesting.
11
Sierra
They arrive that night, dirty and exhausted. They smell of soot and ash. I’d spent the day prepping for them, cleaning out my former bedroom because it still has twin beds, and putting fresh sheets in Dexter’s half-packed room. I take my parents' room, pushing past the discomfort of sleeping in their bed.
“The bathroom is down the hall—I put linens in your rooms. There are some toiletries you can use—just some stuff I grabbed,” I ramble. “Sorry if things are a little unorganized, I didn’t…”
“Thank you, Sierra,” Adrian says, reaching out and touching my arm. “We appreciate it.”
I give him a tight smile. “It’s the least I could do. I’m just glad you’re all safe.”
“It was scary watching it go up in flames so fast,” Holden says. He looks at Smith. “I’m just glad you were up and heard the call.”
Smith was up because we were fighting in my driveway. I’ve never been so glad for an argument in my life.
“Curse of insomnia,” he says, not admitting to being here. He points to one of the twin beds. “I’ll crash in here.”
Holden yawns, covering his mouth. “I call the first shower.”
I step aside, and he dips in the room, grabbing a towel, then closing himself off in the bathroom.
Adrian and I are left in the narrow hall. I tuck a piece of hair behind my ear. “Any news on the fire?”
“They’ve contained it, but there are still hot-spots,” he replies. “It’ll take a few days to really assess the damage.”
There’s a smudge of soot on his cheek, and I reach out and wipe it with my thumb. His eyes dilate, and I drop my hand. “Sorry. Old habit.”
“From the boys you took care of?”
I shrug. “They’re teenagers and didn’t need someone mom-ing them like that, but it happens. They were a mess.” I look at his soot-lined face. “Kind of like you.”
“I bet you were good at taking care of them.”
“Sometimes,” I allow. “But there were times I failed them, like everyone else in their lives.”
“You can’t be everything to everyone, Sierra,” he says, looking down at me. “But I do appreciate what you’re doing for us tonight. After seeing that fire tear through the forest like that, taking out everything in its path…it’s nice having a soft place to land.”
“Like I said, it’s the least I could do.” We stare at one another for a moment, a strange current building between us. We’re both exhausted. Me from being up all night, worried. Him from seeing his home and life vanish in a blaze of fire. “Good night, Adrian.”
I back toward my room, putting some distance between us. He holds my eye for a moment longer, then enters Dexter’s old bedroom. The light switches on and the door clicks.
For the first time in six months, I’m back in a house filled with men.
Hopefully this ends better than the last time.
12
Adrian
Bacon sizzles on the frying pan, waking my stomach. I rummage through Sierra’s cabinets until I find a bowl and start cracking eggs to scramble. There isn’t much food in the refrigerator—not with the way we eat. I’ll head into town later.
I’d crashed hard the night before, sleeping until the sunlight streamed through the windows. My body aches, exhausted from the hard work the day before. We’re not firefighters, but the park needed us to do as much as we could to evacuate guests, and keep the fire contained.
Now, I’m starving, and I know the guys will be too when they get up. The last thing Sierra needs to do when she gets up is feed us like a bunch of kids.
We’re not kids.
I hear footsteps coming from the back of the house. Smith and Holden both walk into the kitchen in T-shirts and shorts. Smith burst into the house yesterday, shouting for us to get up and grab some things. We scrambled, half-awake, smelling the smoke already in the air and the helicopters overhead. We did all manage to toss a few pieces of clothing in a bag along wit
h a few personal items. The truth is that we all live pretty minimally, but big stuff like our camping gear and hiking stuff…it wasn’t possible to get it. Fortunately, it’s all replaceable.
“Coffee is in the pot,” I say, pointing to the maker. “These eggs will be ready in a minute.”
Holden rubs his face and stumbles over to the coffee. He pours two cups and takes one back to Smith.
“I’ve been thinking,” I say in a quiet voice, “We need to make sure we chip in around here. Groceries, laundry, cooking, and cleaning.”
“Right,” Holden agrees. “I figure we can help with some of the work she needs help with on the house.”
I nod, pushing the spatula through the eggs.
The guys are quiet, and I look over. They’re watching me carefully.
“What?” I ask, turning off the stove.
“We’ve been talking,” Holden says, glancing at Smith. “Sierra’s going out of her way to provide a place of us to stay. You’re right, we need to chip in, but we need to get a few other things straight, too.”
“Like what?” I ask, trying to figure out where this is going.
“You can’t put the hard press on her,” Smith says.
“Hard press?”
Holden rolls his eyes. “Yes, dude! You know how you are.”
“No,” I say, leaning against the counter. “How am I?”
“You have your eyes on Sierra. Which we get, seriously, we get it. But now that we’re homeless, and staying here, we can’t get kicked out because you want in her pants.”
“Is this rule just for me or for all of us?” Because I know they both want her, too.
“All of us,” Holden says, although he sounds like he’s trying to convince himself as much as me. “She’s doing us an amazing favor, and we can’t be dicks.”
“Or put our dicks in front of our necessity,” Smith adds.
“Okay,” I say, looking at the two of them. “I can handle it, but can you stop being an asshole to her? Whatever it is that went on between the two of you ends. Today.”