Wallflower

by Cookie O'Gorman

  The whole drive there I thought about turning back and calling it off.

  But Dare's words kept replaying in my head, "Give Ty a chance."

  If the tables were turned, I didn't think I could say the same. Nice girl, mean girl, whatever, I wouldn't be able to tell Dare to give them a chance. I loved him too much for that. And he obviously didn't feel the same.

  My heart was heavy as I walked into the restaurant.

  Tyson was already sitting in a booth, and he waved me over.

  "Hey, Viola," he said then noticed my expression, "you okay?"

  "Yep," I said. "How are you?"

  "Doing fine."

  "That's good."

  We sat for a minute in silence until the waiter brought over some chips and salsa. It smelled wonderful. Tyson poured us both a cup of the red stuff. He picked up a chip and started munching, but though I tried to do the same, my heart just wasn't in it.

  "How's soccer?" I tried.

  "Going alright." He laughed. "Though Dare was pretty hard on everyone today. He was playing like a man possessed."

  My ears perked up at the name. "Oh? I wonder what that was about."

  "No idea," Tyson said. "But I tried to stay out of his way. Dare's my best friend, but he can be moody."

  I laughed. "Yeah, tell me about it. He's so annoyingly confident but still likeable. How does he do that?"

  "The way he switches from hot to cold can give you whiplash," Ty commented.

  "Yes!"

  "And he hates discussing his feelings."

  "He totally does," I said. "God forbid the guy actually has any of those."

  We both laughed and soon I was eating the chips right along with Tyson.

  He sighed a second later.

  "But that's our Dare," he said. "Hard shell with a heart of gold in the center. Who wouldn't want that, right?"

  "Yeah," I said suddenly not so hungry anymore. "That's a great way to describe him."

  "I wanted to ask you about something. But I hope you won't get mad. I promise I'm not trying to embarrass you."

  I looked up, and Tyson smiled.

  "You know how you confessed to me earlier in the year?"

  "How could I forget?" I said and waited for him to continue, wondering where this was going.

  "You were so brave," Tyson said.

  That caught me off guard.

  "I really admire that. How you said exactly what you felt. I was just wondering"—he cleared his throat—"how you got up the nerve to do that?"

  I laughed a little self-consciously. "I don't think it was bravery as much as it was being afraid I'd miss my shot."

  Tyson sat forward. "What do you mean?"

  "Well," I said, "you were supposed to be moving all the way to South Korea. I didn't know if I'd ever see you again, and I thought it was love."

  "And now, you know it wasn't?" he finished.

  "Sorry," I said with a shrug, but his smile widened.

  "That's okay," he said. "It was still nice to hear it, that someone loved me at all."

  "Really?"

  He nodded.

  "I'm assuming there's someone you love, but you haven't told them yet," I guessed.

  "Yeah…but it's complicated," Ty said back.

  I shrugged. "Isn't it always?"

  "Our relationship has never been about that. It can't be. I know it would never work—but I still really want to say it. I just don't want to mess anything up, you know?"

  "I do," I said. And truly I did. "I understand that better than probably anyone."

  "Well, this sounds interesting."

  My eyes narrowed on his grinning face. "Don't even go there, Ty."

  "What? I just said it was interesting." There was a sparkle in his eyes. "So, this thing you've got going with Dare, how's that working out?"

  In answer, I shrugged.

  "I have to say I totally bought it," he said.

  My eyes snapped to his.

  "You two, together. I meant it when I said you were couple goals. I don't think I've heard Dare talk so much about a girl or keep one around for this long."

  "Well," I said, "it was all part of the act. He's really good at convincing people."

  "Is he, though?"

  Tyson and I stared each other down.

  "One thing you should know about my best friend," he said. "He doesn't always trust his feelings, has trouble admitting them—even to himself."

  He was giving me false hope again, and I really didn't need more of that.

  "Tyson, thank you for asking me here," I said. "I had a good time."

  "But?" Ty said.

  "Honestly, I need some space to think, and you're in love with someone else."

  He lifted his chin at me. "Would it make a difference if I wasn't?"

  I shook my head. "No, because I am, too."

  Tyson nodded to himself. "Thanks for the talk, Vi. I enjoyed it."

  "Me, too," I said and was surprised to find that it was true. I let out a real laugh. "Thanks for inviting me on this non-date."

  "No problem," Ty said. "Hey, Vi, can I give you one more piece of advice?"

  I waited for him to go on.

  "It's actually something you said to me." He met my eyes and shrugged. "If you love someone, tell them. Maybe it really is that simple."

  "Wise words," I said, though my voice felt weak.

  "From a wise girl," he said back. "One who was brave enough to go after what she wanted. Maybe we should both listen to her."

  I left shortly after that.

  Of course, I headed straight for the shelter. It was my sanctuary and happy place. I could relax here. But for some reason, even being around the animals and talking to Hermione wasn't doing any good.

  She looked up at me with soulful eyes as my tears started to fall.

  "I just don't know what to do, girl," I said. "Ty's a decent guy, and I know what he said about Dare is true. But…Dare's the one who told me to go out with his friend in the first place. What do you think that means?"

  Hermione licked my cheek and burrowed her head against my shoulder.

  "It's just all so confusing."

  I held her for a minute then leaned back.

  "What should I do?"

  Hermione didn't have the answers, but she did give me another lick to the nose which made me feel better. Despite what Tyson said, I knew it wasn't as simple as when I'd confessed to him. Ty had been a crush. But my feelings for Dare were so much more. I'd never felt this way, but I knew it in my bones. This was love.

  And Dare had already told me he didn't believe in it.

  And then encouraged me to go on a date with his best friend.

  Ugh.

  Courage wasn't the problem, I decided. I was perfectly ready and willing to risk my own fragile heart. I'd already given it away to Dare anyway. Not that he knew that.

  If I told him how I felt, he might never speak to me again. But if I didn't…I'd never know what could've been.

  Hope was the thing I was afraid to lose.

  But maybe it would be worth it.

  CHAPTER 18

  "So, how was your date with Ty?"

  Those were the first words Dare said to me on our ride to school that morning.

  "Didn't you hear it from him?" I asked.

  Dare shifted in his seat. "The guy wouldn't tell me anything. Flat out refused. Jerk," he added under his breath.

  "Hey, I thought he was your best friend," I said.

  "He is. Now, will you just tell me what happened?"

  I gave a shrug. "There's not much to tell. We went out to a Mexican place, had some chips and salsa."

  "That's sounds delicious," Dare said, but it sounded more like an insult. "What did you guys talk about?"

  "You, mostly," I said and glanced over to see him grin.

  "Must've been a good conversation then."

  My pulse pounded, and I turned my head back to the road.

  "You have no idea," I said.

  "Did you have fun?"
he asked.

  "Not exactly, but it was okay."

  "Was he rude to you or something?" There was a warning in his voice that I couldn't miss, and my heart warmed. "If he was, you just tell me Viola, and I'll—"

  "No, no," I said, "Ty was nice. Just like you said he'd be."

  Dare ran a hand over his jaw. "So, you and Ty hit it off then. That's good."

  "Is it?" I asked and waited with bated breath for his answer.

  "Yeah, I'm relieved."

  "You are?"

  "Well, yeah." He laughed, and my stomach coiled into knots. "You like him—and why wouldn't you? Ty's a stand-up guy who'll treat you right." I couldn't get a word in before he kept going. "I know you're a romantic, flower. I'm glad you got the fairytale like you wanted."

  I exhaled in a whoosh. "You're saying you want me to be with Tyson?"

  "Why wouldn't I?"

  His words had me fighting back a sob.

  "He's better for you than I ever could be. That's for sure," he said.

  "I don't know about that," I mumbled.

  "I just want you to be with someone who can make you happy."

  That's you, you idiot. Why can't you see that?

  I wanted to shout the words at him but bit my tongue.

  "Oh, and I meant to tell you, I'm getting my car back."

  "You are?" I said. "When?"

  "Should be by the end of the week." He threw me a smile, completely oblivious to the state of my emotions. "Yep, so you and Buttercup won't have to drive me anymore. I'll miss you both, though. And my morning treats."

  I was on auto-pilot as I parked the car and turned to face him.

  "Dare," I said. "I need to tell you something."

  "Alright flower, I'm listening," he said.

  "It's kind of hard to say. But, about the whole fake relationship, I—"

  Dare held up a hand. "I think I know where this is going."

  "I don't think you do," I said.

  "You're trying to let me down easy, but I get it," he said. "I'm not stupid, flower. I know when someone's about to break up with me."

  I shook my head. "No, that wasn't—"

  "Tyson's a lucky guy. I understand that him being your real boyfriend means our fake relationship is over. And you don't need me anymore."

  He was wrong. So very wrong about that. I did need him. I'd probably always want him.

  Dare smiled, but I couldn't find it in myself to give him one in return.

  "This was fun while it lasted, though, right?" he said.

  "Um hm."

  "Can you carry your cello by yourself today? I've got to stop by the office."

  "Sure," I said and then watched as he walked away.

  Dare didn't look back or hesitate in his steps. It seemed like he'd severed the cord that was once between us. And here I was, staring after him, wishing he'd turn around, tell me he'd been wrong, that he still wanted me in any capacity. But I guess we'd still be friends, and that was something at least.

  But Dare ignored me the rest of the day.

  Actually, correction, it seemed like he was actively avoiding me.

  In Lit, he talked to Jovonte the whole time and pretended I didn't exist. Estelle kept throwing concerned looks between me and my former fake boyfriend. In study hall, I didn't see Dare at all which was strange because we usually sat together. His behavior bothered me. What really got me, though, was that I hadn't gotten a chance to tell him how I felt.

  And that made me feel like a coward.

  But I wasn't a coward, I thought. I was my mother's daughter, a half-Slytherin, half-Gryffindor hybrid with an overly healthy love of romance and happy endings.

  No matter what happened, I had to try and get mine.

  Right?

  I went to the shelter straight after school, hoping to clear my head and gain some clarity. But I was shocked to find Hermione's cage empty. When I went to ask Paris about it, I knew my eyes were red. But I couldn't help it.

  "A very nice couple came to adopt her," Paris said and gave me a squeeze.

  The hug should've helped, but I was inconsolable.

  "They just showed up out of the blue," I said, through my sniffles. "And they wanted Hermione? My Hermione?"

  She nodded. "They took one look at her, and it was like she knew."

  "Knew what?" I asked, craving the answer as much as I dreaded it.

  "That she was going home," Paris said gently. "Hermione took to them in minutes. It was like she'd already met them before. I would've called, but I knew you were in school."

  So? I thought as my waterfall of tears continued. I would've dropped everything, ran as quick as I could, just to meet these "very nice" people who'd taken my girl. I looked to her cage and seeing it empty was like having a stake driven through my heart.

  "Please don't cry, Viola. I know you would've approved if you'd been here."

  "But I wasn't," I said. "And now, I'll never get to say goodbye to her."

  I went over and knelt beside her cage. Professor Snape gave me one of his surly looks, and I reached in to pet his sleek black ears. He and Hermione had been next to each other for a while now. So, I had a feeling he would miss her almost as much as I did.

  "She's gone, Snape," I said. "Our Hermione. She's…gone to a new home now."

  Professor Snape said nothing, of course. But I felt the need to reassure him.

  "It's okay, though." I nodded even as my tears cascaded down my cheeks. "I'll still be here, Professor. Don't you worry. We'll get through this together."

  Snape did an extraordinary thing then—for him anyway.

  As if he could tell how much I was hurting, the dog who never showed much affection licked my hand. He actually licked my hand twice, then laid down and sighed.

  "I know, boy," I said. "I know. I'm here for you."

  I couldn't believe I'd missed my chance to see my girl one last time. I thought we'd have days, weeks, years together…but we didn't.

  Something about losing Dare and Hermione in the same day sent a bolt of adrenaline racing through my system. I told Paris goodbye. And though she was always glad to have me, I could tell she was grateful to see me go because I was so visibly upset.

  "Go home and rest," she said. "It will be okay, Viola. You'll see."

  It would—but I wasn't going home.

  I drove in the opposite direction, determined not to miss another chance at something I truly loved.

  #

  It took me twenty minutes to get back to the school.

  By then, I was all cried out, and I'd transitioned into the unstoppable-woman-on-a-mission stage of grief. The more I thought about my conversation with Dare that morning, the more annoyed I became.

  Sure, I had tried a couple of times to correct him, to tell him his assumptions about Ty and me were wrong. But Dare hadn't stopped speaking long enough to listen. If this was a movie, I thought, I would be so frustrated with the main characters—especially the guy—for their inability to communicate clearly.

  But how often did that happen in real life?

  I tried to ignore it, but my frustrations kept bubbling up.

  Why hadn't Dare let me speak my piece? Why did he keep saying how much better Tyson would be for me than himself? How the heck did he know that, anyway?

  It took five more minutes for me to walk to the gymnasium, and I calculated that soccer practice probably let out about ten minutes ago.

  Awesome, I thought. I could catch him before he left.

  "Hey," Estelle said, walking up to me. She must've just finished with cheer because she had her pom poms. "Is everything okay? I was getting some weird vibes in Lit. Also, I heard you went out with Tyson."

  "It wasn't a date," I said. "We were just hanging out."

  "Okaaay, and the vibes between you and Dare?"

  I looked at her. "You're right about those. I'm going to try and fix it, though. I just hope you don't stop being my friend once you know the truth."

  Estelle pinched my arm, and I gasped
. "That was for questioning my loyalty. You know I've got your back, Vi. No matter what."

  "Okay." I gave a half-smile, the closest I'd gotten to one since learning of Hermione's adoption. Though I was thrilled for her, I was just sad I wouldn't get to see her anymore. "Thank you—for your loyalty, not for the pinch."

  She shrugged. "I'm not sorry."

  I was shaking my head when Dad joined us in the hall.

  "Hey Viola," he said, "I thought you'd be at the shelter."

  "I was just there," I said, "but I came back because there's something I need to do."

  He nodded but ran a hand along the back of his neck. "Alright, but can I see you in my office for a second? I was hoping we could talk."

  "Okay," I said then turned to Estelle. "Thanks again."

  "What are friends for," she said and smiled to my dad. "You guys have a good chat, and Viola, let me know how it goes with you-know-who."

  I rolled my eyes but said, "Of course, I will. Cross your fingers for me, Estelle."

  She laughed. "Oh, they are all crossed, girl. Don't you worry."

  As we walked to his office, Dad glanced over at me. "Who was that? I didn't know you'd made a new friend."

  "That's Estelle," I said.

  "She seems nice," he remarked.

  "She is, and she's been a very good friend to me."

  He leaned back against his desk. "I'm so glad to hear that."

  "What'd you want to discuss?" I asked.

  Before he could say anything, there was a knock on the door.

  "You wanted to see us, Coach."

  It was a voice I knew all too well, and I closed my eyes a moment to soak it in.

  "Dare, Ty," my dad said, and I could hear a hint of frustration there. "I'm having a conversation with my daughter. Can you two please wait outside?"

  "Sure thing."

  "No," I said and turned to see Dare and Ty standing in the doorway. "I actually have something to say to you."

  Tyson crossed his arms as he grinned. "What's going on?" he said. "Did you decide to be brave?"

  I nodded. "Yeah, I guess I did."

  "Awesome. But let me go first, okay, Vi? This will only take a second."

  I gestured for him to go ahead, and to my surprise, he placed a hand on Dare's shoulder.