by Julie Morgan
The subject was titled Indefinite Leave, and the district superintendent was copied.
My eyes blurred with tears, and my heart broke with betrayal.
Erin. It had to be. Who else would do this? But why would Erin go behind my back?
Dear Miss Murphy,
It is with regret we have to inform you that starting Monday, you’ll be on leave without pay indefinitely. It has been brought to our attention that unprofessional actions have been taking place in your classroom with a student’s parent. This type of behavior is not accepted in our school, nor will it be tolerated.
You may come to the school when the day ends to pack your belongings.
We regret we have had to come to this decision, and we wish you nothing but the best in moving forward.
Sincerely,
Principal Arnold Bishop
I gripped my phone and closed my eyes. A single tear slipped down my cheek.
Three years. Three fucking years, just for it to end this way. No!
I opened my contacts list and pressed Call. The phone rang three times before she finally answered.
“Hey, girl. What’s up?”
“Erin,” I took in a deep breath, then slowly released it.
“Cara? What’s going on? You okay?”
I wanted to tear into her, charge her with the guilt of what she had done, but how did I know it was her and not someone else? I bit back my rage and forced myself to calm down. My shoulders and back were still rigid, and my stomach churned as if someone had poured acid into it.
“I just received an email from Principal Bishop.” I hated doing this, but I needed to know if it was her or someone else. “Care to tell me what’s going on? Because after this email, I’m honestly confused.”
There was an uncomfortable silence on the phone for what felt like an eternity, when in reality it was maybe thirty seconds.
Erin sighed into the phone. “It’s not like you left me a choice, Cara. You were basically opening your legs for Noah Hughes on your desk in front of the kids!”
I gasped. It was her, someone I trusted. I sagged in my chair, and the tears shot past the gates of “oh hell no, she doesn’t deserve your tears” barrier. “How could you?”
“Put yourself in my position, Cara. How would you feel if you saw me with someone in my classroom, all but fucking?”
“Number one, that never happened in front of the kids and you know it! Number two, what I do with Noah Hughes is none of your fucking business. But now that you’ve taken it upon yourself to make it your business, I hope you’re happy.”
“Jesus, Cara, don’t hate me. It’s business, not personal.”
I laughed, but there was no humor to it. “Wow, Erin. Just wow. You know, I don’t hate you. I’m just disappointed you turned into everything you said you’d never be.”
“That’s not fair,” she retorted.
“Isn’t it, though? The worst thing about betrayal is knowing that it was done by someone you trusted the most.”
“Whatever, Cara. I’m done here.”
Before she could hang up, I yelled, “No, you don’t get to hang up on me. Let me tell you what’s going to happen. You lied. You flat out lied, and you know it. You have no idea what I have with Noah or if we have anything at all. I’ll give you one chance to make it right with the principal and superintendent. If you don’t, you’ll be hearing from my lawyer. Slanderous accusations follow people around.”
“Oh yeah? You wouldn’t sue me.”
“Wouldn’t I, though?” I had never used my family’s money as a bargaining chip or held it over anyone’s head, but I wasn’t above doing that now. “Make the call, or you’ll see me in court.”
“Go ahead and threaten me all you want, Cara. It doesn’t matter. What’s done is done.”
Before I opted to hang up on her, I pulled one more string. It had been a sore subject with Erin when we had first discussed it, and we never spoke of it.
The tenure in our positions put one of us into a leadership role for the school. This role meant decision making, and this would eventually lead to the role of principal, maybe even superintendent. Erin salivated at the opportunity to run things, but it had been my name the principal had always called on.
“If you wanted the leadership role this desperately, I would have dropped out of the running and given it to you. If this is what this is about—”
“It’s not about that, but thanks for thinking so wholeheartedly of me. Nevertheless, it’s mine now anyway.”
“Well, fuck you and your sour life. I hope karma fucks you in the ass.” I hung up and chucked my phone across the room. It bounced off the wall and spun on the floor. After I threw it, I cringed that I might have broken it. When it simply continued to rotate in circles on the floor, I sighed and rested my forehead on my arms on the table.
How did I get here? Why did this happen? Why Erin? Did she want my job that desperately? Had she wanted me out of the way and felt I was that much competition? Did a part of Erin possibly want Noah for herself?
Noah. Hell. I can’t do this tonight.
With tears now flowing in a steady stream from my eyes, I stood and crossed the room to where my phone sat on the floor. I picked it up and growled at the crack that had formed across the screen.
I pulled up my messages and found Noah’s.
Noah, not tonight. Something’s come up.
I’m going to be out of pocket for a while.
Please, don’t call me or come over. I’m
sorry. It sucks, but I need space right now.
I stared at my phone until the letters began to morph into different figures through my tears. I pressed Send, set the phone down, and then leaned over the table and blew out the candles. I pressed my palms into the wood of the table and hung my head low. My shoulders shook as I sobbed.
I’d lost my job, everything I’d worked toward, and lost who I’d thought was one of my best friends. If hell was being betrayed by someone you trusted, then this was my own personal inferno.
Luci purred and rubbed his body against my ankles. A growl roared from my lungs and turned into a scream. Luci, my poor cat, ran from the room. I’d make it up to him later, but right now, I needed to get control of myself before I ruined more than my career.
The silence of my home was filled with my sobs until my phone rang. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, but if it was my mom, I was willing to make an exception. I looked at the caller ID and cried even more when it was Noah’s name. He must have read my text and now wanted to talk.
But I couldn’t.
I wouldn’t.
I didn’t want to go through another heartache. It was better this way. I was better off alone than to share my life with someone who would ultimately break my heart. Erin had. Why wouldn’t Noah?
I let his call go to voicemail, and then he called again.
And again.
And again.
At some point, my voicemail would be filled. Would he continue to call or just stop? Would he give up on us? On me?
Why not? Everyone else had.
“Fuck this,” I mumbled and left the table with my phone sitting on it. As I turned the corner, it rang again—no doubt Noah calling—but I didn’t want to talk to him. Not now. He would convince me to let him come over. I’d worked hard on building my protective fortress, and in no time, Noah had managed to knock it down. Well, damn it, consider it refortified with new cement. No one would ever get through it again.
I was done letting people in. I was done trusting.
I was just done.
I walked into my bedroom, and Luci sat on my bed and lifted his head. He meowed at me as if asking, What the fuck is your problem?
I climbed across my bed and lay next to my cat. Luci had been through a lot with me. He had been there during my breakup and recovery from Jeremy, and here he was again, my confidant through Erin and Noah.
Although Noah did nothing, in time, I’m positive he would have. Why wouldn’t
he? Everyone shit on me.
Don’t have such a pity fucking party. Noah has given no indication he would do this to you. He opened his heart to you. Why would he do that and then turn around and smash yours?
I wanted to yell at my inner voice to shut up, but the point was made. He gave his heart, and it was me who smashed it. I was a despicable human being.
A new onslaught of tears started, and I pulled Luci into an embrace. He resisted but eventually realized he wouldn’t win and gave up. He lay there with me while I sobbed, and after a long moment, he began to purr.
I pulled my legs up and curled around my cat while my heart broke into a million pieces. I needed a do-over button. I needed a door to escape. I needed someone to hug me.
I needed Noah.
Chapter Eighteen
Noah
I had learned years ago through a nasty breakup—before I met Autumn—that rejection didn’t mean you weren’t good enough for the other person. It meant the other person didn’t notice who you were and what you could offer in the relationship. I didn’t want to admit that Cara couldn’t see the potential between us, but I knew something had happened. But what?
I thought back to the day when I volunteered at the school. She rushed me from her classroom after Erin had seen us. Afterward, we continued on as if nothing had happened, and I had accepted that instead of asking questions about what might happen.
I looked at the calls I’d made to her. If I were being honest with myself, I was becoming a borderline stalker. Who called someone this much?
A man in love with a woman rejecting him, that’s who.
I wrapped up the night and decided to drive to my mom’s. She had Marshall. Since my evening events had changed, thanks to Cara, why not just call it a night?
I stepped out of my car, and the wind chill reminded me winter was nearly upon us. I was still dirty from the night and needed a shower. My plan was to clean up at Cara’s and have her in there with me. Now I’d go it alone.
Reaching the front door, I unlocked it and let myself in. My mom was in the living room with a lamp on, reading. I shut the door behind me and took a few steps in.
She looked up and did a double take. She put down her book and frowned. “Noah, what happened?”
“What makes you think something is wrong?” I closed the distance to where she sat and stood over her. “Everything is peachy.”
She lifted her brow, then reached her hand up for mine. I took it and lowered to my knees. My heart was breaking, and I had no idea why Cara had a sudden change in hers.
“What happened?” she asked. “Talk to me, son. I can see it written all over you.”
I sighed, and my body sagged. I sat on my heels and shrugged. “Everything happened, Mom. Everything.”
“Was it a rescue mission tonight gone wrong?”
I shook my head. “No, not this time. It’s…it’s Cara.”
A moment of silence passed between us when my mom touched my chin and lifted my face up. “Tell me what happened. How can I help?”
“You can’t,” I whispered. I told her about Cara’s text and my calling her a number of times. “I don’t know what else to do.”
“Have you thought about going over there? Bringing some food with you?”
“No, she doesn’t want to see me.”
“That’s her head. Her heart will be different. Trust me on this. Go pick up her favorite food and drive over there. Knock on her door until she answers. She’ll let you in. Talk it through. Whatever happened doesn’t sound like it had anything to do with you. Something drastic may have happened that shook her soul. It’s up to you to find out why and be there for her. Don’t worry about holidays, family time, all that crap. Go to her and just be.”
“Just be…what?”
“Whatever she needs you to be. Be vulnerable, just like her. I can almost guarantee the two of you will be just fine. She just needs to take a breath.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Well, son, last time I checked, I’m a woman. I know how we think. We think with our hearts. You men think with your dicks.”
“Oh hell, Mom, I don’t need that right now.”
She laughed, and it brought a smile to my lips. She always knew how to get me to laugh, even in the hardest of situations. I loved her so much for that.
She scooted forward and pulled me to her. I wrapped my arms around the first woman I’d ever loved, my mother. I couldn’t imagine this life without her, and she was right. I needed to go to Cara.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“You’re welcome, son. Now”—she pulled away and fanned in front of her face—“I love you more than life itself, but son, you reek. Go shower before you go sweep your lady off her feet.”
I chuckled and nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”
It was almost midnight. Chinese food in one hand, my heart in the other, I approached Cara’s condo building. The downstairs door was locked unless you had a key for entrance to the building. This could be a potential problem.
Did I ring the bell in hopes she’d let me up?
Stand like John Cusack and blast “In Your Eyes” with hopes no one called the police? Man, I could just picture the ration of shit I’d get down at the station.
Or I’d get lucky and be standing here when one of her neighbors left. I grinned and grabbed the door as a blond woman stepped out. She looked me over with a smile and paused as if to ask a question—one I answered before she began her first word.
“My girlfriend lives here.”
“Oh right, I think I’ve seen you around here. Too bad. If you weren’t spoken for—”
“Thank you, I’m flattered.” I rushed through the door as it closed behind me and headed up the all-too-familiar staircase to her door. Just behind it was the woman of my dreams, my son’s teacher—the lady who’d stolen my heart.
I swallowed the heavy lump in my throat and took a chance. I knocked three times on her door. Looking to the ground by the doorframe, I saw a shadow move across the entrance. I smiled. She was home.
“What are you doing here?” Cara asked through the door.
“Please, open the door?”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“You didn’t give me much of a choice in what to do about us, Cara. Please, open so we can talk. Look”—I held up the bag—“I brought your favorite. Szechuan chicken.”
“That’s not my favorite.”
I lowered the bag and looked at the peephole in the door. “Please, baby, open the door.”
The peephole grew bright again, and then the locks clicked. She opened it just enough to where I could see her.
She wore old, ratty, flannel pajamas, her hair was in a messy bun, and her cheeks were splotched from crying.
And she was absolutely beautiful.
I smiled and leaned against the doorjamb. “Hi.”
She lowered her gaze and whispered, “Hey.”
“Can I please come in?”
She nodded and opened the door wider, then stepped back toward her couch. She sat down and tucked her legs under her body. I closed the door, flipped the locks, and removed my jacket, then padded over to the couch. I placed the food down and sat next to her. I reached for the tissues on the table and handed them to her.
Cara began to cry again. I reached around her shoulders and pulled her toward me. She didn’t fight it. Instead, she leaned into my chest, and I held on to her as she shook. I felt my T-shirt dampen from her tears.
“Start at the beginning. What happened?”
Cara sat up and wiped at her eyes, and then, grabbing a tissue, she blew her nose. “I’m…I’m sorry, Noah.”
“Don’t do that. I’m fine. Just tell me what happened.” I brushed some loose strands of hair behind her ear and waited for her to start talking. I would wait all night if that’s what it would require. I didn’t care. I loved her.
“The day I rushed you from my classroom?”
I nodded for her t
o continue.
“My so-called best friend, Erin, told the principal you and I were fucking in my classroom.”
I raised my brows. Well, we had fucked in her classroom, but never anything out in the open or in front of the children. Not even hand holding.
“The principal took it up with the superintendent. I’m on indefinite leave without pay.”
“Oh shit,” I whispered.
She nodded. “I want to talk to my principal about it and make my case that they don’t have grounds to fire me without proof.”
“I agree.”
She looked up to me, and her bottom lip trembled. “The fact that one teacher informed the district that another was putting her students in danger was enough for indefinite leave.”
“How was our seeing each other putting any of the students in jeopardy?”
“It was about Marshall,” she told me through a hiccup.
“My son? What does Marshall have to do with us?”
“That’s just it,” she started and wiped at her eyes. “According to district rules and regulations, my relationship with you would jeopardize him. I broke the rules getting involved with you.”
I let a long sigh go and recalled the first time she had told me we needed to do the right thing and not see each other again. But I was a greedy bastard and had wanted more of Cara.
“I’ll not apologize for chasing you, Cara. You’re a wonderful woman, and I love you. I don’t regret that at all, but I do feel guilty about the fact you’ve lost your job because of us.”
“We agreed we’d keep this light. We agreed to that, Noah.” She stood from the couch and began to pace. “We weren’t going to let things like feelings get in the way, yet here we are. And now…now I’ve lost everything I’ve worked for. All because of a good piece of ass.”
That hit like an arrow to the chest, and Cara held the bow. It hurt like hell. “You don’t mean that.”
She met my gaze, and I could see the hurt in her eyes—the torment, the deception of her friend. “I called the principal and asked to be reassigned instead of being placed on leave. He said he’d ask to meet with the school board on my behalf, but he doesn’t have his hopes up. Even if successful, I’d be starting over. Everything I had is now gone thanks to this shit between us.”