by Naomi Martin
“I murdered him.”
You protected yourself and the boys.
I shudder as I slip back into my cell and gently pull the door closed, unable to bear witness to the bloody, pulped remains of Clint puddled on the floor outside.
You survived. And you are making sure Zane, Elliot, and Gray all survive as well.
I nod at my shadow-self’s words, knowing they’re right. But I’m still unable to completely shake the horror of what I’ve done.
“I survived,” I whisper, “but at what cost to my soul?”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Raven
“Hey, there you are,” Elliot says. “Did you hear what happened?”
It’s late afternoon when they finally end the lockdown. The staff had spent the day cleaning up the mess I’d made in the small hours and trying to figure out what happened. I’ve been a nervous wreck all day as I’ve waited for them to come for me. But they never did. And, when the buzzers sounded a little while ago, signaling that it was mealtime, they opened the doors and life in here went back to normal.
Of course, I’d poked my head out and had heard the buzz of conversation, picking up snippets here and there. It was common knowledge that Clint was dead, but nobody knew how it happened. Nor did anybody—most of the staff included—know how Clint had manage to obtain the cell key that had let him out after hours. Equally puzzling to them was who he’d let out, the assumption being that whoever it had been was the killer.
I nodded. “Bits and pieces, yeah.”
“Wild, isn’t it?” Elliot asks. “And one less problem for us. Sounds like somebody did us a favor.”
I’m sitting on the edge of my bunk, a maelstrom of emotions churning wildly inside of me. I look up to see Elliot sticking his head around the edge of my door and give him a watery smile. His expression immediately sobers.
“Hey, are you okay?” he asks.
“No, not really.”
He steps into my cell and shuts the door behind him, closing out the harsh and loud buzz of mealtime conversation outside. He grabs my chair and puts it down in front of me, taking a seat and reaching for my hands. I revel in the feel of his touch, the warmth and smoothness of his skin. It makes me feel more connected. Grounded. Slightly, anyway. But at this point, I’ll take what I can get.
“Talk to me,” he says.
I look into his sparkling green eyes and feel my heart swell. There’s such kindness and compassion in them that, for a brief moment, I feel like everything is going to be okay. As quickly as that feeling came, though, it recedes and I’m once again overcome by the twin threads of grief and guilt that are wrapped around my heart. Ever since I killed Clint, those two threads have been squeezing me tighter and tighter, making it difficult for me to even breathe.
“Raven,” Elliot says. “What’s going on? What’s wrong?”
I force myself to stay calm and relax. Or, at least, to relax as much as I can. I know I’m safe with Elliot. I’m safe with all of my boys. I can trust them with anything, I know that. Even so, getting the words out is difficult.
“Raven—”
“I killed him,” I blurt out. “I killed Clint.”
He recoils quickly, his face a mask of confusion. He studies me closely, reading my expression, and though he is without judgment in his eyes, the guilt pressing down on my shoulders only seems to compound further and I fear that I will crumble beneath the weight of it.
Elliot clears his throat. “Tell me everything,” he urges. “Start from the beginning.”
And so, I do. I start with Clint coming into my cell after hours and go from there. I tell him everything, holding nothing back—not even the delight I took in power-driving Clint into the steel floor and hearing his head crack open. He wants the complete and unvarnished truth of it, so I give it to him.
And when I’m finished speaking, Elliot sits back in the chair and looks at me closely. But then he leans forward again and takes my hand in his. He puts his other hand beneath my chin and lifts my head, forcing me to look into his eyes.
“You did nothing wrong,” he says. “You have nothing to feel guilty about, Raven.”
“And yet, I do.”
“He broke into your cell. Threatened to force himself on you,” he points out. “You defended yourself.”
“By using a power I’m not supposed to have,” I counter. “A power I don’t yet fully understand.”
He nods soberly. “I don’t understand it, either. But I’m going to find out,” he promises. “I’m going to research the hell out of this. If there’s something to be found, I’ll find it. Trust me on that.”
“I do,” I say weakly.
“As for Clint, he brought it on himself,” Elliot insists. “He broke in here to force himself on you. You protected yourself. There’s nothing for you to explain.”
“Pretty sure that’s not the way Sherman will see it,” I say. “I know he knows I did it. He’s the one who gave Clint the key, after all.”
“And that’s exactly why he’s not going to say a word about it, Raven,” Elliot explains. “He risks exposing himself and his role in all of this. For now, they’re saying that Clint was thrown off the third tier. Nobody suspects that an elemental did this to him.”
“I hope not.”
“I know not,” he assures me. “I’ve been out there listening. As of right now, you’re not even close to being a suspect.”
I give him a trembling smile. It’s good that I’m not a suspect, but that doesn’t alleviate the burden of guilt pressing down on me. I’m not sure anything can do that. This wasn’t some fight with armed men trying to kill me. This was a cold, calculated act designed to prevent me from being discovered. And the further away I get from the situation, the more clearly I’m seeing that.
Given what Clint had intended, I shouldn’t feel guilty. He was going to rape me. He was going to do terrible things to me all in the name of exerting dominance over me, so that I’d fall in line. Because of that, I shouldn’t feel the slightest shred of remorse. But he was still a living person. A human being. I snuffed out his life to cover my own ass. And it’s left me with a dark, cold spot inside of me.
“You did nothing wrong, Raven,” Elliot continues. “He was a bad guy and you protected yourself. You had no choice. Don’t let this consume you.”
“I know that Sherman will come for me now,” I tell him. “He knows it’s me, that I did this, and he’ll come for me.”
“After seeing what you did to Clint, he may reconsider that. Sherman is a cockroach who values his own ass above anything else,” he says, matter-of-factly. “And you splitting Clint’s head open like an overripe melon may make him think twice about coming for you.”
“Thanks for that visual,” I groan.
“Sorry,” he chuckles.
I try to push all of the gruesome images and my anxiety out of my mind. I have to just ignore it all and focus on the here and now. But I feel lost. Adrift. I desperately need to feel connected—not only to myself, but to this world again. I want to feel connected to Elliot and to all my boys because, right now, I feel like that inescapably evil… thing Fry believes us all to be. I feel like a monster.
Biting my bottom lip, I stand up and wiggle my pants down, then step out of them. Elliot swallows hard as he looks at me, letting his eyes slide up my bare legs.
“Wh-what are you doing?” he asks.
A mischievous grin on my face, I press my finger to his lips. I take a step forward to straddle his lap, and I grind myself against him. He’s firm and hard in his pants. I press my lips to his, sliding my tongue into his mouth. He returns my kiss eagerly, his own tongue dashing against mine. He runs his hands through my hair and down my back, cupping my bare ass and squeezing it as I roll my hips, rubbing my clit against his stiff cock.
“I need this,” I whisper into his ear. “I need you.”
Reaching down, I slide my hand into his pants and grip his cock firmly. I give him a few strokes that make him g
asp before he raises himself up just enough to let me pull it out. I rub the head of his cock against my clit, teasing myself, and I shudder as the sensations course through me.
I lift myself up and nestle the thick head of his dick between lips that are swollen and throbbing. Gripping his shoulders tightly, I lower myself down on him, taking him into me inch by glorious inch, and press myself down until he’s buried to the hilt. My mouth finds his again. I push my tongue past his lips, swallowing his low groans of pleasure, while his fingers press harder into my ass, squeezing and kneading my flesh.
I start to rock my hips slowly at first, sliding myself up and down on his thick, rigid shaft, making both of us moan and shiver. Elliot kisses my neck, nipping gently. The feel of his tongue and his teeth on my skin tingles and I grip his shoulders tighter, digging my fingers into his traps as I start to ride him harder.
I thrust myself up and down on his staff and when I throw my head back, moaning softly, he leans forward and kisses the hollow of my neck. His tongue slides all the way up to my chin. I lean down and lock gazes with Elliot, the eye contact making the sensations rocking me all the more vibrant as I continue impaling myself on his cock.
Elliot slips his hands beneath my shirt and starts to knead my breasts, teasing my nipples with the pads of his thumbs, and I cry out. I look deeply into his eyes and see the depth of emotion he feels for me. It hits me hard and nearly steals my breath. This is what I needed, this connection. This solid tether to the world. I don’t think Elliot knows how much I needed this.
My skin feels like it’s on fire and I thrust myself down on his cock even harder, riding him for all I’m worth. Falling forward, I press my forehead against his, rising and falling on his staff as I grip his hair. I bite his neck, drawing a sharp hiss from him but it’s quickly followed by a moan of pleasure as I squeeze my inner muscles, tightening them up around his dick.
I feel Elliot swelling within me and his breathing grows heavier. He kisses me hard, shoving his tongue deep into my mouth as he grips my hips, guiding me, moving me up and down on top of him. Elliot arches himself upward and he squeezes his eyes shut. He clenches his jaw, doing everything he can to hold back the inevitable, but it’s too late.
He pulls me down as he thrusts upward and holds himself deep inside of me, hitting that spot within my core that makes my entire body vibrate with pleasure. And as I feel him burst, feel his seed spurting inside of me, I let go and feel my own body twitch. I writhe on his lap as we both cum hard.
I wrap my arms around the back of his neck and press a kiss to his mouth, putting everything I feel for him into it. Ever so slowly, our breathing returns to normal and the glow begins to fade. But even as I slide off his lap and feel the remnants of his passion trickling down the insides of my thighs, I still feel him inside of me. Just as I still feel Zane and Gray inside of me. They’re a part of me now, just as I’m a part of them.
I slip my pants back on and stare down at Elliot as I tie them. He’s looking up at me with a wonderstruck expression on his face and a smile on his lips. I pull him to his feet and slide his pants back up for him before I wrap my arms around his firm body. He holds me close and I relish having his arms around me.
“Thank you,” I murmur. “You’ll never know just how much I needed that.”
As I cling to him, I realize just how safe I feel with him. With all of the boys, actually. It’s been a really long time since I’ve felt this protected. This safe. This cared for. Honestly, I haven’t felt this way since—
Chapter Twenty-Four
Elliot
“I’m telling you, she was there one minute and gone the next,” I say, nearly frantic as I pace Zane’s cell. “She just disappeared.”
I catch Gray and Zane exchanging a look that borders on disbelief, as if they think I’m making this up or something.
“Guys, I don’t know what happened,” I say. “We were…”
I let my voice trail off, suddenly not wanting to finish that sentence. To finish it would be to admit that we had just had sex. And I don’t want to admit that in front of these two. For whatever reason, I don’t want them to know that I’m sleeping with Raven. Maybe it’s to protect her modesty or her reputation or something. I haven’t stopped long enough to think about it. Or maybe it’s because I know she cares for them just like she cares for me, and I don’t want to know that she’s sleeping with them, too. I don’t really know.
“You were what?” Gray presses.
I hesitate, but I see the light of amusement in Zane’s eyes and the small smile on his lips. He knows.
“They were having sex,” Zane says.
Gray turns and looks at him questioningly as my face burns. I’m sure it’s redder than my hair right now. Zane taps his nose and Gray turns to me. I see his nostrils flaring as he breathes in my scent and I see his eyes widen.
“Damn,” Gray says.
“I really hate you guys sometimes,” I tell them.
Zane shrugs. “It’s not my fault that my senses are heightened.”
“Mine either,” Gray adds. “But sometimes, I really wish they weren’t. Like right now, in fact.”
“Yeah well that makes two of us,” I say.
“I had a hard enough time dealing with it when I thought it was just him,” Gray said, waving to Zane. “To know that I’m sharing her with you, too? Damn. I don’t—”
“You two are way too uptight about sex,” Zane says. “What’s so upsetting about the fact that Raven chooses to indulge herself? To experience pleasure rather than wallow in the misery of this place?”
“Ummm… the fact that she’s fucking all of us?” Gray asks.
“And have you not enjoyed sex with multiple partners since you’ve been in here, Gray?” Zane asks. “I seem to recall a year ago or so now, that pair of elementals—sisters, I believe—”
“Yeah, you can shut up now,” Gray snaps.
“Sisters?” I wonder aloud, suddenly impressed and intrigued.
“You can shut up, too,” he says, his voice gruff.
Gray looks away from us quickly and his face darkens as the hypocrisy of his sentiment finally sinks in. But I have to admit, knowing for a fact that Raven has been with all three of us feels… weird. I mean, I know these guys. I consider them friends. It just feels sort of odd to me. But, hey, it’s not my business. At least, I’m going to pretend it’s not.
Zane shrugs languidly. “We are all connected, in case you haven’t figured that out yet,” he says. “The four of us. We’re bound together.”
“What are you talking about?” I ask.
“Haven’t you both felt a shift inside of yourselves since Raven arrived?” he asks. “Haven’t you felt yourself grow stronger? More vital?”
I exchange a look with Gray and shrug. “Well, yeah. I have,” I admit. “I didn’t know what to make of it.”
Gray nods. “Yeah, me too,” he says and flicks his collar. “Fat lot of good it does with this fucking thing on my neck, though.”
“And did you both simply think it coincidence?” Zane presses.
“To be honest, I didn’t think about it much at all,” Gray says.
“Not surprising,” he says. “You shifters aren’t known for your powers of thought or observation.”
Gray is on his feet in an instant, glowering down at the vampire. Zane simply leans back in his chair, perfectly composed and relaxed, a small smile playing on his lips. But Gray looks like he wants to rip the vampire’s head off his shoulders.
“Relax, Gray,” Zane says. “I was joking. I meant no offense.”
“You and me, we have some problems that we’re gonna need to work out, here,” Gray spits.
Zane sits up and looks at him earnestly. “There is no conflict between us, Gray. Your kind and my kind—it’s all stupidity,” he says. “And it only continues because idiots keep perpetuating the idea that shifters and vampires cannot get along. And those idiots exist on both sides, yours and mine.”
Gray growl
s low in his throat and narrows his eyes further. I’m half-afraid he’s going to try to shift and get himself zapped. But then, that might be the only thing that will cool this situation down. We need to figure out what happened to Raven, because I’m pretty sure vanishing into thin air isn’t normal. Not even for somebody like her.
I clear my throat. “Uh, guys—”
Zane leans forward. “Has a vampire ever wronged you? I mean, personally,” he asks, totally ignoring me. “Has a vampire ever killed a friend or a loved one?”
The question seems to take Gray a bit by surprise. He looks as if he’s thinking and turns away from Zane. The air in the room is thick with tension and anger, but as I watch Gray, I see him start to deflate and feel some of the tension begin to dissipate.
“No,” he finally admits, “I’ve never personally been wronged by a vampire.”
“And the reason you hate my kind is what, then?” Zane presses.
Gray shrugs. “Because of stories I’ve heard. Because of what I’ve been told.”
Zane nods. “And I’ve been told many stories about shifters, too,” he says. “But rather than believe them and continue this stupid feud, I ignore those stories. There are idiots, liars, and assholes on all sides—vampires and shifters alike.”
Gray crooks a grin. “And elementals, too.”
Zane nods. “And elementals, too,” he agrees. “All I am saying is that I have no personal dispute with you. And I do not believe I have done anything to cause you offense.”
Gray shakes his head. “No, you haven’t.”
“And if you think about it, we have more in common than we have differences,” Zane says. “We care for the same woman. We’re both locked in here against our will—believe me when I say there is no conflict between us. There never has been, as far as I am concerned.”
There’s a long pause before Gray finally nods. “Yeah, but you’re kind of a pretentious prick.”
Zane shrugs. “That’s true. And you can be an uncouth, vile creature.”
“That is also true,” Gray laughs.