by Amy Brent
I’d only made it about forty miles out of Coral Springs before pulling into the nearest town. And I hadn’t been able to leave since. I couldn’t make myself put any more distance between us. It hurt too much.
The moment I’d left, I’d known it was a huge mistake to leave without talking to Quinn first. Another thing that had kept me up at nights, lying in bed, wondering if things would have gone differently if I had just answered the fucking phone. If I had just stayed.
You couldn’t have stayed. Losing the bed and breakfast would have destroyed Quinn. I knew it was true. But it didn’t make one bit of it any easier to swallow. If anything, it made the knife-like pain I’d been walking around with stab just a little bit deeper. Because I hadn’t even tried.
I had just given up at Jonah’s threat and walked away without another word, without even explaining. Without saying goodbye.
I have to make it right. Somehow. Any way I can. I have to try at least. The thought echoed through my head and I could feel the truth of it in my bones.
“Hey, handsome, can I get another?” The girl sitting at the bar who wasn’t Quinn asked and I stared at her for a long moment, not moving, not speaking, as a plan started to form in my head. It might be the dumbest thing in the world to do, but I couldn’t stop myself. I’d made a mistake, and now I needed to fucking fix it.
I almost shook my head at myself. For the first time in my life, I was running towards my past, rather than away from it. Damn, she'd changed me more than I ever realized. And if I was being honest with myself, I liked it. I liked the new man I'd become with her. A better man.
“Uh, hello?”
“Sorry,” I said, not a hint of regret in my voice, “I have to go.”
“Excuse me?” She huffed, rolling her eyes but I didn’t care. I needed to do the right thing, and I couldn’t wait another minute.
I untied the black apron I was wearing, throwing it on the bar and walked out in the middle of my shift. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered except getting back to Quinn and explaining everything that had happened. Hopefully she could find it in her heart to forgive me, but either way, I had to try. I couldn’t go on like this, every moment spent thinking of her, regretting what I had done.
What about Jonah? A small voice whispered in my head as I walked out but I shrugged it off. I would deal with Jonah when the time came. If luck was on my side, he would be at Lucky’s, where he normally was at on a Saturday evening. Hopefully, I wouldn’t even have to see him.
You hope that he doesn’t see you, you mean. That voice said again, a small hushed insidious thought. I ignored it as best I could. Whatever the consequences, I would deal with them then. All I knew what that I needed to see Quinn, now.
I didn’t let myself think any deeper about what I was doing as I left the bar and walked straight to my truck. I started the engine, my mind buzzing but not focusing on any one thought as I pulled out of the gravel parking lot and a few minutes later I was leaving the small town behind and on my way back to Coral Springs.
I didn't stop as I drove into town, passing the now familiar main street. I saw Lucky's out of the corner of my eye and felt a poignant pang of something I'd never felt before. I was homesick. Not homesick for a place, but for a person. For Quinn.
The realization tore through me, terrifying me, but I pushed my foot down on the accelerator as I drove towards the old apartment building she lived in. I smiled softly, remembering how she told me about the cranky landlady who lived on the second floor and the quirks of the drafty, rundown building.
She’d been planning on converting a part of the Mayhew house into a small apartment and office that she would stay in. Quinn had been so excited about it, and the memory of her bright smile hurt like a physical pain in my chest.
I barely waited to park my truck before jumping out and shuffling nervously to the front door. I knocked a few times, flakes of peeling paint falling off from the vibration. Then, I waited. It was the longest fifteen seconds of my life, standing there in front of Quinn's apartment. I didn't breathe. I just stood there frozen, until the doorknob jingled and then the hinges creaked slowly open.
Any breath that was left in my lungs rushed out in a painful gasp as I met Jonah’s angry green gaze.
He was the last person I wanted to see, and the last person who wanted to see me but I was already there. I had to at least try.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Jonah demanded, his voice hard and edged with a rage that obviously hadn’t cooled in the last week. If anything, he seemed even more pissed off.
I took a deep breath, weighing my words carefully. I was still healing from the last bruises he gave me. “I need to see Quinn. I need to explain why I left. I need…I need to say goodbye, at least.”
“No, you don’t.” Jonah said shortly, moving to slam the door in my face, but I put out my hand, stopping it before he could.
“Please, Jonah. If she’s here, just let me talk to her. Let me tell her that I lo–.”
“You’re too late. She’s with someone else.”
"What?" I asked, shocked, my body filling with a bone-deep pain at Jonah's words. "What the fuck are you talking about."
Jonah shrugged casually, “As soon as you left, she started dating one of the Brewer boys. She’s over you, Leo. You should just leave her alone.”
“Right, you just let her date someone else after beating the shit out of me?” I snorted, and Jonah gave me a hard look.
“You’re not the right man for her, Leo. You’re a player and you would have broken her heart. As soon as you got bored, you’d have dumped her and moved on to the next available female.”
“It’s not…She’s not like that.”
“You’re right. She’s not. She deserves better than your sorry ass.” For a moment, Jonah opened his mouth as if he was about to say something else but then shook his head.
“Can you tell her I came to see her, at least?”
“For once in your life, do the right thing,” Jonah said after a long silence, “And leave Quinn the hell alone. If I see you again, the property is sold. Your choice.”
The door slammed shut and I didn’t stop it this time. I stood there staring at the peeling paint for a long moment before forcing my suddenly numb body to move. It felt like my chest had been ripped open and my heart was left bloody and beating on the front stoop of the apartment building as I walked back to the truck.
I guess there was no way of fixing this mistake. I’d fucked up too bad, I was too late. I shook my head, a part of me still not believing Jonah’s words but there was nothing else for me to do except get back in my truck and drive away, leaving my heart behind me.
Chapter 27
Quinn
“No, no, to the left a little more.”
“Right?”
“Right.” I nodded and then held up my hands, waving them in the air, “No! To the left!”
“Left? But you said right.”
“I said left.”
“And then you said right.” Luke Brewer growled, him and his brother’s all glaring at me under the weight of the large, and extremely heavy, framed painting that I’d snagged from the local antique shop for a few dollars.
“I meant right, as in it was in the right spot,” It was my turn to growl as I pointed some more, “Now, move it back to the left.”
“Here?”
“Yes, right…about…there. Right. I mean correct! Damn it.” I closed my eyes for a moment, “Just hang it there, okay?”
“Whatever you say,” Danny huffed, “You’re the boss.”
I had to resist the urge to kick the ladder out from under all three of them but I restrained myself, instead resting my head in the palm of my hand as they hung the artwork.
"Rough day?" Lily asked, appearing at my side like a waif out nowhere. It was a special talent she had, sneaking up on people. I jumped and then sent her a glare but there was no real anger behind it.
“More like a rough month.”
“Tea?” Lily asked, holding out one of the small, porcelain cups she always seemed to have on her. “It’s good for the baby.”
I glanced at the liquid dubiously, “You swear it’s just tea, right?”
“Green tea with a splash of honey. That’s all. I promise.”
After a moment I took it, inhaling the scent before taking a tentative taste. I could never be sure with Lily and her concoctions. I swore I could still taste that ‘love’ potion. And it didn’t even work. Leo still left. The thought brought an aching wave along with it that rolled through me, slow and thorough.
It had been a month since the last time I’d seen him and still, it was like a wound that wouldn’t heal. It was still raw and open and tender. I’d thrown myself into work at the property, hoping it would help but thoughts of him still sprang on me at unsuspecting moments. Like now.
“Everything is really coming together, Quinn,” Lily was saying and I had to fight to focus on her words, and not the gaping hole inside me that threatened to swallow me. “You should be proud of yourself.”
"Proud of us, you mean," Charlotte, clad in her traditional black on black ensemble wiped the sweat off her forehead as she dropped the heavy toolbox on the floor by the other myriad of tools. "We've been doing all the work."
I shot her a sharp stare but Lily jumped in, diffusing the situation with a sweet smile.
“We’ve all been working hard. None of this would have even happened without Quinn’s vision.”
“Yeah, and my blisters.” Charlotte said with a roll of her eyes, but then she relented, “Lily’s right though. It really is looking good. Not at all like the dilapidated death trap it started out as.”
“Thanks, Charlotte.” I snorted on a bark of laughter.
"You know, I think all of our hard work deserves a little bit of a reward, don't you?" One of the Brewer brothers said as they walked over to join us. The only one missing from our little ragtag group was Finn. He had been mysteriously absent ever since a hushed but heated conversation between him and Lily a few weeks ago. He'd stomped out of the house and I hadn't seen him since.
I looked around at these people who had all worked their asses off to help me and I felt tears suddenly threaten behind my eyelids. Damn pregnancy hormones, I thought to myself, trying to fight back the wave of moisture. I’m not going to cry. I’m not. Not now. Not here. Not in front of everybody. Especially Charlotte.
That last thought helped to pull me back from the edge.
"I think we definitely deserve a reward." Danny was saying, wiping his hands off on his already dust and paint-stained jeans "Who wants a drink? Lucky's?"
I flinched at the sound of the bar that I hadn’t stepped into since that terrible day in Leo’s emptied out apartment.
“I don’t know…” I tried to protest but was quickly overturned as the rest of the group voiced their excitement.
“Oh, come on. You can’t just work all the time.”
“Yeah, you have to have fun too. All work and no play makes Quinn a dull girl.”
I rolled my eyes at the onslaught, “What’s the point? It’s not like I can drink. Obviously.” I nodded to my stomach that was beginning to show, a tiny bump visible under my shirt.
Lily threw an arm around me, leading me towards the door despite my protests, "Come with us, Quinn. You're our fearless leader. We wouldn't dream of going out without you."
“Speak for yourself,” Charlotte snorted, earning a hard stare from me but finally I gave in with an irritated sigh.
“You’re not going to stop until I agree, are you?”
“Nope.” Lily shot me a shameless grin, still shooing me outside and pointing towards her awful yellow car, “I’ll even drive.”
"Uh, thanks but I'll drive myself," I said hastily. The less time spent in that eyesore, the better.
“You promise? You’ll meet us at Lucky’s?” She demanded, before letting me go. I held my hand over my heart.
"I promise," I added a snarky grin at the end that had her shaking her head but finally, Lily and the rest of the crew were piling into her bug and I gratefully got into my own, normal colored car.
I started the engine, pulling out of the long driveway, refusing to think about where I was going until I parked in the lot to the side of the building. I hated that my hands were shaking as I turned the key, silencing the car. I sat there, frozen to the seat, staring at the worn, red brick of the building and fighting the panic that welled inside of me.
"I can do this. Of course, I can do this." I said, giving myself a pep talk, hoping it would get my limbs working again, "Stop being ridiculous. It's just a bar." It’s his bar.
Not anymore. But that reminder didn’t make me feel any better. If anything, the thought twisted the pain in my stomach a little tighter.
A sharp knock on the window had me gasping, and turning with a jump in the driver’s side seat.
“Are you going to just sit there all night talking to yourself, or are you coming in?” Lily asked, her nose pressed against the glass and I shot her a half-serious glare.
“Jesus, you scared the shit out of me.”
“Sorry,” she said, but ended it with a grin, “But not that sorry. Come on, Quinn. It’s time to go in.” Her grin was infectious and soon there was one of my own curling up the corner of my lips.
“Fine,” I huffed, drawing out the word as I pushed open the door, “Can’t wait to have a gin and tonic, without the gin. Sounds super fun.”
“Don’t worry, I brought some tea for you too.”
“Oh thank goodness. I was worried, I really was.” I said, my tone snarky but Lily paid me no mind as she pulled me inside. The rest of the group was already there, crowded around a table with extra chairs pulled up and I reluctantly sat down.
As Charlotte and Lily and the boys chatted around me, I could admit to myself that it was easier to relax than I would have imagined. I didn’t really join in the conversation, but it was enough, to listen to them joke and mess with each other. The easy friendship and camaraderie something that I hadn’t had much of in the past years. Despite my initial misgivings, I even found myself having fun.
Until I looked behind me.
My eyes landed on an empty bar stool at the bar and like it had been yesterday I could see it unfolding behind my eyes. Leo, running into me outside on the sidewalk, then inviting me in for a drink. We had sat at those stools, drinking in each other as much as the alcohol and he had intoxicated me ever since.
I didn't even realize I was moving until I was halfway to the bar. My heart was heavy as I sat in the same stool I'd sat in all those months ago. I had been such a different person then, but I was changed now. I'd had my heart broken, for one. My hands rested on the swell of my belly. And I had another life to think of now. A life that I already loved more than anything in the world.
"I know it's hard for you to be here," Lily said, suddenly taking the seat next to me. "I know it must remind you of Leo. But he left. Maybe it's time to move on?"
I turned to her with tears blurring my vision. There was nothing I could do to stop them, just as there was nothing to stop the torrent of words, “How can I move on, Lily? I still love him. I think I fell in love with him that first day and it just took me losing him to realize and now I’m having his baby and I don’t even know where he is! I can’t even get a hold of him to tell him what happened.”
I was shaking as I turned away again, trying to bite back the tears and the words, but I couldn’t contain either, “What the hell am I supposed to do now?”
“You’re a fighter, Quinn. And a survivor.”
“What if I’m tired of fighting? Of just surviving? What if I finally want to live?”
Lily gave me a long sad look before shaking her head, “Quinn, you deserve to be happy. You’re going to make this business a success and be a wonderful mom to that little baby. You are all you need to be happy. You can make it happen. And you have all of us too
,” Lily gestured to the table where everyone was talking and laughing, unaware of my heart shattering into a million pieces on the floor of the dingy bar. “And Jonah.”
“Right, Jonah,” I snorted. We hadn’t talked much since he’d found out about my pregnancy, both of us working long hours and when we did he’d always look away, guilty or ashamed of me, I couldn’t quite tell. But either way, it was too painful to bear much of.
"Believe me, Quinn. It's better to just forget about Leo. He broke your heart. He's not worth your happiness." Lily nodded once firmly before sliding off the stool and back to the table with the others. I stayed where I was, for a single moment feeling at least a little closer to him. It was probably all I'd ever get.
"Hey, honey, were Y'all talking about Leo? Leo Delaney?" Stella's gruff voice broke into my thoughts as she walked over, speaking low as if she had a secret to tell. Curious, I nodded, turning in the stool and propping my elbows on the top of the bar.
“Yeah? Why?”
“I probably shouldn’t even be saying anything, but…”
“But what, Stella? If you know how to get a hold of him–.”
“No, not that. But…Well, that morning you came here, tearing the place apart looking for him, I wasn’t completely honest. I thought it was for the best, but now I’m not so sure,” The bartender gave me a guilt-ridden look.