by Lizzy Prince
Mebh’s ebony hair blew from a gentle breeze, like she had her own personal stage crew fanning her from off scene. And she looked gorgeous, completely ethereal and otherworldly with her alabaster skin and too-blue eyes. The only problem was that there was no wind in this in-between world. There was nothing, no sun, no moon, I wasn’t hot or cold. There wasn’t the occasional spit of frozen rain that had been pinging Munro and I moments before. Instead, there was a void, a lack of realness and tangibility in this place. An odd light shone around Mebh, and I could see myself, but everything else outside of our vicinity was blanketed in a muted darkness, as though we’d stepped just outside the real world and had wandered into this landing place between my world, and possibly fairy.
“How are you here? Have you been waiting all this time?” Even my words sounded off, as if they were filtered through all languages at once. And yet, somehow, the words were as muted as the color, making my voice sound tinny and fragile.
Mebh was still holding court in her throne, her long, lean body stretched and filling the space as if to emphasize that she was a master of many things that I couldn’t even begin to comprehend. Got it. Point taken.
“Don’t be silly,” was all I got in response, and I blinked again, feeling like it was becoming a nervous twitch.
If she hadn’t been in this weird place, waiting for someone to pick up the cauldron, then where had she been? Had she been living a normal life on Earth, just like Roark had been? Thoughts of Roark only made me wonder if he was from fairy too. Is that how he’d survived thousands of years? Because there was no doubt in my mind that the Roark we saw in Áine’s memories was the same one that had befriended Ryan so many years ago.
“How is Roark still alive?” The question popped out before I had time to think better of it.
Mebh looked bored and a little annoyed. “Is that really the question you want to ask?”
Well, yeah, part of me did want to know. Was dying to know how the hell he’d been alive for so long. But I realized that satisfying my own curiosity was pointless. What I really needed to figure out was how to get the cauldron and how to defeat Cailleach. I shook my head.
“How do I get the cauldron?”
Mebh stood from the chair, moving so quickly I didn’t even see her stand up. One moment she was sitting and in the next she was standing directly in front of me. Swallowing back the scream that was scratching in my throat, I bit down on my lips, pressing them together tightly. Mebh towered over me, and she bowed her head a little to speak, the tips of her long black hair brushing against my face. I shivered at the feeling, like icy fingers caressing my skin. It wasn’t right, this otherworldly feeling she had surrounding her, but there was also something disarmingly familiar about her, because my magic recognized her. It came from the same place she did.
“The magic needs to know that you are worthy. Are you worthy?” she said, her voice sharp like a knife, cutting through all of my certainty and any bit of confidence I might have been pretending I’d possessed. What if I wasn’t worthy?
“What do I need to do?” My voice cracked, and I cringed at the show of weakness.
“You’ll need to face your fears.” Mebh was already moving away from me, the words tossed over her shoulder, echoing around me like they were bouncing off the walls of a cavern.
“How do I…” I called after her, but she was already gone, and I was alone within the circle of stones. A drop of sweat rolled down my face. Not from heat, but from pure fear.
My eyes darted around as I fought the urge to cry in frustration. I didn’t understand what I was supposed to do. Maybe some people screamed or punched something when they were frustrated, but I was one of those unlucky people who just wanted to cry. And the tears weren’t something I could control. They’d unleash themselves on my face without any say so from me. I dashed one away and tried to take a deep breath, but it got choked in my throat. Blinking rapidly, I took another deep breath and forced myself to calm down until I had some semblance of control again.
That was when I noticed the throne had disappeared and in its place were steps, steps just like the wishing stairs I’d taken to get to this in-between place. Seeing nowhere else to go, I walked down the stairs, my hand trailing over the stone walls. They were smooth as if thousands of hands had done the same, shaping small grooves in the stone. There was a light at the bottom that was glowing softly, beckoning me down and toward it.
Once at the bottom, I stepped out and found myself in the clearing behind Munro’s gran’s house. That little glen he’d taken me to with the fairy mounds, where we’d done the memory spell. Standing in a half circle waiting for me was Munro, and Ryan, Lola, Butch, Mari and Theo. They were all there, each looking at me as if we’d run into one another at the grocery store and not in the middle of some vision quest to find a magical fae relic.
“Ah, hey, guys,” I said stupidly, not sure what was going on.
Lola tilted her head, giving me her signature look that told me she thought I was an idiot. But I was starting to think that’s just how she looked at everyone.
“How are you worthy of our belief in you?”
Or… maybe not, because ouch. I fumbled over my words, trying to think of how to respond to a question I’d asked myself a dozen times. But Butch cut off my attempts with his own question.
“Why are you doubting yourself, Annie-girl?”
His question floored me, and I felt my chin tremble as he looked at me with his sincere gaze, showing me he believed in me. I chanced a glance at Lola, and I saw a glimmer in her eye that surprised me. The look told me that even though she was asking the tough questions, she believed in me too. Even if it was reluctantly. Holy crap.
“Hey, Cuz, don’t get me killed, okay?” I choked on a little laugh, because of course that was something Theo would say. But this wasn’t really Theo, was it? It wasn’t any of them. They weren’t here in this other world with me. Was this just my own inner demons taking the form of my friends and family?
Ryan stepped forward and placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder, but his eyes were so sad. “Do you blame us?”
I shook my head in denial, but he was already walking away as though my answer didn’t matter. He’d already decided he was to blame. I wanted to call out but Munro had stepped into the spot in front of me.
Strong hands gently cupped my cheeks, and I looked up into the gray eyes that I’d come to love with an intensity that scared me. I waited for his question, but he just stroked his thumbs gently over my cheeks. With a look that practically glowed, he leaned down, his lips pressing against my ear as he spoke. “I believe in you.” He pressed a gentle kiss just below my ear and stepped back.
Mari shifted out from their half-circle and came to stand in front of me. “What does family mean to you?” Her brown eyes, so like my mother’s, like my own, looked at me almost pleadingly, as if she wanted me to understand something that was hidden beneath her words. To find a deeper meaning that was just outside my grasp.
She moved back into the circle, and I tried to reach out to her, to stop her. I didn’t want her to leave me. But she didn’t disappear. No, instead, her features shifted ever so slightly. Her nose widening just the slightest, her upper lip slimming the faintest bit, until it wasn’t Mari in front of me. It was my mother.
This time, I wasn’t able to contain the sobs, and they ripped from my throat with a hiccupped gasp as tears poured in endless rivers down my cheeks. Seeing my mother in front of me was simultaneously a miracle and a stab to the gut. It wasn’t like the last time I’d talked to my mother, that I’d given her a hug and told her I loved her. I’d gone off to do homework and had fallen asleep in bed. We don’t usually get warnings that we’re saying goodbye to a loved one. I hadn’t had the luxury of knowing it would be the last time I’d talk to or hug my parents’ before their death. And having my mom there in front of me, even if it was an illusion or a dream, was a gift. I flung myself into her arms and she held me, and it felt so real.
The
n, somehow, we were sitting at a long banquet table, set for a feast that had already happened. We were side-by-side somewhere in the middle of a table that stretched on in either direction longer than my eye could see. It was a bit like I imagined the Mad Hatter’s tea party. Cups strewn about, tipped over on their sides, spilling out their contents onto saucers and plates. The white tablecloth that was dotted with stains from God only knew what. There were goblets both empty and filled to the very edge so that the slightest movement jostling the table sent purple liquid sloshing over the sides. Large serving platters were laden with remnants of a meal, bones and gristle littered plates and overflowed onto the table. Pastries with one bite gone sat in puddles of the spilled tea and wine while compotes of sauces and little pitchers of cream had curdled and spoiled.
The whole thing was lit with candles that had burned down to the nubs with barely any wick left to hold the flame. I couldn’t help but wonder if I’d be tossed out of this place the moment the fire winked out. And I wasn’t sure I minded. The whole scene was disturbing, like the party had been abandoned and no one had ever come back. All of society had picked up and left this place to rot. I didn’t understand why I was there. But for now, I wasn’t going to focus on that. Instead, I looked at my mother, and all of the rest faded away as she stared at me with love in her eyes.
“How are you here?” I whispered, my voice holding that same odd quality that it had when I’d spoken to Mebh. Like it echoed off endless walls.
My mom smiled sadly at me. “I’m not really here.”
I pulled the fabric of the tablecloth between my fingers, rubbing the soft material to confirm that things were tangible here. That I hadn’t imagined hugging her moments ago. “Where are you then? If you’re not really here?”
“That’s not the right question,” she spoke, and I flashed back to something very similar that Mebh had said to me before I’d walked down the stairs. I looked at my mother, trying to understand what I wasn’t comprehending. I could see magic swirling around her, and my heart dropped and stuttered.
“What are you?”
She smiled as though pleased with my question, but there was still sadness that lingered in her eyes. “I am the memory of your mother. The memory you hold here.” She pressed a gentle finger into my forehead, and then again into my chest. “And here.”
Her touch felt so real, so warm, that I almost didn’t believe her. But why would she lie? Why would she make that up?
“Do you know the things that she knew? Do you know why she did the things she did?”
She shook her head sadly. “I only know what you know. The things you believe to be the truth and what you’ve pieced together.”
I nodded, but disappointment crashed into me. I had pieced together the puzzle of what happened with Hattie and my mom, but it would have been comforting to hear her confirm what I assumed. That she’d never intended to take things so far and had walked away while Hattie hadn’t been able to. It was one of those awful lessons life likes to smack you in the face with to hammer it home. Sometimes you don’t get everything spelled out in perfect detail.
“What about the cauldron? Do you know how to find it? How we can use it to fight Cailleach?”
“Yes,” was all she said as she stood up and placed a hand on my shoulder. Panic made my heart race, and I could feel my skin flushing like I had a fever as worry pulsed through me.
“What are you doing?” My voice came out as a sob because I was desperate for her to stay with me. I didn’t know anything yet. I had no idea where the cauldron was, no idea how to defeat Cailleach, and now my mom was leaving me again. My chest felt tight as I began to gulp in breaths.
“Annie.” Maggie’s voice claimed my attention across the table, and I snapped my head in her direction. She was sitting in the chair directly across from me, holding a goblet and swirling it around as though it were a glass of cognac. Not that we’d ever had cognac. I just knew what I’d seen on television. As if my thoughts made it happen, a cigar appeared in her other hand, and she leaned back in her chair, kicking her feet up on the table and knocking over some of the plates of half eaten food in the process.
“Maggie?” I asked, confused as I looked back over my shoulder for my mom. But she was gone. My heart fractured, and the familiar ache of loss thumped to the rhythm of my heart.
“Annie!” Maggie said again, pretending to take a puff of the cigar, but it wasn’t lit so she just mimed blowing out smoke. This place was weird.
“Are you really here, Maggie?” I rubbed my eyes like that might clear my vision, and I’d see someone else sitting across from me instead.
She chuckled and tossed her unlit cigar aside. “Of course not, Annie. This is a construct in fairy, based on your memories.”
“Um, okay,” I mumbled. “What are you doing here then?”
“I’m your sister from another mister, duh,” she stated and stared at me like I was an idiot. Not unlike the real Maggie when I took too long to catch on to something.
“People don’t say that,” I snarked back at her.
“Sure they do. I just did.” Maggie smiled like she was enjoying our banter. And I had to admit, it felt comforting, like the real Maggie was there with me, trying to remind me not to get so bogged down in the details that I forgot how to laugh.
“Ok, let me rephrase, people shouldn’t say that. Ever.”
“Fair enough.” She winked at me and picked up her drink again.
“Why are you here though?”
“Why are any of us here?” She tilted her head to the side, looking like she was just as puzzled as I was.
I thought about everyone I’d seen in this in-between world. My new gonzo family, my mother, Maggie. These people were my family. They were my center, the people who cared for me, kept me sane, protected and fought by my side. The people that I loved and that loved me back. Well, maybe not Lola. But we were growing on each other.
“You’re here because you are important to me. You’re my family.”
A brilliant smile lit up Maggie’s face, and I felt like I’d just told her the secrets to a long happy life. Maybe I had.
Maggie set her cup down and disappeared under the table, popping up in front of me a second later. She threw her arms around me and hugged me tight. “Love you, Annie.”
Just like with my mother, Maggie’s hug was like a balm to my frenzied soul. I needed her support and love just as much as I’d needed it from my mother. Maggie pulled back and punched me in the shoulder.
“Ow,” I scowled at her, but she just laughed. She knew she wasn’t strong enough to do any damage.
“You know what you have to do, Annie. It’s just time to put it all together.”
Maggie disappeared, and my eyes welled up with tears. Without her there, I was alone, no best friend, no mother. It was just me and an absurdly long table. The goblet Maggie had been holding was tipped on its side, but no liquid had spilled out. It must have been empty despite the swirling motion Maggie had been making. I righted the cup, standing it back up. It was silver, polished to such a shine that it practically glittered. The stem was encased in jewels, and it looked like it could do real damage if wielded as a weapon. As I continued to stare at it, I noticed a pattern etched into the cup. I grabbed it, bringing it closer to my eyes and saw that it was a rune, repeated over and over until it looked like fine lines connecting and creating a design. It took a moment to identify it, but it was there. My rune. The mark I’d carried on my arm since the night of my parents’ death. The stories always said cauldron, but could it really be this goblet?
There was no noise to alert me to her presence, but I sensed I was no longer alone. Lifting my head from the goblet, I found Mebh sitting where Maggie had been only minutes before. Her face was still a blank slate, and I had no idea if the goblet in my hand was exactly what I’d come for.
We stared at one another. Me, because I wasn’t sure if I should speak first, and her, well, I could only guess at her motives. She proba
bly didn’t have to blink or maybe she enjoyed having mortals quake under her stare. After what felt like an eternity, but was probably closer to ten seconds, I lowered my eyes, focusing back on the goblet in my hands. As if that was all the invitation Mebh needed, she leaned forward in her chair, placing her arms on the table, looking far too relaxed.
I cleared my throat. “Is this...” I held up the goblet and tried again, “Does this mean I’ve faced my fears?”
Her glacial eyes remained fixed on me, but her lids were lowered as though assessing me. “Do you think you have faced your fears?” Her cool tone matched her eyes, and I shivered as though I’d been dipped in an ice bath.
Had I faced my fears? What were they? Losing the people I loved. That was my greatest fear. And had I overcome that fear? I was shaking my head before I even finished my thought.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever stop having that fear. The fear of losing the people you love. It’s too fresh. The worry is always there.” My heart sank with the realization. I’d never get the cauldron if the test was to stop worrying about the people I love.
Mebh smiled at me, the expression almost unnatural like she’d practiced the look in a mirror instead of it being something that occurred as a reaction to emotions. It gave me the same icy shiver that her voice had earlier. She was pure predator, no doubt about it. I did not want her on my bad side.
“I didn’t say you had to overcome your fear, just that you needed to face it.” She stood up, and I was afraid she was going to leave before I got more answers. But she just waved her hand, and a small dark colored wooden box appeared on the table. Mebh opened the top and inside lay a bed of cloth just perfect for holding the goblet. Following Mebh’s gesturing hand, I placed the goblet inside, and she gently closed the top.
“You have been found worthy,” she stated as she stepped back from the table.
“Wait! How do we use this? And the other lia fáil? How do we stop Cailleach?”
Mebh smiled another one of those creepy grins, and then disappeared, leaving me alone with the box. Feeling defeated even though I’d managed to get the cauldron, I scooped it up and hugged it to my chest, wondering how the hell I was supposed to get out of this place. I only had to wonder for a moment because the feeling of being hooked around the waist and yanked through space startled all thoughts from my mind.