But he was trapped in a great huge lie with no real way out. He knew he would soon get fired. It couldn’t go on forever this way. And he knew she would never forgive his deceit. So all he was ever going to have with her was a few precious memories and stolen kisses. He wanted as many of them as possible, as unfair as it was to her. These stolen moments would have to last him a lifetime. No woman was ever going to measure up to her. None would ever be as sweet, kind, innocent, pure.
Parker went home each night, after tasting her mouth, nibbling on her lips, and blowing in her ear, to a cold shower that did no good. Then he lay awake with a hard-on that wouldn’t go away. Even when he used his hand to ease the pain, his dick would not simmer down. It sprang right back up as if proclaiming, “hey, dude, nice try, but no cigar.” It was futile.
Parker couldn’t take the suspense another moment. Surely this was it. He wasn’t, after all, quite what she was used to. He wasn’t bred like she was. Her father probably had some fine doctor or lawyer all lined up for her back home. Someone with culture, money. Was this about money?
People with money were different. Parker didn’t have any. Oh, sure, he had a comfortable existence. More than sufficient. But he didn’t have old money or breeding. He was self made. Totally not in her league. Surely she’d come to her senses and was trying to think of a way to tell him.
And what could he say in return? Nothing. It was out of his control. This was it. Nothing could ever in life be worse than Madeline breaking up with him.
Time to buck up. “What is it? What’s on your mind? You’re going to chew clear through that pencil.” He froze and held his breath, not moving a muscle while he waited for her to speak.
Madeline shot upright, startled from her intense contemplation. “What? Oh, you noticed? I’m a little distracted… Actually, it’s your fault.”
Here it comes. Parker grabbed the edge of the table, hoping to take the news as nonchalantly as possible, at least visibly. Splinters from the underside of the wood dug into his fingers. The stinging pain was a relief. It grounded him.
“This is hard for me. I’m usually not so…forward…I guess you could say.”
Forward? Huh? Where was she going with this?
“I want… I want… What I mean to say…is that I need…this, um, relationship to…um, deepen.” She stared at him. Hope brimming in her eyes. Fear.
He could not respond yet. Shock. What the hell did she say? She wants more? Wants… Oh my God! She wants to get closer. She wants to have sex. Fuck. Literally. I’m so fucked. How the hell was he going to handle this new situation? You can’t have sex with this woman. Out of the question. Nowhere in the contract he had did it say “have sex with my daughter.”
“Oh my God. Say something… Oh shit…”
Had he ever heard her cuss before?
“I feel like such an idiot. You don’t have the same feelings for me as I do for you. I knew it. I just don’t get it. Why? Why do you hang out with me every day like this, all platonically? Like my…like you’re my brother or something?”
Your what? Your brother? So definitely not your brother. And still he was unable to utter a single word.
She was nearly shouting. She was hot under the collar, livid… And sexy as hell when she was mad. And the cause of this fantastic angel’s distress was sitting across from her with his mouth hanging open like some kind of coma patient.
“I’m…” he began in a low voice, barely audible, “sorry.” What the hell else could he say? This was totally not what he expected. He’d been completely wrong. There was one thing worse than Madeline breaking up with him. He was breaking it off with her. She just forced him to. Pain throbbed behind one eye.
She was crying, not audibly, but sniffling, and tears streamed down her face. He never in his life wanted to feel the tremendous pain he felt at that moment, deep in his soul.
Parker sat there. Empty. Devoid of anything—emotion, words, thoughts.
Madeline took the bull by the horns. “I think you should go,” she choked out on a sob. He sat on his hands to avoid reaching out to stroke her cheek, wipe the tears away, tell her everything was going to be okay. “Just go. I need… I need you to leave now.” She hung her head, and Parker had no choice but to gather up his fake books and walk out the door, leaving his heart on her kitchen table. Fuck.
Chapter Five
The next few days were a blur as Madeline went through the emotions of loss. She felt as if someone had died. She was glad she hadn’t had multiple boyfriends over the years if this was what it felt like to lose them. Surely not. Surely this feeling was deeper. I’m in love with this man. The pain is so intense because I am in love with him.
There was nothing she could do. Right? She lay awake in the setting sun of evening. Instead of dreaming of sex, she couldn’t even sleep. Her chest ached, and she lay curled on the bed daydreaming about Parker instead of the dreams she previously had in her sleep.
Her real imagination was even worse than her subconscious. She closed her eyes, pictured him over her, his hands wandering expertly over her naked body, gently caressing her breasts, pinching her nipples, meandering lower until he pressed a finger inside her, his thumb rubbing over her clit and then nestling against the little nub until he brought her closer and closer to the orgasm she couldn’t seem to manage on her own.
Madeline moaned out loud, her voice sounding like someone else’s when it reached her ears. She squeezed her legs together, which only made the pressure low in her belly worse.
She had to pull it together. Move on. Work. Spend more hours on her thesis.
Parker was not sharing her space any more. At the library she would sometimes think she heard him or smelled his fresh clean scent, but when she looked up, he was never there. Maybe she was going crazy.
And why? Why did he do this? What did I do wrong? Was I too forward? She thought a lot about that idea, pondered it from every angle, but always came up empty, more confused. The aching hole in her heart would not subside.
They had shared long luxurious kisses that deepened and made both their hearts pump. She knew it. Why then? She began to think of any possible reason he could have. Maybe he was saving sex for marriage? Unlikely, but there could still be someone out there.
Could he be gay? She had to dismiss that almost immediately. Gay men didn’t kiss women with such passion, even if they were trying to ignore their orientation. Her lips tingled thinking about his mouth on her.
Perhaps he had a medical problem, some kind of impotence or a scar or some sort of similar issue he was embarrassed to reveal. It seemed logical. With no other possible solution at hand, Madeline liked that revelation best. He must have had some secret about himself physically he was loath to disclose. He was a cop, after all. Who knew what sort of injury he may have sustained at some point in his career?
With that speculation in mind, Madeline sat up in bed, determined to win this guy back. She didn’t care if he had an undisclosed physical issue, but God almighty, he had to be man enough to tell her himself. She was not about to beg it out of him.
So, what would be the next best thing? Make him jealous. Madeline Cooper, you’re a genius. How could he possibly deny her if she started flaunting herself around other men? She felt almost jubilant, better than she had in days.
* * *
Parker sat in his apartment listening to Madeline move around next door in her own. He hadn’t heard much out of her for several days and assumed she was sleeping a lot. When people were depressed, they slept all the time, right? He sure wasn’t sleeping. Most nights he lay in a sweat on his sinking mattress and tried to concentrate on anything other than her sweet hands around him, her soft lips kissing him. He always ended up with a hard-on and a cold shower.
When she wasn’t at home, Parker’s real job began, the one he was trained extensively to do. Follow her. Stalk her like the man they were trying to protect her from.
He hated it. Hated every single moment of the lies and deceit, but h
e was in this situation so deep there was no way out. He couldn’t call and quit. He’d rather fight through the pain of losing her than risk her life to someone else’s hand. He didn’t trust another soul to keep her safe like he would. No one loved her like he did. No one ever would.
It had been silent next door for quite some time. Suddenly, he was startled to hear her moan. Had he imagined it? He needed a head exam. The sound hadn’t come from someone crying or in distress. No, it had been the distinct noise of a woman in the throes of passion. What the hell?
And then she was scurrying around her tiny apartment like a woman with a mission, and Parker thanked God the walls were so thin he could hear her without having to use any devise. He would’ve felt like even more of an ass than he already did, invading her privacy without her knowledge.
It was bad enough he’d skirted along behind her everywhere she went over the last several days, sneaking into the library and standing in the aisles near her, pretending to be interested in any book he grabbed off the shelf. Once, after stalling between the shelves for nearly half an hour while people came and went around him, he looked down to see the book he held was open, but upside down.
A door slammed. She was on the move. Which meant it was time for him to go.
Like a cat, Parker stealthily trailed Madeline on foot to the other side of the campus where the student commons was. After a few days of living there, the two of them had concluded that a car was hardly necessary, and they had rarely used one. Everything they needed was at their fingertips. If you couldn’t get it on campus, then it was easily found in one of the various venues located next to campus on an adjoining street.
Madeline entered the commons with a purpose and headed straight to a group of coeds hanging around a table laughing. Parker stayed outside the door to the main room, but had a good view of her between two plants in the hall, even though he had no idea what they were saying. Who in the hell are all these people? How has she had time to make this many friends? Jealousy made his gut clench.
Several people greeted her, and she joined them in their giggly antics. Huh? Madeline tossed her hair back and laughed at something one of the guys said. She was not herself. Somehow these other students seemed too young for her. The only person he even recognized was Molly, the fiery redhead he’d seen her chatting with when she’d arrived on campus the first day.
Finally, a tall lanky man ambled her way and spoke with her more intimately. Parker sensed no one else was involved in their discussion. His blood boiled. He wanted to jump into the fray and punch the guy for no reason. He held himself rigidly in check. The couple went over to the food line and got a soda before heading in another direction and then out the door.
Parker was hot on their tail and had a very hot tail himself. Steaming. Surely he would self-combust. What the dickens is she thinking? This isn’t safe. Who in their right mind would pick up a guy and leave with him?
Parker had no idea if she’d ever met this guy, but he was sure she was up to something very disturbing because he knew how skittish she was around men. He’d felt her flinch at his touch on many occasions when she wasn’t thinking clearly. She would always relax and take a deep breath when she came to her senses and realized it was him, but the impact was evident. In a million years there was no way she would have the guts to pick up a guy like this.
Parker followed. There was no other recourse at the moment. He was not about to lose them. He stayed far enough behind them to not attract attention to himself as they crossed the campus toward Madeline’s apartment.
The guy had straight, dirty-blond hair that hung in his eyes and needed a cut. He was constantly smiling as if he’d won the lottery. Parker shivered to think it was true. Anyone in Madeline’s presence did hit pay dirt.
Stud boy was probably younger than Madeline. He had no sense of fashion. His clothes looked like they’d been plucked off the floor to go out tonight—baggy jeans too large for his slender frame drooped between his legs, and a wrinkly green oxford that had never met an iron hung over his pants in disarray.
Eventually they ended up back at her place, and she let this young slob into her apartment. With all the feline ability he could muster, Parker snuck back into his own unit and waited. And listened.
That woman, his woman, had the audacity to laugh out loud. Too loud. Like this joker was super funny. Way too funny.
Holy shit! She’s trying to make me jealous. She brought this guy back here to make me care. Why didn’t I think of that? Parker sat back on the couch and smiled for the first time in days. There was no other explanation. He felt good.
When the over-confident pick-up artist left, all full of himself, whistling as he walked, Parker slept soundly for the first time in days.
Chapter Six
At seven sharp two nights later, Parker entered the Blue Saloon and perched on a stool against the bar with a perfect view of the entire room. He ordered a non-alcoholic beer, poured the contents in a frosted glass, and tossed the bottle in the trash can behind the bar.
Thank God he’d overheard Madeline and her foolish beau discussing where they were going that evening, enabling him to beat them there and contrive a pose that ensured he’d been there a while.
Thirty minutes later, he sat with his head cocked to the side, watching as Madeline entered with her date. The unsuspecting fool was dressed in practically the same outfit as he’d been wearing the night they first returned to Madeline’s apartment. The shirt was maroon this time, but the look was the same. Loose jeans riding too low on his hips, untucked shirt, scuffed sneakers.
They chose a booth in the dimly lit club and proceeded to order several consecutive beers. Parker kept a tally and gritted his teeth.
The bar was already crowded for this time of night, but after all, it was Friday evening in a college town. Couples were climbing all over each other, dancing or making out. The singles in the room were scoping the prospects, trying to figure out who to approach. It was a typical meat market.
In the past, Parker would’ve loved to pick up an hour-glass-shaped coed and spend the evening exploring her secrets, but not tonight. The usual action in the bar was background noise. Tonight he only had eyes for the beautiful vixen in the skin-tight jeans and form-fitting, pink, knit sweater. The woman who had stolen his heart. The woman who was doing her best to break him and succeeding. His pulse raced. His fingers shook the glass of non-alcoholic beer every time he picked it up to take a small swig.
Madeline had no idea Parker was there, as was obvious from the way she kept trying to skirt around the edges of the creep’s repeated attempts to grab her waist and pull her closer. She scowled and batted at his hands.
Parker used every drop of self-restraint to avoid rushing over to the poor bastard and punching him in the face. Sweat was running down Parker’s back. Madeline was uncomfortable. Her brow was furrowed. Her arms kept crossing in front of her to avoid any contact. Parker watched her mouth as she sucked her lips repeatedly between her teeth. The guy was drunk.
After a while, when Madeline’s clueless escort could no longer get the waitress’s attention, the two ambled toward the bar.
Out of the corner of his eye, Parker recognized the minute Madeline saw him. Her entire demeanor changed from discomfort to southern belle as she assumed her role as fun-loving, perfect girlfriend. His suspicions were confirmed. Her only angle was jealousy. She had no idea what the drooling idiot behind her even looked like. He had to bite the inside of his lip to keep from smiling. Pegged that one, Parker.
“Why, Parker Phillips, what are you doing here? If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were stalking me.” Madeline laughed a tiny little laugh that wasn’t quite real.
Parker turned to face the couple and pasted on a smile he had to yank into place. It felt extremely unnatural, but maybe no one would notice.
Mr. Gangly wrapped his octopus arms around Madeline and stood behind her with his chin on top of her head, staring at Parker with the most shit-eating g
rin in the world. The jackass thought he had the prize in his embrace and was proud to flaunt it.
How he managed to keep them both upright was beyond Parker. He’d seen the man drink at least four beers, and Madeline was well into her second. That was a lot for a woman who rarely drank. He’d venture to guess most of her consumption happened at the dinner table with her father and their guests. And, he reasoned, probably none of those drinks had been beer.
Parker ached to reach out and deck the man, but he white knuckled his beer instead, squeezing it so hard his fingers cramped. “Just having a drink to unwind. Perhaps you are stalking me. I was clearly here first.” He continued to smile at her and hoped it was convincing, both to her and the oaf behind her trying to cop a feel.
Ever since the incident in the commons two nights ago, Madeline had become a new woman, romping around with all sorts of people he surmised were mostly friends she’d met in the English lit department or through their neighbor Molly. But that did nothing to ease his mind.
This poor victim of hers had no idea what he was up against. She’d had the audacity to visit a club, and judging by the smug smile on her face, she was extremely pleased to see she’d chosen the exact place where Parker had already taken up residency on a stool at the bar.
Parker released the tight grip on his beer, set the glass on the counter, and crossed his arms in front of him, partly to ease the shaking and partly to appear more confident than he felt. He didn’t say another word. After all, she hadn’t responded to his previous retort anyway. He would let her play. Have her fun.
Madeline and drunk-face stumbled over to the dance floor and continued the show. Oh, she was livid. He could tell. She hated that she hadn’t gotten a bigger rise out of Parker, and he was pleased as punch. You’re being incredibly childish, Parker. Be careful. Use your head, not your emotions.
Guarding the Truth Page 5