That made Connie laugh. The resulting snort was more about the congestion all her crying had caused, and it made them both laugh even more. “Oh God, I can see her on the air, ‘Yes Dwight, traffic on the Four-oh-One is a complete clusterfuck.’”
They both laughed again. “You should see the swear jar at work. A few more weeks and we’ll have enough to pay our fuel bill for the month.”
“I don’t doubt it,” Connie offered amiably. “That woman has a mouth, but God is she funny.” Sitting quietly, she took a few deep breaths, seeming to enjoy the fresh air and the late afternoon breeze. Finally, she asked, “You really don’t mind sticking it out a little longer?”
“Not at all. Whatever it takes to get you through this. Listen, Connie, I may not say this enough, Pam too, but we are so proud of you. Not many women would have the talent or the gumption to run their own production company at twenty-two. And this deal with the network. I mean it’s a big deal, and I’ll do whatever I can to help you through. I know Pam’s more cautious. That’s just the legal beagle in her. She’s always been the voice of reason, but don’t sweat it. This is reality TV, baby, and we all know there isn’t a lot of reality involved.”
Connie nodded her agreement. “There’s one more thing,” she said, stalling before explaining. “How will you feel if you’re not eliminated?”
Ally laughed good-heartedly. “Like there’s a chance of that.”
“Actually, it looks like there is a chance. I’ve got my spies and not all the ladies are into the super-butch thing. Some are, but most seem only to be interested in Rene’s money. I have half a mind to eliminate her second and make sure I have more femmes for next season that truly want to be with someone like her. I know these reality TV setups never work out, but the premise of my show is everyone gets a choice, so there’s a greater probability it could work.”
Swallowing hard, Allyson admitted, “I’m not exactly in the market for a wife…” At the pained look on Connie’s face she revised her objections. “But, if I were to connect with someone special…”
“Yahoo! I knew you could fix this and I know you’re ready to settle down. Mom says you’ve been alone too long and I agree. Pam can get a million women in her bed, but romance—not so much. Oh, could you imagine if you both found Ms. Right? This is so sweet!”
There was no denying Connie’s enthusiasm or her renewed spirit. Ally bit her lip, repeating to herself that she had volunteered for this. These things never work out.
Popping up from her place on the log, Connie was her old self, even if her face, nose, and eyes were still red. “Come on, Ally, we have to get back. We have a ceremony to shoot.”
* * *
Erin listened as the women around her speculated, debated, and drank wine while they waited for the ceremony to start. She still felt self-conscious in the designer outfit. The strapless, short cocktail dress was like wearing nothing but a towel. Each of the dorm rooms featured a full-length mirror over which hung a sign reminding students that their appearance mattered, and like the rest of the women she was bunking with, Erin took time to use it, to make sure she was put together properly. She almost blushed to see how short the dress was, but the designer obviously knew her stuff. It fit like a glove and looked amazing. Far too bold for her taste, but she had to admit she did pull it off.
Erin followed the others down the grand stairs and back to the ballroom. The large French doors that ran the length of the entire west wall were open to the broad stone terrace, and she stepped out to enjoy the last of the perfect summer day. As was her job, she listened to the gossip and the debates over fortune, looks, and a caveat she hadn’t considered, the home location of each queen. These women, no matter their motivation, were smart enough to realize they were the ones who would have to relocate if they should be so lucky to connect and be chosen by the queen of their choice. What a concept. They actually had a choice, and it was all they could talk about. Would they like living in Chicago if they were so lucky as to earn Pam’s affection? What would it be like to live and travel with a woman like Rene? And they discussed real domestic issues too. Just how many hours a day did these moguls work? Would Rene have time for a wife? Would Pam, for that matter? They all agreed that Virginia’s life was far more casual, but did she have to spend time with her family on their yacht, or their vacation compound on Martha’s Vineyard? What about the pilot woman? They all seemed to have forgotten Ally’s name, but now that they were talking domestic life, they were considering her again and asked interesting questions too.
“I wouldn’t mind flying around first class, but I think I’d prefer my wife to be at my side, not up in the cockpit.”
“I don’t know, I think it’s kinda sweet. Still, I’m not sure pilots make that much. I mean, it’s not like she’s flying for one of the big airlines.”
“Does the money matter?” Erin asked. “I mean, they have to be doing pretty well if they were selected for the show.”
The woman who quipped about Ally not being an airline pilot fell silent, while another argued, “Pretty well is not the same as multimillionaire. I don’t know about you, but I’m not moving to Canada to play housewife if it means actually being a housewife. I want some excitement in my life and Rene’s car looks like she understands excitement.”
“It could be a lease,” another argued. “At least with Virginia you know there’s real money there.”
“Her family’s money,” one argued. “What if she’s disinherited or something like that?”
Erin listened as they debated money versus career. Moving to the next group she was pleased to hear they were more interested in the substance of the queens than their bank accounts. Before she could decide who they were leaning toward, a PA tapped her on the shoulder. “They need you in the production office.” That turned a few heads, but the PA was smart and explained loudly enough for the curious to hear, “You forgot to sign the release forms.”
“Oh sorry,” Erin offered, dutifully following the PA out of the ballroom and up to one of the second-floor classrooms, turned unit office. Once inside, she took in the long whiteboard. On it, photos of the four queens were stuck to the top, and all the contestant photos were posted below with everyone’s name carefully written under each.
The PA, still dressed in costume, but minus the sword and tunic, asked her to sit, explaining, “Connie needs a word with you, and no, I have no idea what about.” Erin had spotted the big Huey landing on the lawn as she was on her way to the ballroom and assumed it was probably Ally or her business partner at the stick. She had stopped for a second to watch the landing. And she’d seen what looked like Connie climb aboard and take off. She hadn’t heard it return and imagined Pam had set up this clandestine meeting. When Pam didn’t appear, Erin began to wonder what was going on. Was she going home? Maybe Pam had changed her mind and didn’t want a spy, or maybe someone had figured out what she was doing and complained. If that were the case, she was sure she couldn’t be blamed. She had barely shared a word with anyone, and other than Ally spending their precious two minutes together asking about her, no one had even asked where she was from, much less if she knew Pamela. Still, she squirmed in her seat, feeling like a kid called to the principal’s office.
When Erin heard the sound of an approaching helicopter she began to relax, then joined the production manager and the PAs at the classroom window to watch the big helicopter land. It wasn’t the one Pam had arrived on that morning. No, this was something different altogether. Painted bright yellow with wide black stripes and a large stenciled “Fire Patrol” painted on the sides it looked more like something you saw in movies, not a private helicopter. Erin had listened to Pam’s stories of Ally and her business partner KC helping out during the fire season up north and wondered if they had borrowed it for the show. If so, she couldn’t imagine why.
It came down low then hovered its way right up to the front door, settling down on the circular drive. Someone emerged, then scooted out from under the blades.
Once clear, Erin knew it was Connie even without the production manager’s relieved announcement to her team that the director had returned. The way she said it made it sound like there had been a chance she wouldn’t. Huh. Once Connie was clear of the helicopter, they watched it lift off again, but it didn’t go far; minutes later the big bird settled down on a high spot in the lawn. Almost immediately, the sound of the engine disappeared, but unlike this morning, the rotors seemed to keep spinning on forever. Erin took note that the pilot stayed put until the blades stopped turning. When she finally emerged, Erin was pretty sure it was Ally and it looked like she was taking time to put red covers in key places to anchor the bird.
Connie blew in the door at top speed. She looked a wreck with sunken red eyes, but she had a huge grin on her face. She ordered, “All right! Everyone out. I need the office so get your butts in gear. We’ve got a big scene to shoot, and I want to start in ten. Now go! Not you,” she said to Erin, who was starting to scramble for the door with the others.
Erin waited, her anxiety making her stomach ache. Maybe the beef bourguignon hadn’t been such a good idea.
“Relax,” Connie ordered with a grin. Once the classroom door was shut and she was sure everyone was well out of hearing range, she pulled out chairs for the two of them. “First off, you’re not in trouble. If anything, I am, or I was.”
“You look upset.”
Connie dabbed her nose self-consciously. It was a characteristic Erin had seen from her older sister Pam many times. “Between you and me, I had a complete breakdown.” She paused, not for effect, but as if she were gauging just how much she wanted to share. “Listen, I know you’re Pam’s assistant and I know she dragged you on the show to have an insider.” At Erin’s worried look, Connie waved off her concern. “No worries, it’s fine by me, actually I get it. If I were in Pammy’s boots I would have wanted someone looking out for me too.”
Surprised by how much the two sisters were alike Erin began to smile. Even with the years that separated them and Connie’s bleached-blond hair, the mannerisms and even the way they approached challenges were almost the same. Chalk one up for nurture.
“Here’s the thing. We’ve had some shakeups in the production. I won’t give you the whole sob story. Suffice it to say, I’m going to need your insights too.”
“Certainly. I mean, whatever I can help with.”
“What you can do is give me a read on the women. Who are they gossiping about and just what are they saying?”
Erin blew out a breath. She hadn’t screwed up and that was a big relief. “Well, they’re kinda disappointed they have to make their first choice so soon, but they kind of expected that. And they’re really pleased they even have a choice. I think the format makes a lot of sense and they do too.”
Connie was nodding. “What about the queens? Have you gotten a feel for who the contestants like and who they want to cut?”
Erin paused, uncertain how to explain the disconnect she had found.
“Come on, Erin, you can tell me. Pam says you’re a straight shooter. I know she counts on you. Please help me out here, it’s important.”
“I…well, it’s just that some of the women seem to have only one interest and it’s not about personality, if you know what I mean.”
“That could only be money or sex. Which is it?”
Erin grinned. Pam’s baby sister was just as forthright as her boss. “For a few, sex seems to be the only thing on their mind. Or maybe that’s what they want the others to think. Then there are what Pam would call the gold diggers. They’ve been debating just how much each woman is worth and what their life would look like on the arm of either Rene or Virginia.” When Connie’s face looked like it was falling, she jumped back in. “But the real women, the ones looking for love or a partner or wife, whatever, they’re talking the most about Pam and Rene. They’re also speculating on Allyson. Pam told me she was a placeholder, but some of the women are interested in her. They’re not too happy that she lives in Canada, but I bet that will disappear once they get to know her a bit more. If they get to know her a bit more.”
“And what about Virginia? Are they talking about her?”
“Loads!” she confessed, “but to be honest, it’s all about her money or her family’s money. I think it’s really the gold diggers who have settled on her. The women who appear to be here for the right reasons aren’t really interested. They kind of looked at her as too young to get into a serious relationship. The gold diggers are the ones thinking that’s a double plus. One even said she couldn’t wait to walk her down the aisle then straight to divorce court and some imaginary huge settlement. I kind of feel sorry for her. All they see is a meal ticket.”
Connie stood and signaled for Erin to follow. They moved to the whiteboard and Connie asked, “Can you point out the worst of the lot?”
Feeling uneasy, Erin stood looking awkwardly at the photos.
“Hey, Erin, it’s okay. I’m not going to toss anyone out. I’m just curious as to who is gunning for Virginia’s money and who, if anyone, might actually be intrigued?”
“I don’t know…”
“Okay, here’s the deal. Virginia’s gone. Her family freaked and pulled her out. They actually set a pack of lawyers on us. Thank Christmas for my big sister. She’s wrangled them into accepting that Virginia will appear in the first episode, but that’s it. We can’t even show her image or mention her name after that. Allyson, you know Ally’s our cousin, right?” At Erin’s nod of confirmation, she explained, “Ally’s agreed to stick it out. Pam wasn’t sure the women would be into her, but if you’re saying some have taken an interest, well, that works for me.”
“I’m surprised Pam would discount her cousin so easily.”
“Not me. They’re best buds, but when it comes to women, Ally’s never had much luck. I think it’s why she works so hard. Between you and me, this is the best thing that could happen to her. Even if she’s eliminated next, it’ll be nice to see her spend some time socializing and having fun.”
Erin nodded, but didn’t know what to say.
“Allrighteeroo. Why don’t you head back down and please, please, please, Erin, not one word to the women.”
“You have my word. Besides,” Erin offered with a smile, now feeling much better, “I know Pam would kick my ass, and I suspect I’d have to answer to Allyson too.”
“We’re Parkers. Our motto is Loyalty is Our Reward.” Finally beginning to look like herself, she added, “We might bicker amongst ourselves, but when it comes to family, we always have each other’s backs.”
“Good to know,” Erin said, finally relaxing as she headed toward the production office.
Chapter Five
Allyson was in her underwear and trying to decide what she was supposed to do with the makeup that had been set out for her when the makeup woman and a PA barged in without knocking. Used to sharing tight quarters during fire season, she didn’t shy away, but did curse what was coming. “Please, please don’t paste too much of that crap all over my face. It just makes my skin crawl.”
“Relax, the director warned us. We have all new hypoallergenic makeup made just for sensitive skin.”
Shoulders sinking, Ally knew there was no way out now, and she planted her bottom on a chair as ordered. While the PA fussed with her short curls, as if anything could be done there, the makeup woman went to work.
“Isn’t this a bit misleading? I mean, shouldn’t these women get a look at the real goods, not some made-up me?”
The makeup woman gave her a swat and ordered her to stop talking while the PA laughed. “Don’t worry. If you make it to the final round, they’ll all get to see a whole lot more of you.”
“What?” she asked, a deer in the headlights, but the makeup woman had clamped her hand on her jaw. “What did I say?”
“Noooo taaaallllkiiiing,” Ally pushed out of the clamp on her face.
“Then why are you answering?”
Ally shrugged, and the PA
giggled. So much for being myself. At least the outfit laid out for her was something she might have chosen. If I lived in Hollywood! It was stylish and far too shiny for her, but this was Connie’s rodeo, and she had promised to play fair, even if she was cast as the clown charged with separating fallen riders from their bucking broncs. In Ally’s mind, her only job was to make the other two broncos look good while she was nice to all those vying for a chance to go their eight seconds on horseback. Except this wasn’t a rodeo and Pam, and she supposed Rene too, was in this for love. Was that even possible? She had never heard of these reality TV things working out. But maybe, just maybe, with the format and the choices the contestants could make, there was a chance.
It would be nice to see Pam settle down. Goodness knows she had always been the wild one. The last time they spent quality time together had been right here at Glendennon Castle. They had attended the prestigious upper school together, but couldn’t have been more different. Pam was always the wild and popular girl, while Ally was the nerd. And while Pam had stayed in the closet until university, she still managed to sleep her way through most of the senior class, and Ally suspected one or two of the faculty as well. Allyson, on the other hand, had suffered for lack of friends, coming out in grade ten and being ostracized for it. Her only saving grace was Pam. Pam had stuck with her through and through. Having Pam’s support, plus the fact Ally was the best lacrosse player on campus meant she wasn’t completely blackballed, wasn’t completely pecked out of the social order. Still not exactly welcome, Ally was tolerated because she was related to the most popular student in school.
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