Nothing bad is going to happen to me. I have nothing to be afraid of here. I’m in complete control. I’m calm and I can do this…
‘Do you want to stand in the centre of the car?’ Luc asked.
Lily shook her head. ‘No. Let’s do this properly. I’m standing next to the windows. And I’m looking down.’
‘Good for you.’
Luc talked her through points of interest as the cable car climbed. Lily was half-listening because it distracted her and half checking in with her feelings because she wanted to understand how she was reacting to the views.
The views were breathtaking and that was a fact, she thought as she gazed through the window. Snow-capped mountains were everywhere. Lily could hear Luc telling her the names of the summits and peaks and she was conscious of wanting to look down to see how high they were, which she had never wanted to do before. Maybe the hypnotherapy had worked. The thought of skiing was still giving Lily a bad case of nerves, though.
‘There are a few cool restaurants and bars up here,’ Luc was saying. ‘At the North Tower, there is a cafe and a snack bar and in the summer, the “3842” is open. That’s the restaurant that’s at an altitude of 3842 metres.’
‘Wow. That’s high.’
‘The Aiguille du Midi has its own postage stamp and a letterbox too,’ Luc commented, grinning. ‘Weird, oui?’
‘Oui. But quite cute if you think about it.’
‘Cute?’ Luc threw her a glance. ‘Maybe.’ He turned away, but Lily thought he was smiling. ‘There is a Central Tower as well and it has a galleried walkway that connects the Rebuffat terrace with the Mont-Blanc terrace. You can view a few glaciers from here.’ Luc talked to her about a cave carved into the rock with a museum displaying climbing and mountaineering memorabilia. ‘And the view of the Alps from the Top Terrace is incredible. There is a wonderful panoramic viewing platform. It’s called “Step into the Void”. It’s literally like stepping out into nothing with the Alps underneath you.’
‘Sounds great,’ Lily said, pulling a mock-horrified face. She broke into a smile. ‘Just kidding. Are we getting out there?’
Luc let out a sudden laugh. ‘Are you serious? I’m game if you are.’
Lily shrugged. ‘Why not?’
God. What the hell was she thinking? This terrace sounded hideous. They got out and queued up. Lily started to feel sick, but told herself that she could do this. She could do this. They were given funny grey slippers to wear and before they knew it, it was their turn. They stood in front of ‘Step into the Void’ and Lily took a breath.
It was a glass box. Glass.
‘It’s glass, but it’s built around a metal frame,’ Luc said soothingly. ‘It’s totally safe. There are three layers of glass bound together. It can withstand high winds and temperatures. Are you ready?’ Luc grabbed her hand.
Lily didn’t stop to think. Wearing the grey slippers, she and Luc stepped out onto the glass platform.
‘Oh my God,’ Lily breathed. She looked down. ‘Oh. My. God. That is insane!’
It was like floating above the Alps, standing over the snow with the ground falling away beneath them. Lily felt panic flooding through her, then euphoria. She was doing this. She was scared still, but it felt like a case of mind over matter, and she was working hard at it, but she was doing it. She might vomit, but she was doing it.
‘Well done,’ Luc cried, squeezing her hand. ‘I can’t believe you did this!’
Lily couldn’t either. And she was jolted by Luc holding her hand, even though he was just being supportive. They took some funny selfies because Lily was certain she wouldn’t believe she’d actually achieved this.
‘You are a rock star,’ Luc said as they left the viewing platform. ‘That is more than I thought you could do today.’
‘Ye of little faith…’
‘What?’ Luc looked confused. ‘You speak in riddles.’
‘Idioms, my friend, idioms.’
Buoyed up by the success of her walk out onto Step into the Void, Lily felt she could afford to be cocky for a moment.
‘Let’s go skiing,’ Luc said.
And with that, Lily felt herself deflate. And she couldn’t understand it. If she could walk out onto that platform, why was skiing making her nervous? They travelled back down in the cable car, with Lily conscious of Luc chatting away in the background, but not really listening. Her stomach was doing somersaults. And she couldn’t make any sense of it. She had just conquered something incredible up there. She truly thought she had conquered her fear of heights. But now that they were about to ski, Lily was getting anxious and panicky again.
On autopilot, she followed Luc out to get her skis and poles and after Luc had helped her do up her ski boots, they headed over to a different green run. This one was called Les Planards, which was across the road from the Mer de Glace railway station.
Lily snapped into her skis and felt surprisingly comfortable in them. Using her poles to propel herself forwards and feeling her muscles scream a little in return, she followed Luc, shuffling forwards, getting up slight speed on the sloped parts. This green run had a button lift like the one the other day and Lily managed to get on and dismount without too many problems.
‘This is the bigger of the two nursery slopes, but it’s a gentle gradient,’ Luc told her. ‘And well done. You looked very calm and confident on the lift just then. It’s the shorter one, and there is a long one we can try another time, but you looked in control.’
‘It felt all right,’ Lily admitted. ‘That chair lift looks a bit scary.’ She pointed upwards.
‘That goes to a blue run and I think a red run. Let’s not worry about that for now. I love chair lifts, actually. You get such great views. A bit like the cable car.’
‘But outdoors and dangling from not much.’ Lily shivered. ‘Oh Luc. I feel as though I’ve lost my nerve completely.’ She wasn’t shivering, she was shaking. ‘I think it must have to do with my dad.’
Luc squeezed her shoulder. ‘You still need to tell me about that. But for now, let’s focus on skiing.’ He bent down slightly to make proper eye contact with her. ‘You can snow plough very well. You can snow plough turn very well. If you fall on this slope, you will bruise your ego, but not much else, oui?’
‘Oui.’ Lily took a deep breath and focused on the thoughts forming in her brain methodically, as though they had been planted there. Which they probably had.
I can do this. Nothing is going to hurt me. There is nothing to be scared of. I’m braver than I think I am. I can ski. There is no reason why I can’t do this.
‘Bernadette in your head again?’ Luc guessed, pulling her goggles down for her. ‘Let’s build on that and go down this slope. Follow me.’
Lily did as she was told. Her dad’s voice came into her head, telling her she couldn’t do it and that she wasn’t good enough, but she pushed it away.
I’m braver than I think I am…
She followed Luc down the slope. It was busier than the other one, but Lily did her best to block everyone else out. Again, it felt like a mind over matter situation. Luc started to put in some snow plough turns and she copied him. They were wobbly, they weren’t perfect, but she was doing it. Luc stopped and watched her snow plough turn on her own, whooping encouragement from the side lines. He then skied after her and met her at the bottom.
‘So much better!’ he said, seeming absurdly pleased. ‘I am so happy for you. Shall we go again?’
‘Doh. What else?’
Lily grinned and felt herself relax inside. She didn’t fancy going higher than they were for now, but a calm snow plough down this green one was doing her confidence no end of good. They went up again and this time, Lily really focused on getting her body to relax and just glide. It was still an effort to block out the negative voice in her head, but the other voice, the ‘cheerleader’ as she had decided to call it, was louder. And way more convincing.
‘You look amazing!’ Luc shouted on their tenth turn do
wn the green run. ‘Keep going, keep going!’
Lily allowed her body to do what Luc had repeatedly trained it to do. She relaxed into her turns and a couple of times even felt her skis turning as though they were going parallel. That scared her too much, so she flared them out into the snow plough position again.
‘You nearly parallel skied.’ Luc skied up alongside her, his face literally beaming. ‘I am so proud of you. So proud!’ He leant towards her and Lily felt her breath suck in. Was he going to kiss her?!
Luc pulled himself up. There was a moment where they stared at each other and time stood still. It actually stood still. It was like being in a snow globe, with everything else melting into the background – people, noises, sights. As if the two of them were suspended in something together. A moment. Like an icicle dangling from a fir tree. And then the icicle dropped.
What was that? Lily was poleaxed. She had never experienced anything like that before. Not with anyone. Not even with Jamie. She swallowed, feeling that she had dry mouth again.
‘Do… do we go up again?’
Luc seemed to retreat within himself. ‘No, I think that’s enough for today. But you should be so pleased with yourself. You didn’t once let your nerves get the better of you.’
‘That’s not me, that’s Bernadette,’ Lily said, still rocked by that weird moment between them.
‘It’s both. And you did very well to get back into the right headspace after coming down in the cable car. You shut down at that point. I could see the fear taking hold again.’
‘Me too.’ Lily shivered again at the memory. ‘It was like this horrible cold feeling and I couldn’t shake it off. It was crawling all over me.’
Luc helped her out of her skis. ‘Sounds nasty. As I say, you did well.’
Lily watched him hoist her skis onto his shoulder and she trudged after him. She wanted to ask about Elodie, but she wasn’t sure how to get her into the conversation. Luc inadvertently provided her with the perfect opening as they headed back to the hotel.
‘Pierre has had his operation,’ Luc told her. ‘The family is still very upset about it all.’
‘Poor Pierre.’ Lily couldn’t wait to get her ski boots off. ‘And… how is Elodie?’ She couldn’t look at Luc, but she felt him glance at her and stared steadfastly ahead.
‘Elodie? She is upset, naturally. She adores her father and it’s hard when someone you love hurts themselves so badly. Marc is fine, too,’ Luc added, sounding rather tongue in cheek. ‘In case you are wondering.’
‘Oh good.’ Lily felt her cheeks flush slightly. Had she been that obvious? ‘I really like it here,’ she threw out, mostly to change the subject.
‘Really?’ Luc looked amused. ‘I’m glad to hear it. Are you thinking of staying beyond Christmas?’
Lily thought about that. She hadn’t given herself a chance to think beyond each day, given the drama that had ensued since her arrival, but she knew she would have to start thinking about that soon. She missed home; that was a given. She missed her mum and Dave, and Ivy of course. And Jamie. Maybe she would feel differently once Jamie had visited. If Jamie visited.
‘Did you hear from your friend again?’ Luc asked. His face was the picture of innocence.
‘Jamie?’ Lily wondered why on earth Luc would be asking her such a thing. ‘I did, actually. He’s thinking of coming to visit. He loves skiing,’ she added, to clarify.
‘Does he?’ Luc raised an eyebrow. ‘Is he good?’
‘Not as good as you, I’m sure,’ Lily said, with a half-smile.
Truthfully, she had no idea how good Jamie was at skiing. He talked about it incessantly whenever he returned from a trip, but Lily had worked out that everyone who was into skiing was really into skiing. It was a sport to be passionate about – apathy had no place in the world of skis and mountains. But Luc was an instructor, after all; Lily imagined his technique would be far more honed.
‘Well, it would be lovely to meet one of your… friends,’ Luc said, heavy emphasis on the ‘friends’ part. He sounded sarcastic, which, in her limited experience, was unusual for him.
‘I’ll be sure to introduce you if he comes,’ Lily said, feeling herself stiffen. Why was Luc acting like a dickhead? Surely he didn’t feel threatened by Jamie? She stepped into the boot room and sank down onto the bench. She wouldn’t let Luc undo her ski boots for her. Not after being so silly about Jamie. She bent over and struggled with the straps and bindings. Why did they always feel so tight?
‘Shall I help?’ Luc stood over her, his face impassive.
‘No. That’s fine,’ she snapped, irritated by his presence suddenly. ‘I can do it myself.’
‘Fair enough,’ Luc said, but he frowned. ‘I’m happy to help, but if you insist…’ He left her to it and Lily felt like an idiot. And it took her a good twenty minutes to undo her boots without Luc’s help because her fingers were cold and the bindings were tight and, well, it was just harder.
Huffing to herself, Lily finally managed to yank her boots off and release her sweaty feet. Taking stock of her day, she decided that it had been a good one. She and Luc had achieved a lot. Well, she had achieved a lot with Luc. Stepping into the Void, all the perfect (or near perfect) snow plough turns. Overcoming her nerves. Not allowing Luc to have his face next to her smelly feet.
Lily frowned. Did Luc like her? She really wasn’t sure. They got on so well and it seemed as though there was a connection between them, even sizzling chemistry at times. There were moments when Lily was convinced Luc was really into her. There was the way he had leant into her earlier, as though he was going to kiss her. He hadn’t, but it had been a magic moment.
Lily stood up, feeling a welcome ache in her legs. Wowzers. Was she beginning to enjoy the post-ski burn they all talked about? Lily couldn’t wait to lower herself into a warm bubble bath. She shuffled her way upstairs, feeling her legs seize up slightly and, once in her room, sat on the edge of the bath and started to run the hot water.
As she poured amber-scented bubble bath into it, Lily thought about Elodie. Did she have some kind of hold over Luc? She acted as though she had a claim to Luc, but Lily had no idea what it was. She wanted to find out, but Imogen didn’t seem to know anything and Celine hadn’t mentioned any connection between Luc and Elodie. Bernadette clearly knew an awful lot, if not everything, but she was intensely loyal to Luc and Lily knew she wouldn’t breathe a word unless she felt it was right to do so.
Lily wasn’t sure how she was going to find out what the link between Luc and Elodie was, she just knew that she wanted to understand it. It suddenly seemed incredibly important. Because she kind of liked Luc and she wasn’t sure if Luc kind of liked her. Trailing her hand distractedly in the warm, soapy bubbles, Lily felt confused but excited.
Chapter Seventeen
A Few Days Later
Lily had just finished a massage with a gushing Sylvan followed by an energetic sports massage for Signor Santorini, who by all accounts popped over from Italy via the tripoint of France-Italy-Switzerland at the top of Mont Dolent whenever he could to ski his socks off. He would leave his wife behind, thus rendering her a ‘ski widow’. It was rather like a golf widow, but with poles instead of clubs.
Lily was due in a staff meeting and was running a little late since Signor Santorini adored chatting. When he started talking in ski language, he could not be stopped. Although he would have been better off speaking in Italian than in ski language because Lily had no idea what a ‘mogul field’ was or what it meant to ‘drop off a crest’. Equally, she wasn’t sure she even wanted to know what a ‘big dump’ was. All Lily knew was that, like everyone else in Chamonix, Signor Santorini was obsessed with all things ski.
Washing her hands and making sure her room was set up for her next client, Lily made her way to the staff area. Everyone was already there, including Luc, so she slipped in the back quietly. Marc was up front, talking through a list in his hand and Elodie stood at his side, looking slender and modelesque in
tapered black ski pants and a pale pink jumper that made the most of her slender curves.
‘As I was saying, my mother is taking some time off, partly for herself and partly to be with my father in hospital,’ Marc said, his expression grave. He looked dapper as ever, but exhausted, with dark shadows under his eyes and a weary expression.
Imogen threw Lily an intrigued glance. Why would Celine need time out for herself?
Marc carried on. ‘Thank you to those who have asked after him. He is doing as well as can be expected. He’s fine, but obviously devastated by the accident and very worried about his skiing career going forward, both as an instructor and at a competitive level.’
A murmur of sympathy rippled through the group of staff. They could all understand how awful it would be to not be able to ski ever again and not one of them would wish such a thing on their worst enemy, let alone their boss, who was so passionate about teaching and competing.
‘Onto other issues,’ Marc continued. He ran through some social events and the work schedule for the following week. He praised a few individuals for specific achievements, then moved on. ‘The Christmas cocktail event the other week was very successful. We used it as a networking event as well as a social gathering and made several repeat bookings for next year. We plan to have another drinks event closer to Christmas. Elodie will be in charge of it. Elodie?’
Elodie stepped forward. ‘Yes, I’ll be organising an event for staff and guests, and staff attendance is compulsory. Sylvan, could you please submit some new canapé and cocktails suggestions to me by tomorrow evening?’
Sylvan frowned, presumably at the short notice request, but gave a little bow of agreement.
‘Good,’ Elodie said crisply. ‘I thought we might have a more Christmassy theme for this event, so some of you will be asked to dress in costumes for the evening.’
There was a collective groan this time. Lily sighed. She imagined she would be one of Elodie’s costume victims. And Lily had no doubt the costume would be along the lines of a big, fat snowman or a star with her arms stretched out all night long. There would be no sexy elves or Mrs Santa for her if Elodie was in charge. Lily was certain of that.
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