by Patrick Ness
“Of course.”
“Well, this is something you take when that hasn’t worked how they wanted it to,” she said. “It was always a possibility, but they were hoping not to have to use it at all.” She looked down. “And they were hoping not to have to use it this soon.”
“Does that mean it’s too late?” Conor asked, setting the words free before he even knew what he was saying.
“No, Conor,” she answered him, quickly. “Don’t think that. It’s not too late. It’s never too late.”
“Are you sure?”
She smiled again. “I believe every word I say,” she said, her voice a little stronger.
Conor remembered what the monster had said. Belief is half of healing.
He still felt like he wasn’t breathing, but the tension started to ebb a little, letting go of his stomach. His mum saw him relax a bit, and she started rubbing the skin on his arm.
“And here’s something really interesting,” she said, her voice sounding a bit more chipper. “You remember that tree on the hill behind our house?”
Conor’s eyes went wide.
“Well, if you can believe it,” his mum continued, not noticing, “this drug is actually made from yew trees.”
“Yew trees?” Conor asked, his voice quiet.
“Yeah,” his mum said. “I read about it way back, when this all started.” She coughed into her hand, then coughed again. “I mean, I hoped it would never get this far, but it just seemed incredible that all that time we could see a yew tree from our own house. And that very tree could be the thing that healed me.”
Conor’s mind was whirling, so fast it almost made him dizzy.
“The green things of this world are just wondrous, aren’t they?” his mother went on. “We work so hard to get rid of them when sometimes they’re the very thing that saves us.”
“Is it going to save you?” Conor asked, barely able to even say it.
His mum smiled again. “I hope so,” she said. “I believe so.”
COULD IT BE?
Conor went out into the hospital corridor, his thoughts racing. Medicine made from yew trees. Medicine that could properly heal. Medicine just like the Apothecary refused to make for the parson. Though, to be honest, Conor was still a little unclear about why it was the parson’s house that got knocked down.
Unless.
Unless the monster was here for a reason. Unless it had come walking to heal Conor’s mother.
He hardly dared hope. He hardly dared think it.
No.
No, of course not. It couldn’t be true, he was being stupid. The monster was a dream. That’s all it was, a dream.
But the leaves. And the berries. And the sapling growing in the floor. And the destruction of his grandma’s sitting room.
Conor felt suddenly light, like he was somehow starting to float in the air.
Could it be? Could it really be?
He heard voices and looked down the corridor. His dad and his grandma were fighting.
– • –
He couldn’t hear what they were saying, but his grandma was pretty ferociously jabbing her finger towards his dad’s chest. “Well, what do you want me to do?” his father said, loud enough to attract the attention of people passing in the corridor. Conor couldn’t hear his grandma’s response, but she came storming back down the corridor past Conor, still not looking at him as she went into his mother’s room.
His father walked up shortly after, his shoulders slumped.
“What’s going on?” Conor asked.
“Ah, your grandma’s mad at me,” his dad said, giving a quick smile. “Nothing new there.”
“Why?”
His father made a face. “I’ve got some bad news, Conor,” he said. “I have to fly back home tonight.”
“Tonight?” Conor asked. “Why?”
“The baby’s sick.”
“Oh,” Conor said. “What’s wrong with her?”
“Probably nothing serious, but Stephanie’s gone a bit crazy and taken her to the hospital and wants me to come back right now.”
“And you’re going?”
“I am but I’m coming back,” his father said. “On Sunday after next, so it’s not even two weeks. They’ve given me more time off work to come back and see you.”
“Two weeks,” Conor said, almost to himself. “But that’s okay, though. Mum’s on this new medicine, which is going to make her better. So by the time you get back–”
He stopped when he saw his father’s face.
“Why don’t we go for a walk, son?” his father asked.
There was a small park across from the hospital with paths among the trees. As Conor and his father walked through it towards an empty bench, they kept passing patients in hospital gowns, walking with their families or out on their own sneaking cigarettes. It made the park feel like an outdoor hospital room. Or a place where ghosts went to have a break.
“This is a talk, isn’t it?” Conor said, as they sat down. “Everybody always wants to have a talk lately.”
“Conor,” his father said. “This new medicine your mum’s taking–”
“It’s going to make her well,” Conor said, firmly.
His father paused for a moment. “No, Conor,” he said. “It probably isn’t.”
“Yes, it is,” Conor insisted.
“It’s a last ditch effort, son. I’m sorry, but things have moved too fast.”
“It’ll heal her. I know it will.”
“Conor,” his father said. “The other reason your grandma was mad at me was because she doesn’t think me or your mum have been honest enough with you. About what’s really happening.”
“What does Grandma know about it?”
Conor’s father put a hand on his shoulder. “Conor, your mum–”
“She’s going to be okay,” Conor said, shaking it off and standing up. “This new medicine is the secret. It’s the whole reason why. I’m telling you, I know.”
His father looked confused. “Reason for what?”
“So you just go back to America,” Conor carried on, “and go back to your other family and we’ll be fine here without you. Because this is going to work.”
“Conor, no–”
“Yes, it is. It’s going to work.”
“Son,” his father said, leaning forward. “Stories don’t always have happy endings.”
This stopped him. Because they didn’t, did they? That’s one thing the monster had definitely taught him. Stories were wild, wild animals and went off in directions you couldn’t expect.
His father was shaking his head. “This is too much to ask of you. It is, I know it is. It’s unfair and cruel and not how things should be.”
Conor didn’t answer.
“I’ll be back a week on Sunday,” his father said. “Just keep that in mind, okay?”
Conor blinked up into the sun. It really had been an incredibly warm October, like the summer was still fighting to stick around.
“How long will you stay?” Conor finally asked.
“For as long as I can.”
“And then you’ll go back.”
“I have to. I’ve got–”
“Another family there,” Conor finished.
His father tried to reach out a hand again, but Conor was already heading back towards the hospital.
Because no, it would work, it would, that was the whole reason the monster had come walking. It had to be. If the monster was real at all then that had to be the reason.
Conor looked at the clock on the front of the hospital as he went back inside.
Eight more hours until 12.07.
NO TALE
“Can you heal her?” Conor asked.
The yew is a healing tree, the monster said. It is the form I choose most to walk in.
Conor frowned. “That’s not really an answer.”
The monster just gave him that evil grin.
Conor’s grandma had driven him back to her house when his
mum had fallen asleep after not eating her dinner. His grandma still hadn’t spoken to him about the destruction of her sitting room. She’d barely spoken to him at all.
“I’m going back,” she said, as he got out of the car. “Fix yourself something to eat. I know you can at least do that.”
“Do you think Dad’s at the airport by now?” Conor asked.
All his grandma did in response was sigh impatiently. He shut the door and she drove away. After he’d gone inside, the clock – the cheap, battery-operated one in the kitchen, which was all they had now – had crept towards midnight without her returning or calling. He thought about calling her himself, but she’d already yelled at him once when her ringtone had woken up his mum.
It didn’t matter. In fact, it made it easier. He hadn’t had to pretend to go to bed. He’d waited until the clock read 12.07. Then he went outside and said, “Where are you?”
And the monster said, I am here and stepped over his grandma’s office shed in one easy motion.
“Can you heal her?” Conor asked again, more firmly.
The monster looked down at him. It is not up to me.
“Why not?” Conor asked. “You tear down houses and rescue witches. You say every bit of you can heal if only people would use it.”
If your mother can be healed, the monster said, then the yew tree will do it.
Conor crossed his arms. “Is that a yes?”
Then the monster did something it hadn’t done until now.
It sat down.
It placed its entire great weight on top of his grandma’s office. Conor could hear the wood groan and saw the roof sag. His heart leapt in his throat. If he destroyed her office, too, there’s no telling what she’d do to him. Probably ship him off to prison. Or worse, boarding school.
You still do not know why you called me, do you? the monster asked. You still do not know why I have come walking. It is not as if I do this every day, Conor O’Malley.
“I didn’t call you,” Conor said. “Unless it was in a dream or something. And even if I did, it was obviously for my mum.”
Was it?
“Well, why else?” Conor said, his voice rising. “It wasn’t just to hear terrible stories that make no sense.”
Are you forgetting your grandmother’s sitting room?
Conor couldn’t quite suppress a small smile.
As I thought, said the monster.
“I’m being serious,” Conor said.
So am I. But we are not yet ready for the third and final story. That will be soon. And after that you will tell me your story, Conor O’Malley. You will tell me your truth. The monster leaned forward. And you know of what I speak.
The mist surrounded them again suddenly and his grandma’s garden faded away. The world changed to grey and emptiness, and Conor knew exactly where he was, exactly what the world had changed into.
He was inside the nightmare.
– • –
This is what it felt like, this is what it looked like, the edges of the world crumbling away and Conor holding on to her hands, feeling them slip from his grasp, feeling her fall–
“No!” he cried out. “No! Not this!”
The mist retreated and he was back in his grandma’s garden again, the monster still sitting on her office roof.
“That’s not my truth,” Conor said, his voice shaking. “That’s just a nightmare.”
Nevertheless, the monster said, standing, the roof beams of his grandma’s office seeming to sigh with relief, that is what will happen after the third tale.
“Great,” Conor said, “another story when there are more important things going on.”
Stories are important, the monster said. They can be more important than anything. If they carry the truth.
“Life writing,” Conor said, sourly, under his breath.
The monster looked surprised. Indeed, it said. It turned to go, but glanced back at Conor. Look for me soon.
“I want to know what’s going to happen with my mum,” Conor said.
The monster paused. Do you not know already?
“You said you were a tree of healing,” Conor said. “Well, I need you to heal!”
And so I shall, the monster said.
And with a gust of wind, it was gone.
I NO LONGER SEE YOU
“I want to go to the hospital, too,” Conor said the next morning in the car with his grandma. “I don’t want to go to school today.”
His grandma just drove. It was quite possible she was never going to speak to him again.
“How was she last night?” he asked. He’d waited up for a long time after the monster left, but had still fallen asleep before his grandma came back.
“Much the same,” she said, tersely, keeping her eyes firmly on the road.
“Is the new medicine helping?”
She didn’t answer this one for so long, he thought she wasn’t going to and was on the verge of asking again when she said, “It’s too soon to tell.”
Conor let a few streets go by, then he asked, “When is she going to come home?”
This one his grandma didn’t answer, even though it was another half hour before they got to school.
– • –
There was no hope of paying attention in lessons. Which, once again, didn’t matter because none of the teachers asked him a question anyway. Neither did his classmates. By the time lunch break came around, he’d passed another morning not having said a word to anyone.
He sat alone at the far edge of the dining hall, his food uneaten in front of him. The room was unbelievably loud, roaring with the sounds of his classmates and all their screaming and yelling and fighting and laughing. Conor did his best to ignore it.
The monster would heal her. Of course it would. Why else would it have come? There was no other explanation. It had come walking as a tree of healing, the same tree that made the medicine for his mother, so why else?
Please, Conor thought as he stared at his still full lunch tray. Please.
Two hands slapped down hard on either side of the tray from across the table, knocking Conor’s orange juice into his lap.
Conor stood up, though not quickly enough. His trousers were soaked in liquid, dripping down his legs.
“O’Malley’s wet himself!” Sully was already shouting, with Anton cracking up beside him.
“Here!” Anton said, flicking some of the puddle from the table at Conor. “You missed some!”
Harry stood between Anton and Sully, as ever, his arms crossed, staring.
Conor stared back.
Neither of them moved for so long that Sully and Anton quieted down. They started to look uncomfortable as the staring contest continued, wondering what Harry was going to do next.
Conor wondered, too.
“I think I’ve worked you out, O’Malley,” Harry finally said. “I think I know what it is you’re asking for.”
“You’re gonna get it now,” Sully said. He and Anton laughed, bumping fists.
Conor couldn’t see any teachers out of the corner of his eye, so he knew Harry had chosen a moment when they could bother him unseen.
Conor was on his own.
Harry stepped forward, still calmly.
“Here is the hardest hit of all, O’Malley,” Harry said. “Here is the very worst thing I can do to you.”
He held out his hand, as if asking for a handshake.
He was asking for a handshake.
Conor responded almost automatically, putting out his own hand and shaking Harry’s before he even thought about what he was doing. They shook hands like two businessmen at the end of a meeting.
“Goodbye, O’Malley,” Harry said, looking into Conor’s eyes. “I no longer see you.”
Then he let go of Conor’s hand, turned his back, and walked away. Anton and Sully looked even more confused, but after a second, they walked away, too.
None of them looked back at Conor.
There was a huge digital clock on the
wall of the dining hall, bought sometime in the seventies as the latest in technology and never replaced, even though it was older than Conor’s mum. As Conor watched Harry walk away, walk away without looking back, walk away without doing anything, Harry moved past the digital clock.
Lunch started at 11.55 and ended at 12.40.
The clock currently read 12.06.
Harry’s words echoed in Conor’s head.
“I no longer see you.”
Harry kept walking away, keeping good on his promise.
“I no longer see you.”
The clock ticked over to 12.07.
It is time for the third tale, the monster said from behind him.
THE THIRD TALE
There was once an invisible man, the monster continued, though Conor kept his eyes firmly on Harry, who had grown tired of being unseen.
Conor set himself into a walk.
A walk after Harry.
It was not that he was actually invisible, the monster said, following Conor, the room volume dropping as they passed. It was that people had become used to not seeing him.
“Hey!” Conor called. Harry didn’t turn round. Neither did Sully nor Anton, though they were still sniggering as Conor picked up his pace.
And if no one sees you, the monster said, picking up its pace, too, are you really there at all?
“HEY!” Conor called loudly.
The dining hall had fallen silent now, as Conor and the monster moved faster after Harry.
Harry who had still not turned around.
Conor reached him and grabbed him by the shoulder, twisting him round. Harry pretended to question what had happened, looking hard at Sully, acting like he was the one who’d done it. “Quit messing about,” Harry said and turned away again.
Turned away from Conor.
And then one day the invisible man decided, the monster said, its voice ringing in Conor’s ears, I will make them see me.
“How?” Conor asked, breathing heavily again, not turning back to see the monster standing there, not looking at the reaction of the room to the huge monster now in their midst, though he was aware of nervous murmurs and a strange anticipation in the air. “How did the man do it?”