“Why can’t you have both?” Andie asked.
“What? A long-distance relationship?”
Andie nodded.
“The chances of that working out are slim. Plus, if I go back, I have no intentions of moving to Portland. I’ll have tenure at my school. Jake already has a life. I can’t ask him to pick up and move Bailey. She’d hate me forever.”
They were at a stalemate. They were on borrowed time to begin with, and the last grain of sand had emptied to the other side of the hourglass.
“Then I think this calls for extra-chunky Jif,” her sister said.
“Jif? We don’t have Jif in this house.”
Andie raised a brow. “You really think your hiding spots are that great?”
Erin knocked her head against the wall. Andie lifted up the loose floorboard and procured the jar of peanut butter with a spoon. Damn. She was just starting to get to know her sister. Just starting to come back into her life when it seemed like she needed someone to talk to.
“I’m sorry I’m going so soon.” She wished she had more time with her sister. To solidify their relationship. She wished for a lot of things, but as she knew from before, wishing got her nowhere in life.
“You act like you’re dying.” Her sister rolled her eyes. “You’re a state away. We’ll still have Skype.”
“Yeah.” But she could tell her sister’s words were forced. She knew it was different—she wasn’t an idiot.
“I love you, Erin. And I’m proud of you for living your Teacher Barbie life down in California.”
“Love you, too.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Jake scrolled through the news on his tablet and pushed the soggy cereal around in his bowl. If this were any other breakup, he’d be lifting weights with Reece or Hollywood. Or going out for beers with them, getting his mind off Erin. But that was the thing. He didn’t want to forget about Erin.
What the hell was wrong with him? He’d broken his cardinal rule of never getting attached, and now here he was nursing wounded pride. And some other stuff he wasn’t willing to admit to himself yet. He’d been a fucking chump to lay it all out on the table for her. He had a losing hand and should have known when to fold. Instead, he’d put it out there just for her to trample on.
Bailey bounded down the stairs and skidded to a halt at the kitchen island. Charlene’s mom had dropped her off earlier this morning, and he’d managed to avoid seeing her until now. “Whoa, Dad. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, kiddo.” He waved a dismissive hand. “What are your plans for today?”
“Well, I was supposed to go shopping with Erin . . . but she just texted me that it probably wouldn’t happen today.” Or ever, kid.
She frowned, and Jake’s gut bottomed out. He’d been foolish to bring Erin to the house, to bring her into Bailey’s life. Because now Bailey was disappointed.
“I’m sorry, Bailey. I never should have done this.” Stupid. He was so damn stupid for bringing Erin into Bailey’s life. What was he thinking when he’d decided it’d be a good idea to invite her over? Obviously, he hadn’t been.
“Done what, Dad?” She picked at the polish on her nails. She was still that innocent baby girl in his eyes. He wanted to fucking roar for causing any bit of pain to his child.
“Brought Erin over here. She just heard back from her old school—she’s moving back to California.”
Bailey brows scrunched together. “I’m glad you did. I saw you happy for once. Even if it sucks now.”
He pulled her in for a hug, holding her tight. “You’re my top priority, kiddo. Always will be.” He smoothed a hand over his daughter’s back. “Why don’t we head to the mall today and get some yarn. I can look up a YouTube tutorial. How hard can knitting be?”
“As much as I love your guilt shopping sprees, I’d rather have you happy. Why didn’t you ask her to stay?”
I did. She didn’t want to. He’d been such an idiot lately.
“Because she deserves to be happy, too.” He believed that with every ounce of his heart. He’d never ask anyone to give up their dreams, but when she’d left, it had made it abundantly clear that they never would have worked in the first place. Their priorities were in different places. He had his family. She was busy finding herself. Or whatever she was doing. He still wasn’t even sure what in California had called to her so much.
Bailey shook her head. “Her loss.” She grabbed a granola bar from the pantry and said, “Froyo date?”
He took a steadying breath and smiled at his daughter. She was turning into such a great young lady, one who was smart, kind, and thoughtful, and he was so darn proud of her. This was enough. He’d get back to his main priority, and maybe sometime after Bailey left for college, he’d find someone who was ready to stick around on a more permanent basis. He ignored the clench in his gut at the thought of being with anyone but Erin. That’d subside, though. With time.
“Sure, princess.” And this time she didn’t flinch. Maybe things would go back to normal. At least Jake would be smarter next time.
He put his arm around his girl and kissed the top of her head. Everything would be all right. He just had to keep repeating that to himself until he got the image of Erin out of his head for good.
@hotmamajenkins: So proud of my daughter for getting her old job back! They knew what they were missing.
@hotmamajenkins: But no amount of peanut butter is going to fill the hole that’ll be left when she’s gone.
Erin tossed her phone on the bed and continued shuffling stuff around in her suitcase. It’d been two days since she’d broken it off with Jake, and she still couldn’t get his words out of her head. You’re the biggest risk I’ve ever taken.
Erin didn’t like to gamble. With her money or her feelings. Was she a chicken for not telling him how she really felt? Hell yes. But what would that have really done? Made things worse, for sure. He hadn’t contacted her since she’d left his house, which wasn’t surprising. With how she’d acted, she didn’t even want to be around herself.
Erin tossed another cardigan into her bag. Maybe this year would be different. Maybe she’d find someone down in California. She shoved another sweater into the suitcase.
“Yeah, you’re not going to find anyone, you idiot,” she mumbled to herself. A guy like Jake came around only once in a lifetime. Her window had passed. She might as well resign herself to a life of spinsterhood. She wondered if she could Amazon Prime a menagerie of cats.
A knock came from her door, and she turned to find her mom leaning against the door frame.
“I feel like you just got here.” Her mom frowned, but as far as guilt trips went, this wasn’t even bronze-medal worthy.
Erin shook her head. If her mom pressed any further, she didn’t know if she had it in her to put up a fight. She’d been left a husk of a person ever since leaving Jake’s house. This honestly wasn’t what she had expected when she said yes to the job.
“I can’t give up a sure thing,” she said.
“I know, sweetie.” Her mom came over to sit on the bed, grabbing Erin’s hand. “And I’m so proud of you. Those kids need you.”
“You’re not upset?”
Her mother’s expression softened. “I would love nothing more than for you to be in Portland, but you need to spread your wings. If that means you need to go to California, then so be it. But you do this for you. Not because of other people’s expectations. We’ll always be here for you.”
Hot tears formed in Erin’s throat and stung her eyes. She didn’t expect this summer to change how she felt about her family, but she was going to miss them. She was going to miss everyone.
“Is Jake still not talking to you?”
She blinked back tears. “No. And I don’t blame him. I did exactly what Reece said I would.” She really was an awful person. Even if she wanted things to work out with him more than anything, she just didn’t see a way.
“Stop that line of thinking. Jake is a grown man. A good ma
n. He understands what your career means to you. And if he doesn’t, then he didn’t deserve you in the first place.” Her mother nodded, like her word was gospel.
She wished it were as easy as her mom explained. But somewhere along the way, she’d fallen for the man. And hurt him. There was no coming back from that.
“You will find your happiness, Erin.”
“I love you, Mom.” And the floodgates released. Tears streamed down her cheeks.
Her mother pulled her into a hug. “Love you, too, sweetie. Always. Now let’s get you packed up and ready to teach science.”
Two hours later, Erin stared at the packed boxes in the back of her Prius. Her whole life fit inside the back of a car. Granted, she had to use her Tetris skills, but still, what had she accumulated throughout her adult life besides a mild case of anxiety and the start of wrinkles around her eyes?
Call her a romantic. Call her desperate, but she kept looking over her shoulder, expecting Jake’s truck to roll up behind her. For him to hop out and wrap his arms around her. For him to beg her not to go. Which was stupid because that wasn’t happening. Not because she didn’t think Jake wanted her to stay, but because he was a good man. A stable man. The type who wouldn’t ever ask her to give up her dreams because, above all else, he respected her.
Madison and Sloane pulled her into a group hug.
“Do you really have to go so soon?” Sloane asked.
Madison shrugged. “We could chain her to the porch.”
Erin laughed, hugging her friends tighter. “You guys are the best. I’ll be home for Christmas.” She pulled back and looked at them. She knew that no matter where she went in the world, these two women would always be there for her.
“Brother alert,” Sloane said. She gave her one last hug and shuffled back toward the porch, Madison doing the same.
Did everyone have to make such a big deal out of this? All it did was make the hole in her chest spread.
Reece walked up beside her and stared at her car. “I’ll miss you,” he said.
“Miss you, too, big bro.” Even though he was a huge pain in her ass, she knew what she said was true. She’d miss him. Her mom. Everyone. Because somewhere along the way, Erin had fallen back in love with Portland, and she couldn’t do anything about it.
“I don’t blame you for wanting to take this job. And I’m sorry for what I said to you the other week. That wasn’t right,” he said.
Her throat squeezed. She wouldn’t cry in front of her brother because she’d never hear the end of it. “Just make sure he’s okay.”
Reece nodded.
She hugged her sister and mom goodbye, silently reassuring herself that she’d be a better sister, a better daughter. She’d make an effort to keep in touch with them.
As she slid into the driver’s seat, she checked her rearview mirror one last time. No Jake. Stop being delusional, girl.
She rested back against the headrest, then started the ignition. Her mom, siblings, Madison, and Sloane waved at her from the front porch, and Erin pressed her lips together to keep from crumbling. Put your car in drive. One step at a time. She’d get her life back to normal.
What if this is supposed to be your normal? That exact thought had plagued her ever since she’d said yes to her principal. Now with her car packed, her gas tank full and ready to make the ten-hour trip, was this really what she was meant to be doing? At least she had a long car ride to decide this.
She made her way to the end of the block and clicked her blinker. Left to the highway, right to downtown.
One of these destinations was home. One was the unknown, something she’d never been scared of until now. Her gaze swept from left to right. She put her blinker to the left. Then turned it off. Then put her face in her hands.
Was she going home or leaving home? She wasn’t so sure anymore.
These past few weeks had stirred things in her, made her realize maybe she’d been running for all the wrong reasons.
A car pulled up behind her, and she had to make a choice. She couldn’t just sit at this intersection all day.
Erin took a deep breath. Before she could stop herself, her car turned toward downtown. She needed to see it one last time. Because she didn’t know when she’d be back next. She parallel-parked in a spot in front of one of the bakeries and got out of the car.
Savory scents of cinnamon and toasted bread wafted out of storefronts as she made her way down Mississippi. She didn’t dare go to Periwinkle Circle, but she walked the same route as she had with Jake on their date, making her way down to the riverfront.
She stared out at the fountain. All the wishes glittering in the morning sun.
She’d give anything for the fountain to actually work magic. Then again, hadn’t it? She’d wished for her job that night with Jake. She got it.
A little girl plunked a coin into the fountain and giggled. She grabbed another fistful from her mother and tossed them in. After her mother ran out of coins, she took her hand and went on, strolling along the waterfront.
The water was still rippling from the girl’s coin throwing. She stared at the blue water, watching the coins glisten in the light. She should be passing through Salem by now, on her way back to California, and yet here she was, staring at a fountain.
She pulled one strap of her purse over her shoulder and shuffled in the mess of receipts and unearthed a coin at the bottom. One shiny penny. What the hell? Why not one more wish? “Come on, universe. Give me this one thing, please.” She was pleading with a public fountain. It was okay to assume that she’d gone off the deep end and straight into crazy territory.
It hit the water with a loud plop and sank to the bottom. Right next to one marked with black Sharpie. Oh, give her a break.
“This is what you give me, universe?” she called to the sky.
Of course her coin would land next to Jake’s. Of all the places to land, it had to be next to the one reminder she didn’t need. But wasn’t that why she was down here in the first place, re-creating their first date like a complete psychotic person. Maybe she was experiencing a mental break.
A jogger stared at her as she ran by. Which wasn’t uncalled for. She was yelling at a fountain.
She stared at that damn blackened coin. What had he wished for? Did she even have a right to know? No. Not after she’d just run through his life like a tornado.
Why had she hurt him like that? What was she so afraid of by staying here? Damn it, why did she miss Jake so much? This was a fling. Something that had an expiration date. Not something she needed to be angsting about like she was thirteen.
“This is ridiculous.” She wasn’t one to leave things up to chance. She hadn’t made it as far as she had because of luck. No, she’d worked her ass off, and a freaking penny wouldn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. She was a woman of science, for heaven’s sake.
Erin kicked off her flip-flops onto the brick pavement and rolled up her capris. Damn it all to hell, she was getting that wish back. She plunged one foot into the frigid water and then the other. A shiver ran up her spine, but she was determined. No backing out now. She was in full swing with her crazy and intended to follow through.
There were a few gasps that came from behind her. Whatever. She had a bone to pick with the fountain. She reached down and grabbed her coin. Then she looked at Jake’s sitting there. She couldn’t get it out of her mind. Why did it matter what he’d wished for? For all she knew, it had everything to do with Bailey. Or staying safe on all his shifts. Which would then make her the worst person in existence, because, damn it, she was grabbing his coin.
She palmed the coin, the weight burning her skin. A piece of Jake. One that he’d carried around for so long. The weight of loss, the weight of the fear of taking chances. He’d shed it for her. And she’d gone and annihilated any hope for a future with him.
What the hell was she doing? She looked around the waterfront, at the fence with the locks, the shops in the distance. This was her home. She bel
onged here.
She couldn’t leave this city. Not when her family was here. Her friends. Jake. The people who mattered most. She could make the best of any job. And she still had an opportunity.
Why was she running? The answer practically jumped off her tongue on a moment’s notice when she rolled into town. And now, what did she have against her city? She had nothing. She loved downtown. She loved the culture. She loved . . . Jake. And that was the one thing that San Francisco would never have.
She pulled out her phone. She had a couple of calls to make.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
It was a well-known fact that when Jake felt guilty, he went to Barry’s Bakery to get Bailey a bagel after his shift. This time, he’d said no to a group date with the infamous Zack. He might have been feeling a little bitter about his breakup, but Bailey was still too young to be dating. Right? Sure, he had dated around her age, but he wasn’t ready to let her grow up that fast. He also might have been making up for the fact that Erin had backed out of that trip to the yarn store.
Jake cussed under his breath. This was what he got for opening himself back up. He had inadvertently hurt his kid. The one thing he promised himself he wouldn’t do. Back to square one. But this time, the hole he’d been filling with work and his daughter was left wide open and gaping, like a damn puncture wound and no sutures in sight.
“Bagel for Jake,” the barista called.
But before he could snatch it from the counter, a set of manicured hands grabbed it. His stomach clenched when he spotted who those hands were attached to.
Erin.
“What are you doing here?” He kept his voice flat. She should be in California by now. She’d packed her shit up. Ready to move on with her life and leave everyone in her wake. Just like Reece had promised.
“What did you wish for?” Her eyes were wide, a little crazy around the edges. Erin had a carefree attitude about her most days, but he knew that she was in full control, a planner. Never one to seem frazzled like this.
Burning Up (Flirting With Fire Book 1) Page 23