Before she could close the door I heard my phone ringing. Saved by the bell.
'Excuse me,' I said, stepping past her.
Anna pouted with disappointment. 'I hope you're coming back.'
'Of course. I haven't washed my hair yet.' I smiled.
Grabbing a towel, I flicked it quickly round my legs and feet to dry them off a bit before heading out into the bedroom. I retrieved my mobile phone from my discarded trousers.
'Yes,' I barked.
'Sir, it's Morgan. I thought you'd want to hear this before the progress meeting tomorrow.'
And I listened with a great deal of interest to what he said next.
one hundred and five.
Sephy
I was curled up on the sofa, my feet tucked under me, Nathan's arm around my shoulders. It was comfortable. Not exhilarating, not nerve-racking, no never-ending fireworks, but very comfortable. There was a lot to be said for contented comfort. Meggie was out visiting my mum and Callie Rose was out . . . somewhere. With Lucas, I think, though I couldn't be sure.
'I've decided I've been doing this all wrong,' said Nathan. 'I should seduce you with wine and roses, make mad, passionate love to you and then ask you to marry me. After all that, you wouldn't be able to resist.'
'You don't think much of yourself, do you?' I smiled.
'Would it work?' asked Nathan.
My smile turned into a grin. 'You'll just have to try it and find out.'
'Is that a challenge?' Nathan asked.
'It might be.'
'I'll try and rise to the occasion,' said Nathan softly.
'Oh, I don't doubt you will,' I replied. 'But why don't you jump to the last thing on your to-do list and see what happens?'
'The last thing . . .' Nathan frowned. His eyes widened in surprise as he worked out what I was suggesting. He went very still, removing his arm from round my shoulders. Had I made a mistake? Maybe, for all his banter, Nathan had changed his mind and I'd called his bluff. After all, he had first asked me weeks ago and I'd kept him dangling all this time. But he hadn't run away when he'd read the scribbled poem I'd written. In fact, to my astonishment, he'd asked to look at some others. He was constantly surprising me like that. I had thought I didn't like surprises, but I found I did when they came from him. Maybe, though, once again I'd left it too late.
I looked away from him. 'It doesn't matter. It was just an idea. A joke . . .' I began, giving him a way out.
Nathan took my face in his hands and turned me to look at him. And what I saw took my breath away.
'Sephy,' he began with some trepidation. 'Will you . . . marry me?'
I smiled. 'Yes, I will. I'd love to.'
'You're joking!' Nathan said, amazed.
He obviously didn't expect it to be so easy after weeks of me putting him off and asking him to wait for me to come to a decision.
'What made you change your mind?' he asked.
'You did,' I replied honestly. 'But you haven't asked me in almost a fortnight. I was beginning to wonder if you'd thought better of it.'
'No way. In fact, I'm going to see about getting a special licence before you can change your mind.' Nathan sprang up.
'I'm not about to change my mind. Now can we watch the rest of this film,' I said.
'No way. I'm going to . . . I've got things to do! I'll see you tomorrow at the restaurant,' said Nathan.
And he was out of the room before I'd got to my feet.
Oh! Not even a kiss, I thought ruefully.
But Nathan must've read my mind because he came rushing back into the room, swung me round in a movie-star clinch and kissed me until I thought I was going to pass out from lack of oxygen.
'Just something to hold you until our honeymoon.' He grinned at me after putting me on my feet.
He was out of the front door before I could catch my breath. Funny man! Full of surprises. I sat down, still chuckling to myself. I was going to marry Nathaniel Ealing. Mother would be thrilled. But what about Meggie? And what about Callie? My smile faded. The doorbell rang. I looked around, but couldn't see anything Nathan had forgotten. But there had to be something or he wouldn't've come back so quickly. Or maybe he was after another kiss. I know I was! Heading out into the hall, I flung open the door.
'Did you forget . . . to . . . ?' My voice trailed off.
It wasn't Nathan, after all.
It was Sonny.
one hundred and six.
Jude
I listened to Jonathan Kidd, one of my commanders, spew out his excuses until I couldn't stand any more.
'Call this a progress meeting?' I thumped the table in ill-disguised fury. 'Isn't a progress meeting supposed to report on progress? I've already told all of you – failure is not an option.'
I sprang out of my chair and started walking. Try as I might I just couldn't keep still. I forced myself to slow it down to a saunter as I moved around the table. I had the undivided attention of everyone in the room. I stood behind Jonathan Kidd, my hands resting on the back of his chair as he continued to piss me off with yet more pathetic whinging.
'I expected you to be a lot further forward than you are, Jonathan,' I said from behind him.
Jonathan tried to turn round to face me, but I put my hands on either side of his head to keep him looking forward.
'You're not just letting me down, Jonathan. You're letting down all your colleagues around this table,' I told him, my hands still on his head. I could feel the perspiration on his face beneath my fingers.
'Sir, the Secret Service have arrested most of the members of my two best cells and I'm—'
'I'm not interested in your excuses,' I interrupted. 'By the next meeting I want to hear about the amazing progress you've made. Is that clear?'
'Yes, sir.'
I strolled round the table, listening to Peter MacPhailen recount his division's exploits. His report was more satisfactory. I looked at Morgan, who was sitting in a corner of the room, taking notes. He looked sombre, almost grim as he regarded me. I smiled at him and carried on ambling. Then it was Anna Tenski's turn. I stood behind her chair, my hands resting on the back of it, just as I had done with Jonathan.
'Let's have your report, Anna,' I ordered.
She tried to turn to face me, just as Jonathan had done. I had to place my hands on her face so that she presented the report to the others around the table, not just to me. Then I stroked her hair, to put her at her ease.
'Sir, we've made excellent progress,' Anna began.
Her hair really did feel silky smooth beneath my fingers.
'Carry on,' I urged.
'Well, I've personally
Placing my free hand under Anna's chin, I gave her head a quick, practised jerk. A sudden click in her neck and Anna slumped forward onto the table. I straightened up, looking down at her treacherous back. Peter was already on his feet. Jonathan looked horrified. There was a muffled scream and a few gasps.
'Anna was working with the Secret Service,' I told my other commanders.
'How d'you know that, sir?' asked Jonathan.
'I had all your phones bugged,' I replied.
More gasps. Was there a lack of oxygen in the room? If so, then I was the only one not affected. I made my way back to my chair at the top of the table.
'Morgan, could you remove that traitor's body please? The sight of it offends me.'
'Yes, sir,' said Morgan, standing up.
The other commanders looked at me with varying degrees of fascination and revulsion. Morgan lifted up Anna's lifeless body, which flopped like a rag doll in his arms, and left the room.
'That's better. Ladies and gentlemen,' I smiled. 'Shall we continue?'
one hundred and seven.
Callie is 15
'Thanks for meeting me, Callie,' said Lucas.
'It sounded urgent on the phone,' I said.
We both sat down at a less than clean table in the café we'd dined in on our very first date together. Not that either of us called it a date
at the time. It was very late and the waitress didn't look particularly thrilled to see us. No doubt we'd scuppered her plans to knock off early.
'D'you want something to eat?' asked Lucas.
I shook my head.
'I'm paying,' he teased.
'I'm not hungry.'
'Two coffees please,' Lucas ordered for me as the Nought waitress approached. He waited till she nodded and walked off again before turning back to me.
'So what is it?' I asked. 'I'm all a-quiver!'
The expression on Lucas's face smothered any thought of light banter on my part. Something was really troubling him.
'I don't know how to say this without just saying it,' said Lucas sombrely.
I sat silent, wishing he'd get to the point.
'I know that your dad was Callum McGregor Lucas began.
'So?' I asked.
'I . . . I know how he died and why,' said Lucas with obvious discomfort.
'Who told you? Tobey? Or your dad?'
'Dad, but—'
'So you're dumping me?' I realized.
'No, of course not. I've known about it since primary school,' said Lucas.
Which surprised me. I'd thought his parents' objections to me stemmed from my dual heritage, not from my dad's history.
'And you still asked me out?'
'I'm dating you, not your dad,' said Lucas.
If only he meant it. But if that was the case, what on earth were we doing here? I regarded Lucas, trying to anticipate just what was coming next. If he'd known about my dad for ages and he wasn't dumping me, why the phone call to say he had to see me? He'd made it sound like it was a matter of life or death – literally.
'D'you know your dad had a brother?'
'Yes. Uncle Jude,' I replied. I could've bitten off my tongue when I said Uncle's name. How many times had I had it drummed into me that I should never volunteer information about anything or anyone in the L.M.? I was behaving like a neophyte.
'Have you met him?' Lucas leaned forward to ask.
Our coffees arrived so he had to sit back and wait for the waitress to move out of earshot, by which time I'd gathered some of my scattered composure.
'Lucas, what's this about?' I asked.
'I've been doing some digging into your dad's family and—'
'You've been doing what?' I said slowly.
'Don't get upset, Callie. I just wanted to know more about you, that's all. I went to the library to read up on your dad and found a lot about his brother, your uncle.'
I sat back in my chair. First Tobey spying and prying and now Lucas. What made either of them think they had the right to snoop into my personal life? 'Why did you go to the library in the first place? What was it you were hoping to find?'
'I don't know. It's just that you've been so . . . off recently. I thought that if I found out some more about you . . .'
'That what?' I prompted.
'I don't know.' Lucas shrugged helplessly. 'You matter to me, Callie, that's all.'
'You've got a funny way of showing it,' I told him belligerently.
'I knew you'd get mad, but I had to tell you,' said Lucas.
'Spit it out,' I said with impatience.
'Your Uncle Jude is wanted by the police. They reckon he's been behind a number of the L.M. outrages that've taken place in the last few years.'
I was about to deny that but I thought better of it. Best not to let Lucas think I knew too much about my uncle's activities.
'What's that got to do with me?' I said.
'Have you seen him? Has he tried to contact you?'
'D'you think my mum would let me have any contact at all with my dad's brother?' I asked disingenuously.
'I . . . I wasn't sure,' said Lucas. 'But I just wanted to tell you that if he did try to make contact, you shouldn't meet him. According to the stuff I read, he's a really dangerous man.'
'But suppose I want to meet him?' I asked evenly.
Lucas frowned at me. 'Then I'd come with you.'
'Telling your mum and dad and the police first?'
'No, never. But I'd come with you to make sure you were safe.'
As if Lucas could keep me safe from Uncle Jude. The notion almost made me laugh out loud. My first encounter with Lucas left him with a bloody nose before he ran off to tell on me. No doubt any chance of an encounter with my uncle would have him racing to do the same again.
As if he could read my thoughts, Lucas said quietly, 'I don't tell tales any more, Callie Rose. You can trust me. I wish I knew what to say to make you believe that. I'm on your side.'
My side . . . A Cross on the side of the L.M.? How far over to my side was Lucas prepared to travel?
'I think your dad would have something to say about that,' I said sceptically.
'And I've already told you, I don't care. I'm not a clone of my dad and one of these days I'm going to find a way of proving that to you.'
'Well, you don't have to worry, Lucas. If my uncle hasn't got in touch with me by now, he never will.'
Lucas nodded but he didn't look totally convinced. I didn't care. Uncle Jude was the best thing that'd happened to me and I wasn't about to let Tobey or Lucas and their half-arsed snooping change my mind about that. It was a simple choice. Tobey and Lucas and the tedium of ordinary, everyday, pointless nothingness – or doing something with my life, making a difference, being someone.
I'd already tried being no one. It didn't suit me. I wanted my life to matter, my existence to matter to someone, somewhere. Working with Uncle Jude, it would. Staying at home with a woman who couldn't bear to even touch me, it wouldn't.
one hundred and eight.
Sephy
'Sonny? W-what're you doing here?' I still couldn't believe it. My heart was swinging around like a skipping rope.
'Can I come in?'
I stepped to one side, holding the door open so he could get past. The years we'd been apart had been very good to him. His black trousers weren't anything you'd get off the rack at the local department store and his burgundy shirt would've looked silly on most men, but it worked just fine on Sonny. His hair was slightly longer than when we'd been together. That suited him too.
'Go through,' I said. 'You know the way.'
Sonny headed into the living room with me in tow. Why on earth was he here? I waited for him to pick a seat so that I could sit opposite him.
'It's good to see you again,' I told him, tucking my legs under me.
'You too,' said Sonny. 'I was in the neighbourhood so I thought I'd drop in and see how you are.'
'I'm fine,' I replied.
'Callie Rose?'
'She's fine,' I lied.
'Where is she?'
'Out with a friend.'
'And Meggie?'
'She's fine. She's out too.'
'And what about you, Sephy?'
'What about me?'
Sonny's expression changed from nonchalance to a kind of self-mocking humour.
'That was a lie, about me being in the neighbourhood,' he admitted. 'I came because I had to see you.'
'Why? What's wrong?' I knew Sonny well enough to know that something was troubling him deeply.
'Have you missed me?'
I frowned at him. 'Is that what you came here to ask?'
'I just want to know if you've missed me.'
'What d'you want me to say, Sonny? The first year after we broke up, I missed you all the time. Sometimes I even cried myself to sleep.' Which was a lie, because it was more than just sometimes. 'Callie Rose blamed me entirely for you not being around any more. I missed being with you, I missed writing with you, I missed talking to you, I missed sleeping with you. I'd hear our songs on the radio and your new ones and wish and wonder. But that was then. I'm doing OK now. Better than OK.'
'So you did love me?'
'Very much.'
Sonny's gaze fell away from mine, his expression twisting as if in pain. When he turned back, his face was unreadable.
'D'you know, th
at's the first time you've told me that,' he said at last.
I hung my head. Was it really? I thought back, but I couldn't bring to mind a time when I'd said the words to him. My head was beginning to hurt from trying to remember.
'I regret that very much,' I said, looking straight at Sonny. 'You deserved to hear that. My head was still all mixed up when we were together. I thought there was only a finite amount of love in me which had to be shared between Callie Rose and Callum, her dad. So I told myself that what I felt for you wasn't love, but close enough. I did both of us a disservice. And by the time I realized the truth, it was too late. Story of my life.'
'Why did you never try to get in touch with me after we split up?' said Sonny.
I was confused. 'Was I supposed to?'
'I was hoping you would,' said Sonny.
'Why? When you left you made it very clear that you didn't want to work with me or be with me any more,' I said, even more confused. 'Was I supposed to go chasing after you?'
'You never struck me as the type of woman to give in so easily, not if it was something you really wanted.'
'People aren't possessions,' I said. 'And you can't make someone love you. You fell out of love with me and in love with Sherona. What was I supposed to do?'
'Fight for me,' said Sonny.
'Pardon?'
'Fight for me,' Sonny repeated.
The pain inside my head was getting worse, like bony knuckles being rubbed across the inside of my forehead.
'Sonny, this conversation is doing my head in. Have you and Sherona split up? Is that what this is all about?'
'Sherona and I never got started,' said Sonny.
'You've lost me.'
'We went out a couple of times, but she dumped me soon after she caught us in your dressing room at that club.'
'It's a restaurant,' I corrected pedantically. Hell! Who cared what it was? It was as if I was in the middle of a really confusing film and was desperately trying to catch up. 'Why did she dump you?' I had to ask. 'It was only one kiss and if you loved her, couldn't you—?'
'That wasn't the reason,' Sonny interrupted.
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