by Sean Michael
“I wasn’t good enough.” That was matter-of-fact.
“Aww.” He snuggled against Jason.
“It’s okay. I loved personal training.” Jason stopped, sighed. “I…I think I need to go back to school, Rook. I want to be able to contribute to the family.”
“But you do!” Rook didn’t know how Jason couldn’t know that. “Just by being with us.”
“You know what I mean. I want to help. I want to work.”
“As long as you don’t turn into one of those people who are never home because you’re too busy at work.” Rook hated the thought of Jason not being around all the time.
“I sort of love helping people. I was thinking private physical therapy.”
He thought Jason would be kind of amazing at that. “Is there a lot of schooling for that?”
“I have my degree. I was thinking about specialized training. Doing something… I don’t know. Special?”
Rook giggled. “You are special, honey.”
“You love me. You always think I’m special.”
He shook his head adamantly. “I love you because you’re special.”
Jason’s cheeks pinked. “I just want to contribute.”
“You do!”
Jason made them whole.
“I don’t. Not with the money.”
“I don’t know. You have a lot of money—it would be awhile before that runs out.”
“But you guys gave it to me.” Jason looked at him, so serious. “Is that fair?”
“Honey, that’s your money, it’s totally up to you what you do with it. And you know you contribute in lots of ways that have nothing to do with money. Like, you’re the only one of us who cooks.”
Jason shrugged, sighed. “That’s not worth all that much.”
“Don’t underestimate yourself, Jason!” He hated that Jason felt he contributed so little. “I love Bishop and Knight, but I’ve never been happier than since you’ve been with us.”
“I’ve never been so happy. I love you, Rook.”
He beamed at Jason, threw his arms around the man and made a spectacle of himself.
“Silly man.” Jason hugged him tight, all flushed cheeks and pleased grin.
“Silly, but yours.” He took Jason’s hand again, swinging their arms between them as they walked.
“Thank God for that.” The words were soft, but well-meant.
Smiling, he led Jason down to the waterfront, the breeze coming onto shore.
“Smells good out here, huh?” Jason stretched, all those muscles rippling.
“The view’s certainly good.” He licked his lips admiring Jason.
“Dork.”
“Jason? Jason Myer? Is that you?” A pair of huge gym-bunnies came up, eyes wide. “Man, you fucking disappeared!”
Jason blinked. “Bastian? Rick? Hey, guys, how are you doing?”
Wow, they were hot. Rookie kept his hand firmly in Jason’s. This man was his.
“We’re great. You stopped coming to the gym? Did you move?”
“I did. I moved in with Rook, here. We’ve got a private workout space. It’s been great.”
Oh. Oh, had Jason just come out?
Rook held out his free hand to shake. “Nice to meet you.”
“Hey. I’m Bastian.” The big man shook his hand, grinned at him, teeth white in his dark face. “Pleased.”
God, that man was stunning. Rook would bet Knight would love to have him as a model.
Rick shook his hand next and nodded.
“You two together?” Rook asked.
Bastian’s eyes cut to the muscled blond, who looked away, blushed. “What?”
Rook raised an eyebrow. There was something here, he was sure of it.
“Don’t stress it. You two should come over some time, work out.” Jason seemed relaxed, but Rook could feel the tension.
“Sure.” Bastian nodded. “I’d like that, man.”
Rook decided to keep his mouth shut as he was picking up signals, but he didn’t know what the hell any of them meant.
Rick didn’t say anything, and Jason didn’t push it, but he gave Bastian his number. “Give me a call.”
“Nice to meet you both,” Rook said again. He looked at Jason who nodded and they continued down the beach front.
Jason was quiet now, though, withdrawn.
Rook squeezed Jason’s hand once they were out of earshot. “What’s the matter, honey?”
“Nothing. Nothing, why?”
“The mood’s changed.” The air had something in it now that hadn’t been there before.
“I’m sorry,” Jason said.
“Just tell me.” Rook nudged Jason. “Did I do something wrong?”
“You? God, no. I just… I did. I did something wrong and I feel bad about it, you know?”
“What did you do?” His Jason was so sweet, such a good man, he couldn’t imagine his lover ever doing something wrong, certainly not on purpose.
“Rick asked me out, once upon a time, and I was…mean. Maybe offended a little. Really scared and embarrassed.”
“Ah, from before you knew you were gay. And now he sees you with me…” He squeezed Jason’s hand again. “You could always call him and explain.”
“I didn’t get his number. I was just… I wigged out and now I feel ashamed.”
Rook understood that. Jason had been so confused, so worried. “We could try to find him, go back or go to the gym you used to go to?”
“Maybe. Maybe. I think Bastian will call. I can ask him.” Jason looked at him, eyes worried. “I just came out of the closet, huh?”
“You did! It wasn’t so hard, was it?”
Jason shook his head. “It’s probably going to be harder later.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, once I start thinking about it, I’ll have to worry and wonder.” Jason squeezed his fingers. “Living with you, I forget that everyone’s life isn’t like ours.”
“I feel sorry for them.” He did. He and his men had love and joy and each other and they didn’t let other people’s fears keep them from being happy.
They started heading slowly for home.
“Yeah. You want to stop, get a cup of coffee and a piece of cake?” Jason asked.
“I would love to stop and get a cup of coffee and a piece of cake.” It felt like forever since he’d seen the guys at Z’va.
“Me too. It’s like…Z’va is where my life started.”
“Mmm. I like that you think of your life starting when you met me.” Maybe it was selfish, but Rook wanted to be that important in Jason’s life.
“It did. I mean, my heart woke up when I fell in love with you, but that moment, that was when my life started.”
Rook was going to cry. No one else loved him so much, so totally. He threw himself at Jason and hugged him. “I love you, Jason.”
“Well, I love you too.”
Jason opened up the door to the coffee shop, the scents of sweet and cocoa and coffee amazing.
He waved to Rick, who squealed. “My favorite customers are back!”
His partner, Les, peered over his lover’s shoulder. “How’s Knight doing?”
“He’s getting better.” Rook loved being able to say that.
“Tell him we miss him. Do you two want your usual?”
“Yes, please!” They remembered his usual, they were so sweet. “And cake.”
“God, yes. Thank you.” Jason grinned, pulled out his wallet and paid. “It’s a beautiful day out there.”
“It sure is. The kind of day that makes you want to close up shop early.” Les grinned and gave Jason back his change. “Go sit, I’ll bring your stuff over.”
“We’ll be at our usual table.” Rook thought it was lovely to be able to come back in and still have a usual drink and a usual table, even after months of absence.
He settled together with Jason, side by side, the sun pouring in the window and splashing across their table.
“It feels so normal.” He hadn�
�t expected it to, he hadn’t expected anything to ever again, somehow.
“It does. Is that okay?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “But I like it.” He leaned his head on Jason’s shoulder.
“Me too.” Jason leaned back and they people watched, laughing as they waited for their snacks and coffee.
Les brought their order over, smiling at them, but not disturbing them.
“So what would going back to school entail?” Rook asked as he began to munch on his cake.
“I don’t know.” Jason shrugged his shoulder beneath Rook’s arm. “Classes? Training?”
“I guess you should look into it, huh?”
“I was hoping you’d help me out,” Jason admitted.
“I’ll do anything you need, honey.” He just wanted Jason to be happy.
“Cool. Thank you.” Jason squeezed his hand.
He kissed Jason’s cheek. “We can go home and look it up on the laptop.”
“Uh-huh. Make lists. Be all adult and stuff.”
Rook giggled. “I can be adult.” He paused for a beat. “And stuff.”
Jason tickled a hand up the inside of his thigh. “You sure?”
His breath caught. “Uh-huh.”
Jason smiled at him and it was like the sun was shining for him alone. He leaned in, begging a kiss.
“Love you, babe,” murmured Jason, staring at him.
“Love you, Jase. I really do.” He got his kiss, his lips clinging to Jason’s.
“You two be good.” A napkin was tossed at them from a close by table, the place cracking up.
“Trust me,” he murmured for Jason’s ears only. “You’re very, very good.”
“Perv.” Jason’s body tightened, pretty eyes flaring with heat.
“Uh-huh. Take me home?”
“Yes. Now?”
“Uh-huh.” He grabbed Jason’s hand and slid out of the booth. He didn’t care if most of his cake and coffee were still there on the table—it didn’t matter.
They waved to the guys on their way out, but he wasn’t really paying attention.
Laughing softly, he started skipping along once they were out on the sidewalk. “Last one home has to blow the other!”
It didn’t matter who got their first—they’d both be winners.
Chapter Nine
The sound had been the worst. Rumbling and screeching and crunching and raw. Knight twisted, trying to run, trying to escape it. It was coming for him. Coming to get him. Eat him. Hurt him. The ground shook him, called out his name.
“Bishop! Mouse! Help me!” He screamed out for his lovers. “Rookie! Jase! Somebody, please!”
“Knight! Wake up!” The ground shook again, two hands grabbing his shoulders…
His eyes flew open and there was his Bish. “Bishop! It was coming to get me!”
“It’s okay, baby. I’ve got you. Shh.” Bishop tugged him close, holding on.
The door slammed open, Jason there, eyes wild. “Guys? You okay?”
Rook pushed past him, came to the bed. “What happened? Knight?”
Knight pushed into Bishop’s arms, hiding, tears streaking down his cheeks, hot with shame and fear.
Bishop held him and Rook sat behind him, wrapping around his back. “Nightmare?”
He felt Bishop nod.
“Poor, K. I hate nightmares.” Rookie shivered and held on tighter.
“I’ll go make everyone some tea, huh?” God, Jason was a sweetheart. It was sort of nauseating.
“Thanks, honey,” murmured Rook
Bishop rumbled something too then kissed the top of his head. “You wanna talk about it?”
Knight shook his head, fighting to breathe.
“Sounded pretty awful,” murmured Rookie, rubbing his cheek along Knight’s shoulders.
“It was going to get me.” His stomach roiled. “I’m gonna hurl. Oh, God.”
“Move,” growled Bishop and Rook slid away.
Bishop manhandled him into the bathroom, hand on his back, Rook holding his hair back as he lost it over the toilet. He shivered, covered in sweat, just totally undone and lost. Rook began to croon softly, Bishop’s hands warm as they stroked along his back.
“I’m sorry.” He was broken.
“We all have nightmares, K.” Rook pressed a kiss to his cheek.
“Rookie’s right. You don’t have to apologize for having a bad dream.” Bishop drew him back into the heat of his lover’s body.
“Let’s get him in the shower, Bishop. Nice and warm. I brought hot tea and ice water.” Jason was right there.
“I’ll start it.” Rook let go of his hair and went to turn the shower on as Bishop helped him stand.
The lights were off, there were hands on him, someone encouraging him to drink, someone easing him into the water, someone supporting his weight. They took care of him like he was the finest spun gold.
He kept apologizing, but then they were moving to the big bed, curling together, all four of them.
“Hush,” Bishop ordered, lips against his.
Jason rubbed Knight’s feet, Rookie stroked his back.
Bishop smiled against his lips. “We love you.”
“So sorry I woke you.” But Bish had rescued him, this time.
Rookie pinched his ass. “Shut up already.”
“Ass.” Knight took a deep breath, relaxing.
Bishop chuckled, air brushing over his face.
Knight held on. “Stay for a little while?”
Rookie nodded. “Of course. I love it when we all sleep together.”
They all curled together, finding their spaces among the pillows and blankets. Three different hands settled on his hips.
Knight sighed, settled. Please, no more dreams. Maybe with all three of his lovers guarding him, there wouldn’t be.
* * * *
Jason watched Knight walk on the treadmill, sweat pouring down his skinny chest. He knew Knight was frustrated at the slow progress, but there was progress, no question.
Bishop came in, smiled at them. “Will I be interrupting if I work out?”
“Nope. Knight’s got the treadmill, I’m just working upper body.”
“Cool.” Bishop set up at the workbench almost directly across from Knight, shirt off, muscles soon rippling with his work out. Fucking gorgeous man. Jason loved how Bishop made sure Knight had to watch, had to see him. It was a pretty good strategy because Knight couldn’t take his eyes off their buff lover.
Rookie bounced in a few minutes later. “Oh. Oh, wow. I am the luckiest guy in the world.”
“Are you working out, love?” Jason started doing shoulder presses.
“It’s too busy for me to work out, too. I’m just going to watch.” Rook came over, sat right in front of him, smiled. “Hey.”
“Hey. I…I’m sweating.”
“Yeah, I noticed. It’s pretty sexy. I want to lick you all over.”
“Don’t be gross, Rook.” Knight’s words were crass, but the tone was teasing.
Rook stuck his tongue out at Knight. “Don’t be jealous, I want to lick you, too.”
“No one is licking me.” Knight sounded very sure about that.
Rook pouted.
Jason looked around Rook at the treadmill screen. “You need to start cooling down, Knight.”
“I’d better stop talking about licking then, because that’s just heating everyone up.” Rook giggled at his own joke.
“Dork.” God, he loved that man. “I mean it, Knight. Cool down.”
“You’re not my boss, Jason.” Knight had that stubborn look on his face. It was better than the all-out depression, but it wasn’t good for Knight to push too hard either.
“No,” he insisted. “I’m your trainer. Cool the fuck down.”
Bishop sat up, stared at Knight, not saying a word.
“I’m fine.” Knight slowed the treadmill, though.
“You should always listen to your trainer,” Bishop noted. “Whether or not you’re recoverin
g.”
“I’m fine.” That was definitely a growl and nobody could scowl like Knight could.
Jason rolled his eyes. “Two minutes and then we’re turning it down again.”
“You are the stubbornest man I know,” Bishop told Knight.
“Always has been,” Rook pointed out.
“I’m more stubborn,” Jason insisted. At least about this. This was his place. This was something he knew better than any of them.
Rook looked at him. “You?”
“Yep.” He started doing reps again, watching the time.
Rook tilted his head, still watching him. “I’ve never thought of you as stubborn.”
“No?” He winked. “Turn the treadmill down, Knight.”
Rook shook his head. “Nope.” Rook looked him up and down. “I’m seeing you in a whole new light.”
“Is that good?” Jason let his arms rest. “Bish, can you please turn the treadmill down to one?”
Rook nodded eagerly as Bishop got up and went over to do as he’d asked.
“Even I let Jason take the lead when it comes to training, baby. He knows what he’s talking about.” Bishop turned the treadmill down as requested.
“I was doing fine, damn it,” Knight insisted.
Jason knew that. “Still, you don’t want to be sore tomorrow.”
“Stubborn.” Rook was grinning at him, at Knight.
Knight’s steps slowed and Jason knew that the man was pushing it. He was tickled that Knight was actually up, moving, living. Fighting with them and being a stubborn ass.
“We should all shower together,” Rook suggested, voice really casual.
“I’m almost done, but Bish just started…” Jason was easy, but he wasn’t going to push one way or the other.
Bishop grinned. “I could finish my workout later if there’s a four person shower involved.”
“I’m not done.” Knight kept right on walking, refusing to leave the treadmill.
Jason grabbed the remote, turned the treadmill off.
“Looks like you are!” Rook bounced on his feet. “Come shower?”
Rook didn’t wait for Knight to agree, he just grabbed the man’s hand and tugged.
Bishop chuckled as Rook dragged Knight out. “He can be pretty stubborn himself when he wants to.”
“He’s a butthead.” Jason checked the treadmill. “He managed two and a half miles.”
Bishop laughed softly. “I was talking about Rookie.”