by Amy Watkins
I went off on Naomi. I was tired of holding my tongue and being nice to her when she was so mean to me.
Naomi: And what does the Bible say about adultery?
Me: Yes, you are right. Adultery is wrong. Tracy should not have committed adultery. Caroline should not have committed adultery. And I have stopped committing it. Besides, what does the Bible say about lying, slander, meddling, manipulating, judging, and being a busy body? Take the plank out of your own eye.
Naomi always wanted to point out my sins, what about her own? Then Caroline texted me.
Caroline: Stop going back and forth with Naomi. It’s just going to make things worse.
She was right. Why was I arguing with Naomi? I was tired of all her shit, but I was still hoping that she would one day see me in a good light. If I kept arguing with her, she would never accept me.
Naomi: My son doesn’t love you. He has never told me that he loves you. God will never bless you. And you will never be accepted as a part of this family. You will pay for your shit.
I let her have the last word but the whole thing really bothered me.
When Ethan called that night, I asked him, “Ethan, your mom told me that you never told her that you love me. Is that true?”
“No that’s not true. I’ve told her several times.”
“Then why does your mom keep saying stuff like this to me?”
“You know what?” Ethan asked, “She says that to me about you, too.”
“What!?!” I was surprised.
“Yeah, she tells me that you specifically told her that you don’t love me.”
“Why would she do that?” I believed Ethan but not whole heartedly. He’d lied about me to his family before. He could be lying about that, too. He could get out of jail and deny me to my face in front of his family. It was a situation that I was aware could happen and was mentally trying to prepare for.
“I don’t know but try to be nice to her. Tomorrow’s her birthday.”
I felt horrible. I completely forgot that her birthday was coming up and here I was arguing with her. I texted her early the next morning.
Me: I am sorry for the way I treated you yesterday. And Happy Birthday! I hope you have a blessed day.
Naomi: Thank you.
A few hours later, Mr. Sealy called me. He sounded angry.
“Good morning Mr. Sealy. Is everything okay?”
“You tell me,” he said sternly. “I got an email this morning from someone claiming to be Tracy. They used Ethan’s email to send it and I know it wasn’t Ethan because he is in jail and doesn’t have access to email. Did you get one?”
“No,” I felt anxiety rise in me. “What did it say?”
“It was a video. I couldn’t see the faces, but whoever sent it is claiming it’s you and Ethan having sex!”
My heart pounded in my chest, I felt flushed and faint—I was having a full out panic attack.
“I’ll forward it to you.” He said and immediately hung up.
I opened the forwarded message. It was from Ethan’s old email account. It read:
Mr. Sealy, this is Tracy. I wanted to warn you that Angela is not who she claims to be. She is sleeping around with my husband and I have proof. Here is an attached video. I have more evidence if you need it. Do not represent her in court. She is trying to steal my husband from me. She made up all this stuff about me harassing her so she can put me in jail and steal my husband. She is not to be trusted. I am also sending this to Angela’s job and to Ethan’s family. And if you continue to represent her you will not be safe either.
I opened the attached video and it was a short recording from when Ethan forgot to disconnect Skype and someone saved the video. It did not show our faces, but I knew it was us. I was devastated.
God loves me despite my sins, but that does not mean that my actions won’t have consequences.
“You will pay,” I remembered Naomi saying. I was paying.
Mr. Sealey called me back. “I take this as a threat!” He pounded his hand on his desk. “I don’t like threats!”
I confessed to him that it was me and Ethan in the video and we had been having sex, but explained we’d stopped months ago. I also swore we did not start having sex until after Ethan and Tracy were separated.
“Look,” Mr. Sealey growled, “I don’t care who you fuck. You and Ethan could love each other, be together, been having an affair for years. That’s not what bothers me. I wanna know how the fuck Tracy got my email address and why is she sending me this shit? Imma get to the bottom of this. I’m putting my IT guy on this to see exactly where this came from. If this shit continues, I’m going to take legal action against her. Maybe you should consider suing her, too. You can easily make a case for defamation of character. As a lawyer, I should not be getting harassed by opposing counsel and I will make sure they are prosecuted. Maybe this is why no other lawyer wanted to take the case, because Tracy was harassing them.”
I was relieved to hear that Mr. Sealey was not mad at me and was not going to stop representing me. Dear God, my job—they threatened to send it to my job, too. My anxiety worsened and I kept having panic attacks. I wasn’t sure what I could do to protect myself. I humbled myself, swallowed my pride, and called the human resources representative at my job.
A kind voice answered, “Good morning, this is Mrs. Chimes. How may I help you?”
“Mrs. Chimes, this is Dr. Angela Wallace.” I was trembling in fear. My voice was weak and I was on the verge of tears. I worried that I would be reprimanded or fired , but I figured the only way I’d have a chance was if I confessed and faced the consequences.
“Ummm, I…there is a video of me engaging in sexual activity. At the time, I was unaware we were being recorded, and now the person who made the video is threatening to send it to my job. I’m not sure what to do.”
“Oh,” she sounded sympathetic. “I’m guessing this is an ex who is threatening you?”
“Something like that.”
“Well, I wouldn’t worry too much about it. If something happens to come our way, we will discard and ignore it. This is not a problem.”
I breathed out a sigh of relief. Her words took a load off me. “Oh, thank you so much.”
She added, “And Dr. Wallace? If I were you, I’d get a lawyer and press charges against this person. It’s illegal to take video of someone on the sly. And it’s illegal to use that video without their permission.”
The thought did cross my mind, but I didn’t want a bigger mess than what I was already in. I’d just take my punishment for what it was without trying to seek vengeance.
Several days later, I got a letter from Ethan that said Deidra had also received a hateful message from Tracy. Deidra mailed Ethan a copy of the email and he forwarded it to me.
Deidra,
You know how badly Ethan talks about Cierra? He is always talking about how fat and stinky she is. She is a musky bitch. I couldn’t stand her being around us. He doesn’t even claim her as his daughter. He only has one true daughter and that is my daughter, Madeline. I just thought you should know what kind of father Ethan truly is.
From Tracy, Ethan’s real wife.
I didn’t think it was a coincidence that Mr. Sealy and Deidra both got emails from someone claiming to be Tracy. I figured Naomi sent the letter to Mr. Sealy. I didn’t think it was a coincidence that he got that email right after we had that altercation. And Caroline must have helped her because she had access to both the video and Ethan’s email account.
But the letter to Deidra threw me off. I didn’t think Naomi would send a letter that hateful about her own granddaughter. Maybe that was all Caroline.
Ethan said that Deidra was upset after receiving the message, but she knew that Ethan would never talk about Cierra like that. Ethan genuinely loved all his children.
Caroline continued to send me cordial texts but I ignored her. After a few weeks, she asked why and I responded that I w
as done after that email got sent to my lawyer. She tried to assure me that she did not send the email but I wasn’t buying it.
A few weeks later, Mr. Sealy called and confirmed that the email he received came from the same IP address Caroline and Naomi had used to send him the evidence that they had for Ethan’s trial. Mr. Sealy advised me not to tell them that I knew where the email originated. He said I should play along like nothing happened. He wasn’t sure what their angle was but figured the less they knew, the better.
I wanted to tell Ethan but I figured he wouldn’t believe me, anyway. He’d probably just take Caroline and Naomi’s side and make up some other excuse for their foul behavior.
I woke up the following Wednesday morning feeling so nauseated I could barely get out of bed. I managed to take a shower, get dressed, and get into my car, but I sat there in my driveway contemplating whether or not I should actually drive to work when I felt awful. But I had patients who needed me and I hadn’t thrown up yet, so I pushed myself and left for work.
As soon as I walked through the clinic door, I rushed to the bathroom and vomited until I was dry heaving. About a half an hour later, I told my supervisor that I had to go home.
On the drive home, I had to pull over three times. When I finally got home, I climbed back in bed and suffered.
I had it coming out both ends all day and all night, sometimes at the same time. My poor kids were worried. They checked on me frequently and fetched me a glass of juice or water to ease my suffering. They still were kids, though. They would yell at each other and fight or forget to do their chores or homework, so I’d have to muster up enough strength to correct the situation. But overall, they were good kids and were helpful.
I had the stomach bug from hell. I figured it would be over in a day or two, but I was still sick Monday morning, and I was scheduled to go back to court to deal with Tracy on Tuesday.
I called Mr. Sealy and told him my predicament. I told him that I wanted to drop the case as I hadn’t gotten any new harassing messages since that video was sent. I figured that all the suspicious texts and emails came from Naomi and Caroline. He informed me that Tracy still had not been served, so she probably would not show up to court, but he felt like it was his duty to be there to represent me, just in case.
Later that afternoon Mr. Sealy called to tell me what happened in court. Somehow Tracy got the message she was summoned for court without being formerly served because when Mr. Sealy arrived Tracy was there. She was just as shook as I was because she got harassing emails, too—all supposedly from me and Ethan.
Mr. Sealy let her know that Ethan was in jail and could not send emails. He assured her that I was not sending any messages, either. He disclosed that he too had gotten messages but when they traced the IP address, the emails weren’t from Tracy, Ethan, or me.
Tracy had interrupted him and guessed that it was from Ethan’s family in Kentucky. He confirmed her suspicions.
Tracy claimed she had evidence that Ethan and I were sleeping together.
Mr. Sealy asked her if she wanted to work it out with Ethan and she responded, “Hell no!”
“Then what the fuck does it matter?” was Mr. Sealy’s response.
Tracy didn’t have an answer. After a few minutes of silence, she mentioned that she knew Ethan had a lot of money saved up – money she felt like she was entitled to.
“If Ethan had a lot of money, don’t you think he’d pay his bond?” Mr. Sealy said that he asked in response to Tracy’s claims.
Tracy had an answer for that, “He’s still in jail because he molested our son.”
Mr. Sealy and I both knew that was bullshit. We had all the documents proving Ethan’s innocence.
“So,” Mr. Sealy concluded, “From my encounter I can tell three things about Mrs. Tracy. Number one, she’s smart, much smarter than Ethan. Number two, she’s manipulative. And number three, she’s only after one thing—money.”
I agreed.
“She asked if we would drop the case and I told her that I would discuss it with you first. So that’s why I’m calling you now, to confirm.”
“Yes, sure. Drop the case,” I concurred.
“Okay, cool. She also wanted to meet with you but I advise against that.”
I fully intended to take his advice. I didn’t think it was meant for us to meet. I didn’t think God gave me that illness on that day by accident. At least the day did prove one thing to me—Tracy wanted to divorce Ethan.
Chapter 15 – Ethan
“Conner!” the guard yelled, “Mail!”
I leaned down, expecting the mail to be slid under the door, but the guard informed me that it was official court documents so I would have to pick it up at the guard’s station. I waited for him to unlock the cell.
I was having a bad day. We had been on lock down for three days straight without a reason so I was hoping today would be better.
When the cell door opened, I was escorted through the sally port and then to the guards’ station.
The guard there handed me two letters. One was from Angela, the other from the court. I opened the one from the court first. I knew it was the response to my latest appeal. I had been praying and just knew God was going to come through.
Dear Mr. Colwell,
I regret to inform you that your appeal has been denied. The court will hear your case as scheduled on Friday, June 14, 2019. Your request for a reduction in the purge amount has also been denied. Should you like the court to consider lowering this amount, you and Mrs. Conner will need to come to an agreement and then she will have to advise the court of the new amount. This document will be added to your case file.
Sincerely,
Robert Lynch, Clerk of Court
I hung my head, discouraged, and then walked back to the sally port to wait for a guard to escort me back to my cell. My frustration grew. It didn’t matter how much I tried or how much I prayed, I kept hitting a dead end. Was God there? Was he listening? It felt like I was calling Him and only getting a dial tone.
Tracy had made false police claims, submitted documents with fabricated data, lied, cheated, and nothing was happening to her. She was walking around free and I was in jail. Why were the courts so one sided? Tracy got to determine what I needed to pay? I had to ask her to set a new amount? I didn’t even know how to get in contact with her. And even if I did, she’d never agree to lower the amount.
“This is some bullshit,” I said out loud to myself.
“Bad news?” the guard enquired, but his tone held no empathy, My pain was a joke to him.
I didn’t respond. I just crumpled the letter in my hand.
“Maybe next time you will do the right thing and obey the law,” he imparted, his tone condescending.
I looked at him through the clear wall and tried to hold my tongue. I wanted to tell the guard to shut the fuck up and kiss my ass, but I knew a smart remark would only get me in more trouble. I would be headed to the hole instead of back to my cell.
I smiled at him and shrugged. “You know, not all of us are criminals. The judicial system is flawed beyond belief. The law no longer follows the principles that this country was founded on; the principles that I fought for while serving this country during the war in Iraq. Those principles are being taught to our children in school—a fair chance at life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Those principles no longer exist in this judicial system. I hope you never have the misfortune to stand on the wrong side of the law over a misunderstanding, a technicality, or a wrongful conviction, because you will be in for rude awakening.” He stopped mocking me after that and escorted me back to my cell in silence.
I didn’t know what to tell my cellmates. Unlike them, I had a clean record and I had been doing everything I could to obey the court’s orders. Child support was still being deducted from my retirement check. Why would the judge place me in jail and keep me there? Didn’t he have any heart at all?
“Hey man
, good news?” Mike asked.
“Nah, another denial. Back to the drawing board for me,” I replied trying to hide my anger.
He didn’t say anything else. He knew I needed to decompress, but Buck was running his mouth, as usual. “Damn nigga, that’s fucked up! You gonna be here forever. Bet Imma get out before you…” He kept yammering but I tuned him out.
I lay down on my rack and thought about a conversation I had earlier with Mr. Key. He told me about a scripture that he thought would be helpful to me, Hebrews 11. I took out my Bible and started to read hoping that would lift my spirits.
“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see,” (Hebrews 11:1, NIV).
The chapter gave examples of people who had faith and the resulting miracles they received through God. Abel, Enoch, Abraham, Rahab, Samson, and David are but a few examples of people who overcame adversity to achieve greatness. I could be one of them if I kept my faith and stayed positive. If I continued to allow myself to feel defeated it would eventually lead to hopelessness. Hopeless people are institutionalized. They are not just physically incarcerated; they are mentally incarcerated. I couldn’t let that happen to me.
I shut my eyes and prayed, “Heavenly Father, I need You. I keep hitting these dead ends and I’m not sure which way You want me to go. I’ve never felt so alone in my life. War wasn’t even this bad. The guards treat me like crap. My freedom and rights are gone. I feel like my life is slipping away from me. My debt continues to grow. My family looks down on me like I’m a criminal. My kids, oh God, they can’t be proud of a father who is in jail. A father who hasn’t been able to be there for them. Caroline and Naomi have abandoned me. They were all in my face when I had money and when I was free, but where are they now? They haven’t visited me once. They haven’t accepted any of my phone calls in over a month. I send letters and get no response. And Angela? She’s been the only one helping me out and I treated her like crap because of their lies. I knew in my heart Angela was down for me, but I kept listening to Naomi and Caroline. I feel less than nothing. I’m worried about June 14th. What if they keep me in jail longer? I know I have made some mistakes in my life, but I am asking you, God, to please forgive me. Please have mercy on me and set me free. Please guide me and tell me what to do. I surrender it all to You. I know You can set me free. I put my faith in You and if it is Your will for me to sit in jail longer, I will sit. But God, please draw near to me.”