by Amy Watkins
Ethan shook his head. “No, it was a real email. I called him to make sure.”
“Mmm.”
“And you, Angela? How are you a culprit?”
“Oh, everyone thinks I’m a culprit because I slept with you.” Ethan smirked, suggesting he thought that was bullshit and I giggled in response.
“No…but really, I guess Naomi and Caroline see me as a culprit because I did not kick you out of the house or break up with you. The way they see it, I should have broken up with you a long time ago so you would move to Kentucky with them and raise Trinity. And Tracy? Yeah, you guys are separated, but you’re still legally married. Technically, I’m your mistress.” It hurt my heart to admit it. It felt so unfair to still be labeled an adulteress. It had been two years since Ethan and Tracy legally separated, but I was still his mistress since the divorce wasn’t final.
I continued, “And my kids…sometimes I was so distraught over everything that was going on with us, I neglected them.”
“I don’t see it like that. Tracy and I are not together, and we will never be together again. You are not my mistress—you are my destiny. My biggest regret is that it took me so long to see that. And if I hadn’t been so pig headed, I would have been patient and waited for God to show me that you were the one for me before getting mixed up with Tracy or Caroline. But I see it now, clearly. And Caroline, she has no right to be hurt. We were never together. She and my mom are just mad ’cause they can no longer use and manipulate me. As for living in Kentucky with them. I’d rather be homeless. You’re not a culprit to them. You saved me from them.”
I giggled. Ethan’s words made me feel better. Made me feel like maybe I wasn’t as bad as I thought.
Ethan continued, “And your kids, they been through a lot. But I think, no matter who you were with, they’d be a little skeptical. Well, the boys are cool. We get along great. It’s just Abigail who can be a little emotional.”
“Well, Abigail is beginning to come around. Yesterday in school, she drew a picture of her family and included you in it. She labeled you her stepdad.” I could see it in Ethan’s face, he was overjoyed that Abigail included him.
After filing the police report, I changed my number and texted all of my friends, family, and coworkers to let them know.
Erica called me right away. I stepped out of the room and answered like nothing was wrong, “Hey, girl! What’s up?”
I hadn’t told Erica or Ronda anything personal about me and Ethan since he got out of jail. I felt judged by them. It seemed like I couldn’t talk to anyone without getting negative feedback. And sometimes I’d get negative advice without even asking for it.
I was trying my best to do what I thought was right and what I thought God was calling me to do. I didn’t need more negativity about my choices. So every time one of them would call and ask how things were, I’d just say that everything was fine. And in all truthfulness, me and Ethan were great together. We were happy and truly in love.
Naomi and Caroline’s foolishness was hurtful. I was disappointed we had to wait for Ethan’s divorce to be final. Not being able to plan our wedding was disheartening. Through it all, my faith continued to be tested. I often wondered if God was still there. Was he going to come through for me, a sinner, an adulterer? I was too afraid to anyone; too afraid of the disappointing reply I was sure I’d get in return.
“What’s up?” Erica asked.
“Nothing, it’s all good.”
“You sure? This is the third time you changed your number in the last year. What’s up?”
“Oh, you know, same shit different day…” my line beeped and I thought I was saved by the bell, but when I looked to see who was calling me, Ronda’s name popped up. I knew I wasn’t safe. I’d have to face her judgements too, and she was way harsher than Erica.
I sighed, “Hang on, that’s Ronda.”
I clicked over and tried to respond enthusiastically and hide my discomfort, “Hey girl!”
“Hey boo, you okay?”
“Yeah girl, you know. I’m just talking with Erica.”
“Oh cool, merge the calls.”
“Oh, yeah, sure!” I agreed, but I dreaded doing it, worried they’d both beat me up.
“Erica? Ronda?” I asked, making sure I merged the calls correctly.
“Yep, I’m here” they both responded.
“So, what’s up?” Erica started.
“Yeah, why you keep changing your number?” Ronda demanded.
I tried to play it down, “Oh you know, Naomi and Caroline. They been sending me not so nice messages…no big deal.”
Erica was shocked. “What! Why?”
“Oh, you know. They just don’t like me being with Ethan.”
“Fuck them!” Erica declared. “They just mad cause they can’t be with him.”
Okay, not the response I expected but I liked it.
Ronda broke in, “Damn, that’s fucked up. What are they saying?”
I didn’t want to repeat it, but I did, still trying to downplay it, “Oh, you know…shit like I’m only a mistress and not acting Christian.”
Erica gasped, “And they are? They claim they Christian, but they are harassing you? They are lying, manipulating assholes and they have a nerve to look down on you. How that make sense? And don’t Caroline got a baby by Ethan? How she calling you a mistress? What that make her? She has no right to cast any stones,”
“How’s Ethan handling all this?” Ronda asked.
“Oh, he’s supportive. He refuses to talk to Naomi or Caroline. He just sends them money for Trinity every month; other than that, he has no contact with them,” I responded.
“That’s probably best,” Erica agreed, to my surprise. I really thought they were going to use the situation to attack my relationship with Ethan, but Erica wasn’t.
“Wow, you think so?” I responded.
“Yeah, I think you guys are handling this pretty good. I think it’s good that you guys are thriving despite all the outside forces trying to attack you,” she replied.
I was pleasantly surprised, but cautious. “Really? I thought you hated us together.”
“No, I don’t hate it; I just worry about you. You deserve someone who is going to treat you like the queen you are.”
“I do deserve that, and I have that with Ethan.” I assured them.
“I believe that. It sounds like he really has your back,” Erica conceded.
Ronda disagreed and jumped in. “I’m not sure about all that. He ain’t have your back before when he was throwing you under the bus and backing his family. He ain’t no good.”
I anticipated she would continue to trash Ethan. “See, Ronda, that’s why I stopped telling you stuff. You always got something negative to say about me being with Ethan. You aren’t giving me the support I need.”
Ronda countered, “I don’t agree with your choice, but I do support you one hundred percent.”
“It’s not support if every time we talk about Ethan you talk about how horrible he is and how horrible it is that I’m staying with him,” I disputed.
I didn’t expect Erica to agree with me, but she did, “Ronda, you know Angela and Ethan have been persistently good for over a year now. I think their love is real. Maybe you should stop throwing stones.”
Ronda griped, “I’m not throwing stones. I’m just stating how I feel. And I’m pretty sure the church would back me up on this.”
“You know, the church tends to stone people to death with their judgements. They make all these judgements and they have no idea what it’s like to be the person they are judging. You have no idea what it’s like to be Angela or Ethan.”
“Mmm hmm,” I agreed, “that’s why, when me and Ethan get married, we just going to elope. No wedding. No friends or family. Just us.”
“You better not,” Ronda protested.
“I don’t blame her.” Erica countered. “I can understand why she wouldn’t want all
that negativity around.”
“She better not,” Ronda objected again.
“Oh, believe me, Ronda…I am.”
“Angela, I just want you to be happy,” Erica said. “If Ethan makes you happy, girl, you do you. Don’t worry about what anyone else has to say. But he better keep treating you good, too, or else—you know—Imma staple his balls to his forehead; and I’m a nurse, you know. I could give him the right drugs to put him to sleep, and when his ass wake up it just be on his forehead all obstructing his vision and shit.”
We both laughed and I felt so much better. Ronda was quiet, though.
I heard Abigail and Aaron yelling at each other in the bathroom. “Girl, you hear my crazy kids? I gotta go. I’ll talk to you guys later.”
“Alright girl, love you.” Erica said.
“Love you too,” Ronda echoed, and we all hung up. It felt good to have someone in my corner in addition to God and Ethan. After that, I opened up a little more with Erica and distanced myself further from Ronda.
I made my way to the kid’s bathroom where Ethan was already putting out the fire. Abigail needed to pee and Aaron needed to brush his teeth. By the time I got there, Ethan had given Aaron his toothbrush and sent him to our bathroom so Abigail could handle her business.
I smiled at him in approval. It felt good to know I had a man who made my job as a mom easier. Ethan smiled back and I told him about how supportive Erica was about our relationship. I knew he felt bad and like my friends shunned him, but I could see that my words gave Ethan some comfort.
“Mr. Ethan, Mr. Ethan!” We were in the kitchen, indulging in a cup of tea and quiet conversation, when Aaron’s enthusiastic shout made both of us smile. Footsteps thundered down the stairs as Aaron ran into the kitchen with Abigail and David hot on his heels.
“I finished my bath and I brushed my teeth. See? Smell!” Aaron blew in Ethan’s face.
“Okay Buddy, you did good.”
Aaron stretched out his arms and gave Ethan a hug, “I love you, Mr. Ethan.”
“Love you too, man,” Ethan said as he hugged Aaron back.
It warmed my heart to see how close the kids and Ethan had grown. I knew Ethan genuinely loved my kids.
Aaron made his way to me and gave me a hug and a kiss. Abigail did the same, and then she hugged Ethan and said, “Good night, everyone!”
She took Aaron’s hand and they went back upstairs, but David stayed behind and talked with Ethan about anime and video games. I had never really been into that stuff, so I made my way over to the TV and turned on the news.
While the newscaster explained about President Trump’s impeachment hearings, I heard Ethan and David laugh, joke, and agree about whatever character or story plot they were discussing. It was good to see David bond with a man. It made me happy, seeing him talk, laugh and smile.
I started to doze off on the couch when David came over and kissed me on the cheek, “Goodnight mom, love you.”
Ethan came over and sat next to me on the couch. “You know David’s got a girlfriend?” he asked.
I sat up, surprised. “What?”
“Yeah, he didn’t tell you?”
I rubbed my temple. “No! That boy doesn’t tell me anything.”
Ethan giggled. “That’s ’cause you’re his mom. He doesn’t want you to embarrass him.”
“I wouldn’t embarrass him.” I complained and then wondered, “I don’t do that. Do I?”
Ethan looked at me sideways, “Really? Really!? Do I have to remind you about how you gave that boy the talk about the birds and the bees?”
I laughed remembering that evening. I actually had embarrassed David, but not on purpose. I hadn’t wanted to come off stiff or restricting and planned to keep the discussion light and fun. I decided to try an icebreaker—a pair of customized briefs. On the jock cup was a picture of my scowling face and the words “Be Safe!” I put them in a gift bag along with a bunch of condoms, handed my ‘gift’ to David and grinned, “Let’s talk.”
When he opened it up his faced turned bright red and a nervous smile stayed plastered on his face. I proceeded to talk with him about abstinence, safe sex, and consensual sex. I talked about sexually transmitted diseases. After all, as a doctor specializing in family medicine, I could be considered an expert on the subject. Then I got a banana and showed him the correct way to put on a condom.
David blushed and groaned, “Oh my God, mom,” during the entire lecture. I knew David was going to be embarrassed about the subject no matter how I approached it, but it needed to be done, openly and honestly.
“Okay, Ethan. I see how he could have found that embarrassing, but I’m glad he has you to talk to.”
Ethan smiled as we continued to watch the news.
“The family of Devon Baily is calling for an independent investigation into his death. Devon Baily was shot in the back three times while fleeing from police officers. According to his family and eyewitnesses, he was unarmed…” the newscaster droned on about the breaking story.
“Damn, David is getting to the age when we have to have that talk with him, too” I groaned, motioning to the TV.
Ethan nodded in agreement. The odds are against Black men. Not only do they have to be careful when it comes to sex, they also have to worry about Black on Black and blue on Black crime. I know that most cops are good and just try to do their jobs, but there are some who are out for blood. And there are some who are so bamboozled by the portrayal of young Black men in the media that they become trigger happy when they come face to face with a young Black man. It seems like the police are not getting trained or punished, so we need to be more careful. Every time I see that kind of story on the news or in the papers, I worry about my boys. I pray for my boys. David was a teenager and soon he’d be driving. I had postponed talking to him about that for a while, but it was time to have another uncomfortable talk.
I nibbled on my lip. “I don’t think I can do that one alone. Would you do it with me?”
Ethan squeezed my hand. “Sure. You want to do it now?”
I nodded. “Yes.” We walked side-by-side up the stairs and peeked into David’s room. He was playing a video game, so I got his attention. “Son, can we talk to you?”
“Sure,” David took off his headphones, made a few more moves in the game, and then shut it down. He turned his chair around and looked at us. “What’s up?”
Ethan and I looked at each other and I motioned for Ethan to start. He smiled and began, “David, I’m sure you’ve heard about people who are killed by police officers when they shouldn’t have been. Right?”
David nodded his head.
“Well, we wanted to talk to you about what to do if you’re ever stopped by a police officer. First, you must stay calm. Always keep your hands where they can see them. If they ask you to reach for something like your wallet, calmly tell them that you are reaching for your wallet while you do it…”
“And move slow!” I blurted.
Ethan nodded, “That’s right, no sudden movements. Speak calm…”
“And be respectful!” I interrupted again.
“Yes, and whatever you do—do not run. I’ve had this happen to me before. I was passing through North Carolina and two officers pulled me over for no reason. One put a gun to my head while the other one talked. He asked where I was going and why I was out so late. I spoke calmly and respectfully. I let him know that I was going back to my duty station after being home for the holidays. They asked for my ID, which I slowly and calmly handed to them. I think they let me go because they saw I was military. Later, I tried to file a complaint against them but nothing was ever done about it.”
I listened while Ethan shared his story. Unfortunately, it happens often to Black men. Ethan had never told me about this, and I was sad that it happened, but I was glad that he was alive to tell his story to David. My son needed a good male role model in his life. Someone he could talk to and someone who could teac
h him the things I wouldn’t be able to teach him. I was glad it was Ethan.
“Do you have any questions?” Ethan asked.
“Mmm,” David thought, “Do you hate cops?”
Ethan and I looked at each other and smiled. Ethan shook his head. “No, I don’t hate cops. Most cops are good. They are just trying to do their job. But there are some who are misguided and others who make mistakes. We are all human. We are all God’s children. And all of our lives matter.”
I nodded in agreement.
“Okay,” David shrugged, “Can I play my video game now?”
“Go ahead,” I responded. I hoped my son would never have to endure police brutality, but I felt better knowing that he knew what to do if he was ever in the situation.
Like most nights, Ethan held me until I fell asleep. Just like police officers, we were not perfect. We were human, but we were still loved by God.
When the alarm went off the next morning, I did not want to get up and go to work. I could have lay in Ethan’s arms all day. Being in his arms was heaven to me.
“Ugh, is it five o’clock already?” Ethan moaned.
“Unfortunately,” I groaned and pressed the snooze button, then I snuggled back up to him.
The second alarm went off and I sat up, intending to start getting ready for work. Ethan pulled me closer to him and kissed me on the neck. I smiled and relaxed into his embrace. Then I playfully smacked his shoulder. “Nope, nope, gotta get up,” I laughed.
“Awww,” Ethan teased, let me go, and plopped his head back onto the pillow.
I went to the bathroom to start getting ready for work while Ethan went into the kitchen and made me a cup of coffee and some scrambled eggs and toast, lightly browned, just the way I liked it. He laid my breakfast out for me like he did most mornings and kissed me on the cheek. Ethan had been spoiling me rotten and making my life a million times easier than had ever been. I was so grateful for his generous spirit, and I tried to show him every day. I gobbled the food down, gave him a kiss, and skipped off to work.
“Doc, what you doin’ skipping into work and glowing?” Kerry, one of my coworkers asked.