Wham!

by Carol Marrs Phipps

  “I shal mete yunc atte the Ffairye ryng,” said Teeuh as she fluttered into the air and made a zigzagging flight for the trees.

  Daniel offered his arm. Tess was at a complete loss for words as she took it, but being able to walk alone with him down the path through the waving grass and asters and the calls of the meadowlarks like this was indeed wonderful. They were at the woods much sooner than she had wanted, stepping through the moss in the ring. It was indeed unnerving, seeing how utterly black it was in the direction they were going on the Fairy path, but soon they climbed a staircase and stepped out into the light in the Jutwoods in Tess's time.

  Chapter 18

  “These woods look awful to me, now that I've seen the past,” said Tess, squatting at once to look at a drooping mayapple. She felt of its leaf and began hurriedly touching nearby plants. “Are either of you doing this? These mayapples are not only turning green, they've quit drooping.”

  Daniel shook his head.

  “Thou art usynge a newe yifte fro Mooder Longebarke,” said Teeuh. “Tak thee care that thou doest nat wayk ygrowe.”

  “What was that, Teeuh?” said Tess.

  “You got this from Longbark,” said Daniel. “You need to keep it shut off unless you want to heal a particular plant, or you may end up losing all your strength to the plants you touch before you realize what's happening. Tell yourself you're not using it and touch another mayapple.”

  “I see,” she said, touching another one. “This one's not greening. And this one is. I've got it.”

  “Thanne weo schullen be goyng on,” said Teeuh.

  Daniel studied his scrying ball for a good while. “Ah!” he said at last. “There's your device.”

  “My bicycle?”

  “Is that what it is?” he said. “It's what you seemed to be running for when we frightened you with our arrival.”

  “And abducted me.”

  “Abduction,” he said. “I suppose it was, wasn't it?”

  “Back then,” said Tess.

  “Well,” he said, looking at each of them. “I'm ready. Take my hands then.”

  Immediately they found themselves in the cemetery. “Do you feel like vomiting Tess?” he said as he let go of their hands.

  “Just a little whirly,” she said. “It's already going away. But the air's sure bad. I'll really have to hurry. I'll be late fixing supper.”

  “Even getting there by traveling spell?”

  “I was thinking of riding my bicycle...”

  “Yes!” he said. “That. Could you show me first? Just ride it around in a circle once.”

  Tess wheeled her bicycle away from the fence, hopped astride it, pedaled in a circle between the church and the fence and hopped off.

  “My word!” said Daniel. “Are you good with tightropes and the like? However do you stay up?”

  “I have no idea. But I'm certain it's not magic. You just have to fall off a lot when you're learning.”

  “Thank you for showing me,” he said. “So what do we do? I can take you where you need to be. And then come right back here and wait for you to scry for me. But what about this troll, Maxi? Do we get you back here and then all go see him?”

  Daniel's plan made sense to her at once, and soon she found herself walking her bicycle around to the front of her barrack in time for Jasmine to come out the door with a bottle of beer.

  “Where y' been?” she said, chewing her gum.

  “I thought you had a migraine,” said Tess, wheeling her bike up the steps.

  “Beer works for migraine, kind of,” she said over her shoulder. “And Trent's all worried about supper.”

  Tess unlocked her room, wheeled her bicycle inside and turned back to the kitchen to start supper.

  * * *

  “I want the hamburger the stinking coppers made me drop, if y' want to know,” said Jill as they got into Sam's car in the hospital parking lot.

  “Well then,” said Sam to the car. “Take us straight to the Greasy Spoon.”

  “And I want the deep fried onion rings I never got to taste, thanks to those bastards,” said Jill as the car backed out of its parking space and quietly headed to the street. “And say. I've got some questions. Cops don't just rape and beat the daylights out of somebody and just turn them loose. When's the other shoe going to fall?”

  “They raped you?” chorused Nia and Sam at once.

  “At least they were trying, the last I knew,” she said, shifting in her seat. “Is it safe to talk in here?”

  “Absolutely,” said Sam. “There's a recorder with a burnt out diode if something earth-shaking ever comes up. It's perfectly safe. They were trying to...?”

  “Well I got the one on top of me in the face really damned good with his idiot ballpoint pen, but I think the one holding me down like to broke my skull. So has anyone heard from the coroner? Am I about to be charged with murder, or what? How come you got me out instead of the police?”

  “There's something I've got to tell you about the potentate...” said Nia.

  “So it's still coming!” groaned Jill as if she had just been struck with something heavy.

  “Whoa!” said Nia, squeezing her hand. “You're safe!”

  “Completely off the hook,” said Sam, giving Jill's shoulders a squeeze and a shake. “There will not be any charges against you.”

  “And it has to do with the potentate,” said Nia. “It's quite a story...” She paused, watching Jill recover her breathing.

  “So what did he do?” said Jill at last. “He got me off, or what?”

  “She,” said Nia. “The potentate's a she. She had both your cops terminated, executed. She did it by skinweler and I sat right there and watched her do it. And I don't know yet, but I'm pretty sure that she's the very mystery woman who brought you back and told you that you needed a bath. But I will find out.”

  “Wow! How'd you manage to see her? I mean, see her order their execution.”

  “She did it as a favor for me...”

  “Wow, wow! And now I'll bet I see at least part of why you didn't want to talk about your assignment with her.”

  “Part of it,” said Nia. “Yes it was. But I was having trouble coping with the whole thing.”

  “Well, you're sure forgiven lassie, especially when you haul off and save my life like that.”

  “I suppose,” said Nia. “But the potentate...”

  “The potentate wouldn't have done shit without your asking, so you were the one as saved my life for me, dear. And I won't have it any other way,” she said, giving Nia a sound squeeze. “And you,” she said, suddenly turning to Sam. “You were in on this too, 'way more'n you'll ever admit, I'll bet. Wasn't she, Nia?”

  “She was.”

  “So even though I hardly know you beyond the madam in charge of my job, you've been my good friend the whole time, haven't you?” And with that she gave Sam a good hug as well.

  They were drying their tears of joy when they arrived at the Greasy Spoon. “Shall I park by the benches?” said the car.

  “Please do,” said Sam. “But don't scare the pigeons.”

  “Pigeons airborne,” said the car as it rolled to a careful stop.

  “This is good,” said Sam as the doors on both sides opened.

  “I want that table,” said Jill. “Nobody's sitting there.”

  “The very one we were sitting at when the police came and got you?” said Nia.

  “Yea,” said Jill. “That way it feels like I won.”

  It was not long until they were in the midst of their meal. “This is wonderful,” said Jill, closing her eyes to savor an onion ring.

  “Absolutely,” said Sam. “So long as it's infrequent.”

  “Why?” said Jill. “With fresh meat, I think one would gain by eating here every day.”

  “Exactly,” said Sam. “Particularly with the deep fat grease.”

  “Makes a gweed aet for the hurdies, aye?” said Jill, setting down her hamburger. “So once we've fed our ponderous but
tocks, what do you suggest?”

  “I'd only eat here once a month or less,” said Sam. “But for now, I'd burn it off with some nice outdoor recreation. How about some time on the bridal paths out at the Preserve?”

  “You mean horse riding?” said Jill. “You mean there's forest or woods or something down here under the ocean?”

  “Yes indeed to both.”

  “I've always wanted to try riding horses,” said Jill, picking up her sandwich and setting it back down.

  “Well eat then,” said Sam. “And tomorrow we shall.”

  * * *

  Tess fixed egg in the hole for supper, but she could tell by the reek rising from the skillet that the eggs were too old to be fit, even if they were good when Maud put them into the refrigerator. She wasn't hungry anyway. After the wonderful things to eat seven hundred years ago, she wondered if she would ever be able to stomach anything prepared in this age. This evening's supper however, was working out just fine. The Warrens, who had not really earned her efforts, were now “snot-slinging drunk” (as she put it) and past noticing that the eggs were rotten. Jasmine told her that her necklace and choker were tasteless and clashed with her stupid hair. She made no reply and politely cleaned their dishes. Since it was summer, it was going to be a long wait for dark. She locked her room and decided to sit on the front steps. Trent followed her out and put his hand on her rear end before she could sit down. She gave a furious wheel about, leaving a red hand print on his face that knocked him against the house.

  “Damn!” he shouted, grabbing his face and then the door latch. “You ruined my eye!”

  He stumbled inside to look in the mirror. Tess ran around the end of the barrack, pulling out her scrying ball from the pocket of her jeans as she squatted in the dead spirea bushes. “Daniel!” she said. “Come get me.”

  Daniel appeared immediately, took her by the hand and vanished with her. In the next moment, he was helping her to a seat on the back steps of the church. “You're positively shaking!” he said. “What's happened?”

  “My house piggies didn't appreciate my supper and got drunk and unruly,” she said.

  “House piggies?”

  “Maxi's word. It fits them. Anyway it's good that I'm here instead of there while they get over it. Where's Teeuh?”

  They found her in the church, replacing the missing panes of leaded glass with her staff. “Ther was joysome syngyng heere,” she said, turning about at the sound of them walking in. “And now they arne long ygon.”

  It was beginning to get dark inside the church, so they went outside. “I'll bet it's dark enough already that Maxi's out of bed,” said Tess. She began looking for him with her scrying ball. She quickly found him at his desk, a storey above his barber shop. Of course, she was not the one who performed traveling spells. Daniel came up and stood with his scrying ball, looking back and forth until at last he too had found Maxi.

  “Got him,” said Daniel. And with that, they joined hands and vanished from the churchyard.

  “Whoa!” woofed Maxi, grabbing off his sunglasses as he sprang from his chair.

  “How do you be here on next eye-blink, baby girl?”

  “It's all right Maxi,” said Tess. “This is...”

  “No!” he shouted, slapping his desktop. “No be all right until you head-nod say how be you do be here so sudden once. You be here in this place so sudden once, I damn near leave stool in chair. Where did you was one minute ago?”

  “Fates Church on Derwen Road...”

  “Gnydy travel!” said Maxi, giving his chest a couple of sharp thumps with his knuckles. “This no be head-nod talky-where. Each all of you follow my walk-along to better-where.” And with that he hurried down the steps of his broken escalator to a landing where he unlocked a service door followed by a heavy steel security door. As soon as everyone was inside, he began locking them.

  “I can't see a thing,” said Tess.

  Maxi finished his locking, stepped into the room and pulled a string wooly with dead flies, switching on a dim light bulb.

  “A weightlifting gymnasium,” said Tess. “Why's the middle of the room empty?”

  “Here be I dance out different scratchy-heads,” he said, throwing back the corner of a tumbling mat, pulling open a trap door and waving them onto the stair down into the blackness. As they were groping their way step by step, he trotted down past them and switched on a light, revealing a spacious conference room with a podium and lectern, a long table with leather upholstered chairs all 'round it and cow hides and skulls covering all four walls.

  “Kellen found this part of old subway train station,” he said to Tess as he drew a chair away from the table so that Teeuh could sit crosswise on it with her wings. “Now who be?”

  “This is Teeuh, my heart sister...”

  “Why wings?”

  “They're real, Maxi,” said Tess. “I've seen her fly a half dozen times. And this is

  Daniel. He's a wizard. My grandparents, Meri and Celeste Greenwood sent them from seven hundred and fifty years ago in the Forest Primeval to find Dad and Mom and Nia. That's from 'way back when Veyfnaryr was thunderman of the Dyrney.”

  “Elf wizard,” said Maxi, taking the chair at the end of the table. “He did gnydy spell from Fates Church. Right? But who head-nod know if Veyfnaryr ever live? Maybe he be hee-hee tale. And if he ever head-nod be, that be long, long, long time in Land of Dead. And how you head-nod Veyfnaryr, any what?”

  “I was back there,” said Tess. “I really was. I went back in time through a Fairy ring. And the past wasn't anything at all like the Alliance tells us. Maxi, I know it sounds impossible, but I'm not lying.”

  “I believe you, baby girl,” he said as he studied Teeuh and Daniel. “But you story make sense like all rattle-head. So why Daniel gnydy spell you all to this very where?”

  “Because you're the best one I know of. I mean, Drake and I don't have your connections. And we have a hard time moving about with the skinnies watching us all the time. And I know you want to find Dad, too.”

  “This room once be where did underground meeted,” said Maxi with a wave of his arm. “But when the government got Kellen, too many undergrounders got got, going looky-look for him. I head-nod thinked it got plain too bug-eye shaky-head. And we quit.”

  “I don’t understand. Why would my dad's relocation affect the underground at all?”

  “Kellen started and led the underground. That be what. And Kellen want me to look after you, baby girl. Drake want me to say all-what in you ear, but I head-nod thinked it be too bug-eye shaky-head for you. Then I scratchy-head thinky-thinked after Drake. I thinky-think: Alliance no should win. I send out whisper-word for ears of undergrounders. And two undergrounders have lead looky-look if-maybe to where Kellen and Cait maybe-was infore they be kick and jerk-moved to next who-knows.”

  “What good does it do to find some place, if Dad and Mom are no longer there, Maxi?”

  “Maybe no good, baby girl. But there not ever be bad to find-see tracks.”

  “It's a start,” said Daniel with a nod of encouragement.

  “Daniel righte ybe,” said Teeuh. “This gyveth promyse.”

  “Soon any-some undergrounders have head-nod chest-thump to put in my ear. And there could-was other undergrounders have head-nod chest-thump back from looky- look if-maybes for my other ear. And if Kellen or Cait or Nia be any-here in the whole whirly-world, I,” he said, suddenly stopping short to furiously pummel his chest with his fists and bellow out: “I will jump-grab them back!”

  “I know you will, Maxi,” said Tess. “And I'm going to join the underground to help.”

  “Whoa, baby girl!” said Maxi, looking up at Daniel and Teeuh. “That no be head- nod by any-is.”

  “Tess,” said Daniel. “From what you've told us, you're being closely watched. If you join the underground right now, you risk exposing them.”

  “But I want to help,” said Tess.

  “Of cours thou doest,” said Teeuh. “And the
beste way for thou that to done is to contynue with the acte thou hast pleiyng yben and nat to drawen eny to suspect thy selve or thy frendes. For the tyme beyng...”

  “I'm sorry Teeuh,” said Tess. “I just can't understand what you're saying.”

  “I not just no head-nod what you say,” said Maxi. “I no head-nod you mouth. You do be pretty-pretty, pretty-pretty, but you not just file toofs to points, you have row-row of top toofs and row-row of bottom toofs, like dogfish-on-beach rip-you-leg.”

  “And I beg your pardon, each of you,” said Teeuh as she gently touched the back of Tess's hand, “for I be ill at ease with the speech of an evil one who was once connected to parts of me. Tess, I say unto you: you will work best for Maxi and for the underground by continuing in your routine and not drawing suspicion and danger. You have your new ball. We shall let you know as things come to pass. And Maxi, I say unto you: I do not file my teeth. They were given unto me by Mother Longbark, the oldest and wisest of all living things, when she made me, though I know not why. However, she has made right plain unto me that indeed all things in nature serve a purpose.”

  “Don't worry Tess,” said Daniel. “We'll keep you up on every thing which comes to pass.”

  “I put every single what in you ear, baby girl,” said Maxi. “The save-grab of Kellen and Cait and Nia do be for you and you family and you underground.”

  “So tell me something,” said Tess, giving him a plucky look in the eye. “Just how did you know that Daniel did the gnydy spell that got us here from the church?”

  “Fairies don't do taisteal gnydy. They do aredig gnydy through mushroom rings.”

  “You knew?”

  “Every each Greenwood be Fairy. I head-nod.”

  “But how? I never knew until I went back over seven centuries.”

  “Kellen did things. He used little green gnydy ball.”

  “Dad never once let on,” she said, suddenly overcome with an eye-watering yawn.